On the Wedding Night, I Transmigrated to After the Divorce

On the Wedding Night, I Transmigrated to After the Divorce – Chapter 99

by Little Panda

Bewitched

I’ll Help You Change Your Shoes

“Actually, I lied to you. The doctor never told me to stop my medication. I stopped on my own because I was afraid the pills would make me gain weight and make me even more anxious.” Since it had already come to this, Yu Yan wasn’t afraid of being scolded anymore. She laid out everything she’d been hiding.

Her mindset had shifted from the initial belief that leaving Fu Yunqing would free her, to the later realization that even after taking medication for over half a year, she was still in pain. She had pessimistically concluded that she would never be happy again, that her life was truly ruined — and she missed Fu Yunqing more and more.

The longing piled up, growing stronger day by day, until she felt she couldn’t endure it — each day a mix of sorrow and yearning.

Not wanting Lu Yu to worry, she pretended she was getting better. She returned to Yuncheng, and though she didn’t have the courage to actually go back to Fu Yunqing’s side, that sliver of improbable hope still made her obsess over her appearance — so she stopped her medication and dieted recklessly.

Even though she was now truly back with Fu Yunqing, even though the three months without her memories had been happy, and even though she was happy now — she still didn’t dare promise that she was fully recovered. That was why she had avoided discussing Fu Yunqing’s suggestion to go to the hospital.

All right, she was still a coward.

Fu Yunqing didn’t reproach her after hearing all this. She took her to the hospital, where they spent almost the entire day doing all kinds of extensive examinations. Yu Yan didn’t have much confidence in herself, afraid she’d have to go back on medication, and her mood was inevitably anxious.

Fortunately, compared to over a year ago when she had gone to see the doctor alone, this time she had someone by her side who would love her unconditionally and protect her unconditionally — her Master. Back with Fu-jiejie, no matter how bad things got, they couldn’t get too bad.

All the tests were done. In the waiting room, Fu Yunqing patiently comforted the little puppy burrowing into her arms, whimpering. “It’s okay. No matter what, I’ll be right here with you. I’ll go through treatment with you and help you get better. Don’t be too nervous — you’re in good shape right now. It might be a good result.”

“Mm, I know…” Yu Yan hugged her waist tightly, nuzzling against her shoulder, still anxious.

Mostly because she really, really wanted a cigarette.

Smoking when she was nervous and anxious had become a habit. Not being able to smoke was sheer torture. The last time she had smoked was before returning to Yuncheng — she hadn’t touched one in days, and the craving was unbearable.

“Master…” Yu Yan murmured in her ear, soft enough that only the two of them could hear.

Fu Yunqing glanced at her. “Mm?”

“I really want to smoke…” It wasn’t exactly a forbidden topic anymore. During those days in Hokkaido, once she realized Fu Yunqing wouldn’t interfere with her smoking, she had stopped hiding it and often smoked right in front of her.

But now their relationship had completely changed. Fu-jiejie had gone from being her conflicted, helpless lover — wary of her moods, not daring to interfere too much — to being her Master. How could she still be so brazen? She felt terribly guilty.

Fu-jiejie surely didn’t like it. She knew it was unhealthy.

Having timidly made her request, Yu Yan held her breath and pulled back to study her expression carefully.

Fu Yunqing looked at her for a long moment, then asked, “Do you have any on you?”

Yu Yan froze for a second before realizing Fu Yunqing was asking if she had cigarettes in her pocket.

She shook her head. “No…”

Then Fu Yunqing took out her phone and called Dan Lin, who was waiting downstairs, and asked her to buy a pack of cigarettes and bring them up.

Yu Yan was stunned. She hadn’t expected that… She had already braced herself for rejection.

After a short wait, Dan Lin actually brought up a pack of her usual cigarettes, lighter included. There was a designated smoking room in the waiting area. Fu Yunqing told her to go smoke and waited outside for her.

Yu Yan took the cigarettes into the smoking room, tore open the pack, and pulled one out, placing it between her lips. She crushed the flavor bead with her teeth but still hadn’t lit it, overwhelmed by an inexplicable sense of guilt.

Did people always turn into the version of themselves they hated?

Just as she had once genuinely not understood the appeal of smoking — her instinctive reaction to the smell of smoke had been revulsion. Those people puffing clouds in bars, no matter how beautiful, never earned her goodwill. Getting smoke smell on herself was unbearable; the first thing she did when she got home was shower.

Because she used to complain about it constantly, Fu Yunqing knew exactly how much she hated the smell of smoke.

So even though Fu Yunqing had also picked up smoking during her most painful moments, the moment Yu Yan returned to her side, she never touched another cigarette.

Fu Yunqing had also once said she disliked the smell of smoke.

And Yu Yan? Why did she have so little self-control? Why couldn’t she rein herself in?

She finished the cigarette in a fit of self-abandonment, only to find her mood hadn’t improved at all.

She tossed the butt into the receptacle, dusted off her hands, and pushed open the door. Fu Yunqing was still standing where she’d been. Seeing her come out, she turned to look at her.

Looking at that familiar face, a surge of indescribable emotion rose in Yu Yan. She wanted desperately to throw herself into Fu Yunqing’s arms, but then remembered she was covered in that unpleasant smoke smell. The guilt intensified, mingled with a sense of being dirty and unworthy — she couldn’t soil her Master.

“Come here,” Fu Yunqing said.

Yu Yan walked over quickly, but as she reached her, sensing that at this distance Fu Yunqing could smell the smoke on her, she grew hesitant.

But Fu Yunqing reached out first and pulled her into an embrace.

Yu Yan pressed her face into the crook of her neck, breathing in that fresh, lovely scent that had never changed, torn between regret and the urge to cry.

She was so grateful that Fu Yunqing could read her desires and her anxieties alike — like an omnipotent haven, able to perceive every emotion, offering the most timely and tender comfort, bringing the safest, happiest feeling.

“Feel a little better?” Fu Yunqing asked softly.

“Mm…” Yu Yan said softly. “It’s not because of the cigarette. It’s because of your hug.”

Fortunately, the results came out quickly: “no obvious symptoms,” meaning Yu Yan had emerged from her depression. No treatment, no medication — she just needed to maintain her current state.

Yu Yan’s frayed nerves finally relaxed. Beaming, she held up the report and shot Fu Yunqing a proud look, sighing with smug, languid satisfaction: “I told you. I’m in such good shape right now — I don’t look like a patient at all. I’ve been better for ages.”

She thought that was the end of it, but to her surprise, Fu Yunqing started consulting the doctor about quitting smoking.

Substance addiction was a common phenomenon in depression, and nicotine addiction accounted for a large portion of it. Now that the depression had resolved, the smoking habit should indeed be kicked.

The doctor asked Yu Yan a few questions — whether she liked kissing, biting people, chewing on straws, things like that. Considering she might have an oral fixation, he suggested she could buy a pacifier to bite on when she felt the urge to smoke, and some chewing gum to chew when cravings hit. Redirecting her attention, getting more sun, exercising more — and the habit would fade naturally.

“Can you quit smoking?”

Sure enough, the moment they stepped out of the hospital, Fu Yunqing formally brought it up.

Though it sounded like a gentle inquiry, Yu Yan knew she didn’t have the right to refuse.

She hesitated a little, knowing her own nature — she probably wouldn’t be able to quit so easily. But to avoid disobeying her Master’s command, she’d worry about tomorrow when tomorrow came. She didn’t want to smoke right now, so she agreed readily: “Of course I can. Quit, then. Smoke smells awful anyway — I’ve had enough. I should quit, leave that awful time behind for good.”

Fu Yunqing was truly a woman of action. After dinner at the mall, she bought several packs of quit-smoking gum and then actually took Yu Yan into a maternity and baby store to pick out a large-sized pacifier, asking if she liked the style. The sales clerk cast a puzzled glance their way, and Yu Yan — rarely one to feel embarrassment — flushed crimson and wanted to flee.

She’d thought the doctor was just making a casual analogy and that chewing gum would suffice. Fu Yunqing had actually bought her a pacifier.

Was this thing really useful? A certain shameful association surfaced in her mind — it was completely unnecessary, Fu-jiejie’s would do…

No, a puppy couldn’t lust after her Master.

They arrived home at nine in the evening.

The household staff had all left by this hour. Only a little cat sat at the door, waiting. Seeing this always made Yu Yan’s heart soften and ache — should they find Honey a girlfriend? Otherwise the little cat was all alone during the day when no one was home, bored and pitiful.

She mentioned it casually, and Fu Yunqing gave an “Mm” of agreement. “We can go to a pet charity organization tomorrow and see if there are any cats up for adoption.”

“Okay~”

“So pretty — who’d have thought you were a little cat picked up by the roadside?” She was crouched down talking to Honey, completely oblivious to the gradually shifting gaze of the person beside her after entering the house — until Fu Yunqing called her name. “Yu Yan.”

Yu Yan turned to look at her.

Fu Yunqing sat on the entryway bench, legs crossed, looking down at her from above, her gaze cool, her face expressionless. The tip of her raised shoe pressed lightly against Yu Yan’s waist.

A tingling sensation shot from her waist to her heart. Yu Yan’s body and mind went soft and she nearly toppled — she caught herself with her hands against the floor.

Her heart was racing. She parted her lips, breathing with difficulty. Without Fu Yunqing having to say a word, she knew what to do — she set down the cat, turned around, and knelt before her, cradling that foot in her hands.

“Master…” There was the awkwardness and shyness of a subordinate. “I’ll help you change your shoes.”

She gently slipped off Fu Yunqing’s shoe, cradling her cool arch, staring at it, imagining how it could trample her underfoot at any moment…

She carefully helped her into comfortable cotton slippers. Once both feet were done, she still couldn’t bear to let go, holding her calf and looking up with eyes full of craving for praise.

“Do you think you’ve been good?” Fu Yunqing smiled.

It was the same gentle smile Yu Yan knew so well, but now it carried the satisfied pleasure of someone in authority — making Yu Yan all the more acutely aware that she was a little puppy beneath her Master’s palm, that she had successfully pleased her Master.

Yu Yan was simply bewitched.

“Mm…”

Fu Yunqing suddenly stood up and headed upstairs quickly, not waiting for her, tossing back just one line: “Go shower.”

The author has something to say:

I’m not intentionally leaving you hanging — I really just couldn’t finish writing.