Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 81
by Little PandaThe Empress Dowager Refuses
Medicinal wine had to be applied to both her abdomen and back? Yao Xi felt her female identity was once again tottering on the brink of exposure.
“Your Highness, this slave is already fine. It doesn’t matter if it’s not applied.” Currently, she only felt a headache, weak limbs, somewhat labored breathing, and a fast heartbeat. It was uncomfortable, yes, but it was much better than when she was at the Lord State Uncle’s Residence.
“Has this bereaved one spoiled Eunuch too much? Is that why Eunuch thinks disobeying a decree in front of this bereaved one won’t result in beheading?” Wan Bi toyed with the bottle of medicinal wine, looking at Yao Xi expressionlessly. “You belong to this bereaved one, so your life naturally belongs to this bereaved one as well. Whether your body is fine or not is up to this bereaved one and Imperial Physician Fu, not you.”
Wan Bi felt that for a girl, Yao Xi was far too careless with her own body. Imperial Physician Fu had said Yao Xi’s brain wasn’t damaged by drugs, so it seemed this child’s foolishness was innate. Seeing Yao Xi stay silent, Wan Bi pressed with a smile, “Or is it that apart from the lower half that Eunuch refuses to show to others, there are also unpresentable places on the upper half?”
“No!” Yao Xi, feeling guilty, immediately denied it and argued, “This slave just doesn’t dare to trouble the Empress Dowager. Moreover, this slave’s arms are exceptionally flexible, and I can reach my back.”
“Oh?” The smile on Wan Bi’s face deepened. She sat upright in her chair, quietly watching Yao Xi’s futile death struggles. “Then show this bereaved one what you can do!”
Yao Xi had no choice but to sit up straight, extending one hand over her shoulder and the other from below toward her back, trying to clasp them together…
She couldn’t reach!
She tried harder—still couldn’t reach!
Puffing out her chest, gritting her teeth, and straining hard—she still couldn’t reach!
It was an expected failure. Her flexibility was actually quite average; she could only reach slightly below her shoulder blades!
“Please forgive this slave, Your Highness. This slave hasn’t practiced in a long time and has grown rusty.” Yao Xi dropped her arms in dejection. Just now, she must have looked exactly like a short-armed monkey with an itchy back it couldn’t scratch.
Watching this comical scene, Wan Bi couldn’t help but reveal an expression akin to caring for a disabled child. “If you can’t reach, then lift your clothes. You’ve slept enough, but this bereaved one hasn’t slept yet.”
Yao Xi felt that every moment by Her Highness’s side was like walking a tightrope—one misstep and she would fall to her death. Yet Her Highness would occasionally cause trouble by deliberately shaking the tightrope, maliciously admiring her tottering, panic-stricken state from the sidelines.
In truth, showing her lower abdomen and back to Her Highness wasn’t a big deal, but she was wearing a chest binding cloth. She had to untie the cloth before she could bare her back!
“This slave is covered in sweat, and I’m afraid of dirtying Your Highness’s hands. Please allow this slave to return to the duty room to wash clean before coming back.” She needed to go back to her room to take off her chest binding cloth, bathe, change her burnt cotton pouch… there was a whole bunch of things to do!
“The washroom is right behind the screen in this bereaved one’s bedchamber. Can’t you just wash here?” Wan Bi deliberately teased Yao Xi. She simply loved seeing Yao Xi’s anxious appearance. That little face scrunched up in conflict, her eyes darting around, her silly head brimming with endless little schemes—it was extremely amusing.
Yao Xi practically pleaded, “This slave’s clothes are all in the duty room. If I wash in Your Highness’s bedchamber, I won’t have a change of clothes!”
“This bereaved one has plenty of clothes. You can pick whatever you like.” The smile on Wan Bi’s face grew deeper. As expected, when one plan failed, the little wench hatched another. She wanted to see just how many wicked ideas Yao Xi had left to use.
“This slave is a man! How can I wear Your Highness’s clothes? Please let this slave make a trip back!” Yao Xi feigned ignorance. She actually knew the Empress Dowager had men’s clothing, as she had just seen Her Highness wearing some that afternoon; she was merely pretending not to know.
She couldn’t understand it. She merely wanted to make a trip back to the duty room—why was Her Highness so adamant about not agreeing?
No matter what excuse she came up with, Her Highness always had a retort.
Hearing Yao Xi shamelessly declare herself a man, Wan Bi almost couldn’t stop herself from laughing out loud. She lowered her head to conceal her smile, then held back her laughter and looked up at Yao Xi, deliberately asking, “Say that again. This bereaved one didn’t hear clearly. What did you say you are?”
“This slave is a man!” Yao Xi sat on the bed, propping both hands on her knees and assuming the posture of a rough and rugged fellow. It was time to show Her Highness what manliness was, lest Her Highness suspect she was a woman when seeing her body while applying the medicine later.
“Hahahahahaha…” Wan Bi really couldn’t hold it in anymore. She covered her mouth and laughed uproariously. “Say it again—what are you? Hahahahahaha…” She rarely laughed with such a loss of composure, but this wench Yao Xi was truly too amusing. Not only did she lie about being a man without blushing or skipping a beat, but she even put on an act.
She was becoming more and more reluctant to puncture this thin veil of deception1; she wanted to see how long Yao Xi could keep up the act. Watching a truly foolish child play the fool—nothing was funnier than this.
Seeing the Empress Dowager laughing so crazily, Yao Xi was thoroughly confused. Had she said something funny just now? Yao Xi carefully recalled her words and finally understood where the humor lay. She was clearly a eunuch, yet she called herself a man… Perhaps in the eyes of the masters, eunuchs simply couldn’t be considered men!
Yao Xi righteously spoke out against the injustice on behalf of eunuchs, “Please don’t treat eunuchs as not being men! For those of us who entered the palace to become eunuchs, many had no choice in the matter…”
“Hahahahahahaha…” Wan Bi nearly laughed into convulsions. Still saying ‘us eunuchs’? First she was a man, and now she was a eunuch; the wench was putting on quite a good act. She smiled and teased Yao Xi, “Who said this bereaved one doesn’t treat eunuchs as men? Aren’t you this bereaved one’s male favorite?” Saying so, she reached out and pinched Yao Xi’s cheek.
The moment she touched Yao Xi’s cheek, Wan Bi’s fingertips were met with an icy chill. The little wench’s face had turned freezing cold again.
She had only been focused on teasing Yao Xi just now, forgetting that she was still sick. The smile on Wan Bi’s face gradually faded. She spoke softly to Yao Xi, “Go back to the duty room, tidy up, and then come back to have the medicinal wine applied! There’s hot water in the boiler room. Since you’re sick, you can’t carry heavy things; let the night-duty eunuchs help you.”
Upon hearing these words, Yao Xi hurriedly scrambled off the bed to give thanks, pulling on her boots and preparing to leave.
“Wait! Hand over that 500-tael silver note before you go!” Wan Bi blocked Yao Xi’s path and held out her hand.
“Your Highness…” Yao Xi unwillingly fished the silver note out from her robes, muttering, “How did you know this slave didn’t give the silver note to the guards at the entrance of the hutong?”
Wan Bi accepted the silver note and said, “If you had given them silver instead of a token, would those guards have been so respectful? Little Yaozi, remember this: the most important thing in life is to be open and honest. No lie can be hidden for a lifetime. People can lie, but facts will not change to cooperate with a person’s lies.”
Yao Xi stared blankly at the Empress Dowager. She couldn’t help but feel that Her Highness’s words carried a hidden meaning, but she didn’t want to think in that direction. “This slave will take my leave.” Yao Xi returned to the duty room with her heart in her throat.
The night-duty eunuchs helped carry the hot water into the duty room. After Yao Xi watched the two of them leave, she latched the door, took off her clothes, and untied her chest binding cloth to prepare for her bath. Due to her illness, she had been breaking out in cold sweats all day, leaving her body smelling of sour sweat. It was rare that the Empress Dowager didn’t find her dirty and stinky, and was actually willing to let her sleep in the bedchamber.
Yao Xi soaked the untied chest binding cloth in a copper basin. After washing away the sweat stains with hot water, she hung it on the washstand to dry.
She only had one chest binding cloth. Every time, she would wash it clean at night, hang it to dry, and use it again when she woke up the next morning. If it couldn’t dry in the winter, she would hang it next to a charcoal brazier to roast it, so it would still be warm when she used it again.
The chest binding cloth was left hanging on the washstand, and this room could only be latched from the inside; there was no lock on the outside. After the Empress Dowager finished applying the medicine later, she had to hurry back—it would be terrible if someone saw it. This was the first time her chest binding cloth had left her sight, making Yao Xi somewhat uneasy. Thinking about having to go to the Empress Dowager’s bedchamber without binding anything later, she felt even more uneasy.
Bathing, changing into a clean burnt cotton pouch, changing into clean clothes. Yao Xi only went unbound when sleeping; suddenly putting on clothes without binding anything underneath left her feeling a bit unaccustomed. The feeling of restricted breathing had vanished, but her chest also felt heavier than before.
Yao Xi straightened out her clothes and looked left and right in front of the mirror. If she slouched her back slightly, it didn’t seem too noticeable. Moreover, it was just applying some medicinal wine; it wouldn’t take long. She consoled herself with a rare burst of optimism, because if she didn’t, she simply wouldn’t be able to muster the courage to go to the bedchamber.
“Phew~~~” Standing before the mirror, Yao Xi reached out and pressed her hands against the two lumps of flesh on her chest, pushing down hard as if pressing the air out of proofed dough. But it really did seem like they pressed down a little bit. Yao Xi knew this was purely psychological; her chest wasn’t inflated with air or injected with water—how could they be pressed down so easily?
While waiting for Yao Xi to return, Wan Bi poured some medicinal wine into her palm and rubbed it. She had never done this sort of thing before. Afraid that Yao Xi would discover she couldn’t even apply medicinal wine properly and despise her for being clumsy, she hurried to practice while Yao Xi was away.
Imperial Physician Fu said that when applying the medicinal wine, one had to rub in circles from left to right, stopping only when heat was generated? She placed her right palm over her left palm, imagining her left palm was Yao Xi’s lower abdomen, and began to slowly rub in circles from left to right. After rubbing for only a short while, heat emerged.
It wasn’t hard at all! It was just that her left palm felt a bit ticklish. Later, when she applied the medicine to Yao Xi, that wench’s stomach would also be ticklish like her palm, wouldn’t it? Wan Bi looked down at her palm and smiled.
The corners of her mouth ached slightly. Since Yao Xi had woken up, she had smiled a lot. It should be said that ever since Yao Xi came to serve by her side, although there were quite a few times she provoked anger, there were even more times of happiness.
Just as Wan Bi was thinking about Yao Xi, Yao Xi walked in slowly, slouching her back and sidling in.
Standing up made the chest prominent; lying down made it flat. Afraid of giving the game away, Yao Xi actively lay back down on the bed without waiting for the Empress Dowager’s orders. Not only that, she generously untied her outer robe, lifting her upper lapels and inner garments to expose her stomach.
Bring it on! Yao Xi told herself in her heart. Die early, reincarnate early; apply early, return to the room early2. What must come cannot be avoided anyway, so face it bravely!
“When you were told to serve in bed, you acted like it was a matter of life and death, but I’ve never seen you this cooperative.” The smile on Wan Bi’s face never ceased; she found every one of Yao Xi’s movements amusing. She glanced at Yao Xi’s exposed little stomach—flat, smooth, and with skin whiter than snow, framed by two beautiful inward curves that pinched out a slender waist.
Wan Bi suppressed the wicked thoughts continuously welling up in her mind. She poured some medicinal wine into her palm and, following Imperial Physician Fu’s instructions, meticulously applied it to Yao Xi’s abdomen. This matter concerned Yao Xi’s illness and could not be treated as a trifling matter. The medicinal wine needed to be applied twice a day; she would take her time teasing Yao Xi once her body was a bit better.
Yao Xi’s originally apprehensive heart also slowly settled down. The Empress Dowager really was dutifully and responsibly helping her apply the medicinal wine.
Once the front was done, Wan Bi lightly patted Yao Xi’s stomach and said, “Turn over. It’s time to apply it to your back.” Applying it to the back was something she had fabricated just to prevent Yao Xi from applying the medicine herself. Since the words had already been spoken, naturally, she had to perform the whole act.
Yao Xi carefully rolled over, pressing her chest beneath her body, and lifted her clothes to expose her back.
Imperial Physician Fu hadn’t actually instructed for medicinal wine to be applied to the back, and Wan Bi didn’t dare to act recklessly. She perfunctorily rubbed it a few times and said, “Done.” The night was cool, and she was afraid that if Yao Xi exposed her back for too long, she would catch a cold again. “The duty room is cold. You’ll rest here tonight, and this bereaved one will go sleep in the warm pavilion.” Wan Bi was sleepy.
Yao Xi remembered the chest binding cloth drying on the washstand in the duty room and said uneasily, “This slave wouldn’t dare. Your Highness should sleep here! It will be fine if this slave returns to the duty room.”
“The bed is full of your stinky sweat smell, and in the middle of the night, this bereaved one is too lazy to order someone to change the bedding.” Wan Bi yawned, half-coaxing and half-threatening, “Just listen to this bereaved one’s orders; stop talking back all the time. Remember to cover yourself well with the blanket. You mustn’t catch another cold.”
“Understood…” Yao Xi had no choice but to comply.
The bed in the bedchamber was large and soft. After applying the medicinal wine, Yao Xi’s body also slowly warmed up. She slept very soundly that night—so soundly that she was still asleep when the sun was high in the sky. When Wan Bi woke up, she was waited upon by the palace maids to change her clothes. She entered the bedchamber to take a glance at the fast-asleep Yao Xi, then left soundlessly.
It was good for sick people to sleep a bit more.
While she was eating her morning meal alone, Gugu Yuanqian came over from Ning’an Palace. Seeing the Empress Dowager personally holding chopsticks to pick up food, she said with heartache, “With this slave-girl absent, is there no one to serve Your Highness your meal? Where is Yao Xi?”
Wan Bi coldly shot Yuanqian a glare and said, “Keep your voice down.” Don’t wake Yao Xi; the child had finally managed to get some sleep. She added while eating her food, “This bereaved one has perfectly good hands and feet. I won’t starve to death even without someone serving me.” In the past, she was accustomed to being served by Yuanqian because she could be trusted. After Yuanqian left to oversee the reconstruction of Ning’an Palace, she was only willing to let Yao Xi serve her.
It was just that Yao Xi didn’t have Yuanqian’s perceptiveness. Let alone serving her, it would be good enough if Yao Xi just didn’t make her worry. She had also been forced by Yao Xi to learn self-reliance. “Did Gugu rush over so early in the morning because there’s a matter to report?”
Looking nervous, Gugu Yuanqian leaned close to the Empress Dowager and whispered, “Yao Xi’s identity has been found out.”
Seeing Yuanqian so tense, Wan Bi assumed Yuanqian had discovered the matter of Yao Xi being a woman. She also wanted to know Yao Xi’s real name, so she asked, “What is her identity?”
“The son of the former Left Assistant Censor-in-Chief Yao Hezheng—Yao Xian!” Gugu Yuanqian was very uneasy. She hadn’t expected Yao Xi to be the son of a disgraced official, but she didn’t dare to conceal it from the Empress Dowager. That child Yao Xi had saved Her Highness twice; Her Highness certainly wouldn’t make things difficult for him.
Wan Bi’s jaw nearly dropped in shock. “What did you say? Yao Xi is Yao Hezheng’s son?” Her focus was not on Yao Hezheng, but on the word son. Imperial Physician Fu truly was getting old. How could he even mistake whether the little castrated donkey was a boy or a girl?
Footnotes
- A Chinese idiom (chuōpò chuānghuzhǐ) literally meaning to 'poke through the window paper.' It refers to bringing a tacitly understood secret or hidden truth out into the open.
- An adaptation of the Chinese saying 'die early to reincarnate early' (zǎo sǐ zǎo chāoshēng), meaning to get an inevitable ordeal over with quickly.
0 Comments