Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 67

by Little Panda

The Empress Dowager Refuses

Liufu had originally planned to return to his private residence outside the palace after his duty shift ended. Not long ago, he had used the silver saved from his position at the Directorate of Palace Servants to buy a house and take a wife. The couple was newly wedded, fresh in their happiness. He used to linger at the yamen¹ whenever he had free time, but now he rushed home at every opportunity.

His wife was also from a humble background and didn’t despise him for being a eunuch. She treated him with unspeakable kindness. With a warm wife and a heated kang², they only lacked children. They had already made plans to adopt an orphan boy and girl in a few years’ time.

Liufu had suffered for thirty years. Only now had he earned such a good life. Once they had children, things would only get better. After starting a family, what he cared about most was no longer himself, but his family. For this life to continue smoothly, there were certain hidden dangers he had to eliminate.

That hidden danger was Yao Xi!

Eunuch Meng had made no moves yet, but Liufu understood that once Eunuch Meng acted, there would be great upheaval, and he would very likely be the first pawn to be sacrificed. He didn’t know what plot Eunuch Meng was brewing—that wasn’t his concern. He had originally joined Eunuch Meng for promotions and silver; now he was betraying Eunuch Meng for the sake of living well.

If something happened to Yao Xi, he would certainly be exposed. By then, it would be too late. He had been secretly monitoring Yao Xi’s every move. He couldn’t keep watch after Yao Xi went to serve at the Empress Dowager’s side, but he knew about Yao Xi’s return to the Bureau of Imperial Gardens, and how he had helped an old eunuch deliver lychees to Lady Lin’s palace.

After receiving the news, he had instructed the eunuch beside Lady Lin to administer the poison. This was the advantage of working at the Directorate of Palace Servants—not only did he oversee eunuch transfers, but he also held leverage over many eunuchs. A threat here and there was enough to make them obey.

Getting rid of Yao Xi had to be done indirectly. Yao Xi ate and lived with the Empress Dowager; he couldn’t directly interfere. He had also heard that the Empress Dowager had just taken Yao Xi as her male favorite³. If he suddenly died under mysterious circumstances, the Empress Dowager would certainly investigate to the end.

But if he used poison and framed Yao Xi, with another eunuch to corroborate, Yao Xi would be unable to defend himself and would certainly die. Given the gravity of a dead imperial offspring, even the Empress Dowager wouldn’t protect him. Once Yao Xi was dead, his and Eunuch Meng’s scheme would be completely disentangled from him.

Alas, man’s calculations can never match Heaven’s designs!

Who could have predicted that a fake eunuch would be discovered in Lady Lin’s palace? In his fury, the Emperor had ordered all eunuchs to undergo a body inspection⁴—not only those serving in the palace, but those in the offices as well.

Yao Xi had never been cut. This inspection would definitely expose him. Once the higher-ups investigated how a fake eunuch had entered the palace, he would be finished!

The palace was sealed. He didn’t know what was happening in Lady Lin’s palace. He was also afraid that the eunuch who had administered the poison, under torture, would confess his involvement. He had tried to harm Yao Xi and failed, only to implicate himself instead.

Liufu was filled with regret. He regretted acting so superfluously.

If Yao Xi was exposed as a fake eunuch and implicated him, it meant death.

If the poisoning eunuch was tortured and implicated him, it also meant death.

If Eunuch Meng of the Eastern Depot learned that Yao Xi’s identity as a fake eunuch had been exposed and, fearing contamination, sent agents to assassinate him, that too meant death.

Liufu sat slumped at the desk in the Directorate of Palace Servants’ office. Before him sat an empty food box⁵—his wife had prepared it that morning, worried that the food at the office wouldn’t suit his taste. He knew danger surrounded him, yet he couldn’t even flee. He had established a home; he couldn’t abandon his wife and run alone. Moreover, everyone in the Directorate of Palace Servants had to wait for inspectors from the Directorate of Ceremonial to conduct the inspections one by one. No one could leave until this matter was resolved.

After returning to her duty room to wash and change, Yao Xi didn’t immediately go to serve in the main hall. She carried a chair to the table and, using the Four Treasures of the Study⁶ the Empress Dowager had bestowed upon her, began writing letters.

One was for the Empress Dowager, expressing gratitude for all her kindness during this time. She would leave the letter in her duty room before departing.

One was for Noble Lady Lan, explaining that she was not truly the young master Yao, and describing how she had entered the palace back then. After leaving the palace, she would entrust Princess Longyi to deliver the letter to Noble Lady Lan.

Once the ink had dried, Yao Xi folded the letters and tucked them into her bosom. She also carried that thick stack of silver notes⁷ on her person, afraid there wouldn’t be time to pack if things became rushed tonight.

The paper scroll Princess Longyi had given her stated that if she couldn’t leave before the gates were locked, she would have to wait until Yin hour⁸ when the palace gates opened. The gates would be locked at the third quarter of You hour⁹. The Empress Dowager wouldn’t retire that early, so the escape would more likely happen in the middle of the night. After the Empress Dowager fell asleep, she would go to Princess Longyi’s palace, change into palace maid clothes, and then exit the palace together with the princess by palanquin.

Thinking about it this way, her escape was truly imminent.

But suddenly leaving at such a critical moment—the Emperor would surely suspect she was a fake eunuch, wouldn’t he? Would this implicate the Empress Dowager, who had exempted her from inspection, and Princess Longyi, who was helping her escape? Yao Xi’s heart grew heavy.

She would just leave, pat her bottom, and walk away, but she would leave behind a massive mess for the people who cared about her and helped her. But the Empress Dowager and the Eldest Princess were the Emperor’s family. He might be angry with them, but he wouldn’t make things difficult for them. She should still go! If she didn’t, she would certainly die here.

After Yao Xi finished tidying, she carried out the bloody water from washing and poured it away. She had just returned to the duty room when she heard knocking.

“Coming!” She removed the door bar and opened the door. Outside stood several eunuchs from Qianqing Palace.

The lead eunuch, with a kindly brow and benevolent eyes, said, “Eunuch Yao, please come with us. His Majesty requests your presence.”

Yao Xi thought the Emperor still felt uneasy and had sent people to inspect her again. She couldn’t defy this—she could only seek help from the Empress Dowager. She said to the eunuchs, “Please wait a moment. This slave must inform the Empress Dowager.” Then she bypassed them and ran into the main hall.

Wan Bi watched Yao Xi rushing and bouncing into the main hall, and her heart tightened. The little castrated donkey’s strides were so large—her wound must have torn open even more. Would she bleed to death?

“Slow down!” Wan Bi gazed anxiously at the place where blood was flowing freely. “Has the bleeding stopped? Should I summon an Imperial Physician?” She felt that the little castrated donkey had truly been ruined by the human traffickers—her brain must be damaged. Her heart was far too careless. Even through her trousers, Wan Bi’s fingers had been stained with blood. How large must the wound be? And yet she still refused to see a doctor—truly the temperament of a stubborn donkey.

Yao Xi nodded and said aggrievedly, “Your Majesty, the eunuchs from Qianqing Palace want to take this slave for a body inspection. This slave has just used cloth strips to stop the bleeding—it wouldn’t be right to undo them now.” Her period had arrived at just the right time. Not only had it dispelled the Empress Dowager’s intention to have her serve in bed, but it also gave her an excuse to refuse the inspection.

“This bereaved one thinks he will never let this go.” Wan Bi extended her hand, and Yao Xi quickly offered her arm to cushion the Empress Dowager.

Wan Bi lowered her gaze to look at the little castrated donkey’s arm, then reconsidered and withdrew her outstretched hand. She stepped alone over the threshold and exited the main hall. She was truly afraid of the little castrated donkey’s body—touch it lightly and it bled so much. It had frightened her so much that she didn’t dare touch it at all. The little castrated donkey was surely the most useless male favorite in history. Being a eunuch was one thing, but a eunuch who was also fragile and prone to bleeding at the slightest touch?

The several eunuchs from Qianqing Palace were waiting at the bottom of the hall’s front steps. Seeing the Empress Dowager emerge, they hurriedly knelt and performed their obeisance: “This slave pays respects to Your Majesty.”

“This bereaved one hears that you wish to take Yao Xi away?” Wan Bi said coldly.

The eunuchs knelt without daring to rise. The leader answered carefully, “Replying to Your Majesty, it is His Majesty’s command. Lady Lin’s poisoning has been investigated. It was caused by eating the lychees sent from the Bureau of Imperial Gardens. The eunuch beside Lady Lin stated that the lychees were delivered by Eunuch Yao. His Majesty has therefore commanded us to bring Eunuch Yao for questioning.”

Wan Bi glanced at Yao Xi beside her and asked quietly, “Did you really deliver the lychees?”

Yao Xi stood to the side, dumbfounded. The lychees were poisoned? How unlucky was she! Hearing the Empress Dowager’s question, she didn’t dare lie and answered honestly, “This slave did deliver them. As this slave previously told Your Majesty, when delivering the lychees, while waiting for Lady Lin to rise and receive them, this slave also got into a fight with the eunuchs at Lady Lin’s palace over the matter of Yunxiang.”

“Was that your duty? Or have you become addicted to doing the Bureau of Imperial Gardens’ work?” Wan Bi cast a sideways look at Yao Xi. She didn’t believe that Yao Xi had administered the poison. The little castrated donkey was not only cowardly but lacked any motive. However, the matter was still somewhat connected to the little castrated donkey. The Emperor ordering someone to bring her for questioning was reasonable.

Because of her relationship with the Emperor, he wouldn’t subject the little castrated donkey to torture—just questioning. But questioning didn’t need to take long, and with such a heavy wound, the little castrated donkey might not hold up. Wan Bi looked at Yao Xi earnestly and asked, “Did you administer the poison?”

Before Yao Xi could answer, Wan Bi added, “This bereaved one advises you to speak the truth. If you lie, never mind His Majesty—this bereaved one will be the first to show you no mercy.”

Yao Xi said innocently, “This slave truly knew nothing about it. The lychees were brought into the palace because this slave was helping an old eunuch from the Bureau of Imperial Gardens by carrying them on my way. This slave absolutely did nothing to them.”

“Very well. This bereaved one believes you.” Wan Bi addressed the several eunuchs from Qianqing Palace: “Return and tell His Majesty—bring evidence before you come to this bereaved one for a person.” She then turned and led Yao Xi back into the main hall.

Following behind the Empress Dowager, Yao Xi looked at her back and felt unspeakable gratitude. Every matter that seemed enormous to her was settled by the Empress Dowager with a single word. Yet amid her gratitude, she also felt deeply guilty. The Empress Dowager trusted her so much, but she was hiding far too many things from her.

“Thank you, Your Majesty, for believing this slave.” Yao Xi smoothed out the brocade cushion on the chair for the Empress Dowager, intending to help her sit. Before she could touch the Empress Dowager’s hand, she saw her abruptly pull her hand back. The Empress Dowager’s expressions and movements truly conveyed disdain… Was it really necessary? She was only bleeding a little. Not long ago, the Empress Dowager had been dying to take her as a male favorite—now she was disgusted by a little blood?

Wan Bi warily kept Yao Xi from touching her: “This bereaved one doesn’t need you to serve. Go sit far away over there. Let’s just talk.”

Her feelings toward Yao Xi were complicated now. She still liked the little castrated donkey, but she was also afraid of that body. She used to be afraid and disgusted too, but that unknown fear was easily overshadowed by the little castrated donkey’s beautiful face. But now it was different—every time she looked at the little castrated donkey’s body, she thought of that hand covered in blood earlier. It was a good thing she hadn’t removed the little castrated donkey’s trousers, or she would have been so repulsed she would have thrown the little castrated donkey back to the Bureau of Imperial Gardens.

Seeing the Empress Dowager’s adorable manner of avoiding her as if she were something terrifying, Yao Xi’s heart bloomed with joy.

She never expected the Empress Dowager to be afraid of her too. Fortune’s wheel really does turn!¹⁰ Before, it was always the Empress Dowager teasing and frightening her—she never imagined that before leaving the palace, she’d have a chance to turn the tables. Hahahahaha…

Yao Xi didn’t move away. Instead, she actively drew closer. She stood behind the Empress Dowager and massaged her shoulders while saying, “This slave won’t leave. This slave still wants to serve Your Majesty!” She couldn’t help but secretly rejoice behind the Empress Dowager’s back. The moment she placed her hands on the Empress Dowager’s shoulders, she felt them shrink into a tense ball.

“No need!” Wan Bi twisted her shoulders and spoke sternly: “If you don’t want to die, take your paws off this bereaved one!”

The Empress Dowager’s words used to work as threats, but now they had no effect. Because she had come to feel that the Empress Dowager genuinely cared for her, genuinely worried about her, couldn’t bear to punish her, and couldn’t bear for her to die. Perhaps this was taking liberties owing to favor?

Yao Xi not only didn’t remove her hands, she leaned down and wrapped her arm around the Empress Dowager’s neck, pressing her face against the Empress Dowager’s ear and whispering, “Didn’t Your Majesty want this slave to serve in your bed?” Yao Xi was grateful she wasn’t viewing herself from a third-person perspective—otherwise she would have been so disgusted by her own behavior she would have vomited.

“Begone!” Wan Bi’s flesh crept. She truly had no appetite for Yao Xi’s body. If she had known that certain place was so prone to bleeding, she absolutely wouldn’t have entertained the slightest thought of taking the little castrated donkey as a male favorite. “Are you seeking death?” Wan Bi turned her head and glared fiercely at Yao Xi.

“This slave is Your Majesty’s male favorite. Serving Your Majesty is this slave’s duty.” Yao Xi spoke as she circled from behind the chair, and in her recklessness, plopped herself directly into the Empress Dowager’s lap.

Wan Bi’s eyes went wide with shock. The moment she thought of Yao Xi’s wound that wouldn’t stop bleeding, she had the illusion that her own clothes were already soaked through with blood. “You—!” Wan Bi looked up and met Yao Xi’s stunned face.

Seeing that the Empress Dowager was genuinely angry, Yao Xi immediately backed down. She was truly afraid the Empress Dowager would either take her or kill her—they were about to escape the palace, was she really going to lose her life over a prank?

“This slave deserves death!” Yao Xi struggled to rise, but her center of gravity was unstable, and she flailed for a long time without being able to stand. Instead, she sank deeper into the Empress Dowager’s embrace.

“Little Yaozi!” Wan Bi’s voice was impatient.

“Mm-hm.”

“This bereaved one’s leg has gone numb!” Wan Bi glared at Yao Xi, who was still lounging in her lap.

Yao Xi quickly steadied herself against the edge of the table and stood up. She knelt on one knee beside the Empress Dowager and said, “This slave will massage Your Majesty’s leg.”

“Begone! Tomorrow, have Imperial Physician Fu examine your wound.”

Hearing the Empress Dowager say “tomorrow,” Yao Xi lowered her head in shame.

Once tonight passed, she and the Empress Dowager would be parted forever. At this thought, a sudden wave of sorrow rose in her heart, and her eyes grew misty.

Consort Liu tossed the scripture she had just finished copying into the incense burner to burn. Then she took out a cloth and held the spirit tablet¹¹ that stood on the offering table, cradling it in her arms, wiping it clean with great care before returning it to its place.

Her gugu beside her seemed to have something to report.

Consort Liu placed her index finger against her lips, then pointed to the spirit tablet on the offering table and said, “Let’s speak outside. Not in front of the child.” Enshrined in this room was the spirit tablet of her prematurely deceased son, the Ninth Prince Feng Yun. The child had been gone for two years, yet she still came to the spirit tablet every day to copy scriptures and offer prayers. Her child had been murdered; without scriptures to deliver his soul, she feared he wouldn’t be able to reincarnate.

“Your Highness, the Emperor has sent people to our palace to inspect all the eunuchs’ bodies,” the gugu reported. “Because a fake eunuch who wasn’t fully castrated was discovered in Lady Lin’s palace, His Majesty suspects that Lady Lin’s child is not the dragon’s seed¹².”

“What is there to suspect?” Consort Liu said coldly. “It was a bastard child to begin with. How could she have become pregnant from being favored by His Majesty just once?” She then returned to recline on her couch and waved for her gugu to come massage her legs.

“Your Highness speaks the truth,” the gugu said, kneeling and squatting before the couch.

“Instruct the servants in this palace to cooperate properly and not cause any trouble.” Consort Liu picked up her tea cup and took a sip. “It’s a pity that proving the child isn’t His Majesty’s is easy, but proving it is His Majesty’s is difficult. This palace remembers a eunuch went missing from the Empress’s palace?”

“Your Highness means…?”

“Her good days should also be coming to an end. Yun’er cannot have died in vain!” Consort Liu’s expression remained listless.

Footnotes

A government office or official residence in imperial China.
A heated brick bed-platform common in northern China.
A male concubine or favored romantic/sexual partner in the imperial palace, often a eunuch.
A physical examination to verify a eunuch's castration status.
A lidded container for carrying meals.
The brush, ink, paper, and inkstone used in traditional calligraphy.
Paper currency representing silver, used for large transactions.
The period between 3 AM and 5 AM, when palace gates reopen after the nighttime lock.
The period between 5 PM and 7 PM.
A Chinese saying meaning that fortune changes over time, and today's winner may be tomorrow's loser.
A wooden or paper tablet inscribed with the name of a deceased person, used for memorial worship in Chinese tradition.
A term referring to the Emperor's progeny; implies legitimate imperial bloodline.

Footnotes

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