The Amnesiac Omega Who Reels Me In Every Day – Chapter 84
by Little PandaShe Doesn’t Want Her
“The string cannot be pulled too tight.”
Once completely marked, the gland was what bound two people together forever.
As long as the gland remained, she would always go soft for Jiang Youwan, always be drawn to her, always be unable to leave her.
And so, right in front of Jiang Youwan, she drove the small knife viciously into her own gland, determined to destroy it.
Making Jiang Youwan see that she truly wanted nothing more to do with her—that she would rather destroy herself and endure the agony of gouging out her gland, that she would rather cease to be an alpha, than ever be with her again.
She wanted Jiang Youwan to give up hope.
“Urgh—!”
The immense pain made her cry out. Jiang Youwan’s mind went blank as if struck by lightning, frozen in place, staring wide-eyed at Jiang Jinyi, her lips trembling, red veins threading across her eyes.
The despair in her eyes was like that of someone standing on a lone boat in the vast ocean, facing a towering wave bearing down upon them.
No—worse than that.
“Mm…”
Jiang Jinyi’s face went pale from the pain, cold sweat beading on her forehead. The knife clattered to the ground, and her whole body crumpled weakly toward the floor.
Fu Mingyue snapped out of her shock and rushed over to support her. “Xiao Jin!”
“X-Xiao Jin… Xiao Jin—!”
Jiang Youwan’s mind buzzed, her throat so dry she could barely make a sound. Her legs gave out beneath her as she stumbled over to Jiang Jinyi, dropping to her knees before her, staring in utter despair and heartbreak.
Jiang Jinyi had already passed out from the pain. Blood poured from the gland on the back of her neck. Fu Mingyue’s heart twisted as well—she ordered the servants to bring the car around while tearing fabric from her own clothes to press against the wound and stanch the bleeding.
“Xiao Jin, Xiao Jin, why would you, you…” Jiang Youwan’s face was drenched in tears, her voice breaking as she babbled incoherently.
How could this be? How dare Xiao Jin…
Didn’t she know that the gland was one of the most vulnerable and sensitive parts of an alpha’s body? During their intimate moments, even a slight pinch or bite there would make Jiang Jinyi’s eyes well up with tears as she whimpered and begged her to stop touching it.
And now she had dared to pick up a knife… and stab her own gland…
Jiang Youwan shook her head in terror, unable to believe what she was seeing. The heartache radiated through every fiber of her being, making it excruciatingly difficult to breathe. Her head swelled with pressure, and she gagged involuntarily.
“Xiao Jin, Xiao Jin…” Still on her knees, she reached out with trembling fingers toward Jiang Jinyi’s pale face—but before she could make contact, Fu Mingyue batted her hand away.
“Don’t touch her!”
Fu Mingyue glared at Jiang Youwan. She rarely lost her temper, but this was the first time she had ever looked at someone with such fury. She opened her mouth to curse her, yet didn’t even know where to begin.
The Fu family’s car pulled up before them moments later. Fu Mingyue didn’t spare her another glance, instructing the servants to help her carry Jiang Jinyi into the vehicle.
“Hurry, to the nearest hospital!”
The car door slammed shut. Jiang Youwan scrambled up from the ground, wiping away the tears blurring her vision, and stumbled back to her own car. She gripped the steering wheel so hard her fingers nearly bled, only barely managing to stay conscious.
She started the engine and followed Fu Mingyue’s car to the hospital.
Jiang Jinyi was wheeled into the emergency room.
Jiang Youwan arrived a step later and stood before the emergency room doors, her gaze scattered, her eyes hollow.
The gland was one of the most vital organs in an omega and alpha’s body. If it were surgically removed, that would be one thing—but being violently gouged out like this could be life-threatening.
And it could be accompanied by numerous aftereffects.
The doctor’s eyes widened in shock at the sight of Jiang Jinyi’s gland. After learning what had happened, he couldn’t help but remark that he’d never imagined an alpha could be so ruthless to her own gland.
Soon after, Fu Mingyue returned. Seeing Jiang Youwan standing before the emergency room doors, she frowned and was about to send her away when the doctor suddenly pushed open the doors and emerged in urgency.
“The patient has lost too much blood and needs a transfusion. We need a family member to sign the consent form. Which of you is family?”
Jiang Youwan immediately said, “I am, I’m her—”
Before the word “girlfriend” could leave her lips, Fu Mingyue cut in first. “I’m her friend. I’ll sign.”
The doctor nodded. “Alright.”
Jiang Youwan froze, her elegant brow furrowing, a flash of displeasure crossing her face. The feeling was deeply unpleasant.
Did they really need an outsider to sign for Xiao Jin?
But Xiao Jin was in emergency surgery right now. In the end, she held herself back and withdrew her hand.
She said in a low voice, “Doctor, she absolutely cannot come to harm.”
The doctor nodded and said as he walked back toward the emergency room, “We will do our utmost.”
The emergency room doors closed, and the corridor fell silent once more.
Only the unsteady breathing of both women remained.
Gradually, Fu Mingyue heard an extremely faint sound of sobbing beside her. She turned her head and saw Jiang Youwan looking down, eyes red-rimmed, moisture clinging to her lashes before being wiped away by the back of her hand.
Her other hand clutched the hem of her own clothes so tightly that the blue veins stood out prominently—gripping with all her strength.
It was hard to imagine that a woman who had always been so commanding and composed could have such a fragile side.
She stood at the emergency room door—the closest she had been allowed to Jiang Jinyi.
Jiang Jinyi was being resuscitated inside, and she could no longer sense her pheromones. It was as though Jiang Jinyi’s pheromones had dissipated entirely—not even a trace could be detected in the air, only the smell of disinfectant and the metallic scent of blood.
It felt as though Jiang Jinyi herself was slipping away too.
This feeling filled her with a fear and helplessness that came from the very depths of her being. Her heart raced until she could no longer stand, collapsing onto the floor, gasping desperately, trying to catch even the faintest wisp of blue hyacinth.
No omega could endure such a blow.
She had only just been completely marked—this was the time she needed her alpha the most.
Fu Mingyue understood this principle well. Her eyes held complex emotions. After a long moment, she sighed and pulled out the jacket Jiang Jinyi had shed before entering the emergency room, handing it to Jiang Youwan.
“Take this.”
Jiang Youwan froze for half a second, then immediately reached for it. With trembling hands, she clutched the jacket still stained with large patches of blood to her chest, burying the lower half of her face into it, breathing deeply, inhaling the pheromones that still clung to the fabric.
Her lashes, damp with tears, trembled ceaselessly. The way she guarded it was like a critically ill patient desperately consuming the last dose of medicine keeping them from mental collapse.
Fu Mingyue didn’t disturb her, nor did she drive her away. She didn’t know how much time passed—an hour, perhaps two—before the emergency room doors finally opened.
Jiang Youwan immediately rose to her feet and hurried forward.
Her Xiao Jin’s face was deathly pale, drained of every last trace of color, lying weakly with her consciousness still clouded.
At this sight, Jiang Youwan’s heart shattered into pieces. Her eyes and the tip of her nose were flushed red as she watched helplessly as Jiang Jinyi was wheeled into a hospital room.
She hadn’t even been able to go inside. She asked the doctor anxiously, “How is her condition now?”
“The patient is out of danger. She’ll need to stay in the hospital for observation.”
Fu Mingyue asked, “What about her gland? How is it?”
The doctor frowned and sighed. “She was quite ruthless with herself. The gland is severely damaged, and she has lost most of her alpha functions.”
Jiang Youwan froze slightly, another tear falling, her heart aching beyond words.
The doctor continued, “But it wasn’t completely gouged out. We’ve sutured it. With proper rest and recovery, there’s a possibility it could heal. It depends on luck.”
“Depends on luck” meant uncertainty—how cruel a word that was.
“Her constitution was already not strong to begin with. Now with the gland damaged, it will only get weaker. Catching colds and fevers at the slightest provocation will become the norm. She needs to be well taken care of and can never suffer such severe injury again…”
The doctor gave a few more instructions before leaving. Jiang Youwan listened attentively to every word, committing them all to memory.
She was thinking about how to take good care of Xiao Jin, but when she tried to enter the hospital room, she was stopped by Fu Mingyue.
“Miss Jiang, you’d better not go in.” Fu Mingyue said.
Jiang Youwan frowned, deeply disliking this feeling. She was the person closest to Xiao Jin. Xiao Jin was her alpha—what right did anyone have to bar her from the door?
She said with restrained frustration, “Fu Mingyue…”
Fu Mingyue frowned. “Jiang Youwan, don’t you understand? Does Xiao Jin really want to see you when she wakes up? Does she really want you staying by her side to take care of her?”
Fu Mingyue thought that, in truth, Jiang Youwan understood perfectly—she just refused to admit it.
She said sternly, enunciating every word: “Xiao Jin gouged out her own gland for one reason: to sever all ties with you. She did it right in front of you because she wanted you to give up hope—don’t you understand?”
“Xiao Jin is already in so much pain. She doesn’t want to see you at all.”
“I can’t stop you if you insist on taking her away by force. But can you guarantee she won’t hurt herself again—because of you?”
These words were like needles, piercing mercilessly into Jiang Youwan’s heart one by one, making her ache terribly, yet bringing her back to clarity little by little.
She murmured to herself that Fu Mingyue was right.
She was now the source of Xiao Jin’s suffering—the person Xiao Jin least wanted to see.
Come to think of it, she had lost count of how many times Jiang Jinyi had ended up in the emergency room.
From the explosion when she was three or four, to being stabbed by a madman and struck by a falling chandelier that stole her memories at eighteen, and now this—gouging out her own gland.
It seemed that every single incident was inextricably tied to her.
Xiao Jin was such a delicate girl, her body already fragile, yet she had endured so many traumas that would make anyone’s legs turn to jelly just hearing about them.
With this thought, Jiang Youwan was suffocated by guilt and self-reproach. For the first time, she truly confronted how much harm she had caused Jiang Jinyi.
Fu Mingyue saw the light drain from her eyes and asked, “I heard she lost her memories recently. You took advantage of her amnesia to coax and deceive her, didn’t you? Did you never consider what would happen when she regained her memories?”
Jiang Youwan murmured, “I didn’t dare to think about it.”
Fu Mingyue let out a laugh that was neither happy nor angry, and reminded her, “You held on too tight, and the string has already snapped.”
“Please, from now on, do not disturb her. Do not go near her again—unless you want to make her miserable, unless you want her to be hurt again.”
Fu Mingyue finished speaking, turned, and entered the hospital room, closing the door behind her, shutting Jiang Youwan out from Jiang Jinyi entirely.
Jiang Youwan couldn’t go in. She no longer had the right to.
She felt she truly deserved to die a thousand deaths.
All of this seemed like one colossal mistake.
But how could she let go of Xiao Jin? How was she supposed to live through the days without her?
Jiang Youwan lowered her gaze, her eyes as dark as an ink-black abyss. The image of Jiang Jinyi gouging out her own gland was seared into her mind, impossible to erase.
She had plunged into eternal darkness, clinging desperately to her last ray of light—yet that light would rather risk everything to draw away from her, content to abandon her in the darkness.
Even if she refused to let go, that light would still dissipate in her hands.
Jiang Youwan’s eyes tightened with strain. She gripped with all her might—then finally released her tightly clenched hands, which had long been drenched in blood on the floor.
She turned and left.
The next day, Jiang Jinyi was transferred by Fu Mingyue to the hospital invested in by the Fu family, given the best and most comfortable environment for recovery.
She remained unconscious for five days before finally waking.
She stared at the ceiling for a long, long time, her gaze unfocused, as though she couldn’t remember who she was.
Losing her memories again—forgetting everything.
If only that were true.
After ten minutes of staring at the ceiling, Jiang Jinyi finally untangled her jumbled memories and dreams.
Ignoring the pain of her wound, she pushed herself upright. The sharp agony reminded her—she had gouged out her own gland.
Right in front of Jiang Youwan.
How ruthless.
Had Jiang Youwan given up hope?
Jiang Jinyi wasn’t sure. She looked out the window—the weather seemed to have grown even colder. Soon, hurried footsteps echoed down the otherwise quiet corridor, and Jiang Jinyi couldn’t help but grip her sleeve tighter.
That nervous tension only released when the door pushed open and a doctor and nurse in white coats walked in, her hand slowly unclenching.
She exhaled in relief—then felt a pang of disappointment.
Why would Jiang Youwan come? Jiang Youwan’s heart had already been shattered by her.
She and Jiang Youwan were severed from each other.
Fu Mingyue came to see her soon after, telling her not to think about anything and to focus on healing. She also told her that there was still a possibility her gland could fully recover.
Jiang Jinyi didn’t want to recover fully. She felt things were fine as they were—even though it hurt, that desperate, urgent craving for Jiang Youwan was gone.
But the terrible thing was, while her body no longer yearned, the longing in her heart was still unbearable.
She kept thinking about how Jiang Youwan was supposed to get through this. How was Jiang Youwan supposed to cope?
She had become so fragile that even refusing to eat the meals Jiang Youwan fed her would reduce her to tears.
Whenever these thoughts arose, Jiang Jinyi inevitably felt a pang of heartache and tenderness. She tried to distract herself by going online, but even the slightest connection to anything would make her think of Jiang Youwan.
She couldn’t resist searching for what happened to an omega after being completely marked and then abandoned by their alpha.
Eighty percent of omegas developed depression. The remaining twenty percent who survived wrote about their hazy, numb existence.
And what they described didn’t even capture a ten-thousandth of the reality.
Jiang Jinyi couldn’t bear to read more than a single line.
She knew Jiang Youwan was living through exactly that.
She was afraid she wouldn’t be able to resist going back to find Jiang Youwan.
Even after gouging out her gland, her heart was still filled, every moment, with the urge to go back to Jiang Youwan.
At least it was bearable.
She had heard that couples who broke up all went through this—just push through and it would pass.
They would each go on to live their own new lives.
It would be fine.
Jiang Youwan never went to disturb Jiang Jinyi again.
She returned to the villa where they had once lived together and shut herself inside for days on end, going nowhere.
Because this villa was the only place that still held Jiang Jinyi’s pheromones.
She sealed every window in the villa, leaving not even the tiniest gap for air, desperately trying to make the hyacinth scent linger just a little longer.
But she couldn’t stop it from dissipating, bit by bit.
It was truly agonizing.
For an omega who had just been completely marked.
A newly marked omega was extremely fragile—sensitive, their hearts fragile as glass, prone to sentimentality and weeping uncontrollably, desperately craving their alpha, wanting their alpha by their side always, unable to bear even a moment’s separation.
Because they had already given themselves entirely to that alpha. The feeling of no longer belonging to oneself, body and soul, bred an insecurity that could only be eased when the alpha told the omega, over and over again, how important she was—generously pouring her pheromones out for her omega alone—only then could the omega feel safe and happy.
Jiang Youwan had none of that.
Her alpha didn’t want her.
No newly marked omega could withstand such a blow, but she had no choice.
She could only endure this time that should have been brimming with tenderness and devotion all by herself.
Every day she missed her Xiao Jin, the craving hitting like an addiction, every moment a withdrawal. She was so fragile—never more fragile than now.
She obsessively gathered all of Xiao Jin’s clothes, bedsheets, and stuffed animals, piling them into a small mountain. She curled up inside it, clutching Jiang Jinyi’s pillow, burrowing deep, desperately seeking a sense of security, trying to wall herself off from the cold room, trying to immerse herself in the scent of blue hyacinth.
Protecting her fragile self all on her own.
Gradually, she grew to love sleeping. She even medicated herself every day, just hoping to sleep a little longer—because dreams were the only place she could see Jiang Jinyi.
In her dreams, Jiang Jinyi was always so compliant, doting on her and caring for her, just like before—so clingy and affectionate.
She knew it was only a dream, but she was so happy. She got to experience what other omegas had, and she was content.
But dreams always ended.
Every time she woke, her pillow was soaked, her tears gone cold, and she had to face the empty house all over again, alone.
The feeling was truly suffocating—her mood plummeting to rock bottom, tears streaming uncontrollably, wallowing in sorrow for ages without the energy to pull herself together.
The world had turned gray.
At least Xiao Yu was a cat who understood her deeply, sensing her grief and sorrow, always staying by her side. Whenever she woke, no matter how sleepy, the kitten would nuzzle and fuss over her, comforting her. Several times, when she refused to eat, Xiao Yu even dragged over her dried fish treats, pushing them toward her with a paw, urging her to eat.
“Xiao Yu, why did Xiao Jin abandon even you?”
“She loved you so much…”
“She used to love me so much, too…”
“I want so badly to see her, but she doesn’t want me anymore. She doesn’t want me…”
During the month when an omega needed her alpha most, this was how Jiang Youwan spent every day.
She didn’t know what finally propelled her out of that villa. Perhaps it was the promise she had made to Xiao Jin.
The promise to make everyone who had hurt Xiao Jin pay.
In the blink of an eye, Luo City had fully entered winter. Jiang Jinyi supposed it must be very cold outside, because the doctor never allowed her to open the window, saying her immunity was low now and she caught cold easily.
Her constitution had grown much weaker after the gland damage—a sickly thing.
On the day of her discharge, she was bundled up tightly, listening to the doctor’s instructions word by word. When he finished, she had just started to leave when she spotted a familiar figure in the distance.
She couldn’t immediately place who it was. It wasn’t until the person approached her at an unhurried pace that her lips parted haltingly: “…Secretary Song.”
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