Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 66
by Little PandaThe Empress Dowager Refuses
Noble Lady Lan and Empress Zhu were both standing under the eaves of the corridor. The Empress Dowager had stormed off earlier, taking Yao Xi with her, and the Emperor had not summoned them inside again. They could only stand there waiting.
The two had only met once recently—when Noble Lady Lan went to pay her respects to the Empress the day after leaving Jingling Palace.
With tacit understanding, neither had any desire to speak to the other, letting the air fall into silence.
The Empress’s mind was full of thoughts on how to kill the Empress Dowager, to single-handedly save the Zhu family from disaster. Poisoning was impossible; Lady Lin had died from poison. After today, everyone in the harem would surely be more cautious—let alone the Empress Dowager, who had people trying to poison her all year round. The Empress Dowager’s palace had three checkpoints for tasting food: first, a dietary physician would observe and smell; then it would be fed to birds to peck; only then would a tasting maid try it. For one person to bear the hatred of the entire world yet remain safe for ten years—that was not simply luck.
Send another assassin? That wasn’t a bad idea. The Emperor had decreed that all eunuchs in the harem must undergo physical examination; it would surely be busy until late at night. The night duty roster would be easily confused, allowing for gaps to slip through. Besides, when Wan Bi was at Ning’an Palace, assassins had never succeeded. Rumor had it that Ning’an Palace contained many ingenious mechanisms. It was said that the last time an assassin entered Ning’an Palace, a eunuch had saved the day. But Zhu-shi believed that even without that eunuch saving the day, Wan Bi could have used the mechanisms to escape.
But Ning’an Palace had burned down. Wan Bi had moved to Longyi Palace. Not only did she not take many people with her, but Princess Longyi had moved to her fief and was only temporarily staying in the palace, so there weren’t many servants there to begin with. This might be the best opportunity in history to assassinate Wan Bi. Thinking of this, Zhu-shi wanted nothing more than to run and tell everyone in the world who wanted Wan Bi dead.
Tonight it is! Empress Zhu made up her mind.
Yao Shuanglan, meanwhile, was thinking only of how to get her didi out of the palace. The Emperor ordering all eunuchs to undergo examination wasn’t the issue—her didi had become a eunuch, so he wouldn’t fear examination. But she worried that if the Emperor investigated how a fake eunuch entered the palace, he might unintentionally discover her didi’s true identity. When that happened, even the Emperor couldn’t save him; entering the palace under false pretenses was a grave crime. And the Yao family had so many enemies—who knows how many would seize the chance to impeach her parents and didi to death!
Just like how the Emperor also believed the Yao family had been framed, but all he could do was temporarily send the Yao family to the Southern Frontier.
This matter couldn’t be delayed. The Emperor was making such a big move to investigate all eunuchs; he could discover her didi’s identity at any time. There was one more thing that worried Yao Shuanglan most: her didi had been harmed into entering the palace; whoever harmed him naturally knew his identity. Clearly, after sneaking her didi into the palace and then exposing him, the Yao family would be doomed. What was that person waiting for?
Seeing that Eunuch Tang had gone in to report and come back out, Yao Shuanglan entered the hall and said to Emperor Ming Cheng, “Your Majesty, this subject-concubine is feeling quite dizzy. May I go rest at Longyi’s place for a moment?”
Emperor Ming Cheng nodded with concern. Noble Lady Lan must have been frightened by seeing the dead Lady Lin. “Go ahead! When We return to Our palace, We will come to Longyi’s place to fetch you.”
When Longyi heard that Noble Lady Lan had come, she didn’t feel the usual joy. She had heard, of course, that Yao Xi had been taken as a male favorite by the Empress Dowager—she was right there1. Noble Lady Lan was here to settle scores with her!
“Tell the Noble Lady that this palace is not in.” She needed time to think. After so many years, she had finally gotten Noble Lady Lan to reveal her heart; she couldn’t let the matter of Yao Xian create a rift between them.
But the matter was urgent. Yao Shuanglan didn’t wait for the maid to announce her and entered directly, just in time to hear Longyi’s words.
“Is Your Highness trying to deceive even this subject-concubine?” Yao Shuanglan said to the maids in the room, “I must trouble you all to withdraw for a moment.”
Cold sweat broke out on Longyi. She hung her hands and retreated timidly toward the corner, making excuses as she went. “I didn’t want to deceive you; your didi’s matter wasn’t intentional either.” She really hadn’t expected her guess to be so accurate—Wan Bi had indeed taken a fancy to Yao Xi, and with just a little temptation, it had happened.
Yao Shuanglan wasn’t angry. What had happened had happened; getting angry was the most useless response. “Then can you help me get my didi out of the palace? Tonight!” She said this with an earnest gaze.
Longyi quickly nodded; as long as Noble Lady Lan wasn’t angry with her. She and Wan Bi had always kept to themselves—well water doesn’t intrude on river water2. When Wan Bi went mad, even the Emperor was afraid, so she couldn’t be bothered to provoke her, lest she bring bad luck upon herself. But now she had no choice but to get involved.
Yao Shuanglan told Longyi the plan and instructed her, “Go personally to the Empress Dowager’s palace and deliver a message to A-Xian.” After saying this, she stepped forward and held Longyi’s hand, saying solemnly, “Please.”
If the Empress Dowager hadn’t explicitly told her not to come pay respects anymore, and suspected that she and her didi might have something going on, thus not giving them a chance to be alone together, Yao Shuanglan would have gone herself.
Whether this succeeded or not, it would offend the Empress Dowager, and might even make the Emperor suspicious. If it weren’t absolutely necessary, Yao Shuanglan wouldn’t want to drag Longyi into this. But getting her didi out of the palace required Longyi to act; as an imperial consort, she couldn’t leave without an imperial decree, but Longyi was different. And usually, eunuchs and maids could leave the palace to run errands just by getting a token. But tonight was different; the Emperor had ordered the palace sealed. Only Longyi could personally take her didi out.
Her didi also couldn’t go out wearing eunuch robes or everyday clothes. All eunuchs in the harem had to undergo examination; the ones who couldn’t leave were eunuchs. She could only have her didi dress as a little maid by Longyi’s side; that way, no one would notice.
Yao Xi was still sitting on the stone steps, hugging her knees. She strained her ears to listen for sounds inside the main hall, but heard nothing. She was a bit worried, but didn’t dare rashly go knock on the door. Her Majesty must be silently shedding tears right now… For a young woman to have her chastity suspected and be checked for the virginity mark—anyone would find that humiliating.
In the distance, she saw Princess Longyi coming through the woods. Yao Xi quickly stood up and went forward to say softly, “Does Your Highness have business with Her Majesty? Her Majesty isn’t in a good mood. Perhaps Your Highness could come another day?”
On any other day, Longyi might have gloated and asked why Wan Bi was in a bad mood. But today she couldn’t be bothered with that; she was here to deliver a message, and this was no joking matter.
“I’m not looking for the Empress Dowager.” After saying this, she looked around to see if any maids were watching, and when no one was looking, she quickly stuffed a paper scroll from her sleeve into Yao Xi’s embrace. Then she whispered, “Your jiejie asked me to send you out of the palace tonight. The time and meeting place are on the paper. Tonight, after the Empress Dowager falls asleep, come quickly. Before the palace gates are locked, I’ll personally take you out.”
In the past, there would have been no need for her to personally take Yao Xi out. But she had heard from Noble Lady Lan that a fake eunuch had appeared in Lady Lin’s palace, and her Imperial Brother had ordered the palace gates sealed. If she didn’t intervene, Yao Xi wouldn’t be able to leave.
“Mm-hm.” Yao Xi looked at Princess Longyi with gratitude and quickly tucked the paper scroll into her sleeve. She had been longing for this day since entering the palace; she hadn’t expected it to come sooner, and better, than she had imagined. She now had over eighty thousand taels of silver on her; after leaving the palace, she wouldn’t have to worry about making a living. And the Eldest Princess would personally escort her out. It had been less than two years since the day she was sold into the palace.
But for some reason, she couldn’t feel happy.
Before, just thinking about it would have made her jump for joy. Now that it was about to come true, her heart suddenly felt empty. It was as if part of her body was left here, destined not to be taken away. Even if she left the palace, there was something here that made her linger. It was just that for the moment, Yao Xi couldn’t figure out what that thing was—something that was destined to stay here and couldn’t be taken away.
She couldn’t not leave. Both her identity and her gender could put her to death at any moment. Yao Xi could only force down that reluctance.
Wan Bi had locked herself in the hall, but not to cry. The moment the Emperor checked her virginity mark was indeed humiliating. But thinking about how much greater the Emperor’s humiliation was, and that he was still angry, she wasn’t as upset.
What made Wan Bi even more embarrassed was that all of this happened in front of the little castrated donkey. Having the little castrated donkey see that she was still a virgin was a hundred times more embarrassing than having the Emperor check her virginity mark. The fact that she had never been intimate with the Late Emperor—only Yuanqian had known before. The Emperor only found out by secretly looking at the Directorate of Palace Records.
Being a virgin certainly wasn’t shameful. But it was her secret, something only the closest person could know. Was the little castrated donkey her closest person? It seemed so, and yet it didn’t.
Wan Bi suddenly realized that although she had taken the little castrated donkey, she knew nothing about him. She had written her name for the little castrated donkey, and now even the fact that she was a virgin was known to him. The little castrated donkey was her male favorite; he would have found out about her virginity mark eventually when they were intimate, but that would feel different.
Seeing it in the heat of passion wouldn’t be as embarrassing as being discovered in Lady Lin’s palace. Because in that moment of passion, when the little castrated donkey learned her secret, she would also learn his.
But not now. She didn’t know how old the little castrated donkey was, when his birthday was, where he was born, or what his surname and given name were. Even when she told the Emperor that no one knew the little castrated donkey’s body better than she did, she was lying—she didn’t even know his body.
Was it possible that the little castrated donkey was a fake eunuch? That’s why he guarded his body so tightly. If he just feared someone seeing his wound, he wouldn’t keep threatening with his life, would he? If he really feared being seen, then touching would be okay too, wouldn’t it? During examinations, if you begged for mercy, you could be examined by touch—why threaten suicide!
“Little Yaozi!”
Yao Xi was just quietly saying goodbye to Princess Longyi. Hearing the Empress Dowager call her, she bowed to the Princess and hurried to outside the hall door to await orders. “Replying to Your Majesty, this slave is here.”
“Come in!”
Yao Xi tried pushing the door, and it opened. The main hall had no windows open and no lamps lit; it was somewhat dim. Her Majesty was sitting on one of the chests she had originally intended to give her, staring fixedly at her.
“Close the door. Come here!” Wan Bi said.
“Yes.” Yao Xi felt a bit uneasy. But the worry from outside dissipated; Her Majesty didn’t seem to have cried after entering the hall.
Wan Bi stood up and walked to stand before Yao Xi. She was slightly taller than Yao Xi; when she came close, there was a sense of pressure.
“This bereaved one assured the Emperor that you are a genuine eunuch, but both you and this bereaved one know that this bereaved one has never examined your body…”
Yao Xi’s heart rose to her throat. So Her Majesty was going to examine her personally? She was supposed to leave the palace tonight—Her Majesty, please don’t! “This slave’s wound is very frightening; this slave dares not dirty Your Majesty’s eyes, and truly has no face to show anyone…”
“This bereaved one won’t look.” Wan Bi knew the little castrated donkey was stubborn; if pushed too hard, he’d surely start shouting about dying again. “Or is it that you have something to hide, fearing this bereaved one will find out you weren’t castrated…” Saying this, Wan Bi felt a bit shy—could the little castrated donkey really be a fake eunuch?
Although she hadn’t been castrated, she didn’t have that thing either. But could Her Majesty’s magical hand feel that she was the same as Her Majesty?
“Something so big has happened in the palace; this bereaved one cannot let down the Emperor. If you are a real eunuch, this bereaved one will be at ease…”
Yao Xi asked uneasily, “What if this slave isn’t?”
Wan Bi suddenly pulled Yao Xi into her embrace. One hand held her shoulder; the other reached down. Leaning close to Yao Xi’s ear, she said seductively, “Then that would be even better.” It would just be a bit more trouble; she’d have to send the little castrated donkey to the temporary palace.
Yao Xi’s ear was suddenly filled with a breath of hot air, tickling into her heart. Hearing Her Majesty say that not being a eunuch would be even better, her mind exploded with a loud bang. So Her Majesty hoped she had a little hook that could serve in bed? But she didn’t have one!
But since Her Majesty could even accept her being a man, would it matter if she confessed to being a woman? But she was leaving tonight. Let Her Majesty find out later; she’d confess then. No need to cause more trouble.
Wan Bi reached through the pants to explore… She had worried too much; there was nothing there, completely empty. The one who held the knife had been ruthless with the little castrated donkey; it had been cut clean away. But as she touched there, she felt it seemed no different from a woman… it wasn’t unacceptable…
“This bereaved one suddenly remembers. You said your body could only be seen by this bereaved one?” Wan Bi’s hand on Yao Xi’s shoulder slid downward and tightly embraced her waist. “Gugu Yuanqian taught you how to serve in bed, didn’t she?”
“Your Majesty…” Yao Xi couldn’t hold on much longer. She slid from Her Majesty’s embrace to the ground, kneeling, intending to confess everything.
Before she could speak, she heard Her Majesty cry out in alarm. The Empress Dowager, who had been smirking and teasing her moments ago, was now looking at her right palm in horror. “Blood! Yao Xi, your wound has split open! Imperial Physician, quickly summon an Imperial Physician!”
How could Yao Xi dare see an Imperial Physician? If she held on for a few more hours, she could leave this place forever. She calmly went to the washstand, wrung out a cloth, and wiped the blood from Her Majesty’s hand, comforting her. “Your Majesty need not summon an Imperial Physician for this slave. That place bleeds from time to time; it’s nothing serious.”
Nothing serious? Wan Bi was still in shock. She would never dare to sleep with the little castrated donkey again; she truly hadn’t expected a eunuch’s body to be so fragile. Women only bled once a month, but this kind of wound on the little castrated donkey that could split open at any time—who could endure that?
“This slave will return to the room to take care of it.” Yao Xi bowed after finishing cleaning the Empress Dowager’s hands. Luckily, she was quick-witted and had long ago sewn a sanitary pad with cotton and cloth as backup.
Wan Bi feared Yao Xi might bleed to death and said worriedly, “You’d better summon an Imperial Physician to take a look!”
“This slave thanks Your Majesty for her concern. The palace is in chaos today; let it be tomorrow.” Yao Xi hastily withdrew.
Tomorrow she would no longer be in the palace.
Wan Bi raised her right palm to look at it again. She had only touched lightly, not using any force at all. No wonder the little castrated donkey refused to let anyone see his wound. Who knows how terrifying it looked to be so fragile.
Footnotes
- Jìn shuǐ lóu tái (近水楼台), literally 'a pavilion close to the water.' A Chinese idiom meaning someone in a favorable position gets advantages before others. Longyi, living in the same palace where Wan Bi now resided, naturally heard the news first.
- Jǐng shuǐ bù fàn hé shuǐ (井水不犯河水), literally 'well water doesn't intrude on river water.' A Chinese idiom meaning two parties stay out of each other's business and don't interfere with each other.
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