The Amnesiac Omega Who Reels Me In Every Day – Chapter 90
by Little PandaOwing Each Other Nothing
“There is nothing in this world that must be held onto.”
Youwan owed her?
Jinyi froze. In this moment, she wondered—what did Youwan owe her?
Five years ago, her arrival had indeed been a conspiracy.
But did Youwan owe her because of that conspiracy?
After everything they had been through, things had gradually changed. What existed between them could no longer be explained by how it all began.
Jinyi might have known, but she had never faced it.
More than anyone, Youwan had never wanted their relationship to have begun with a conspiracy.
Youwan would have preferred that the way they came to know each other was pure and beautiful.
But fate was simply like this.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”
Jinyi’s vision was overrun with tears. She had no time to wipe them away before scooping Youwan into her arms, caring for no one else, carrying her into the other car and ordering the driver to rush to the hospital at full speed.
Youwan was cradled against her, leaning on her shoulder. Whether from sheer exhaustion or not, she felt so drowsy—aching and sleepy all at once. She let Jinyi anxiously check her wound and slowly closed her eyes.
She hadn’t had this embrace for so long. Regaining what was lost, she should have held on tightly like before, terrified it would vanish again.
But she didn’t.
She wasn’t afraid anymore.
Jinyi found the wound on her shoulder and used clothing to stanch the bleeding, her heart splitting apart.
She would rather the bullet had hit her instead.
Soon, both cars stopped at the hospital. Youwan was wheeled into the emergency room while Ningshu had her monitors removed and was sent for a full physical examination.
These two people—the two most important people in Jinyi’s life.
Secretary Song said to her, “Wait here for her to come out. Chairman Jiang, I’ll take care of her.”
Jinyi lowered her head. “…Mm.”
Secretary Song comforted her. “It will be fine. They’ll both be okay. All the suffering is over. Xiao Jin should be happy right now.”
Was all the suffering really over?
But Youwan was wounded—she was still suffering. Mom was too.
Jinyi kept her eyes downcast, bit her lip, blinked her wet eyes, and forced the tears back.
Don’t cry.
Not long after, Youwan was brought out of the emergency room and admitted to a ward. She had changed into a clean hospital gown, her shoulder wrapped in bandages. She had already slipped into unconsciousness, an IV drip attached to her arm, her face so pale she seemed fragile enough to shatter at a touch.
The first thing Jinyi did was ask the doctor about her condition. The doctor said, “Fortunately, the bullet didn’t hit the bone. It only grazed the flesh and didn’t cause major damage. It posed no threat to the baby in her womb. But it was truly a close call—if the position had been any more—”
Jinyi listened carefully, then suddenly realized something was wrong. Thinking she had misheard, she confirmed with the doctor in a daze: “Doctor, you said she… the baby in her womb…?”
The doctor was also surprised. “You didn’t know? She’s already over two months pregnant.”
“Pregnant…” Jinyi was even more stunned, stammering several times before she could barely ask clearly: “Over two months?”
The doctor nodded. “Yes, already over two months. This is a critical period now. She needs to be well-protected. She absolutely cannot go through something that dangerous again.”
Jinyi’s mind buzzed, unable to process it. Whatever the doctor said after that, she barely took in. She only remembered one thing.
Youwan was pregnant…
The doctor had already left. Only she and Youwan remained in the ward. Jinyi finally gathered her wits, raised her eyes to look at the woman on the bed, too many emotions swirling in her gaze.
She walked somewhat stiffly to the bedside, as carefully as she possibly could, and sat down on the very edge of the mattress, terrified of disturbing Youwan.
Her damp eyelashes trembled violently. She pressed her lips together tightly, gazing at Youwan’s pale sleeping face, then her gaze drifted downward to her abdomen.
She lifted her hand and carefully touched Youwan’s belly—then snatched it back as if burned.
As if startled, or shaken with awe for life itself, terrified of causing harm.
Inside, there was a life growing. It was her and Youwan’s child.
It was from when she and Youwan had completed the marking…
An indescribable wave of guilt surged through her heart. Jinyi turned her head away, brows furrowed, eyes brimming with tears. She pressed both hands tightly over her mouth and nose, not letting her sobs escape.
She ran outside the door, slapped herself hard twice, then slumped against the ward door and crouched down, breaking down in uncontrollable sobs.
Back then, she had only thought about herself—only wanted to leave as quickly as possible. She had never considered whether Youwan might get pregnant.
She truly couldn’t imagine how Youwan had endured these past months. She knew how vulnerable and sensitive a completely marked, pregnant omega could be—even with an Alpha by her side, there would still be anxiety and unease, let alone without one.
A pregnant omega without her Alpha’s companionship was like being abandoned alone in a barren wilderness—that agonizingly difficult.
These past two months and more—how much pain must Youwan have endured? Would she have touched her own belly, telling the child sorrowfully, “Your other mommy abandoned us both.”
How heartbroken must Youwan have been when she cut out her gland? How desperate must she have been, discovering she was pregnant but having no one by her side?
How did she survive these past two months? How did she get through each day?
Jinyi didn’t dare imagine it. Her heart felt like it was being pierced by a thousand needles. She clutched the ground, coughing violently, unable to catch her breath.
Just then, Song Lian pushed Ningshu in a wheelchair, slowly approaching. Jinyi quickly wiped her tears with her sleeve, stood up, and anxiously asked, “How’s Mom’s condition?” She tried to hide it, but her cracking voice betrayed her completely.
Ningshu’s monitors had been removed and her full-body examination was complete.
She looked up at her tearful daughter and spoke with ease. “Mom is doing fine. No major problems, just long-term malnutrition. I need to nourish my body properly.”
“What about your legs?” Jinyi asked nervously.
“Mm… I just tried. I can walk with someone supporting me. The doctor said that with consistent rehabilitation, there’s a good chance I can recover like a normal person.” Ningshu smiled, reassuring her.
Who knew Jinyi’s crying voice would only thicken. “You make it sound so easy…”
Staying in that dark little room for five years—that kind of suffering was truly beyond what ordinary people could imagine.
Ningshu reached out her hand. Jinyi sniffled, bent down, and offered her head to her mother’s palm, letting her stroke it. “I’m really fine. Things will slowly get better. Mom is alive and well. Why is Xiao Jin crying? You should be happy.”
Jinyi pouted, mumbling softly. “I just really want to cry…” Back beside Mom, it felt like returning to childhood—fearless, free to act spoiled, free to be willful.
Jinyi took over the wheelchair from Song Lian, pushing Ningshu back to her ward—the room right next to Youwan’s. After helping her into bed, Jinyi knew she should properly catch up with Mom and care for her, but most of her thoughts had drifted to Youwan. She felt restless and distracted.
Ningshu could naturally see her distraction. She said with an ambiguous tone, “It seems Xiao Jin and jiejie have quite an unusual relationship?”
The phrase “Xiao Jin and jiejie” made Jinyi inexplicably feel guilty. In Mom’s eyes, Youwan was still the older sister she had brought home, but she and her sister had ended up like this…
That wasn’t even the most important thing. What mattered most was that Jinyi feared Mom wouldn’t be able to accept Youwan’s true identity.
In an instant, Jinyi’s mind played out all sorts of dramatic wealthy mother-in-law and daughter-in-law scenarios.
“Mom, she, she…”
“Mm?”
Jinyi gritted her teeth, no longer afraid, and said directly: “Mom, she’s actually not your eldest daughter—she’s pregnant with my child!”
She observed Ningshu’s reaction carefully. If she detected even a hint of displeasure, she was ready to throw a tantrum1—crying, making a scene, threatening—anything to make Mom accept Youwan.
Ningshu was surprised for two seconds, then looked at Jinyi’s I’ve-given-up-everything expression and couldn’t help but sigh in amazement. “Xiao Jin actually differentiated into an Alpha and even got an omega pregnant…”
Jinyi’s face flushed slightly. She looked away, unnaturally.
Why did Mom make her sound like some kind of rogue…
“Why are you shy? Did I say something wrong?” Ningshu teased her deliberately, lightening the mood.
Jinyi sensed that Mom didn’t seem surprised or resistant about her relationship with Youwan. She pressed her advantage, grabbing Mom’s hand, and earnestly told her about Youwan’s true identity. Before Mom could respond, she emphasized multiple times that Youwan had never done anything to harm the Jiang family, that she had managed the company exceptionally well these past years, and so on and so forth.
Who knew, Ningshu opened her mouth and said, “I already knew.”
Jinyi froze. “Huh?”
“You… knew?”
“When I wanted to bring her back, it was to tell her the truth and pull her out of suffering. I didn’t expect plans to change so quickly. But it seems she already knows everything now. As for the rest, I think you’d prefer hearing it from her yourself.”
Ningshu knew what her daughter was worried about. “In any case, rest assured. Mom won’t stop you two from being together.”
“Really?” Jinyi’s peach-blossom eyes glistened, brimming with joy.
Ningshu stroked Jinyi’s face, putting her at ease. “Who would’ve thought—I come back after five years and I’m already going to be a grandmother. I must be getting old~” As she said this, Ningshu glanced at Song Lian, her gaze carrying an ambiguous undertone.
“Not old, how are you old!” Jinyi quickly shook her head, insisting, “Mom is clearly not old at all! Just as young and beautiful as before!”
Song Lian, who had been silent all this time, also nodded. Her thin lips parted as she softly uttered, “Not old.”
As Song Lian spoke, those sharp eyes concealed surging undercurrents. She gave Ningshu a meaningful look. Ningshu subtly curved her lips and said to Jinyi, “What Xiao Jin needs to do most right now is go be with your omega.”
“As for Mom… Secretary Song is here to take care of me.”
At night, Youwan still hadn’t woken up. The doctor said she would likely sleep until the next morning. Whether from overwhelming guilt that had become a sickness of the heart or not, Jinyi felt she couldn’t leave Youwan’s side for even a moment. She refused to stay at a hotel, and refused to sleep on the hospital’s companion bed—because it was too far from Youwan.
She tried again and again to make her gland work, to release the rich scent of blue hyacinth to soothe Youwan, but nothing worked. Her gland was already damaged, completely unresponsive. Perhaps there was some faint reaction, but it was so weak it couldn’t provide her any real comfort.
Jinyi was consumed by regret, remorse, and self-doubt.
There had always been a widely accepted notion in society: once an Alpha completely marked an omega, her pheromones no longer belonged solely to herself—they became the exclusive property of the omega she had marked. The omega absolutely held the right to enjoy her pheromones.
She had actually stripped Youwan of that right.
Her mind was now filled with the words Youwan had once said so grievously: “What other omegas have, I don’t have any of it…”
Youwan truly had nothing…
It was devastating.
All night, Jinyi never closed her eyes. She spent the time messaging the attending doctor who had previously treated her gland, asking questions she had never cared about or wanted to deal with before.
Things like the probability of her gland recovering fully, how to make it recover faster, and so on…
Not only that, she also added an authority in obstetrics and gynecology, asking all sorts of questions about her omega’s pregnancy.
By five or six in the morning, she was still alert, without the slightest drowsiness. She gazed out the window—the brighter the sky grew, the more nervous she became, her heart racing, her breathing uneven…
When dawn came and the doctor made rounds, she asked what Youwan could eat now, then went out to buy it after washing up, rushing back to the ward as fast as she could.
It felt like she truly had developed aftereffects—leaving Youwan for even a second, being apart from her for even a moment, was torment.
When she hurried back to the ward, Youwan had already woken up, sitting quietly on the hospital bed.
Warm sunlight streamed through the glass window. Her long hair fell loose, without any makeup, her lips slightly pressed together. An IV needle was inserted into the back of her pale hand. She sat there so quietly—like a melancholic sickly beauty3.
Youwan’s long lashes fluttered. She turned her head to look at Jinyi, saw her stunned expression, and gave no reaction.
Her lack of response made Jinyi’s heart clench. She thought with dismay, I left jiejie alone again.
At this moment, facing Youwan, she no longer had the inner turmoil and pain from before. Her heart was filled only with thoughts of how to make it up to her, how to treat her well, how to make her smile.
Her heart and eyes were full of only her.
She spoke first, breaking the stillness. “Jiejie…”
She stepped closer, not quite daring to look at Youwan’s face. Without permission, she sat down cautiously at her side, uncovering the seafood porridge as she whispered, “I bought you seafood porridge. The doctor said this is best for your recovery…”
Youwan caught sight of the faint red handprints still lingering on Jinyi’s cheek. She neither acknowledged nor dismissed her words, parting her lips to ask weakly: “How is my wound? Is the baby still there?”
Jinyi’s heart ached. She quickly reassured her: “Don’t worry, the baby is fine. The bullet didn’t hit the bone, it only grazed the flesh. You’ll heal quickly.”
Youwan let out a breath of relief, carefully moving her injured arm.
Jinyi finished preparing the porridge, scooped up a spoonful, carefully blew on it to the right temperature, and reached out to feed her—but was interrupted by Youwan’s even-toned voice: “I can eat by myself.”
Jinyi froze. She raised her eyes, looking at her in confusion. Seeing Youwan’s expressionless face, an indescribable pain rose in her chest. Her voice grew slightly hurt: “Jiejie’s hand is injured. Of course I should feed you…”
Youwan said nothing. She raised her uninjured right hand, flipped down the bedside table surface, and placed it in front of herself. “You can put the porridge here. I’ll eat by myself.”
Youwan’s hand was injured—yet she would rather eat one-handed than let her feed her.
This feeling made Jinyi’s heart panic, uneasy, resistant.
It shouldn’t be like this. Youwan loved her most. Youwan needed her most…
How could she not want her to feed her?
How could it not be?
Lu Jing’s words from that day echoed in her mind again. Her expression dimmed, her fingers tightened, then released. She placed the porridge on the table. Youwan raised her right hand, leaned forward, and fed herself spoonful by spoonful.
Quietly. The atmosphere between them was entirely different from before. Jinyi was so tense she didn’t know how to begin.
Finally, she gathered her courage and asked carefully: “Jiejie, you’re pregnant. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Every sentence she spoke, she appended with jiejie. She knew that Youwan liked it most when she called her that.
She was pleading with Youwan, lowering herself completely.
At these words, Youwan’s porridge-eating paused. She gave a soft, ambiguous hum through her nose and smiled bitterly. “Why would I tell Xiao Jin? Even if I had told you, would the Xiao Jin from back then have come back?”
“I…” Jinyi was speechless. She didn’t want to lie, and she couldn’t be certain.
Youwan looked somewhat heartbroken. “Xiao Jin didn’t want me so much. Why would I force it? Use a child to tie you down?”
“I’m sorry…” Jinyi lowered her gaze, only able to apologize.
Youwan quickly composed herself, speaking with light indifference. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. This isn’t your fault. I brought this upon myself. I forced you. You never needed to take responsibility. All the consequences should be mine to bear.”
Youwan didn’t blame her, but Jinyi’s heart ached with an indescribable bitterness. She shook her head quickly. “No…”
“It’s all my fault, jiejie. It’s all my fault. I was such a bastard…”
Jinyi looked at Youwan with grief, not daring to grab her hand, instead pitifully clutching the hem of her clothing. Her voice took on a weeping quality, sticky and sweet yet filled with grievance—she knew that in the past, Youwan could never resist her like this.
But Youwan’s expression didn’t change. She only spoke calmly. “Things have already come to this. Arguing over who’s right and who’s wrong, who made the bigger mistake—it’s all meaningless now.”
“You don’t need to worry. I’ll give birth to this child myself and raise them on my own. What I owed you is paid, and you owe me nothing…”
Jinyi panicked, cutting her off immediately, her fingers gripping tighter, terrified.
She knew that the heartless things she had done were enough to make Youwan give up on her entirely—even hate her. But she still clung to a sliver of hope, lowering her posture, asking tentatively: “Jiejie, can you still like me? Can we… still be together?”
Holding her breath, she watched Youwan, hoping to see even a crack in her composure.
She even wished Youwan would call her a bastard, wished Youwan would throw a tantrum, mock her—anything.
But there was nothing.
Youwan only sighed helplessly, saying softly: “Xiao Jin, after everything that’s happened, I’ve let go of so much. There is nothing in this world that must be obtained, that must be held onto.”
“The harder you try to force it, the tighter you want to grip, the faster and farther it runs away.”
“I barely survived the days when I needed and longed for you the most. I’m already so tired. I don’t want to keep going.”
Footnotes
- 一哭二闹三上吊 (yī kū èr nào sān shàngdiào): Literally 'first cry, second make a scene, third threaten suicide'—a Chinese idiom for throwing an extreme tantrum to get one's way.
- 彩虹屁 (cǎihóngpì): Literally 'rainbow farts'—Chinese internet slang for lavish, over-the-top flattery or exaggerated praise.
- 病美人 (bìng měirén): Literally 'sickly beauty'—a Chinese aesthetic archetype romanticizing the fragile beauty of a pale, ill woman.
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