Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 62
by Little PandaThe Empress Dowager is So Wicked
Wan Bi’s hand still hung in midair. The scene was somewhat awkward.
Wait, what had the little castrated donkey just said? Telling her to have some self-respect? Did he have a death wish?!
“Why are you running?” Wan Bi lowered her hand, her expression dark as she looked at Yao Xi. “Come here!”
Yao Xi stood far away without moving, each word ringing out clearly. “Your Majesty said that when encountering this kind of situation, one should flee immediately. One must not refrain from offending just because the other party is a master. This slave remembers Your Majesty’s teachings well.”
This little thing was playing hard to get with her again! Wan Bi’s expression grew even darker. She simply refused to indulge the little castrated donkey’s bad habit. “This bereaved one commands you to come over! Do you intend to disobey an imperial decree?” Wan Bi was starting to get angry.
Yao Xi was determined to survive this test. If she foolishly went over there, she would be disregarding Her Majesty’s honor and the Late Emperor’s dignity! Her Majesty might be threatening her now, but if she actually went over and had any physical contact with Her Majesty, that would truly be a path to certain death.
“This slave cannot obey!” Let the test come even more fiercely!
If he wouldn’t come, he wouldn’t come! She really had no way to deal with this little stubborn donkey. Wan Bi suppressed her anger and pointed at the several large chests in the hall, trying her best to remain calm. “Do you not want even this grace?”
Grace? Her Majesty wanted to reward her? Yao Xi didn’t hesitate for a moment. She dropped to her knees with a thud. “This slave thanks Her Majesty for the grace.” She planned to resolve the Yunxiang matter and discuss with Noble Lady Lan whether there was a chance to leave the palace in the next few days. Her Majesty was always generous with rewards. She had been worrying about not having saved enough silver, and here Her Majesty was giving her a reward.
Yao Xi understood clearly in her heart. This was a reward for passing the test earlier. Good thing she dodged Her Majesty’s hand trying to touch her face. Hehehe.
“Open and take a look! It’s all yours.” Wan Bi watched Yao Xi’s money-hungry appearance, and her mood improved considerably. The little castrated donkey truly had never seen the world—every time she rewarded him with something, his reaction was extremely exaggerated. Don’t be in a hurry to be happy; there’s an even greater grace still to come! A smile appeared on Wan Bi’s face, and in that smile was a trace of shyness.
“All… all this slave’s?” Yao Xi wanted to cry again. Why did Her Majesty always extend a helping hand just when she needed it most? Unfortunately, she could only repay Her Majesty’s great kindness in the next life. Yao Xi stood up and casually opened the nearest chest. Her face instantly revealed an expression of disbelief.
Good heavens! The gold and silver items in the chest were enough for her to spend in a lifetime. And this was just one chest!
One, two, three, four… there were six chests in total. This reward was too much, too heavy—so much that Yao Xi suspected this was actually another trap! Her Majesty wasn’t digging pits for her for the first time. Yao Xi’s gaze sharpened.
She thought briefly and understood. Her Majesty first actively seduced her to test whether she was lustful, then gave lavish rewards to test whether she was greedy. The lust test was easy to pass; the greed test—she had nearly fallen!
Good thing she was clever.
Yao Xi bade a reluctant farewell in her heart to the several chests of things, then put on a righteous face as she said to the Empress Dowager: “One should not accept rewards without merit. This slave is not qualified to receive Your Majesty’s reward!”
She had originally thought that since she would be leaving the palace soon, she actually felt some reluctance toward the Empress Dowager. But after being trapped in two pits in a row, that bit of reluctance had long been worn away in her exhaustion. Serving beside the Empress Dowager was truly too dangerous. Her heart was so tired—and this wasn’t even the end of it. Perhaps there was a third pit waiting!
“These things are not a reward. They are the betrothal gifts for taking you as my male favorite1.” Seeing that the little castrated donkey remained oblivious, Wan Bi could only speak plainly. After saying this, her face reddened again. Clearly it was the little castrated donkey who yearned for her day and night, yet in the end, she was the one taking the initiative. Fine, the little castrated donkey had the heart but not the guts—she would take the initiative, so she would take the initiative!
In Wan Bi’s imagination, after she said this, the little castrated donkey, having gotten his wish, would be stunned for a moment, and once he came back to his senses, he would kneel and thank her profusely…
No. She was wrong. The little castrated donkey’s brain must have been kicked by a donkey.
Yao Xi was very calm. Having dodged two major pits in a row, she was now handling things with ease. Just as expected, the third pit arrived. After the temptation of wealth and beauty, the pit of status came too. Take her, a eunuch, as a male favorite? She didn’t even have a little hook—how could she serve Her Majesty? She’d have to have her brain kicked by a donkey to believe that.
“Please, Your Majesty, take back this command! This slave is loyal to Your Majesty unto death, but would never dare harbor such delusions. It doesn’t matter what happens to this slave, but this slave would never dare tarnish Your Majesty’s reputation!” Yao Xi sneered in her heart. Heh, Your Majesty, bring out all your damaging moves—I’ll see what you’ve got, and I’ll counter every one.
Having dodged one pit after another, Yao Xi felt she could publish a textbook in the palace. She’d call it “On the Self-Cultivation of Being a Slave,” also known as “The Pits the Empress Dowager Dug Over the Years.”
Wan Bi’s patience was nearly worn through. A master’s command should simply be obeyed—how could a slave bargain? But hearing Yao Xi say she feared tarnishing her reputation, her heart felt sweet.
The little castrated donkey genuinely loved her and was doing it for her good! If it were any other slave, given the chance to climb up to her, they would have long since kowtowed in gratitude. Those people only cared about what benefits they could get—they wouldn’t care if she were reviled by others! The little castrated donkey was different. He would rather hide his love for her deep in his heart and silently guard her from the sidelines, than satisfy his own selfish desires and let her suffer the slightest harm.
As for the Yimeng Fragrance—perhaps it wasn’t a seduction, just a bitter, veiled confession.
When she approached, the little castrated donkey told her to have some self-respect. Her rewards, he wouldn’t accept. What the little castrated donkey wanted was never her wealth or beauty—he just wanted to quietly stay by her side.
“This bereaved one has done enough things to be infamous for ten thousand years. This little bit doesn’t matter. Little Yaozi…” Wan Bi said gently. “Give thanks. From now on, you are this bereaved one’s person.”
Yao Xi could feel the sincerity in Her Majesty’s words. Her Majesty usually loved to joke with her; moments when she spoke seriously were rare. If Her Majesty’s tone suddenly turned serious, it absolutely could not be a joke.
She was afraid. The triumphant expression from matching wits with Her Majesty vanished from her face. “Is Your Majesty truly taking this slave as a male favorite?”
“Truly.” Wan Bi smiled. She still couldn’t accept the little castrated donkey’s body, but it didn’t matter. What she cared about was the little castrated donkey’s rare, unalloyed sincerity toward her. “Why aren’t you giving thanks?”
Yao Xi felt one of the two swords hanging over her head already at her neck. She knew that in the palace, some good-looking eunuchs not only served their masters during the day but also at night. If she were a real eunuch, she wouldn’t necessarily refuse—to be honest, with Her Majesty’s beauty and status, she would be reaching above her station.
But she was a girl! If Her Majesty stripped off her clothes, she would certainly die. Yao Xi’s brain began spinning frantically, thinking of how to escape this calamity. She also blamed Sun Xibao’s appearance for being too good—otherwise, she wouldn’t have caught the Empress Dowager’s eye.
Wan Bi watched Yao Xi kneel, smiling as she waited for her to give thanks.
Who knew that Yao Xi would kowtow and say: “Reporting to Your Majesty. This slave already has a duishi…”
Agreeing meant certain death. Taking a gamble might mean a chance at survival. Her Majesty’s status was noble—surely she wouldn’t compete with a palace maid for a duishi? Miss Yunxiang, I’m sorry. If I survive this calamity, I will definitely repay your life-saving grace properly. “It’s Yunxiang from Lady Lin’s palace.”
Wan Bi didn’t believe it. She had looked into the little castrated donkey’s background. Although the Imperial Household Department’s records couldn’t be found, the little castrated donkey had previously worked at the Bureau of Imperial Gardens’ office and had dealt with few palace maids. Yunxiang? Never heard of her. If he had said Hanqiu, she might have believed it. “When did this happen?”
She roughly understood why the little castrated donkey was lying—first, out of consideration for her reputation, and second, out of shame about his ruined body. A male favorite was for serving in bed. She couldn’t stand a eunuch’s body, so she actually hadn’t intended to have the little castrated donkey serve in bed—but the little castrated donkey didn’t know that.
Because of this, although she hated slaves lying the most, she didn’t get angry. She could still forgive lies that had justifiable reasons.
“Just now… This slave saw some eunuchs in Lady Lin’s palace peeking at Yunxiang bathing, and helped her chase them away. Later, when Yunxiang came out, this slave saw that she had just finished bathing and was enveloped in steam, her figure graceful and lovely, and was moved. Yunxiang also had a grateful heart toward this slave, so she agreed…” Yao Xi spoke with particular sincerity. Her life was at stake—if she didn’t act like she had fallen for Yunxiang at first sight, would Her Majesty believe her?
Wan Bi listened expressionlessly. The little castrated donkey spoke so earnestly—if she didn’t already know his heart belonged to her, she might have actually believed it. And what “just finished bathing, enveloped in steam, figure graceful and lovely”? Even knowing it was a lie, hearing the little castrated donkey praise another woman like this, she was still somewhat angry.
“This bereaved one hates dishonest slaves the most, so I’ll give you one last chance!” Wan Bi’s gaze swept coldly over Yao Xi as she spoke, word by word. “What is your relationship with that Yunxiang?”
Being interrogated by the Empress Dowager, saying she wasn’t afraid would be a lie. But Yao Xi had no retreat path—either continue lying, or agree to be a male favorite. Comparing the two, lying still had a greater chance of survival. It was just that she hadn’t coordinated with Yunxiang—if Her Majesty sent someone to verify, even if Yunxiang wanted to help her, it would be easy to slip up! So Yao Xi changed her words: “This slave deserves death, I shouldn’t have lied to Your Majesty…”
Wan Bi’s expression improved slightly. That was right. Was admitting he loved her really that difficult? The little castrated donkey was truly cowardly—even with the person he yearned for day and night right in front of his mouth, he didn’t dare take a bite.
“This slave fell in love with Yunxiang at first sight and developed feelings, but she didn’t agree.” Saying it this way was foolproof. Yao Xi felt much more at ease. Her knees were starting to hurt—serving beside a master meant either standing or kneeling—so she shifted position while Her Majesty wasn’t paying attention.
“Heh—” Wan Bi sneered. Can’t make it up anymore? She understood the little castrated donkey’s feelings, and she understood his concerns, but she really didn’t have the patience to keep dragging this out with him. And the little castrated donkey’s knees were clearly hurting from kneeling; she felt a bit distressed too.
Actually, dealing with the little castrated donkey, the most effective method was still just that one: “This bereaved one will give Eunuch two choices. Give thanks and obediently become this bereaved one’s male favorite, or take your own life.”
Yao Xi was living quite comfortably now—she was no longer the person who would lose heart and seek death at the slightest provocation. Her Majesty had pushed her to this point; what else could she do but agree? She’d take it one step at a time. First, stall and find an opportunity to leave the palace. Agreeing had one huge benefit too—all these chests were hers. She’d never have to worry about money for the rest of her life.
“This slave thanks Your Majesty for the grace.” Yao Xi kowtowed with a sorrowful face.
“Get up!” Wan Bi’s mood wasn’t very good either. When had taking on a slave ever been this troublesome? Coaxing and persuading, threatening and enticing—the little castrated donkey really got a bargain and still acted like he was suffering.
Yao Xi thought of Yunxiang, who was in dire straits in Lady Lin’s palace. After standing up, she squeezed out a smile to curry favor with the Empress Dowager: “About Yunxiang’s matter…”
Wan Bi glared at Yao Xi. Save that palace maid? She had almost wanted to kill her just now. But the little castrated donkey was already her person, and what he had just said wasn’t true—there was no need to eat that vinegar. “This bereaved one will send someone to give Lady Lin a reminder. No need to transfer her. Also, go back to your room, take off that eunuch skin, change your clothes, and come serve this bereaved one’s bath!”
She was still bothered by Yao Xi saying that Yunxiang had “just finished bathing and was enveloped in steam, her figure graceful and lovely.”
Little thing, this bereaved one will let you see what true grace and beauty looks like!
0 Comments