Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 61
by Little PandaThe Empress Dowager is So Wicked
After sending Noble Lady Lan away yesterday, Longyi hurried to the Empress Dowager’s palace on the other side of the stream, only to be told by a palace maid that the Empress Dowager had just finished drinking with Yao Xi and had already retired. She had no choice but to return to her own palace and try again early the next morning.
“Reply to the Eldest Princess,” the palace maid kneeling on the steps and scrubbing the floor with a brush said as she rose. “Her Majesty has gone to Qianqing Palace.”
“And Yao Xi?” Longyi asked.
“Eunuch Yao seems to have gone to the Bureau of Imperial Gardens office.”
With neither of the principals present, Longyi could only return home in frustration.
She had never, from beginning to end, intended to harm Yao Xi. Even if Yao Xi were not Noble Lady Lan’s younger brother, she still had some affection for that child. Otherwise, after misunderstanding the relationship between Noble Lady Lan and Yao Xi, she would not have simply pushed Yao Xi into Wan Bi’s arms.
In her view, eliminating a eunuch would have been far easier than playing matchmaker between a eunuch and the Empress Dowager.
She did not even think that Yao Xi ending up with Wan Bi was a bad idea. Wan Bi was young, beautiful, and wielded power over the realm. If Yao Xi had Wan Bi as a backer, he would never need to worry about anything else for the rest of his life except pleasing her. After learning that Yao Xi was actually Yao Xian, she thought the idea was even better β Yao Xian was a criminal, and if he could attach himself to Wan Bi, even if his identity were discovered, his life would not be in danger.
Unfortunately, what she thought was only what she thought. Noble Lady Lan did not see it that way.
And in the face of Noble Lady Lan’s feelings, what Longyi thought mattered rather less.
When Yao Xi left the Bureau of Imperial Gardens after inquiring about the Yao family, her heart was heavy.
She had guessed correctly. Noble Lady Lan’s father had once served as an official in the court, holding the position of Left Assistant Censor-in-Chief. The year before last, a major case had shaken the entire capital, and the Yao family had been exiled to the Southern Frontier1 by the current Emperor. This included, of course, Noble Lady Lan’s younger brother β the only son of Lord Yao, and the person she had replaced in entering the palace: Yao Xian.
In other words, Yao Xian should have been the one exiled to the Southern Frontier. Yet for some unknown reason, he had entered the palace as a eunuch instead, and then something had happened that forced her β someone with a similar appearance β to take his place.
Now things had become serious.
Actually, exile to the Southern Frontier was not truly a harsh punishment. It was not military conscription. The Southern Frontier was merely remote, not a place of extreme suffering or bitter cold. Looking at it optimistically, it was simply leaving the bustling capital for the mountains and countryside β a vacation, of sorts.
What normal person would skip a vacation to enter the palace and become a eunuch? So Yao Xian’s entry into the palace could not have been voluntary. Yao Xi did not know why he had been brought into the palace, nor why she had been forced to take Yao Xian’s place.
But Yao Xi knew that another sword now hung over her head.
Being discovered as a woman would mean death.
Being discovered as Yao Xian would mean even worse death!
This made escaping the palace even more urgent. Before she fell into danger, she had to find a way to get out. Once outside the palace, she could find some obscure corner, change her name, and start over. She could not wait for the Dragon Boat Festival to make money β she had to take what she had and run now! The palace was simply too dangerous.
Yao Xi walked anxiously back toward the palace, holding the fruit she was to deliver to Lady Lin’s quarters.
This task actually belonged to an old eunuch at the Bureau of Imperial Gardens. The old eunuch was advanced in years and his legs were not nimble. The manager, wanting to drive people like them away, deliberately assigned tasks that were far, heavy, and unrewarding. Delivering items to the various palaces was normally considered a good assignment, but Lady Lin was pregnant with the imperial heir and her temper was at its worst. None of the servants wanted to get close to her.
Lady Lin’s residence was not far from Princess Longyi’s palace. Yao Xi had spent half the day asking the old eunuch about the Yao family, so to repay him, she took on this errand. She had the confidence to accept such tasks because she now served beside the Empress Dowager. Even if Ning’an Palace burned to the ground, those three characters would only grow more intimidating to everyone in the palace.
She arrived at the entrance to Lady Lin’s palace holding her things and smiled at the gatekeeper. “I’ve come to deliver Lady Lin’s daily allotment from the Bureau of Imperial Gardens.”
The gatekeeper looked at the Junior Director’s official uniform2 Yao Xi wore and could not help but wonder: The Bureau of Imperial Gardens’ allotment? The Bureau of Imperial Gardens did not have a Junior Director position!
“May I ask which eunuch you are?” The gatekeeper did not dare be negligent, fearing this might be a eunuch serving beside the Emperor, carrying fruit bestowed by His Majesty himself.
“You may not have heard of me. Yao Xi of Ning’an Palace.” When Yao Xi spoke the three characters “Ning’an Palace,” pride she could not conceal showed on her face. She had not served beside the Empress Dowager for long, and people in the palace might not recognize her, but recognizing Ning’an Palace was enough.
“A eunuch from beside Her Majesty? I will report to Lady Lin immediately. Please, Eunuch!” The little eunuch ushered Yao Xi inside.
Yao Xi waited in the courtyard holding her things. After a while, the little eunuch returned. “Please, Eunuch, rest in the tea room in the rear courtyard for a moment. Lady Lin has not yet risen. We cannot accept the fruit without her inspection⦔ The little eunuch took the items from Yao Xi’s hands and led her to the tea room in the rear courtyard to sit.
When Yao Xi had been at the Bureau of Imperial Gardens, she had accompanied the manager into the palace a few times to deliver items. Back then, she never received treatment like this. She often waited at the gate for the gatekeeper to report inside, waiting for half a day. In the heat of summer, being steamed like a bun was nothing β the worst fear was that the fruit would wilt in the sun, and when presented to the masters, the appearance would be poor. Forget about reward money β she would be lucky not to get a scolding.
Ever since going to serve beside the Empress Dowager, although Her Majesty had a small episode of madness every two days and a big one every three, externally, Yao Xi had suffered no further indignity. Everyone who saw her had to be respectful and amiable.
The little eunuchs working in the tea room served her tea and pastries with ingratiating smiles, and Yao Xi thanked them with a smile of her own.
While waiting in the tea room for Lady Lin to summon her, Yao Xi suddenly heard two little eunuchs in the corner giggling and whispering to each other, pushing and shoving as if discussing something amusing. Besides their laughter, Yao Xi caught fragments: something about “if you don’t believe me, go look!” and “everyone’s there!” and “hurry up and wash, or there won’t be any left for you”β¦
Yao Xi had spent over a year among eunuchs. Hearing just a few words, she guessed what was happening. She smiled and asked, “What are you two finding so amusing? Is there some good news you don’t want to share with this Junior Director?”
One of the eunuchs stepped forward with hands clasped, fawning as he said to Yao Xi, “It’s nothing major. The brothers are in the back, watching a palace maid bathe for entertainment!” He laughed lecherously.
She had guessed correctly! Were these people not afraid Lady Lin would find out and become angry? Moreover, in every palace, the bathhouses for palace maids and eunuchs were separate. Doing such a thing in broad daylight β it was utterly lawless.
Yao Xi was not one to meddle in others’ business. Before, she had been too busy just trying to survive. But now, with the Empress Dowager backing her, she had the confidence to help others. When she heard something this filthy, she could not simply ignore it.
“Oh? Then I’ll go have a look too.” Yao Xi stood up with a cold expression and walked toward where the eunuchs had indicated.
The two eunuchs followed with smiles, exchanging glances: It seemed this Eunuch Yao was also fond of women.
The bathhouse was on the south side of the well courtyard. As soon as Yao Xi arrived, she saw several eunuchs gathered at the window. She did not stand on ceremony β she went forward and delivered a series of fierce kicks to their raised buttocks. “You filthy creatures! Have you not seen enough? Believe it or not, Grandpa will strip you naked and throw you into the street!”
If this matter reached Lady Lin, Yao Xi would be in the right. If it reached the Empress Dowager or the Emperor, she would still be in the right. Moreover, she was a Rank 4b Junior Director, while the highest rank among these eunuchs was merely a Supervisor.
The eunuchs had been watching with great interest when suddenly someone kicked them fiercely. They turned to strike Yao Xi, but when they saw her official uniform, they froze. The little eunuch from the tea room, fearing everyone would offend that old ancestor from Ning’an Palace, hurriedly introduced them: “This is Eunuch Yao from beside Her Majesty. He has come to deliver items to our Lady.”
“We pay respects to Eunuch Yao.” The eunuchs smiled and scattered like they were fleeing for their lives.
The sound of water inside paused for a moment, then resumed.
“You two, get lost too!” Yao Xi roared at the tea room eunuchs. “Come get me when Lady Lin summons me.” Fearing others might come to peep, she decided to stay and guard for a while for the poor palace maid inside.
Yao Xi sat on a stone bench by the well. Not long after she sat down, the bathhouse door opened, and the palace maid emerged with her wet hair loose around her shoulders. Head lowered, she walked toward Yao Xi by the well and said, “Thank you, Eunuch, for your help.”
“I happened to pass by. Jiejie, don’t be afraid. If you let Lady Lin handle this, those filthy creatures won’t dare do it again.” Yao Xi stood up.
“Lady Lin?” The palace maid kept her head lowered. “Without Lady Lin’s permission, would they dare?” She raised her head, tears in her eyes, wanting to see her savior’s face before leaving.
Only then did Yao Xi see the red marks on the woman’s face. “Your face⦔
Upon questioning, Yao Xi learned that the palace maid was named Yunxiang. While serving Lady Lin, she had offended her simply because the Emperor had spoken a few words to her. Once a mistress found a servant displeasing, the servants below would all bully that servant to curry favor. The injuries on Yunxiang’s face had been inflicted by the gugu serving Lady Lin. Suffering such abuse, Yunxiang had originally planned to take a clean bath today and then end her life.
“Everyone has moments when they want to end it all.” Yao Xi had considerable experience in the matter of seeking death. “Since the Emperor likes you, why not use some methods to become a minor mistress? That’s still better than dying!”
Yunxiang shook her head. “The Emperor doesn’t like me. He just asked a few questions in passing. Thank you, Eunuch, for your righteous help⦔
Yunxiang turned to leave. Yao Xi knew she was going to seek death and quickly blocked her path. “I will ask the Empress Dowager for a favor and see if I can have you transferred to another mistress’s palace. If that doesn’t work, we can think of something else. All right?”
“Why is Eunuch helping me?” Yunxiang’s voice carried a sobbing tone. She had been in the palace for quite some time, and this was the first time someone had been willing to help her like this.
“We’re all just trying to survive. If I can help, I will.” Yao Xi did not return to the tea room until she had confirmed multiple times that Yunxiang would not seek death.
By the time Lady Lin had finished her slow toilette and summoned her to accept the fruit, Yao Xi ran back to the Empress Dowager’s residence.
She had delayed too long. She had only intended to inquire about something at the Bureau of Imperial Gardens and help the old eunuch deliver some items to the palace. Who knew Lady Lin would be so slow, so very slow? When accepting the fruit, she even said sourly, “These lychees aren’t very fresh! Well, seeing as Eunuch Yao personally made the trip, this Lady won’t hold it against you.”
What rubbish! Because of the Yunxiang matter, Yao Xi thoroughly detested that Lady Lin. And this was only while she was pregnant β if she actually gave birth to a little prince, Lady Lin would probably try to ascend to the heavens itself.
Wan Bi waited with some impatience. She had thought she would see her little castrated donkey as soon as she returned, only to hear he had gone to the Bureau of Imperial Gardens. What was he doing back at the Bureau of Imperial Gardens?
But thinking about how her little castrated donkey would look when he returned and heard the good news β tears of joy streaming down his face β her mood improved again.
Wan Bi sat in the main hall with a smile on her face, waiting. Yao Xi came back panting heavily. As soon as she entered, she saw several boxes arranged in the hall β it seemed there was more work to do, more items to register and store.
Yao Xi walked around the boxes and knelt before the Empress Dowager with a smile. “Your Majesty, please forgive this slave. I was delayed by something and returned late.”
“What happened?” Wan Bi looked down at Yao Xi. She thought she needed to establish some rules for her little castrated donkey β for instance, without her orders, he was not allowed to leave the palace, not even to go to Longyi’s place on the other side of the stream! Otherwise, he would be impossible to find all day long.
Yao Xi recounted everything that had happened at Lady Lin’s palace β how she had heroically saved Yunxiang and single-handedly fought off a crowd of eunuchs. “This slave would like to ask Your Majesty for a favor β could Yunxiang be transferred to another master’s palace?” Yao Xi raised her small face, eyes wide with expectation as she looked at the Empress Dowager.
“You certainly know how to cherish beauty!” Wan Bi felt a twinge of jealousy in her heart. “Rise!” She suddenly did not know how to tell Yao Xi about her decision to take him as a male favorite. Saying it too directly would make her seem too desperate, not dignified enough.
“All of you, leave.” Wan Bi ordered the palace maids out and closed the door. Then she crooked her finger at Yao Xi. “Little Yaozi, come here.”
Yao Xi approached with a fawning smile and asked cautiously, “And Yunxiang’s matter⦔ Your Majesty, please give a definite answer! A human life is at stake!
Wan Bi’s expression turned cold. “Lean in closer!”
Yao Xi walked around the desk to the Empress Dowager’s chair and bent down, waiting for Her Majesty’s command.
Wan Bi turned her head until her eyes met Yao Xi’s. She raised her hand and gently cupped Yao Xi’s face, finally gathering the courage to overcome her psychological barrier and speak the words about taking Yao Xi as her male favorite.
Then something unexpected happened.
Yao Xi suddenly stepped back several paces, her face full of righteous indignation. “Your Majesty, please have some self-respect!”
This time, she should have passed the test, right? Yao Xi laughed inwardly.
Footnotes
- The Southern Frontier (NΓ‘njiΔng) β a remote border region where disgraced officials were often sent into exile. Far from the capital and its politics, it was considered a punishment of isolation rather than hard labor.
- Official uniform (gΕngfΓΊ) β the designated working attire indicating rank and position. A Junior Director's uniform would mark the wearer as a eunuch of Rank 4b, relatively high in the palace hierarchy.
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