Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 83
by Little PandaThe Empress Dowager Refuses
When palace women committed a crime, they were granted white silk1. They wouldn’t use this sort of rough cotton cloth.
But fine silks were not available to everyone. If a poor little wretch like Yao Xi wanted to seek death, she naturally couldn’t be so particular.
Looking at that white strip of cloth, Wan Bi suddenly felt a deep ache in her heart for Yao Xi. The little wench was burdened with so many secrets; perhaps she planned to commit suicide to protect her family the moment her secret was exposed in the palace! Thank goodness she hadn’t rashly interrogated Yao Xi about anything. Otherwise, it would be a toss-up whether the silly wench sought death faster than Imperial Physician Fu’s life-saving skills could work.
“Put it back exactly as it was!” Wan Bi instructed the palace maid. “Don’t send the clothes over for now, and don’t change the mattress either. Leave everything in the duty room exactly as it is.” That wench Yao Xi loved to let her imagination run wild. Wan Bi had to make Yao Xi trust her enough to confess everything of her own accord; she couldn’t afford to heighten the girl’s guardedness.
However, she didn’t dare let Yao Xi stay alone anymore. Having a strip of cloth ready for hanging oneself in the room at all times was truly too frightening.
“Have someone clear this away as well!” Wan Bi pointed to her unfinished morning meal and said to the maid, “Are the Qi-replenishing and blood-nourishing porridge and the Wutou decoction that I ordered the kitchen to brew ready?”
The maid had been waiting outside the hall and was unclear about the situation in the kitchen. Hearing Her Majesty’s question, she quickly made a trip to the kitchen and returned to report, “To answer Your Majesty, both are ready. They are sitting on the stove.”
“Have someone bring them over!” Wan Bi said as she stood up.
After waking up, Yao Xi didn’t go back to sleep. She really wanted to return to the duty room. Lying in Her Majesty’s bedchamber gave her no sense of security whatsoever. Just a moment ago, the Empress Dowager had actually started unfastening her clothes while she was asleep! She wasn’t wearing her chest binding right now. Never mind physically touching her—even looking through her clothes, one could spot something amiss.
She wrapped the quilt tightly around herself, her mind a chaotic mess. She really wanted to confess to the Empress Dowager! But what exactly were Her Majesty’s feelings toward her? Affection was definitely there; Her Majesty treated her so well. But if Her Majesty found out she was a woman, would she still be able to like her?
There were actually quite a few palace maids intimately involved with other palace maids in the palace. Perhaps she should test the waters and see what Her Majesty thought about maids forming duishi2?
Yao Xi was half-leaning against the bedhead, her thoughts swirling, when the Empress Dowager walked in carrying a tray. On the bamboo tray sat two bowls. One held the same porridge she had eaten earlier, and the other contained something resembling a thick bone broth, only its color was slightly darker, lacking that appetizing milky-white hue.
There was meat broth? Yao Xi was delighted. She was truly on the verge of throwing up from eating that jujube porridge. If she could wash the porridge down today with a rich, savory meat broth, it probably wouldn’t be so unbearable.
Aside from the prospect of meat broth, she was also deeply moved that the Empress Dowager had personally brought her breakfast. Since she had transmigrated, she had suffered from ailments both major and minor. But whether she was at the Sun family’s house or later when she entered the Bureau of Imperial Gardens, she always had endless chores to do, even when sick. The treatment of a patient? Having someone serve her tea, pour water, and ask after her well-being? Dream on. None of that existed.
Now, she had merely caught a slight chill, yet not only did an Imperial Physician come to treat her, but the Empress Dowager herself was also personally taking care of her.
Her days were so beautiful they felt like an illusory dream.
“This slave does not dare trouble Your Majesty.” Yao Xi tucked the quilt firmly under her armpits, guarding her chest like her life depended on it, and sat up straight to reach for the bowl.
Wan Bi placed the bamboo tray on the square table beside the bed. Cushioning the bottom of the bowl with a handkerchief, she first handed the porridge to Yao Xi. As she passed it over, she instructed, “The bowl is still hot. Hold it through the handkerchief.”
As Yao Xi took the bowl, her hand brushed against the Empress Dowager’s. A strange sensation suddenly drifted through her heart. It felt as though a feather had lightly swept across the tip of her heart, making her feel both a little uncomfortable and strangely enjoyable.
Watching Yao Xi take the bowl and start blowing on the porridge as she ate, Wan Bi simply sat in the chair before the bed, smiling as she watched her.
“Has Your Majesty eaten?” Yao Xi was still unaccustomed to being watched by the Empress Dowager every time she ate. She had once kept a little hamster, and she had loved watching it eat more than anything—sunflower seeds, biscuits, cornflakes; it was impossibly cute when it nibbled on things. With Her Majesty watching her eat with such a beaming smile, Yao Xi truly felt like the Empress Dowager only saw her as a pet.
Given the Empress Dowager’s status, falling in love with a little eunuch was highly improbable no matter how one looked at it. At most, she might see a eunuch with decent looks and keep him around for amusement. A male favorite—wasn’t that just a pet? This was the reason she had never dared to confess everything to the Empress Dowager. She wasn’t sure if Her Majesty loved her, she wasn’t sure if Her Majesty would be angry after discovering she was a woman, and she certainly wasn’t sure if Her Majesty would use the matter against Noble Lady Lan.
There were too many things she wasn’t sure of, and her own power was far too minuscule. She was too fragile to withstand any storms. Her Majesty could be uninhibited and free, but she could only carefully test the waters.
Wan Bi nodded. “This bereaved one has already eaten. Does your body feel a bit more relaxed?”
While agonizingly forcing down the porridge, Yao Xi nodded. “Thank you for your concern, Your Majesty. I feel much better.”
“A few days ago, the Emperor mentioned wanting to promote Noble Lady Lan to Jieyu, and asked this bereaved one to help pick an auspicious day…” Wan Bi recalled the sight of Yao Xi and Noble Lady Lan hugging in Longyi Palace. It had merely been an embrace between siblings acknowledging one another, yet she had actually taken the matter to the Emperor. Forced to watch her own sister be framed by her, there was no telling how much Yao Xi must hate her right now!
Wan Bi wanted to make amends as much as possible. Since Yao Xi was her person, Noble Lady Lan—being Yao Xi’s sister—was also on their side. If she gained more favor, then so be it; as long as she didn’t step over Wan Bi’s head, it was fine. “This bereaved one feels that the sooner the better. How does the day after tomorrow sound to you?”
Was Her Majesty asking for her opinion? Or was she probing her attitude toward Noble Lady Lan?
Yao Xi wondered if the Empress Dowager still suspected something going on between her and Noble Lady Lan, and was intentionally using this matter to test her. Her Majesty truly felt uncomfortable all over if she didn’t dig a trap for her at least once a day!
Already well-versed in Her Majesty’s routines, Yao Xi replied with utter indifference, “This slave does not dare speak out of turn regarding the affairs of the masters.” With that, she buried her head in her porridge and said no more. She didn’t dare show too much concern for Noble Lady Lan, lest Her Majesty start harboring groundless suspicions again.
Seeing Yao Xi’s resolute determination to draw a clear line between herself and Noble Lady Lan, Wan Bi’s heart ached anew. To meet her sister but be unable to acknowledge her—how much must the girl be suffering inside!
The members of the Yao family all had bitter fates. Yao Hezheng had been a clean and upright official, yet he was framed, stripped of his post, and exiled far away to the Southern Frontier. Since entering the palace, Noble Lady Lan didn’t seem to have committed any actual wrongs, but she had been thrown into the Cold Palace, only recently making it out. Yao Xi went without saying: the little girl had been raised as a young gentleman, shouldering the Yao family’s honors and future, before being sent into the palace to escape disaster after her family met with ruin. If she hadn’t encountered Wan Bi, she would have either died by Beauty Yu’s hands or at the hands of that wicked eunuch surnamed Liao.
“Once you finish the porridge, drink this soup.” Wan Bi let Yao Xi play dumb and pretend she didn’t care about Noble Lady Lan’s affairs.
Yao Xi picked up her porridge bowl, gritted her teeth, and swallowed the rest whole. Then, she eagerly picked up the bowl of soup and asked, “Is this bone broth?”
“Wutou decoction.” Wan Bi picked up the cloth from the bamboo tray and reached over to wipe Yao Xi’s mouth. “Drink it quickly. After you finish, we still need to apply the medicinal wine. By the time the medicinal wine is applied, the medicine in the kitchen will be done brewing. Your illness came on suddenly; we cannot afford to be careless.”
She had to apply medicinal wine again? Yao Xi felt she simply couldn’t endure these anxiety-riddled days anymore. Remembering that she wanted to ask Her Majesty’s opinion on maids forming duishi, she held the soup bowl and pretended to speak casually. “This slave has heard that many of the palace maid jiejie don’t like eunuchs or guards, but rather form duishi with each other.” Having said that, she picked up the soup spoon and took a sip of whatever that soup was.
Yao Xi had barely taken a single sip before she began to question the meaning of life. What the hell was this? How could it taste so awful? Didn’t Her Majesty say the medicine was still brewing in the kitchen? Could it be that she had to drink two bowls of medicine from start to finish for this damn illness? Heavens above!
But this was something the Empress Dowager had brought with her own hands; how could she dare to show disdain? No matter how terrible it tasted, she had to grit her teeth and swallow it down. She had merely fallen ill—why couldn’t Her Majesty give her some human food? Instead, she kept giving her these weird concoctions that looked like they had been brewed in a witch’s cauldron bubbling with green steam.
Wan Bi murmured in acknowledgment. What was this little thing trying to ask? Testing her attitude toward women loving women? What a clever little imp.
“How does Your Majesty… view this matter…?” Yao Xi bit on her spoon, gazing at the Empress Dowager with eager eyes. Whether she would leave the imperial palace or stay by the Empress Dowager’s side entirely depended on Her Majesty’s attitude toward her.
Wan Bi lowered her head and smiled with pursed lips. Sure enough, she had guessed correctly. The girl was afraid she wouldn’t be able to accept that she was a woman!
Wan Bi raised her head and said, “Whether it is love between women, love between men, or love between a man and a woman, doesn’t it all ultimately come down to two people sharing mutual affection? Naturally, this bereaved one supports such matters. Even the Emperor supports them; otherwise, those people in the palace wouldn’t dare to be together, right?” She knew Yao Xi was weighed down by heavy misgivings, so she had to be patient and dispel the little wench’s worries one by one.
Hearing the Empress Dowager say this, Yao Xi felt significantly relieved. However, supporting it as an observer was still quite different from not minding it as a participant. “Then, if this slave were a palace maid, would Your Majesty still want to be with this slave…?” Yao Xi bit her lip and asked gingerly, her heart jumping into her throat.
Seeing Yao Xi’s carefully probing demeanor, Wan Bi felt her eyes grow hot for some inexplicable reason. The disparity in their statuses was immense. If she liked Yao Xi, all it took was a single word to keep the person by her side as a male favorite. Yet for Yao Xi to like her, she had to give it her all while treading with the utmost caution.
“Whether you are a eunuch or a palace maid, this bereaved one wants to be with you!” Wan Bi said with a smile. “Isn’t a eunuch the worst-case scenario anyway?”
Hearing Her Majesty say this, Yao Xi felt as if even the bitter medicinal soup in her hands had gained a trace of sweetness. As long as Her Majesty didn’t mind her being a woman, that was fine. Her only remaining fear was that the circumstances of her entering the palace would implicate the Yao family. Noble Lady Lan had said she wanted to overturn Lord Yao’s case. Perhaps the day the Yao family is exonerated will be the day I can confess everything to Her Majesty? Yao Xi thought blissfully.
However, she still wasn’t sure if the Empress Dowager merely liked her the way one liked a pet. This wasn’t something she could just ask; she could only use her heart to feel Her Majesty’s intentions toward her—perhaps even her affections? Blushing, Yao Xi shyly hid behind her bowl and thought, Is there even the slimmest possibility that the Empress Dowager truly loves me?
“This slave wants to be with Your Majesty too,” Yao Xi murmured softly, using the soup bowl to shield her face.
“This bereaved one knows.” Looking at Yao Xi’s adorable appearance—so shy she didn’t even dare to look at her—Wan Bi smiled sweetly.
Simply wanting to be together wasn’t enough. But Yao Xi having the desire to be with her was plenty for now. As for making it a reality, she would handle everything.
Footnotes
- Báilíng (白绫). A length of white silk typically granted to offending palace women to commit suicide by hanging.
- Duìshí (对食), literally 'paired eating.' A historical palace term for a romantic or companionate partnership between palace servants (such as a eunuch and a maid, or two maids), formed to alleviate the profound loneliness of imperial servitude.
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