Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 80
by Little PandaThe Empress Dowager Refuses
Cao Yue thought he had misheard.
“Eunuch, could you repeat that? What was the Empress Dowager’s decree?”
He must have misheard. Her Majesty surely meant for him to kill Zheng Dayun, right? Cao Yue would rather believe the eunuch delivering the order had slurred his words.
The eunuch from the Empress Dowager’s palace glanced around to ensure no one was nearby, then cleared his throat and lowered his voice. “A secret decree from the Empress Dowager. She orders Commander Cao to sleep with Zheng Dayun of the Directorate of Ceremonial before the day is out.” The eunuch’s expression was perfectly composed, not the least bit awkward. He had been on duty in Ning’an Palace for many years; he’d delivered far more incomprehensible orders than this.
Cao Yue was incensed. “I will accompany you into the palace at once to seek an audience. I must ask Her Majesty what she means by this!” If Zheng Dayun had committed a crime, arresting him or even killing him was part of his duty.
But Her Majesty wanted him to sleep with Zheng Dayun? Was this supposed to be a punishment for Zheng Dayun? And if it was, why did an innocent man like him have to be dragged into it? Besides, sleeping with Zheng Dayun was clearly a punishment for him!
“Lord Cao!” the eunuch urged him with painstaking patience. “You’ve been serving His Majesty for over a decade. Surely you know the Empress Dowager’s temperament by now? The moment you set foot in the palace, Her Majesty might decide to punish you instead of Eunuch Zheng. Besides, Eunuch Zheng is quite handsome, and it’s not as if Lord Cao is fond of women. Just think of it as a trip to the pleasure district!” With that, the eunuch gave Cao Yue a consoling pat on the shoulder, turned, and left the Pacification and Sentry Office Yamen.
Cao Yue’s face was a mask of grievance. He wasn’t fond of women, it was true—but he wasn’t fond of eunuchs, either!
He knew of Zheng Dayun, of course. They both served the Emperor, so they’d crossed paths a few times. He was Director Tang’s godson, and handsome enough, but he truly wasn’t Cao Yue’s type. Still, the Empress Dowager’s decree had been issued. No matter how reluctant he was, he had to make a trip to the Directorate of Ceremonial Yamen.
The matter of Lord State Uncle’s residence couldn’t be wrapped up in a single day. Seeing dusk begin to fall, Zheng Dayun gave his subordinates their instructions and drove his carriage back to the Directorate of Ceremonial. He still had to stay up all night checking ledgers and planning the next day’s assignments for his men. He could forget about going home for the next few days.
As soon as he returned to the yamen, a young attendant hurried over to report, “Sir. Commander Cao of the Embroidered Uniform Guard has been waiting inside for some time.”
“Commander Cao Yue?” Zheng Dayun assumed he was here to discuss the case of State Uncle Zhu. He was in charge of the house raid, but the interrogations were being handled by the Embroidered Uniform Guard. Perhaps Lord Cao had uncovered some new, hidden assets of the Zhu family? He strode into the room, calling out with a laugh, “Commander Cao, I trust you’ve been well!”
Cao Yue’s gaze was frigid as he took a sip of tea. “Eunuch Zheng,” he said in a low voice, “close the door.”
Zheng Dayun turned and shut the door. Fearing some unruly subordinate might burst in, he even slid the bolt from the inside.
“Is Commander Cao here about the State Uncle Zhu case?” Zheng Dayun unfastened his cloak, hung it on a rack, and sat in a chair near Cao Yue.
Cao Yue shot him a sidelong glance, a torrent of curses churning in his mind. What the hell was this all about? He was fond of male romance1, but he’d never once considered a eunuch, because he simply couldn’t stand their injuries.
“I have come on the Empress Dowager’s secret decree. I have no idea how you managed to offend that formidable ancestor, Eunuch Zheng, but Her Majesty has ordered me to…” Cao Yue couldn’t bring himself to say it. Even he, a man, found it mortifying. He had no idea how the Empress Dowager had managed to give such an order.
Zheng Dayun’s smile vanished. When did the Embroidered Uniform Guard ever show up on the Empress Dowager’s orders with good news?
“Is Her Majesty ordering you to arrest me? Or… to kill me?” Zheng Dayun was certain that Yao Xi must have complained to the Empress Dowager. Other than that incident, he had never done anything to provoke that little ancestor2.
“To sleep with you,” Cao Yue said, forcing his voice to remain calm. The back of his neck was burning red and his face was hot, but thankfully, it was late and the lamps were lit, so it wasn’t obvious unless one looked closely.
“What?!” Zheng Dayun instinctively clutched his collar, then cast a mournful look at the door he had just locked with his own hands. There was no escape! He could bully someone as small and frail as Yao Xi, but how could he possibly win in a physical confrontation with the highly skilled Cao Yue?
Seeing Zheng Dayun’s fearful posture, Cao Yue shot him a disdainful look. “What are you thinking? That I’d actually lay a hand on you? Do you really think I’m not picky, like you are?” Cao Yue was fond of male romance, but he wasn’t some lecher who toyed with men. He had, however, heard of Zheng Dayun’s promiscuous past—men, women, eunuchs, it didn’t matter. As long as they were good-looking, Zheng Dayun would take them to bed.
“I came to the Directorate of Ceremonial to tell you this much,” Cao Yue said, his face a mask of disgust. “You and I both know Her Majesty’s temper. Since the decree has been issued, I have no choice but to obey. Tonight, you and I will stay in this room together and put on a show. Tomorrow, we’ll let word get out that I slept with you, and we’ll consider the matter closed.”
Zheng Dayun was not pleased. “I was slept with by you? If that rumor gets out, how am I supposed to show my face in the palace again?!”
“Then be a ghost instead! You choose!” Cao Yue threatened, seeing Zheng Dayun’s ingratitude. “One more goddamn word out of you, and I’ll do you for real!” He was already seething. He’d been working diligently at the Pacification and Sentry Office when the Empress Dowager suddenly dropped this revolting decree on him.
Zheng Dayun glanced at the tall, powerfully built Cao Yue and obediently shut his mouth. After a moment, he asked, “In that case, Commander Cao can sleep on the small couch, and I’ll sleep on the floor. It’s getting late.” His mood for work had completely evaporated; whatever it was could wait until tomorrow. Cao Yue was a Commander of the third rank. Even though they worked in different yamens, he was still Zheng Dayun’s superior. He couldn’t possibly let Cao Yue sleep on the floor.
Cao Yue remained seated, glaring at him. “Is your head full of paste? I said we have to put on a show. Do you think anyone will believe it if we don’t make some noise?” This was another reason he disliked eunuchs—they were so fussy, not manly at all.
“No, no, no.” Zheng Dayun understood what Cao Yue meant. He stood up and backed away in protest. Make those lewd moans and whimpers? He’d rather die. He considered himself a very masculine man; with all his previous partners, he had always been the dominant one.
Cao Yue couldn’t be bothered to waste any more words on him. He dragged him over, bent him over the desk with his rear facing out, and drew the horsewhip from his belt.
“Ah—!” Zheng Dayun cried out in pain as the whip struck him hard.
Outside, the young attendant on duty heard the sound and, smiling knowingly, discreetly moved farther away. Eunuch Zheng was truly a libertine, getting involved with Commander Cao of the Embroidered Uniform Guard now.
Cao Yue only struck him once. He planted a foot on the desk and used the horsewhip to lift Zheng Dayun’s face. “Eunuch Zheng, you can either cooperate and let me get this disgusting business over with quickly, or you can suffer a bit more… It will all sound the same from the outside, anyway.”
“Fine, fine! I’ll pretend!” Zheng Dayun clutched his stinging backside and scrambled up from the desk.
Cao Yue sat back down in his chair, crossed his legs, and continued to drink his tea.
“Ah—be gentle—” Zheng Dayun cried out, mortified.
From the side, Cao Yue directed him. “Louder. And make it sound a little more pathetic.”
Outside, the young attendant’s heart pounded with excitement as he listened. Eunuch Zheng and Commander Cao really knew how to have fun.
It was the middle of the night when Yao Xi awoke. The room was brightly lit, and she found herself once again in the Empress Dowager’s bedchamber. Her Majesty was sitting in a chair by the bed, slumped over the edge, her eyes lightly closed, fast asleep.
Her Majesty has been watching over me all this time? A sourness pricked at Yao Xi’s eyes. She sat up as quietly as she could. Just as she was about to maneuver around the Empress Dowager and climb out of bed, she felt Her Majesty stir. Startled, she immediately dove back under the covers and played dead. The sharp movement made the bed lurch, and the jolt woke Wan Bi from her deep sleep.
Wan Bi awoke to find herself slumped over the bed in an ungraceful posture and quickly sat up straight. Honestly, how did I fall asleep? She looked up and saw Yao Xi, eyes closed, seemingly still unconscious. Wan Bi was at once relieved and worried. Relieved that her undignified sleeping position hadn’t been seen by Yao Xi, and worried that Yao Xi had been unconscious for so long.
Wan Bi reached out and touched Yao Xi’s forehead. It seemed a little better; she could feel some warmth now. Noticing that the blankets on Yao Xi seemed to have shifted, leaving a small shoulder exposed, Wan Bi grew anxious again. Did I pull on them when I fell asleep? The night air was heavy with dew and cold; who knew how much of a chill had crept in.
Even in the fifth month, it was too hot if the underfloor heating3 was lit, but a little cool at night if it wasn’t.
She stood up from her chair, straightened Yao Xi’s blankets, and tucked the corners in tightly. As she leaned over, she found herself face-to-face with Yao Xi’s sleeping features. Unable to resist, Wan Bi leaned down and pressed a light kiss to her lips.
Yao Xi felt Her Majesty kissing her. She remembered the Empress Dowager’s strange habit of toying with people who were unconscious and, fearing what might come next, quickly pretended to wake up naturally.
Wan Bi, thinking the unconscious Yao Xi had been stirred awake by her kiss, couldn’t help but marvel inwardly at the miraculous power of love.
“You’re finally awake…” Wan Bi’s heart was leaping with joy, but her face remained impassive. She had to teach Yao Xi a lesson so he wouldn’t abuse his body like this again. “Do you still dare douse yourself with well water? Do you have any idea how close you came to losing your little life?”
Yao Xi felt as though the Empress Dowager was… worried about her?
“Is Your Majesty worried that this slave might die?” she asked, carefully probing Her Majesty’s feelings.
“Of course—” Wan Bi paused, then said the opposite of what she meant. “You still owe this bereaved one eighty thousand taels of silver. If you die, who am I supposed to collect it from?”
“Oh…” Yao Xi remembered the time in Ning’an Palace when the Empress Dowager had flown into a rage and demanded to search her, all because the ledgers were short by a mere two thousand taels. That was just two thousand taels. She owed Her Majesty eighty thousand!
But if that was the case, why would a woman like that be willing to spend eighty thousand taels to take her as a male favorite? A sliver of sweetness had just begun to bloom in Yao Xi’s heart before it was crushed by a harsh dose of reality. The eighty thousand taels were to make her a male favorite, and once she was a male favorite, she would be trapped in the palace for the rest of her life, unable to spend the money even if she had it. The silver was said to be a reward, but it was still in Her Majesty’s palace. It was just being passed from one hand to the other—of course the Empress Dowager didn’t mind!
Wan Bi, oblivious to Yao Xi’s thoughts, retrieved a bottle of medicinal wine. “Lift up your clothes. Imperial Physician Fu instructed that once you woke up, this medicinal wine must be applied evenly to your abdomen.” She felt a flicker of anticipation. This would be the first time she’d ever touched Yao Xi’s little stomach.
“This slave can go back to my own room and apply it,” Yao Xi immediately refused the Empress Dowager’s kind offer. Her chest was right above her abdomen!
“…” Wan Bi hesitated for a moment, then continued, “It needs to be applied to your back as well. You can reach your abdomen yourself, but what about your back?”
Heh. Did the little thing really think he could hide?
Footnotes
- Hào nán fēng (好男风). A traditional Chinese euphemism for male homosexuality or attraction to men. Historically used to describe men who preferred male companions.
- Xiǎo zǔzōng (小祖宗), literally 'little ancestor.' An exasperated but fond term of address for a person who is difficult to deal with, spoiled, or must be placated, like a revered ancestor.
- Dìlóng (地龙), literally 'earth dragon.' The underfloor heating system used in the palace, consisting of brick-lined tunnels through which hot air from a furnace is channeled.
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