Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 55

The Empress Dowager is So Wicked

“Since we’re all acquaintances, we won’t get physical. Gonggong, if you please!”

The two palace maids, dispatched on the Empress Dowager’s orders to apprehend the little eunuch having an illicit affair with Noble Lady Lan, had chased him down only to discover the eunuch was actually Yao Xi. Both revealed looks of disdain.

            

Neither of them expected that Yao Xi, who usually seemed so honest and well-behaved, was actually emboldened by lust. He actually dared to engage in a secret illicit relationship with a palace master, and was even caught by the Empress Dowager.

Given Her Majesty’s temper, Eunuch Yao was probably not going to leave this place alive!

Yao Xi was shoved along toward the Empress Dowager’s residence. As she walked, she turned her head in confusion and asked, “Did Her Majesty send you two jiejie to call me back?”

            

She thought about how the Empress Dowager had always been fickle. She said she didn’t need her to serve anymore, but perhaps she had changed her mind in the blink of an eye and sent someone to the duty room to fetch her? Perhaps seeing she wasn’t in the room, she ordered people out to search for her?

Sigh! Serving a master really means no rest at any moment. Fortunately, her alcohol tolerance had grown, and she hadn’t gotten drunk at Princess Longyi’s place. Otherwise, returning like that would just make Her Majesty angry again.

The two palace maids disdained to answer Yao Xi’s question. After bringing him to the main hall, they said, “Kneel down and wait! Her Majesty will be back momentarily.” After speaking, they closed the hall doors and stood guard on the left and right sides of the entrance.

            

The wind was clear and the moon was pale. Wan Bi walked back to her palace in a delightful mood.

She thought about interrogating that eunuch tonight. Tomorrow, she would bring him to Qianqing Palace and, right in front of the Emperor, shake out the truth about Noble Lady Lan’s illicit affair with a eunuch. That wicked Noble Lady Lan—who bewitched the Emperor’s heart and defiled the imperial court—would undoubtedly fall.

Once Noble Lady Lan fell, she would have far fewer worries. Otherwise, keeping such a bewitching demoness who obsessed the Emperor around would lead to endless trouble!

            

Ever since Noble Lady Lan had stared incessantly at the little castrated donkey back in Qianqing Palace, Wan Bi had felt that Noble Lady Lan was not one to observe propriety and follow the rules.

It was a good thing that the little castrated donkey’s mind was entirely focused on her, completely indifferent to the seductions and teasing of a flirtatious little tramp¹ like Noble Lady Lan. Otherwise, the eunuch being all disgustingly affectionate with Noble Lady Lan tonight might very well have been the little castrated donkey.

People were like that—it was easy to go from frugality to luxury, but hard to go from luxury to frugality.

            

With the little castrated donkey serving by her side, he had seen too much of a jade delicacy like her. Naturally, an overnight dish of plain porridge and side vegetables like Noble Lady Lan couldn’t catch the little castrated donkey’s eye.

Wan Bi even felt that if she hadn’t taken the little castrated donkey in, his horizons and tastes would have already been raised so high by her that he would nine times out of ten die old and alone.

But it didn’t matter. She would just keep the little castrated donkey by her side to serve her for a lifetime. She believed this was also what the little castrated donkey longed for day and night.

            

Unfortunately, Wan Bi’s good mood did not last long. Because when she enthusiastically returned to the palace, ready to personally interrogate that little eunuch, she found that the person kneeling before her was Yao Xi…

At first, she didn’t even connect Yao Xi with Noble Lady Lan. “What are you doing over here in the middle of the night instead of staying in the duty room? Do you have business with this bereaved one²?”

Wan Bi felt it was highly unlikely Yao Xi actually had business with her. Missing her and finding an excuse to come over and steal a few glances at her, however, was extremely possible.

            

The palace maid who had escorted him back spoke from the hall entrance, “In reply to Your Majesty, the eunuch you saw having an illicit affair with Noble Lady Lan is Yao Xi!”

The slap in the face came too quickly and too suddenly. Wan Bi was a little stunned.

“It was you?!” The smile on Wan Bi’s face vanished completely, replaced by a look of sheer astonishment. “You have a lot of nerve!”

            

Aside from surprise and anger, there was also a trace of sadness in her heart. If the little castrated donkey were an ordinary man at his age, he would be at the peak of his youthful vigor. Could it be that because his love for her was unattainable, he thought about that kind of thing day and night, and having no way to relieve himself, had been seduced away by that vixen, Noble Lady Lan?

But with the little castrated donkey’s looks and his current status, finding a pretty palace maid to be his lover wouldn’t be a difficult task. There was no reason for him to risk his life to tangle with the Emperor’s woman, was there?

Wan Bi agonized over Yao Xi’s motives, but she actually didn’t care much about the fact that Noble Lady Lan had betrayed the Emperor.

            

To be honest, there was no shortage of women in the palace who did the Emperor wrong. Some got involved with eunuchs, some got involved with palace maids. Wan Bi knew about it, but she couldn’t be bothered to ask questions.

As long as they weren’t messing around with imperial physicians or guards—men who hadn’t been castrated—and doing things that threatened the imperial bloodline, she turned a blind eye. Because there were simply too many of them; even if she wanted to manage it all, she couldn’t.

There were so many women in the inner palace, and the Emperor wasn’t a great antelope capable of going dozens of times a day; how could he possibly bestow his favor upon all of them?

            

But people had emotional needs. It wasn’t solely for the sake of doing that kind of thing; quite a few concubines were genuinely devoted to palace maids or eunuchs.

Once this sort of thing became common, it turned into an open secret. Everyone covered for each other.

The Emperor also knew that such things happened in the inner palace. But he was too busy with state affairs to pay attention to the harem.

            

Generally, he only cared whether the women he had graced with his presence were pure. As for those women he would probably never see in this lifetime, he just let them be.

Noble Lady Lan’s mistake in this matter was threefold.

First, she had the Emperor’s favor, so the Emperor cared about this.

            

Second, she shouldn’t have been so affectionately clingy with a eunuch out in the open. Some things were tacitly permitted in secret, but they couldn’t be brought out onto the table.

The Emperor needed his dignity, and the imperial family also needed face. No matter who this happened to, it could not be tolerated.

Third, and this was Noble Lady Lan’s greatest fault. She shouldn’t have made her, Wan Bi, feel that her status was threatened. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have acted so ruthlessly, insisting on escalating the matter all the way to the Emperor.

            

Yao Xi finally understood what was going on. It seemed the Empress Dowager had spotted her and Noble Lady Lan talking in front of the screen wall³.

She had to explain this clearly right away; if Her Majesty misunderstood, she was doomed. “This slave⁴ did speak a few words with Noble Lady Lan, but it was absolutely not an illicit affair! Your Majesty said you didn’t need this slave to serve by your side tonight. This slave remembered that when delivering wine to Princess Longyi this afternoon, Her Highness asked this slave to come over and taste it together when there was time. So, after getting off duty, this slave went over. Later, Noble Lady Lan came to speak with Princess Longyi, and that was when this slave bumped into the Noble Lady.”

“Then what was going on with you and Noble Lady Lan embracing each other?” Wan Bi asked with a cold face.

            

That sour feeling returned. Wan Bi remembered Noble Lady Lan hugging Yao Xi with an intoxicated expression. She couldn’t help but look at Yao Xi’s small frame, suddenly wondering what it would feel like if she hugged the little castrated donkey into her own arms?

It would definitely make her feel nauseous, just like in her dream. She wasn’t a pervert like Noble Lady Lan, who specifically targeted good-looking little eunuchs.

During her days living as a eunuch in the palace while hiding her female body, Yao Xi had perfected the ultimate skill of lying. Nonsense spilled from her mouth without a second thought:

            

“The Noble Lady was heading back to Qianqing Palace after drinking, and this slave also needed to return, so we came out together. When we reached the screen wall, the Noble Lady said the wind made her feel a bit nauseous, so this slave stood guard nearby. Later, the Noble Lady felt dizzy and collapsed into this slave’s arms. This slave was terrified and didn’t even dare to move. Heaven and earth be my witness, Your Majesty! This slave didn’t do anything to overstep boundaries. Afraid that someone might see and misunderstand, this slave ran back as soon as the Noble Lady regained some clarity.”

Wan Bi did indeed recall that Yao Xi had been as stiff as a wooden post; it was Noble Lady Lan who had thrown herself into his arms. Yao Xi truly hadn’t even lifted his hands, waiting obediently for Noble Lady Lan to let go before quickly fleeing.

Sure enough, other than being a little lovesick fool in front of her, the little castrated donkey was a true gentleman of absolute moral integrity⁵ in front of other women—even a woman with quite a bit of beauty like Noble Lady Lan.

            

However, Wan Bi didn’t think this incident was an accident. Most seemingly careless accidents were actually deliberately orchestrated by one party.

Yao Xi might truly be innocent, but the same couldn’t necessarily be said for Noble Lady Lan.

Walking together, wanting to vomit, and then fainting? That was quite a lot of theatrics. Wasn’t it just to avoid others and find an opportunity to burrow into Yao Xi’s arms?

            

Yao Xi was such a silly child. He had been taken advantage of by that loose woman and was still completely in the dark.

Given Wan Bi’s temperament, she would absolutely not let such a perfect opportunity to bring down a future rival slip by.

Whether intentional or accidental, the fact remained that Noble Lady Lan had embraced a eunuch. By adding some oil and vinegar⁶ when reporting it to the Emperor, even if the Emperor couldn’t bear to punish her heavily, he would at least have a thorn in his heart and wouldn’t favor her as much in the future.

            

But that eunuch was Yao Xi… Wan Bi found herself somewhat reluctant.

If this was reported to the Emperor, Noble Lady Lan might get off lightly, but Yao Xi would definitely be put to death.

Sacrifice Yao Xi just to bring down Noble Lady Lan? Wan Bi looked at Yao Xi, who was kneeling timidly before her with a face full of terror, and said, “Raise your head. Look into this bereaved one’s eyes and tell me if there truly is nothing going on between you and Noble Lady Lan.”

            

Wan Bi didn’t dare say her judgment of people was flawless, but she could still generally distinguish truth from lies.

Yao Xi obeyed, raised her head, and gazed into the Empress Dowager’s eyes. “This slave swears. There is absolutely no illicit affair between this slave and Noble Lady Lan!”

She looked straight into the Empress Dowager’s eyes without a hint of fear, speaking with a completely clear conscience.

            

Because there really wasn’t any. They were both young women; what sort of improper things could she and Noble Lady Lan possibly do together?

Wan Bi believed him. It wasn’t that she had immense confidence in her own judgment, but rather that she believed it was impossible for someone with Yao Xi’s stupid brain to tell a lie so convincingly.

“Alright, you may step down! Tomorrow morning, accompany this bereaved one to Qianqing Palace.”

            

“This slave is truly innocent, Your Majesty!” Yao Xi was nearly scared to tears.

Her Majesty clearly intended to hand her over to the Emperor for punishment!

If the Emperor found out that a eunuch like her had hugged his Noble Lady, it would be a miracle if he didn’t tear her body into ten thousand pieces.

            

She had seen it with her own eyes in Qianqing Palace; the Emperor truly doted on Noble Lady Lan.

Having not seen Yao Xi’s terrified and panicky appearance for two days, Wan Bi actually felt a bit nostalgic for it. She smiled and asked, “What do you think this bereaved one is going to do?”

“This slave dare not make rash presumptions.” Yao Xi lowered her head.

            

“Then what are you afraid of? Step down! Come over early tomorrow.”

Wan Bi couldn’t bear to sacrifice Yao Xi. But she was more than willing to sacrifice a different eunuch. Empress Zhu had thought herself clever by sending over a few eunuchs and palace maids as a filial offering to her. Wan Bi hadn’t trusted them and had kept them doing menial chores all this time, but right now, they could be put to good use.

Much of the time, the absolute truth wasn’t all that important. As long as the goal was achieved, wasn’t that enough?

            

Yao Xi returned to the duty room filled with anxiety. There was no way she was getting any sleep tonight.

When the Empress Dowager mentioned going to Qianqing Palace, her smile had been unsettlingly creepy. It was obvious she had come up with another wicked idea.

It was a pity the palace gates were already locked; otherwise, she really would have taken the gamble and fled the palace directly.

            

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Yao Shuanglan was accompanying Emperor Ming Cheng for the morning meal when Tang Huaili came over to announce that the Empress Dowager had arrived.

Emperor Ming Cheng rose and went out to greet her. His previous words telling Wan Bi not to come to Qianqing Palace so often when she had no business seemed to have hurt her; that wench had stormed off in a huff the last time she left.

Yao Shuanglan also set down her soup spoon and gracefully followed him out.

            

Tang Huaili stared eagerly for a long time but didn’t catch sight of Yuanqian. The Empress Dowager had only brought two eunuchs and a few young palace maids with her. One of the eunuchs was tied up.

“What is the meaning of this?” Emperor Ming Cheng also immediately spotted the bound eunuch.

Yao Xi supported the Empress Dowager by the arm, stealing a covert glance at Noble Lady Lan.

            

She had no idea what the Empress Dowager was plotting, but she had a faint feeling it was related to last night’s incident.

She hastily swept her eyes over Noble Lady Lan before averting her gaze. The Empress Dowager might still be suspicious that there was something between them; it really wasn’t appropriate for her to have too much eye contact with Noble Lady Lan right in front of Her Majesty.

Wan Bi strode into the hall, taking her place in the seat of honor. She pointed at the escorted eunuch and declared, “Last night, this bereaved one was taking a stroll near Longyi Palace and saw with her own eyes Noble Lady Lan and this eunuch hugging and holding each other in a thoroughly disgraceful manner. Hearing that Xin’er was ill last night, and fearing that the Emperor was already exhausted from working through the night, this bereaved one secretly apprehended this eunuch, intending to hand him over to the Emperor for judgment once day broke.”

            

Emperor Ming Cheng looked toward Noble Lady Lan beside him. Noble Lady Lan wore a faint smile, her face completely calm, as if the matter the Empress Dowager spoke of had absolutely nothing to do with her.

“Noble Lady Lan?” Emperor Ming Cheng believed Noble Lady Lan was innocent.

The eunuch before him was sallow and emaciated, his behavior cowering. How could Noble Lady Lan possibly take a fancy to someone like that?

            

Furthermore, Noble Lady Lan had risked being harmed by the very thugs who framed the Yao family just to return to his side. How could a person like that possibly do such a thing?

Emperor Ming Cheng sighed internally. This wench Wan Bi was stirring up trouble again. However, he still had to give Wan Bi face and go through the motions of having Noble Lady Lan explain herself.

Standing on the sidelines, Yao Xi felt very conflicted listening to the Empress Dowager’s words.

            

She was worried that Noble Lady Lan would get in trouble, but she was also grateful to the Empress Dowager.

Her Majesty’s actions were clearly aimed directly at Noble Lady Lan, yet she had purposely spared Yao Xi. It was just a pity for this eunuch who was taking the fall for her; she didn’t know if he would be able to safely escape this calamity.

Yao Shuanglan spoke with calm composure, “This subject-concubine⁷ did go to Princess Longyi’s palace last night. However, from the time I left until the time I returned, I was with Princess Longyi the entire time. I have never seen this eunuch. If Your Majesty has doubts, you may order someone to ask the Eldest Princess and see if this subject-concubine’s words are true.”

            

She had her own confidence when she dared to hug her didi in Longyi Palace. So what if someone saw them? Longyi would help her regardless.

Wan Bi hadn’t expected Noble Lady Lan to drag Longyi into this.

This Noble Lady Lan truly was full of schemes. She knew that because of the Late Empress, there was no way Longyi would side with her, Wan Bi. Since Longyi wouldn’t help her, she would naturally help Noble Lady Lan lie.

            

“Go and invite Princess Longyi over,” Emperor Ming Cheng ordered the eunuch beside him.

He already had the answer in his heart, but to make Wan Bi yield in full conviction, he decided to invite his meimei, Longyi, over anyway.

On the way over, Longyi asked the eunuch what matter the Emperor had summoned her for so early in the morning. That eunuch was a straightforward person; seeing the Eldest Princess ask, he recounted everything exactly as it was.

            

Longyi then knew what was going on. But she was worried. She could help cover up the matter between Noble Lady Lan and Yao Xi, but had Wan Bi also seen her kiss Noble Lady Lan?

She had been muddled by alcohol, and thinking she was in her own palace, had kissed Noble Lady Lan in a moment of impulsive anger.

But it didn’t matter even if Wan Bi had seen it. If her Imperial Brother wanted to punish Noble Lady Lan, she would live and die together with her. If he had the capability, he could just kill her too!

            

Longyi stepped out of her palanquin. As she walked toward Qianqing Palace, her heart felt sour and pained.

What kind of wretched mess was this!

Noble Lady Lan had wanted to return to her Imperial Brother’s side, so Longyi had braved the heavy rain to go to Ning’an Palace and fetch him.

            

Noble Lady Lan had hugged Yao Xi and been seen by Wan Bi, so here Longyi was, rushing over early in the morning to absolve the two of them.

Even though she felt incredibly wronged and heartbroken, she simply couldn’t resist the urge to do everything she possibly could for her.

Yao Shuanglan watched Longyi walk in. Longyi’s eyes were red and swollen; evidently, she had cried fiercely after Yao Shuanglan left last night.

            

Her heart was filled with boundless guilt over making Longyi misunderstand and feel so much sorrow last night.

She should still find an opportunity to persuade Longyi to quit drinking; if only Longyi didn’t drink, she would dare to tell her everything.

“Longyi, come sit down and speak!” Emperor Ming Cheng called his meimei to his side and asked, “Did Noble Lady Lan go to your palace last night? Did she see anyone else besides you?”

            

“No.” Longyi looked coldly at Noble Lady Lan and said, “Noble Lady Lan was with this subject-sister⁸ the entire time until she left!”

Ashamed, Noble Lady Lan didn’t dare meet Longyi’s gaze. Even though Longyi had clearly misunderstood her relationship with her didi, she was still willing to deceive the sovereign for her sake.

Wan Bi knew clearly in her heart that there was no point in insisting further.

            

By herself, she couldn’t outfight both Noble Lady Lan and Longyi together. And the testimonies of her own servants wouldn’t count for anything.

For the first time, Wan Bi experienced the taste of defeat. Her hatred for Noble Lady Lan deepened significantly.

Yao Shuanglan, on the other hand, felt the exact opposite. She was deeply grateful to the Empress Dowager.

            

For the Empress Dowager to say those words, she must have stumbled upon her and her didi embracing. Yet the Empress Dowager had chosen to protect her didi. This made Yao Shuanglan incredibly grateful.

Harboring feelings of gratitude, she offered an explanation to help the Empress Dowager step down from this awkward position: “The light must have been dim last night. The Empress Dowager must have accidentally mistaken a palace maid who is intimately involved with this eunuch for this subject-concubine. Her Majesty was acting out of the heart of a loving mother, solely afraid that Your Majesty might be deceived by others.”

Wan Bi scoffed in anger. What an eloquent little vixen. Not only had she successfully extricated herself, she was even putting on a fake show of speaking up for Wan Bi, pretending to be a good person in front of the Emperor.

            

“Since the Empress Dowager and Longyi are both here, stay and have the meal before you return,” Emperor Ming Cheng said, wanting to bring this farce to a quick end.

He thought that another day, he would have to go to Longyi Palace to have a proper chat with Wan Bi. He needed to make this wench clearly recognize the familial relationship between the two of them, so she wouldn’t harbor jealous hatred toward Noble Lady Lan out of romantic affection for him, and cause another senseless scene like today.

Wan Bi was already full from swallowing her anger; how could she possibly eat anything? She led her people and returned.

            

Longyi also had no desire to look at the sight of Noble Lady Lan keeping her Imperial Brother company. She left without even drinking a cup of tea.

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