Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 46

The Empress Dowager is So Wicked

Just as Wan Bi stepped out of the Gate of Supreme Harmony, Yao Xi hurried over to greet her.

“Your Majesty was truly majestic just now. The civil and military officials didn’t even dare to breathe loudly in front of you.” Yao Xi was genuinely in awe of the Empress Dowager.

            

Wan Bi cast a sidelong glance at Yao Xi, who was being exceptionally sycophantic today. As she was supported down the steps, she asked, “When court was dismissed, did you hear anyone cursing this bereaved one as they left?”

Yao Xi’s heart skipped a beat.

Looks like Her Majesty is quite self-aware. When court had dispersed, there had indeed been quite a few people muttering curses at the Empress Dowager. The ministers were highly educated men, so naturally, they wouldn’t curse with the vulgar obscenities used in the streets. But when cultured men hurled insults without using a single dirty word, it was far more vicious and cutting. Yao Xi had heard a great deal, but she didn’t dare repeat any of it.

            

Her Majesty’s temper was notoriously fickle; what if she punished Yao Xi for it?

“Who would dare curse Your Majesty? However, this slave did hear a few complaints,” Yao Xi said.

Wan Bi didn’t press the matter. The little castrated donkey didn’t know those ministers anyway and wouldn’t be able to name who had spoken insolently. Besides, there were far too many people cursing her; if she really cared, she’d never reach the end of it.

            

“Go back and get Yuanqian. Today, the two of you will accompany this bereaved one to Qianqing Palace for the midday meal!”

It didn’t really matter if Yuanqian wasn’t called. Although Yao Xi was a bit clumsy, she could serve well enough. But Wan Bi wanted to watch the spectacle between Yuanqian and Tang Huaili, so she deliberately dragged Yuanqian along.

Thinking about it carefully, the people she trusted most right now were Yuanqian and Yao Xi. Thus, even if Yao Xi occasionally acted disrespectfully, she tolerated it.

            

Too many people wanted to kill her. For someone like Yao Xi to suddenly pop up and genuinely care about her safety was incredibly rare—even if that care stemmed from admiration. Too many people feared her, too. For a slave like Yao Xi, who didn’t understand the rules and didn’t fear death, to appear was equally rare. Such a loyal and amusing slave—Wan Bi couldn’t easily bear to kill him.

She glanced at Yao Xi, who was still grinning foolishly. “What are you giggling at?”

Yao Xi was still immersed in the Empress Dowager’s heroic feat of causing a scene at the Gate of Supreme Harmony. “This slave admires Your Majesty! Thinking about what happened at the Gate of Supreme Harmony just now, I feel that being able to serve a master as formidable as Your Majesty is a blessing cultivated over several lifetimes.”

            

Wan Bi thought of Yuanqian, who had also been smiling foolishly all last night. Yuanqian smiled whenever she thought of Tang Huaili, and the little castrated donkey smiled whenever he thought of her. Ah, love! Wan Bi suddenly had a thought: If only the little castrated donkey weren’t a eunuch.

Keeping such a genuinely admiring, good-looking, and pure-hearted male favorite¹ wouldn’t be bad at all.

Thinking this, she couldn’t help but take a few more looks at Yao Xi. He had a face like a silver moon, almond eyes, and peach-blossom cheeks. His masculinity was a bit lacking, which instead provoked an urge to pull him into her arms and play with him.

            

Sigh! Even if the little castrated donkey were a girl, it would be fine! Why must he be a eunuch?

Wan Bi hating eunuchs was one thing, but the main issue was that she couldn’t accept a eunuch’s body. Although she had never seen one, she roughly knew what it entailed. Such a body was truly terrifying. Wan Bi thought of the wound down there on Yao Xi, and her fleeting desire to take him as a male favorite vanished instantly.

Moreover, the little castrated donkey already had a duishi². Regardless of whether his heart was set on that palace maid from Zhongling Palace, at the very least, the two of them were legitimate lovers in the eyes of others.

            

“You don’t need to go to Qianqing Palace. You’ve just been promoted; this bereaved one grants you a half-day’s leave. Go to Zhongling Palace and share the good news with your lover!” Wan Bi felt a bit sour in her heart. No matter how much weight she held in the little castrated donkey’s heart, in the eyes of others, he still belonged to that palace maid.

Zhongling Palace? Lover?

Yao Xi thought for a moment. Did the Empress Dowager misunderstand that there was something between me and Gugu Hanqiu?

            

“Is Your Majesty referring to Gugu Hanqiu, who serves Beauty Xu?” This was no joking matter. It didn’t matter for her, a eunuch, but she couldn’t ruin Gugu Hanqiu’s pristine reputation! In truth, no palace maid willingly became a eunuch’s duishi. They either wanted to become imperial concubines or eventually marry out of the palace; only a madwoman would partner with a eunuch.

Yao Xi immediately explained, “Your Majesty misunderstands. How could Gugu Hanqiu possibly take a fancy to this slave?”

Wan Bi’s expression darkened. “That palace maid from Zhongling Palace still dares to look down on you? In terms of status, you are a Rank 4b Junior Director, a person serving directly by this bereaved one’s side. She is merely a servant to a Beauty.”

            

The little castrated donkey was in the prime of his sixteen years³, while that maid in Zhongling Palace was older than even she was. Age aside, in terms of looks, she fell far short of the little castrated donkey! Yet she still dared to look down on him?

Yao Xi didn’t understand why Her Majesty was suddenly so angry. Could it be… she’s annoyed that I’m belittling myself and making Ning’an Palace lose face?

Ah! That must be it. She was now a person of Ning’an Palace, Her Majesty’s person; she couldn’t cheapen herself anymore.

            

“Your Majesty is absolutely right,” Yao Xi hurriedly agreed. “Anyway, there is nothing between this slave and Gugu Hanqiu.”

As they neared the palanquin, Wan Bi asked again, “You haven’t formed a duishi with any palace maid?”

Yao Xi answered truthfully, “Replying to Your Majesty, no.” As a fake eunuch, how could she dare to ruin a young woman’s life? In the past, a few young maids had shown interest, but Yao Xi had decisively turned them down.

            

“And you haven’t liked anyone since entering the palace?” A smile touched Wan Bi’s lips.

“Replying to Your Majesty, no,” Yao Xi answered sincerely.

Wan Bi gave a soft chuckle and boarded the palanquin. Of course he hasn’t ‘not liked anyone’—it’s clearly just that the difference in our statuses is too vast for him to dare speak of it. Doesn’t this bereaved one already know your little thoughts? The perceptive and omniscient Wan Bi thought smugly.

            

Wan Bi returned to Longyi Palace to change into casual clothes⁴. The formal attire she wore to court today was too grand; for a simple meal with her son and daughter-in-law, it was better to dress casually. After changing, she took Yao Xi to Ning’an Palace to collect Yuanqian, then headed to Qianqing Palace.

Arriving at Qianqing Palace, Wan Bi walked ahead, resting her hand on Yao Xi’s arm, while Yuanqian led a few young palace maids behind them.

Yuanqian felt she had completely fallen out of favor. In the past, she had always been the one to support the Empress Dowager. Ever since Yao Xi arrived, there was no longer a place for her at Her Majesty’s side.

             Alas, one only ever hears the new favorite laugh, but who heeds the old favorite’s tears?⁵

Yuanqian followed them inside sorrowfully.

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Emperor Ming Cheng had also changed into casual wear. He sat on the couch, speaking with Noble Lady Lan.

He still wanted to clarify why Noble Lady Lan had suddenly gone to the Cold Palace when everything had been fine, and who the rumored sweetheart of hers actually was. “So the events of that year were just rumors?”

            

Yao Shuanglan nodded. “Before this subject-concubine entered the palace, I lived deep within my family’s inner chambers. How could I have known any men? When rumors ran rampant that I had privately promised myself to someone outside the palace, this subject-concubine felt something was amiss. Later, an uncastrated fake eunuch actually appeared in my palace, having sneaked in somehow. This subject-concubine knew then that the rumors were merely the beginning; someone was trying every possible means to soil my purity and drive the Yao family to their deaths!”

“Why didn’t you tell Us about that eunuch?” Emperor Ming Cheng was somewhat disappointed. Did she not believe he could protect her?

“This subject-concubine threw that fake eunuch into a well. I didn’t tell Your Majesty because this subject-concubine knew Your Majesty trusted me and would certainly seek justice on my behalf. However, at that time, the worst thing Your Majesty could do was precisely to show that you cared for this subject-concubine.”

            

Yao Shuanglan patiently explained everything that had happened to her back then. “Shortly after my father was condemned, rumors of my disloyalty to Your Majesty surfaced in the palace. Those framing me and those framing the Yao family had to be the same people. When the Yao family fell, this subject-concubine still held the imperial favor. Those people knew that as long as I remained by Your Majesty’s side, the Yao family would not truly fall. Especially if this subject-concubine were to bear an imperial heir, the Yao family’s resurgence would only be a matter of time. Therefore, to them, this subject-concubine had to be eliminated! But once I entered the Cold Palace, I became a useless, unthreatening person to them. They wouldn’t risk sending an assassin into the Cold Palace just to kill someone who posed no threat.”

“When this subject-concubine left Your Majesty back then, it was because I wanted to live.” Yao Shuanglan looked at Emperor Ming Cheng; every word she spoke was the truth. “This subject-concubine dared to enter the Cold Palace before the Yao family was formally convicted because I also believed Your Majesty would eventually restore their innocence.”

“We have disappointed you,” Emperor Ming Cheng sighed. “The evidence against your father was ironclad. We could only exile the Yao family to the Southern Frontier as a stopgap measure.”

            

“This subject-concubine understands. Thanks to Your Majesty, the Yao family was able to keep their lives,” Yao Shuanglan said gratefully.

“Then why were you willing to leave the Cold Palace?” Emperor Ming Cheng hoped for a specific answer in his heart.

Yao Shuanglan smiled. “This subject-concubine has always yearned for Your Majesty. I was foolish back then, and I feared death. But after being separated from Your Majesty, I realized that I feared never seeing Your Majesty again even more than I feared death.”

            

Emperor Ming Cheng was deeply moved. He was just about to take advantage of the perfect atmosphere to hold Noble Lady Lan’s little hand, and then test her attitude toward serving him in bed. He thought that although she had been unwilling in the past, after being separated for so long and with their affections now running deep, she might be willing.

But before he could even grasp her hand, Tang Huaili announced from outside, “Replying to Your Majesty, the Empress Dowager has arrived.”

Wretched wench! Her timing is impeccable. Emperor Ming Cheng silently cursed Wan Bi for ruining his good moment. With a taut face, he called out to Tang Huaili outside, “Order the meal to be served!” The sooner Wan Bi ate, the sooner she could go back to Longyi Palace. She couldn’t stand seeing others being sweet just because she was single herself!

            

Wan Bi wasn’t polite. Without waiting for Emperor Ming Cheng, she sat down in the dining hall, flanked by Yuanqian on the left and Yao Xi on the right.

Wan Bi turned her head with a wicked sense of amusement and smiled at Yuanqian. “Having Yao Xi serve me is enough. It’s rare for you to visit Qianqing Palace—aren’t you going to find a certain someone to have a private chat with?”

Yuanqian’s face flushed red. “Please don’t make fun of this slave-girl, Your Majesty.”

            

Having passed the message to Emperor Ming Cheng, Tang Huaili came over to report to the Empress Dowager. Seeing her smiling at him, his heart couldn’t help but quail. In the past, the Empress Dowager never even looked eunuchs like him in the eye. Yet today, not only was she followed by a little eunuch attendant, but she was also smiling at him so eerily?

He suddenly felt an uneasy sense of impending doom. Could I have inadvertently offended this little ancestor?

“Eunuch Tang.” Looking at Tang Huaili today, Wan Bi didn’t find him quite as repulsive. “This bereaved one has promoted my little Yaozi to Junior Director, but we haven’t gone through the Directorate of Ceremonial’s procedures yet. Could I trouble you to take care of it?”

            

Yao Xi was stunned. She was already wearing the official uniform and had even strutted around the Bureau of Imperial Gardens, yet it wasn’t official? It was just a verbal promotion by Her Majesty? Her Majesty really had no regard for Eunuch Tang. Eunuch promotions were the Directorate of Ceremonial’s jurisdiction, yet she hadn’t even given them a heads-up; she just promoted whomever she wanted. Badass!

“What is Your Majesty saying? For such a trivial matter, simply sending someone to pass the word would have sufficed. However, under which office will this gonggong beside Your Majesty be registered?” Tang Huaili bowed and asked.

Wan Bi didn’t even have to think about it. “Just put him in your Directorate of Ceremonial.” Then she turned to Yuanqian. “Could I trouble you, Gugu, to explain Yao Xi’s situation to Eunuch Tang? I don’t need you to serve me here.” After speaking, she even winked at Yuanqian.

            

Who would know Yao Xi’s situation better than Yao Xi herself? Her Majesty was clearly just teasing her! Yuanqian didn’t dare say anything, so she simply walked toward Tang Huaili and said politely, “Eunuch Tang, please.”

“Are the two of you always this distant on a normal day?” Wan Bi burst out laughing, highly amused by their awkwardness.

Blushing furiously, Yuanqian hurried out of the dining hall, with Tang Huaili following her in a daze.

            

While Wan Bi was thoroughly enjoying teasing the couple, Emperor Ming Cheng arrived, leading Noble Lady Lan. Wan Bi stifled her laughter and looked at the woman behind Emperor Ming Cheng. “Is this the Noble Lady Lan that Your Majesty mentioned?” At first glance, Wan Bi almost thought it was her little castrated donkey wearing a dress, but the resemblance was only in spirit; looking a bit closer, they didn’t actually look that much alike.

She remembered this person. The day she went to the Cold Palace to set up a prank for the little castrated donkey, she had seen this woman. The woman had been so wildly out of place in the Cold Palace and among the women there that Wan Bi had remembered her. Seeing her today, Wan Bi immediately disliked this Noble Lady Lan. She couldn’t pinpoint why; it was just a natural aversion.

“This subject-concubine greets Her Majesty the Empress Dowager,” Yao Shuanglan curtsied.

            

“Rise!” Wan Bi said with a smile.

As Yao Shuanglan rose, she caught sight of the little eunuch standing behind the Empress Dowager. She was stunned for a moment. The eunuch looked far too much like her younger brother, Yao Xian. She stared at the eunuch, and the eunuch stared blankly back at her. The eunuch’s gaze was completely unfamiliar, a look that immediately dispelled Yao Shuanglan’s thought that this person might be her brother.

If it were my brother, he couldn’t possibly fail to recognize me.

            

Before taking her seat, she couldn’t help but glance at the eunuch a few more times. The age was similar, the features were similar, only the height was a bit short. If her brother was safe and sound, boys grow fast; he should be quite a bit taller than this eunuch. Thinking of her brother made Yao Shuanglan a bit distracted, and she smiled kindly at the little eunuch.

Wan Bi had been watching Noble Lady Lan the entire time and noticed that this Noble Lady’s eyes kept restlessly darting toward the little castrated donkey. After glancing a few times, she even smiled at the little castrated donkey.

Heh, how truly frivolous.

            

Wan Bi’s impression of the woman worsened. Right in front of the Emperor, she dares to make eyes at a good-looking eunuch? She twisted around to look at the little castrated donkey behind her. The little castrated donkey hadn’t paid Noble Lady Lan any mind at all; he simply cast a cold glance at Noble Lady Lan before looking away.

Hmph! A little seductress who bewitches the Emperor, and now you want to seduce my little castrated donkey? What a pity that his heart is entirely devoted to this bereaved one. I advise you not to waste your effort!

The look in Wan Bi’s eyes as she gazed at Noble Lady Lan shifted from mere dislike to a hint of hostility.

            

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