Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 131
by Little PandaThe Empress Dowager Refuses
Yao Xi had still not recovered from her shock. She recalled that day at Ning’an Palace, when the Empress Dowager had pointed at the roaring flames and asked with a smile if she had ever seen a fire so grand… In that moment, she genuinely felt as though she were Bao Si1 and Her Highness was King You of Zhou—the foolish sovereign who played with beacon fires to amuse his vassal lords.
But that fire hadn’t been set for her, after all. Yet this endless street stretching before her was indeed prepared by Her Highness specifically for her. “But why?” Yao Xi was deeply perplexed. If Her Highness had built this street simply because she wanted to browse a market herself, she certainly wouldn’t have said it was for Yao Xi.
“Because.” Standing on the brightly lit street, Wan Bi gazed at Yao Xi’s small face, flushed red by the lantern light. She hesitated for a long moment before continuing, “This bereaved one truly can’t do without you—not even for a moment. You have no idea how agonizing those two shichen were while you were out of the palace. If you like the bustling noise of the markets outside, then we’ll build one inside the palace. If you like storytelling, then you’ll tell stories here from now on. This bereaved one can build the largest teahouse in Daxing right here in the palace. Everyone here is bored to death anyway…”
Wan Bi was stubborn by nature, absolutely refusing to show weakness to anyone. But in front of Yao Xi, she didn’t want to hide her vulnerability. She was, after all, only human—capable of feeling sad, hurt, angry, and lost. In the past, she could order executions and set fires without batting an eye, yet lately, for some reason, she had grown increasingly sentimental.
Hearing these words, Yao Xi couldn’t help but throw herself into the Empress Dowager’s arms, weeping. She hadn’t left the palace out of a lingering attachment to the bustle of the outside world, nor because she desperately wanted to tell stories. She had genuinely just wanted to rely on her own abilities to earn a vast sum of money to give to Her Highness. In her own foolish way, she simply wanted to use a worldly method to take responsibility for a woman who didn’t actually need her to do so.
She just hadn’t expected her brief absence to make Her Highness so miserable, let alone that Her Highness would stir up such a massive commotion just to keep her from leaving the palace. After all, the person she loved was the Empress Dowager! Her Highness could have easily kept her by her side with a single decree.
“I’m not going out anymore. From now on, I won’t leave Her Highness’s side for even a moment,” Yao Xi cried bitterly, nestling deep into the Empress Dowager’s embrace. Her little insistences weren’t worth mentioning in the face of Her Highness’s sorrow. What was so bad about simply letting herself be pampered by Her Highness? Her constant urge to stand on her own feet was, in the end, born from her own deep-seated insecurity. She was fortunate across three lifetimes to be Her Highness’s golden canary!
“Why are you crying?” Wan Bi murmured, pulling out a silk handkerchief to wipe away Yao Xi’s tears.
Sniffling, Yao Xi spoke in a thick, nasal voice, “I’m just happy.” After crying for a moment, she suddenly raised her head. “But is it really alright for Her Highness to do this? The Emperor and the court officials…”
Wan Bi scoffed coldly and pulled Yao Xi back into her embrace, comforting her. “Even if this bereaved one hadn’t paid for everything on this street—which this bereaved one did—no one would dare say anything.” The Emperor wouldn’t speak, and the court officials wouldn’t dare, unless some suicidal fool wanted to follow in Zhu Xiangchang’s footsteps.
Uh… Yao Xi stopped crying, pulled back from the Empress Dowager’s embrace, and looked around. Her Highness had paid for everything on this street? So, were they here to move house, or were they here to browse a market?
“Come along. Accompany this bereaved one for a stroll. You may buy whatever you like,” Wan Bi said, taking Yao Xi’s small hand.
Seeing the Empress Dowager so exceptionally happy, Yao Xi didn’t want to say anything to ruin the mood. Ah, well. Moving house it is!
“Your Highness, I remember people used to live in these palace rooms. Weren’t they Beauty Qin and Noble Lady Li?” Yao Xi couldn’t help but ask as she accompanied the Empress Dowager into the woodwork workshop run by the Directorate of Palace Utensils.
“Oh, them. This bereaved one ordered them to move overnight. There are plenty of empty spaces in the palace anyway.” Wan Bi picked up a round wooden tray used for serving pastries, held it up to Yao Xi’s small head to compare, and laughed. “Xiao Yaozi, this tray is actually the exact same size as your face! It must be fate. Why don’t we buy it?”
“Mm-hmm,” Yao Xi nodded with a smile. She actually felt rather awkward. Having worked in the Bureau of Imperial Gardens for a year or two, she knew quite a few people within the Twenty-Four Directorates. It was no exaggeration to say that there were many familiar faces on this street today. Watching prominent figures from various directorates pretending to be shopkeepers and assistants made it so hard to get into character! It felt entirely like playing house.
“These slaves pay respects to the Empress Dowager. May the Empress Dowager enjoy boundless peace and fortune.” Seeing the Empress Dowager leading Eunuch Yao into the shop, the people in the woodwork shop quickly hurried forward and knelt to pay their respects.
Wan Bi’s face darkened, and she looked down at the eunuchs. “Did no one instruct you? Once you enter this street, there are no masters and slaves. You are shopkeepers, and this bereaved one is a customer. Can’t you even handle a simple task like this?”
The eunuchs exchanged uneasy glances, caught in an absolute dilemma. Disrespecting Her Highness was a capital offense, but disobeying her orders was also a capital offense…
Yao Xi coaxed the bewildered, hesitant crowd, “Just do whatever Her Highness says.”
“These slaves respectfully obey the Empress Dowager’s decree.” The crowd rose and resumed their roles.
“How much for this tray?” Wan Bi asked the shopkeeper. She didn’t feel the slightest bit of awkwardness; instead, she found it extraordinarily novel. Born into a wealthy family, she had rarely bought things herself before marriage, let alone after entering the palace. Today was her chance to fully indulge herself.
The shopkeeper was the Director of the Directorate of Palace Utensils. Hearing the Empress Dowager ask this, he was at a loss for how to reply. The items from each directorate were strictly imperial tributes—how could there be a price tag? Yet since the Empress Dowager had asked, he didn’t dare remain silent, so he could only mutter, “Please, pay whatever you see fit.”
Wan Bi tossed the tray aside, her face darkening with displeasure. “Who does business like that? ‘Whatever I see fit’? What if this bereaved one just takes it and doesn’t pay a single copper?”
“Yes, yes, of course,” the shopkeeper stammered, breaking into a cold sweat. He shouldn’t have come. If it weren’t for the fact that the directors of the other departments had all come, he wouldn’t have come here to court death for anything.
“Of course my foot!” Wan Bi’s mood was completely ruined. She barked an order to the shop assistants, “Spread this bereaved one’s decree: everyone running a shop or a stall on this street had better play their parts properly! If anyone dares ruin this bereaved one’s mood again, they had best have the decency to end their own lives!” With a cold expression, she casually picked up a carved wooden incense holder and asked the shopkeeper, “How much for this?”
“Two… two taels?” the shopkeeper stammered, his voice trembling. He had just thrown out a random number. In truth, given the fine craftsmanship of the incense holder, it would fetch at least a dozen taels on the open market. He wasn’t worried about the directorate’s ledgers not balancing; although the Empress Dowager had a terrible temper, she was actually quite considerate of her subordinates. She had already paid each directorate for all the goods on this street. In fact, she didn’t even have to pay—everything in the palace, when it came down to it, belonged to the Empress Dowager and the Emperor’s household anyway.
Wan Bi reached to pull out some silver, only to realize she had come empty-handed…
Why would she ever carry silver on her while inside the palace? Not only did she have no money, but she hadn’t even brought any attendants along so she could speak freely with Yao Xi.
The atmosphere grew incredibly awkward. Wan Bi wanted to pay but couldn’t, while the shopkeeper could see her predicament but didn’t dare not accept her payment.
“Suddenly, I don’t want it anymore!” Wan Bi tossed the incense holder down with a clatter, took Yao Xi’s hand, and walked out. “Let’s go look at other shops.”
Stepping out of the woodwork shop, they spotted a stall nearby selling sugar paintings2.
Yao Xi happily tugged the Empress Dowager forward. “Your Highness, let’s buy one!”
Wan Bi was secretly fretting. She really didn’t have a single copper on her! She hadn’t brought any attendants either. Normally, the servants attending her would carry some silver for rewards, making it convenient for her to hand out bounties whenever she pleased.
“Buy it!” Wan Bi smiled at Yao Xi. “You choose a pattern here. This bereaved one will step back into the woodwork shop to buy that tray we looked at first.”
The Director of the Directorate of Palace Utensils thought he’d successfully escaped a disaster when the Empress Dowager left. Who could’ve guessed that in the blink of an eye, she’d return… What was this formidable lady back for? The director’s heart sank to his boots.
Wan Bi was here to commit robbery. She didn’t want to ruin Yao Xi’s mood just because she had no money on hand. Since they were out to browse a market, they had to do it properly, and she absolutely wouldn’t break her own rule by taking things for free. But ordering someone to fetch silver from her palace would take too long—she couldn’t just have Yao Xi stand around waiting, could she?
“Come over here!” Wan Bi called the shopkeeper forward.
“Yes,” the shopkeeper stammered, scrambling out from behind the counter.
Wan Bi whispered, “Hand over all the silver you have on you right now!”
“Are you currently… the Empress Dowager, or a customer?” The shopkeeper felt his mind splitting. He truly couldn’t fathom what game the Empress Dowager was playing now. If Her Highness had forgotten her silver, she could’ve just ordered someone to fetch it. Why was she demanding it from him? He feared she was testing whether he was immersed enough in his role.
“The Empress Dowager!” Wan Bi extended her open palm impatiently. “Chop chop.”
“This slave obeys!”
Yao Xi was staring with rapt attention at the craftsman drawing sugar paintings when the Empress Dowager’s voice sounded beside her. “How many did you choose?”
“Two. One is already done.” Yao Xi handed the finished one to the Empress Dowager.
“Why not get one of every pattern?” Wan Bi, having just successfully plundered the Director of the Directorate of Palace Utensils, spoke with supreme confidence.
Yao Xi leaned in and gently hugged the Empress Dowager’s arm. “I can’t eat that many!”
Having purchased the sugar paintings, the two continued their stroll in high spirits. Suddenly, Wan Bi had a whim and asked Yao Xi, “Shopping involves bargaining. Shall we try it at the next shop?”
Yao Xi licked her sugar painting and rolled her eyes at the Empress Dowager. My innocent, adorable lady, who would dare to actually argue over prices with you? Whatever you say goes!
And so, Yao Xi was forced to witness the most awkward attempt at bargaining she had ever seen.
Wan Bi picked up a container of scented powder inside the cosmetics shop and asked, “How much for this?”
Director Li of the Bureau of Imperial Wardrobes replied with profound respect, “This container of scented powder is ten taels of silver.” Having already been warned by the people from the Directorate of Palace Utensils, she had hastily slapped prices onto all the imperial treasures. This scented powder, normally worth over a hundred taels, was on a clearance sale for a mere ten taels.
Wan Bi beamed at Yao Xi, then turned back to Director Li. “Will you take two taels?” She’d wanted to offer an absurdly low price so she could enjoy the thrill of gradually bidding up.
Director Li froze. What new game was the Empress Dowager playing now?
“Sold!” Forget two taels, she wouldn’t dare refuse even if the Empress Dowager offered two mace!
“…” Wan Bi’s expression turned cold. “What if it were one tael? What if it were a single copper cash?”
Yao Xi knew the Empress Dowager was on the verge of losing her temper again, so she quickly fished out two taels from the silver Her Highness had given her to buy things and handed them to Director Li. “We’ll take the powder. Please wrap it up.”
Dawn gradually broke, and the street market grew increasingly lively.
Entertainment was scarce within the palace to begin with, so once the imperial consorts and princesses caught wind of the excitement, they all hurried over. The young princes and princesses ran around laughing and playing, while the shops and stalls conducted business in earnest under the Empress Dowager’s decree. Gradually, it truly began to resemble a proper street market.
Having just finished the morning court session, Emperor Ming Cheng arrived as well, though he wasn’t there to join the festivities. With such a massive commotion in the palace, the civil officials had caught wind of it the night before. Several loyal ministers, devoted to Daxing, had risked their lives to submit petitions, urging him not to indulge the “Demon Empress” any further. The Late Emperor’s protective edict was even brought up, with some asserting that if the Late Emperor’s spirit knew Empress Dowager Wan would bring such ruin to the nation, he’d never have left behind that decree.
He wanted to discuss this matter with Wan Bi. It was best to dismantle the street market as soon as possible to avoid giving people more ammunition for gossip.
Entering the market, Emperor Ming Cheng stopped in front of a small stall selling needles and ornaments, intending to ask where the Empress Dowager was.
“What would the customer like to buy?” the stallholder asked, playing his part dutifully. The Empress Dowager had issued a decree demanding they stay in character, and he didn’t dare disobey!
Customer? Emperor Ming Cheng thought his ears were playing tricks on him. “Don’t you recognize Us?” He was the only adult male in the entire palace; was he really that hard to identify?
The stallholder explained in a low voice, “Please forgive this slave, Your Majesty. This was the Empress Dowager’s decree, and this slave can only obey.” With that, he pointed behind Emperor Ming Cheng. Between a short-tempered Empress Dowager and a good-natured Emperor, he would rather risk offending the latter.
Emperor Ming Cheng turned around. Sure enough, the Empress Dowager was walking out of a jewelry shop, holding hands with her little male favorite, Yao Xi.
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