On the Wedding Night, I Transmigrated to After the Divorce – Chapter 90
by Little PandaIt’s Okay
Also a little blushing
Fu Yunqing immediately agreed. “Okay.”
“I’ll go get a room for you.” She would agree to her requests unconditionally—no matter how strange, no matter if there might be a little something hidden behind them—Fu Yunqing accepted them all.
She was so happy she could still see this Yanyan, still be on the receiving end of her willfully capricious demands. Yet even though the Yu Yan before her was this bright and radiant, that faint, fragmented ache in her heart wouldn’t stop.
“I’ll have someone deliver your ID documents back to you tomorrow. The visa for going abroad is all taken care of too. We’ll stay here for two days and leave the day after tomorrow, okay? Or do you want to leave tomorrow? Though that might be a little tiring.” She asked with a smile.
Return her documents? It seemed Fu-jiejie had taken to heart all those awful things she’d said, Yu Yan thought.
Despicable. To have said such hurtful things to jiejie—truly despicable.
She deserved to be struck by lightning. She deserved to have jiejie slap her hard across the face.
She didn’t say any of this out loud, though. She just gave a soft hum, arms crossed over her chest for warmth. “Let’s go~”
The seaside was already cold in winter, and once the sun set, it was even colder. Yu Yan had been out here in the wind for hours; her hands had gone numb. She couldn’t stay any longer. She walked ahead, Fu Yunqing following behind—one in front, one behind—as they left the beach.
Fu Yunqing’s car was still waiting by the roadside. The moment Yu Yan climbed in, warmth enveloped her. Her hunched shoulders relaxed, and she leaned back against the seat.
Fu Yunqing got in and saw her red, frozen hands. She asked the driver to turn the heat up a bit more, then took Yu Yan’s hands in both of her own, warming them in her palms.
“You’re still dressed a bit too lightly. You should have worn gloves. How long were you at the beach?”
Yu Yan let her dote on her. “I just wanted to see the sea.”
She loved seeing Yanyan act so naturally spoiled with her. Fu Yunqing’s heart softened even more—she couldn’t bear to scold her even a little. She just coaxed, “Take a hot shower as soon as we get to the hotel. Have you had dinner?”
Yu Yan looked at her. “No~ I’ve been waiting for you this whole time.”
Waiting for her this whole time? How could she be so good.
Fu Yunqing had still been worried that Yanyan might grow to dislike her, might become unwilling to say intimate things to her. All those anxieties dissolved into soft foam. She couldn’t resist pulling one hand free to stroke Yanyan’s head. Yu Yan stared into her eyes, and as her fingertips traced down the side of her face, Yu Yan tilted her head and nuzzled into her palm on her own.
Fu Yunqing’s gaze caught, drifting down to rest on Yu Yan’s slightly upturned lips. Even after standing in the cold wind for so long, they were still full and rosy. A moment later, Fu Yunqing gathered herself and gently brushed her cheek with the web of her hand. “Hungry?”
Yu Yan smiled faintly. “Maybe a little.”
Fu Yunqing pulled a chocolate from her pocket and handed it to her. “Have this to tide you over. The hotel is close—we’ll be there soon.”
Yu Yan unwrapped the foil and let the chocolate melt in her mouth, closing her eyes. “Mm~”
Seeing she was drowsy, Fu Yunqing said nothing more. Just sitting quietly beside her like this already felt peaceful.
Ten minutes later, they arrived at the hotel. Seeing that she seemed to have fallen asleep, Fu Yunqing reluctantly patted her shoulder to wake her. Yu Yan opened her eyes, and Fu Yunqing immediately stroked her head soothingly. “We’re here. You can sleep properly back at the hotel.”
Yu Yan got out and walked beside her. Fu Yunqing booked a suite on the hotel’s top floor—the wide ocean vista spread beyond the window, spectacular in the night.
After swiping the card and entering the room, she immediately coaxed her into the bathroom for a shower. Fu Yunqing timed it so the food she ordered—Yu Yan’s favorites—would arrive right as she finished. Yu Yan came out in a bathrobe, and they sat down together at the dining table, heads lowered over food that was reasonably to their liking, neither saying a word.
Fu Yunqing thought that the Yu Yan who’d recovered her memories had changed a great deal from three years ago—and not just three years ago. She was clearly more mature, more burdened, than the carefree version of herself from a little over a year ago. She seemed as intimate as ever with her, yet also a touch distant.
Perhaps this was what the year of separation had placed between them. Fu Yunqing couldn’t quite fathom what it was, but she understood that Yanyan might not have sorted through her emotions yet. She couldn’t rush things. So she accepted it all calmly.
She knew she would need plenty of patience.
After dinner, Fu Yunqing went to shower too. Yu Yan dug the box of cigarettes out of her coat pocket, hesitated, then steeled herself and shoved them back in.
When Fu Yunqing came out of the shower, she saw Yu Yan lying on her side, playing on her phone. She padded quietly to the bed, lifted the covers, and slipped in. Yu Yan heard the movement but didn’t turn around. Fu Yunqing’s gentle gaze rested quietly on her.
“Yanyan.” After a long silence, she asked softly, “Can you tell me about your illness?”
“Does it still…feel awful right now?”
Fu Yunqing desperately wanted to understand the situation. If she could, she’d take her to see a doctor right now—but she was worried it might dampen the mood of their trip.
Yu Yan answered with her back to her. “I’m fine. Nothing feels awful.” Her tone was casual, as if she were answering something like “Did you have fun today?”
Precisely because it was so casual, Fu Yunqing didn’t dare let her guard down. “Really?”
“…”
Suddenly, Yu Yan rolled over. Their eyes met—Fu Yunqing’s gaze brimming with worry. Yu Yan set her phone aside and, without warning, threw herself into her arms.
Fu Yunqing gave a soft grunt at the weight pressing down on her, instinctively wrapping tight around her waist to pull her flush against her chest. She looked down—a pair of eyes brimming with laughter were staring right at her.
Fu Yunqing was a little surprised, but Yu Yan was completely at ease, as if she couldn’t sense the distance Fu Yunqing felt, or the nervousness she carried. Whether to pull away or draw close—Yu Yan did as she pleased.
Just like before. Very mischievous.
“I want you to be happy.” Fu Yunqing stroked her back, murmuring softly.
Yu Yan shot back, “Do I look unhappy to you?”
She did look fine—just like she had during the period before they separated a year ago. So many emotions couldn’t be seen on the surface. What was in someone’s heart couldn’t be grasped through feeling alone—it needed to be spoken, needed honest confession and communication. Fu Yunqing had come to understand this deeply.
“I want to hear it from you.” Facing Yu Yan in this moment was like facing her own child who had wandered alone through suffering, become broken, and now needed to be handled with the utmost care. “I want to hear so many things from you. Are you truly happy right now? What did you go through when I wasn’t by your side? What made you sad? What are you thinking in your heart? And everything else you want to tell me.”
“I want to fill in the year you spent without me.”
Even though she looked so breezy and open now.
“You want to hear me talk…” Yu Yan leaned against her collarbone, twining a strand of her long hair around her finger. She drew out the suspense for a leisurely moment before saying, “I’m happy. You love me so much—why wouldn’t I be happy?”
“Really?” Fu Yunqing was still worried, checking again and again.
“Why would I lie to you?” Yu Yan looked up at her. “If I weren’t happy, how would you coax me?”
Fu Yunqing: “I’d take you to see a doctor, and I’d coax you however you wanted me to.”
Yu Yan huffed, “I’m that miserable and you actually need me to tell you how to coax me?”
Fu Yunqing chuckled, conceding the point. Then she said earnestly, “I would take you to see a doctor. I would stay by your side and tell you that you haven’t been abandoned by the whole world, that you’re not alone in it. You still have me. I’m never on the opposing side—I’ll always stand on your side, protect you, help you, resolve the things that trouble you, and work through our problems together. You don’t have to worry about how I see you, and when you’re struggling, you don’t have to worry what I’ll think. I’ll only ever want you to be happy. How could I be dissatisfied with you?”
“No matter what happens, no matter what you become, it won’t change my love for you. No matter what you look like, you’re my child. Yu Lan doesn’t want you, but I want you. You can treat me as your mother—as your biological mother—and be completely uninhibited with me.” The last two sentences she whispered against Yu Yan’s ear.
Hearing this, Yu Yan released her hair. She slowly pushed herself up, kneeling on her lap, and looked down at her.
Fu Yunqing was a little shy. Though Yanyan had called her Mommy plenty of times when they were together before, that had been entirely bedroom play. This was the first time she’d proposed it so seriously and plainly, and she couldn’t help feeling a bit bashful.
She admitted—she had her own selfish motives too.
When she heard Yanyan say that Yu Lan wasn’t her biological mother, her first reaction had been disbelief and heartache. Later, she’d felt a flicker of gladness—glad that the woman who hadn’t loved Yanyan properly wasn’t the one who’d brought her into the world.
Yanyan could redirect all that yearning for a mother onto her. Familial love, romantic love—it could all be her.
She wanted it very much. And she was blushing a little.
Compared to Fu Yunqing’s awkwardness, Yu Yan’s response was remarkably composed. Her eyes gleamed with mischief as she looked at Fu Yunqing’s lips, pursed tight from embarrassment. “Is that allowed?”
“But I still want to do those things with you. I wanted to smoke earlier, but I held back because I wanted to kiss you… If you become my biological mother, wouldn’t that be incest?”
She was utterly teasing, yet somehow innocent. That last line sounded as if she were genuinely consulting her mother. Fu Yunqing couldn’t withstand her bluntness. “Yanyan…”
“It’s okay,” she said, her voice trembling.
After falling into depression, Yu Yan had picked up a smoking habit—a heavy one. When the craving hit and she couldn’t indulge, it was genuinely agonizing, and her mood would sink. She’d been fighting it this whole time.
“It’s okay?”
Yu Yan was wicked. She leaned down toward her but didn’t kiss her directly. Instead, she trailed along the side of her face and brushed her lips against her ear. Fu Yunqing’s ear turned visibly red. Yu Yan saw it and kept up her leisurely, feather-light kisses, occasionally nuzzling with the tip of her nose. Her warm breath drifted across the sensitive curve of the ear, bringing a dense, tingling cascade of sensation.
Yu Yan kept her laughing eyes lowered, repeatedly taking Fu Yunqing’s earlobe between her lips and letting go. Fu Yunqing’s endurance was formidable—she only flinched when Yu Yan’s tongue slipped out to lick.
Of course it was okay.
Fu Yunqing thought to herself—so what if she really were her biological mother? If Yanyan were truly the child born from her own body… Since she’d already decided to give her all her love, since she wanted to possess her so completely, wasn’t it only natural to share the most intimate act in the world with her?
The most intimate things in the world were supposed to be done with your mother, weren’t they?
If not, then on whom did she hope Yu Yan would find such fierce devotion?
When Yu Yan had kissed her ear enough, she leaned in and pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth. Fu Yunqing was about to respond when Yu Yan buried her face in the crook of her neck and bit down. Fu Yunqing let out a muffled groan and gripped the back of her neck.
It was as if she were pouring all her craving for cigarettes into her. Fu Yunqing kept tipping her head back under the onslaught of kisses, starting to lose ground. “Yanyan…”
Yu Yan lifted her head, panting. Fu Yunqing kissed her at once, and the two of them tangled together in a kiss that knew no separation between them. The bathrobe slipped loose, the collar falling open to reveal the soft fullness of one side—intensely maternal—while below her slightly rounded lower belly lay her warm womb, stirring a yearning deep in Yu Yan’s soul.
Yu Yan stared, entranced. Images rose in her mind—burying herself into Fu Yunqing’s belly, held tight in both her arms, bathed in rich maternal love and an airtight sense of safety. Yu Yan’s entire heart trembled.
Compared to the overly innocent Yu Yan at twenty, she was now so familiar with everything. It gave Fu Yunqing an even stronger sense that her memories truly had returned—
Yu Yan lifted her head, dewy and glistening. Fu Yunqing, face flushed crimson, reached up to cup her cheeks, hastily wiping the glistening traces from her face with her palms, then closed her eyes and kissed her with desperate urgency, exchanging the wet heat between their mouths.
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