The Amnesiac Omega Who Reels Me In Every Day – Chapter 109

Even Lingering Regrets Must Be Settled

Jiang Ningshu X Zhao Yan X Jiang Ya

“You’re the Only Girlfriend I’ll Have in This Lifetime”

Things from long ago.

            

The March night still carried a chill. Under the dim yellow streetlamps, two girls’ shadows stretched long. In their school uniforms, they walked side by side, arms brushing now and then, the backs of their hands touching several times — and still they hadn’t held hands.

The girl with the high ponytail stood a little taller than the girl with the bun. She tilted her head to look at her and asked, easy and light, “Ah Ning, which university do you want to test into?”

“Capital University. Didn’t I already tell you?” Jiang Ningshu replied.

            

“I heard you. Can’t I ask again?” Zhao Yan smiled. “I want to go there too.”

Jiang Ningshu raised an eyebrow. “So… we’ve agreed to go to the same place?”

Zhao Yan leaned in a little closer and asked in a low voice, “Do you think it’s an agreement?”

            

The sudden closeness made Jiang Ningshu’s heart skip a whole row of beats. She looked away down the long street and didn’t answer right away.

Because she’d always felt that “agreement” wasn’t a word just anyone got to toss around. It was something solemn. Something important.

Zhao Yan noticed her eyes darting away. She drew back, gripped the straps of her backpack, and murmured with her head lowered, “I might not even get in.”

            

Hearing her lose confidence like that, Jiang Ningshu frowned. “Aren’t your grades excellent?”

“But…” Zhao Yan sighed and mumbled, “I’ve been off my game lately. It just feels like… I don’t have the motivation to keep going anymore.”

No motivation to keep going?

            

It was the critical stretch of senior year¹; plenty of students buckled under the pressure and wanted to give up. It was common enough. She just hadn’t expected it to happen to Zhao Yan.

Then again, the Zhao family was fabulously wealthy. Zhao Yan could live in comfort for the rest of her life whether she studied or not. With things this grueling, it was only natural for her to lose the drive to keep studying.

Jiang Ningshu thought it over for a moment, then asked softly, “Then what would it take to give you the motivation to keep studying?”

            

Her gaze was utterly sincere, her tone so gentle, so doting, that it seemed she’d agree to anything Zhao Yan asked.

Zhao Yan pressed her lips together, her heart quickening for no reason she could name. Feigning deep deliberation, she tapped a fingertip against her lips. “Hmm… motivation? Well, if I had a girlfriend, and my girlfriend also wanted to go to Capital University, I’d definitely have loads of motivation!”

Jiang Ningshu didn’t process it at first. She echoed the words under her breath. “A girlfriend who also wants to go to Capital University?”

            

“Exactly. So, Ah Ning, would you be willing to be my girlfriend?”

Zhao Yan thought she sounded perfectly composed, but her voice had been trembling for a good while now, and the night couldn’t hide the anxious stars in the girl’s eyes.

Jiang Ningshu’s breath caught. Her heart felt pricked by a needle — a tiny opening torn in it — and in the next instant it flooded full with sweetness.

            

Only then did she realize she’d been played by Zhao Yan.

The two of them kept walking side by side, but silence fell between them.

Why wasn’t she saying anything?

            

The night hid the girl’s blush. Face burning, Jiang Ningshu grumbled inwardly at Zhao Yan — wasn’t she usually the biggest flirt alive? How come now she couldn’t produce a single sweet line, and just flat-out asked someone to be her girlfriend?

She didn’t know that Zhao Yan had spent every last scrap of her courage on that one sentence. Seeing Jiang Ningshu go quiet, all she could do was clench her fingertips and wait, taut with nerves.

Jiang Ningshu glanced over. Zhao Yan had lowered her head, looking almost forlorn. Afraid she’d think it was a rejection, Jiang Ningshu swallowed her shyness and asked, “Do you want me as your girlfriend because you like me, or just so you’ll have the motivation to get into Capital University?”

            

“Because I like you, of course!” Only then did Zhao Yan realize how badly she’d fumbled it — confessing to a girl without even saying she liked her?

“Ah Ning, I like you so much. I really, really like you…” Zhao Yan fell into step beside her, asking in a small, hopeful voice as they walked, “You like me too, don’t you?”

After being deskmates for that long, both of them could feel how differently they treated each other compared to everyone else — that constant, humming ambiguity neither had dared to puncture.

            

“If I don’t like you, who am I supposed to like?” Jiang Ningshu gave her a look, her eyes brimming with fondness, and teased, “Is there anyone more beautiful and charming than our Eldest Miss Zhao?”

Being praised by the person you love — only those who’ve experienced it know how blissful it is. The atmosphere lightened at once, and Zhao Yan asked with a grin, “So you’re smitten with me?”

“A little, maybe.”

            

Zhao Yan’s smile deepened, and she feigned injury. “Why only a little?”

Jiang Ningshu shot her a playful glare. “Because you’re silly～”

How was she silly? Zhao Yan was plenty clever.

            

Jiang Ningshu just didn’t want her getting too full of herself.

Zhao Yan, expert reader of a girl’s coquettish glares as she was, took her hand. “So that’s a yes to being my girlfriend?”

In her heart, Jiang Ningshu had already said yes — she just wanted to make her squirm for a moment. Tsundere yet perfectly earnest, she said, “Provisional yes. Once you get into Capital University with me, I’ll officially be your girlfriend.”

            

“So I only get the title — no exercising a girlfriend’s privileges?”

Jiang Ningshu teased her right back. “We’re not even adults yet. What privileges were you planning to exercise?”

Zhao Yan arched an eyebrow. “What are you thinking about, Ah Ning? I just wanted to kiss my girlfriend. Who says you have to be an adult to kiss?”

            

Jiang Ningshu froze, bit her lip, and snapped in flustered indignation, “I say so! And if you don’t like it, go find someone else to be your girlfriend!”

But no sooner had the words left her mouth than, at the moment they parted ways, she surrendered without a fight to that sweet, syrupy “Ah Ning.”

After a token struggle, she gave Zhao Yan her first kiss.

            

The rule at first was that it could only be the lightest of pecks. But after a few more kisses, neither Zhao Yan nor she was satisfied anymore — though she was the more reserved of the two, so Zhao Yan became the one who took the initiative.

When Zhao Yan pried her teeth apart, she was hopeless — utterly unable to hold the line. Conquered. Invaded.

As time went on she grew more and more indulgent, and Jiang Ningshu would always come away from Zhao Yan’s kisses with reddened lips and hazy eyes.

            

Whenever she was kissed breathless and held tight in Zhao Yan’s arms, Jiang Ningshu would think: she might never be able to leave Zhao Yan for the rest of her life.

The two of them were sickeningly sweet — always arranging weekend dates or study sessions, and after evening self-study² let out, they’d sit in the little garden for the longest time before walking home together, slow as anything.

Savoring the night wind thick with tenderness.

            

But as the gaokao³ drew nearer, Jiang Ningshu seemed to grow busy with other things. After evening self-study she’d hurry home with all manner of excuses, and even on weekends she only occasionally went out with Zhao Yan — a single morning of review at the library.

And that much only because Zhao Yan, left to spiral by her sudden busyness, had asked her woundedly whether her feelings had faded.

Only then did she soften and coax her properly, setting aside a share of her time for her.

            

One day Zhao Yan’s parents were out, and the two of them went to her house to study. Lunch finished, Jiang Ningshu meant to leave. Zhao Yan offered to have the family driver take her home, watching her with reluctant eyes — greedy even, wanting to keep her, asking whether she could possibly stay until the afternoon.

She couldn’t understand why Jiang Ningshu had to go home so early. Was she unhappy at her side?

Was she in a rush to get home and keep someone else company?

            

Zhao Yan’s mood visibly sank.

Seeing her like that, Jiang Ningshu couldn’t help aching for her — and felt a twinge of guilt.

Zhao Yan had differentiated into an Alpha not long ago. The onset had been miserable, and her parents hadn’t been home. She’d called Jiang Ningshu, and Jiang Ningshu had gone to her — but she herself hadn’t differentiated yet, so there was nothing she could do to help. All she could do was hold her in her arms and comfort her while they waited for the ambulance.

            

What kind of girlfriend was she — unable to ease her girlfriend through her sensitive period, unable even to spare her more time day to day? She was hopelessly unqualified.

Jiang Ningshu made up her mind. She pulled her close and whispered by her ear, “Don’t be sad anymore, Yanyan. When I went for my checkup, the doctor said my differentiation is coming soon — right around my eighteenth birthday. When that happens, whatever you want, I’ll give you. Okay?”

Zhao Yan’s face flushed crimson at the words, yet her eyes filled with anticipation. They fell into each other’s arms and kissed for the longest time — kissed until their breathing tangled and their faces burned — and only then was she coaxed back to happiness.

            

Jiang Ningshu carried the fresh flowers Zhao Yan had given her home. Finding neither of her parents in, she went and opened the attic door and brought Jiang Ya down.

“Let’s do math today.” Jiang Ningshu found her a stool, sat her down at her own desk, opened the math textbook, and walked her through the problems.

But Jiang Ya’s attention didn’t seem to be on studying. She kept staring at the roses Jiang Ningshu had set aside. “Who gave you those flowers?”

            

Jiang Ningshu’s brow creased. “That’s none of your business.”

Then, sternly: “Mom and Dad will be back soon. Your time is precious — you shouldn’t waste it on anything else.”

Jiang Ya withdrew her gaze and looked at the face identical to her own. “Jiejie, can I really take the gaokao?”

            

“There’s still a good stretch before the gaokao. That distant uncle of ours has no children, and they’ve always wanted one. I’ll do my best to talk Mom and Dad around. All you need to do is revise properly. Even getting into a junior college⁴ would be good.”

Junior college.

Jiang Ya glanced at the goal pasted on Jiang Ningshu’s wall: Capital University.

            

Right. For her, junior college was already the best she could hope for.

She meant to listen carefully, but for that entire hour she couldn’t focus on the schoolwork at all. Over and over, her mind floated back to the card tucked into that bouquet of roses:

Hope my baby Ah Ning is happy every single day.

            

The handwriting was Zhao Yan’s. The signature was even more blinding.

Ah Ning’s girlfriend, Zhao Yan.

So they really were together.

            

Jiang Ya couldn’t help remembering those days she’d spent with Zhao Yan.

Zhao Yan had been so good to her — was that because she liked the Jiang Ningshu she was standing in for?

She fantasized: if Jiang Ningshu had gone out to play that time and never come back, then the one at Zhao Yan’s side would always have been her, wouldn’t it?

            

The one dating her now would be her too, wouldn’t it?

The one receiving her roses — also her.

Her thoughts were cut off by the sound of the front door. A deep male voice called from the doorway, “Ah Ning, are you home?”

            

Jiang Ningshu immediately put down her pen, closed the book, and pressed a rag into Jiang Ya’s hands, calling back loudly, “Yes, I just got in.”

A middle-aged man came over quickly, carrying a mousse cake. His kindly smile froze the moment he saw a second person in the room.

“I noticed the floor in here was a bit dirty, so I had her come down and help me wipe it up.” Jiang Ningshu walked over to him, cradling the cake with delight. “Dad, how did you know I was craving this today?”

            

Father Jiang pulled his gaze off Jiang Ya and spoke to his daughter in a gentle voice. “You said last night you wanted it. Your mom remembered — she made a point of telling me to bring one back.”

“So, did you have fun at your classmate’s house today?”

“Of course I did.” Jiang Ningshu meant it with all her heart.

            

Going to keep Yanyan company was the happiest thing in the world.

“Good. The pressure’s heavy these days — you have to let yourself relax a little.”

Father Jiang ignored Jiang Ya entirely. Apart from that first glance of disgust, he didn’t spare her a single look.

            

But that was already a mercy. No blows, no curses — that was already a mercy.

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Zhao Yan and Jiang Ningshu often gave each other little gifts. Jiang Ningshu kept hers on her desk, and the wall was plastered with photo stickers of the two of them together.

Whenever Jiang Ya came down, she would see them — would stare at those photos in a daze, always thinking, without meaning to: it’s an identical face, so why can’t it be me?

            

Jealousy took root and grew. She couldn’t resist stealing one photo and taking it back up, gazing at it day and night, pressing that clean, beautiful face of Zhao Yan deep into her memory, aching to see her again.

This time, her wish was granted quickly.

It was a weekend. Their parents had gone out on business, and Jiang Ya, in the sunless attic, was looking out through the little window not half the size of a face when a figure flashed past — that face carved into her mind.

            

Zhao Yan, in a white T-shirt, her back-length hair dancing with the speed of her run — in Jiang Ya’s heart, nothing short of a god.

The figure vanished in a blink, and Jiang Ya was desperate to see her — so desperate she forgot who she was, and lunged for the door.

The door wouldn’t open.

            

She threw herself at it a few frenzied times before she came back to herself, eyes full of pain. She went to the far side of the attic and lay down against the wall — directly above Jiang Ningshu’s room — and faintly, she could hear the sounds drifting up from below.

“Yanyan, I — I feel awful. I think I’m sick…”

“Don’t be scared, Ah Ning. You’re differentiating. I’ll call an ambulance to take you to the hospital, okay?”

            

Zhao Yan’s fine brows were drawn together, her voice impossibly tender, her eyes nothing but heartache for Jiang Ningshu. She tried to gather her up, but Jiang Ningshu looped her arms around her neck and her waist, tilting her face up to look at her. “I’m differentiating? As an Omega? Yanyan, do you like my pheromones?”

With the girl she loved flushed and clinging to her like this, the air around them thick with her beloved’s pheromones, Zhao Yan’s own face burned red too. “I like them,” she said quietly.

Eighteen-year-old Jiang Ningshu still had a trace of baby fat in her cheeks — bewitching and green all at once. Blushing, she wound herself tighter around her girlfriend. “I don’t want to go to the hospital. I want you to help me…”

            

Zhao Yan was powerless to refuse. This was what she had dreamed of.

…

“Ah Ning, promise me — only me, for the rest of your life. Only me as your girlfriend. No one else counts. Okay?”

            

Jiang Ningshu’s answers came broken by sobs, and she agreed unconditionally. “Only you…”

“I’ll take responsibility for you.”

They lost themselves in each other’s sweetness, never knowing there was a third person listening.

            

Jiang Ya lay curled on the filthy floor, her eyes glazed with obsession, drowning in the low, sultry timbre of Zhao Yan’s voice.

Imagining herself as Jiang Ningshu.

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After that day, the two of them grew closer still. Jiang Ningshu could barely spare a thought for the Jiang Ya at home waiting to be tutored — Zhao Yan clung to her until she got home terribly late.

            

Yet their studies never suffered for the romance; if anything, their mock-exam results climbed higher each time.

The gaokao arrived on schedule, and both of them earned strong marks.

Marks more than good enough for Capital University.

            

Everything was moving exactly as they’d envisioned. The single sour note was that Jiang Ya still hadn’t been granted an identity — and had missed this year’s gaokao.

The truth was, Jiang Ningshu had talked their parents around. But that distant uncle had balked at Jiang Ya — she was too old, he said; she wouldn’t grow attached to them.

“Don’t be sad. Miss this year, and there’s always next. I’ll get you out of here as soon as I can.”

            

Jiang Ningshu said it with complete sincerity. Jiang Ya only answered with a faint hum, as if she’d made peace with her fate — as if leaving or not leaving made no difference.

Even with her resolve gone, Jiang Ningshu still sacrificed countless hours continuing to coach her, telling her not to lose heart.

The occasional night she didn’t come home at all was, without question, spent with Zhao Yan.

            

But that sweetness shattered completely the day the admission letters arrived.

Jiang Ningshu stared blankly at the letter in her hands. Her hands were shaking. Her eyes were wide with dread.

Her head buzzed.

            

“Why? My scores were clearly good enough for Capital University…”

Why her second choice — Luo City University…

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The author has something to say:

            

I didn’t keep anyone up late waiting for the update, did I? Anything that doesn’t require staying up late falls under the category of “daytime,” you know.

Just kidding. I’ll try to post a little earlier tomorrow.

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