Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 127
by Little PandaThe Empress Dowager Refuses
Cao Yue went to the Directorate of Ceremonial with a dark face. The moment he arrived at Zheng Dayun’s courtyard, he grabbed a little eunuch and demanded in a harsh tone, “Where is your Eunuch Zheng?”
The little eunuch smiled knowingly. “Lord Cao, have you come this early to pick up Eunuch Zheng from his shift?”
“Piss off!!! If you dare spout any more nonsense, this old man will tear your mouth apart!” Cao Yue was so furious he wanted to wash the Directorate of Ceremonial in blood. He flushed with rage and shouted, “Tell him to get his ass out here right now!” Spending even an extra second in the Directorate of Ceremonial was pure torture for him. Now that he’d made this trip, there would undoubtedly be a flood of new rumors tomorrow.
The little eunuch didn’t dare smile anymore. Lord Cao was in such a massive rage—had the two of them had a lovers’ quarrel? Fearing he might be caught in the crossfire, he explained, trembling, “Eunuch Zheng took a half-day off and went back to his residence. He won’t be back at the yamen1 until tomorrow morning. Didn’t he mention this to you, My Lord?”
Cao Yue let go of the little eunuch, turned around, and walked out with swift strides.
He must have sold out his country in his past life! Otherwise, how could he be so cursed as to get entangled with Zheng Dayun? Worst of all, the ledger of the Zhu family’s property confiscation was highly confidential and couldn’t be seen by others, meaning he couldn’t simply have another eunuch at the Directorate of Ceremonial pass it along. He had to make a trip to Zheng Dayun’s home himself.
Crap! Why not just use the excuse of delivering the ledger to slaughter Zheng Dayun once and for all? If Zheng Dayun didn’t die and they continued to be dragged into this messy entanglement, not only would he remain the laughingstock of everyone, but he’d also likely end up dying alone.
Cao Yue was only letting his mind run wild to satisfy his frustration. Without his master’s decree, he wouldn’t kill anyone.
But if he really did kill Zheng Dayun…
He could already picture everyone offering him condolences. The Emperor might even command him to arrange the funeral for the orphaned, childless, and completely solitary Zheng Dayun. Crap!!!
At dusk, as the end of the shift approached, the officials of the Directorate of Ceremonial poured out of their offices, and people were bustling to and fro.
Cao Yue walked out in silence, his feet moving like the wind, yet he still couldn’t escape the gossiping gazes of the crowd.
“Has Lord Cao come to find Eunuch Zheng?”
“Yes. I’m here to deliver something on His Majesty’s orders.” At first, Cao Yue still had the patience to explain.
“The two of you are far too clingy. Didn’t you just part ways this morning?”
He wanted to curse. What did they mean, “just parted ways this morning”? He didn’t live with Zheng Dayun!
What terrified him most was running into his subordinates from the Pacification and Sentry Office who had come to handle some business.
“Oh, Boss! What are you doing here? Didn’t you go to the palace to audience His Majesty?” The Embroidered Uniform Guard who bumped into Cao Yue was startled at first, but then he immediately wore that same knowing grin that everyone in the Directorate of Ceremonial gave him. “Oh… Tsk, tsk… How affectionate! You and Eunuch Zheng are truly an inspiration to us all, Boss!”
Cao Yue stopped the big-mouthed guard, taking the opportunity to exact personal revenge. “Once you’re finished with your business here at the Directorate of Ceremonial, put in some extra effort tonight. Go to the prison and interrogate the suspects we arrested today!”
“Boss… I just pulled an all-nighter last night…”
Cao Yue ignored him. Letting out a cold snort, he tapped his toes lightly against the ground and leaped onto the wall of the Directorate of Ceremonial.
He was truly terrified of running into anyone else!
Zheng Dayun soaked in the steam-shrouded hot spring, blissfully closing his eyes, which were bloodshot from exhaustion.
For the past few days, in order to oversee the property confiscation of Lord State Uncle’s Residence, he had been eating and sleeping at the Directorate of Ceremonial. Having finally finished his work and returned home, his greatest pleasure was to soak in the hot spring behind his private residence to relieve his fatigue. He could only rest for a brief moment before he had to rush back to the yamen. His godfather, Eunuch Tang, had fallen ill and was recovering inside the palace, leaving him and a few of his brothers to manage the affairs of the Directorate of Ceremonial with extra care. They had to be particularly vigilant against Meng Delai.
Why was his godfather, Eunuch Tang, recovering in a small courtyard in Qianqing Palace instead of returning to his private residence outside the palace? Because his illness was merely a cover—he’d actually been poisoned, and Qianqing Palace was the safest place for him.
The Eastern Depot had begun making major moves, and they couldn’t simply sit and wait for death.
Zheng Dayun scooped up a handful of water and rubbed his face vigorously, trying to wash away his exhaustion. As soon as he finished, he suddenly felt someone standing on the shore behind him, a massive dark shadow looming over him…
His godfather had just been poisoned by the Eastern Depot. Could it be…
Zheng Dayun stood up abruptly and splashed a wave of water toward the dark shadow behind him, hoping to blind the assassin temporarily so he could escape. His body was incomplete, and he wasn’t accustomed to having anyone nearby while he soaked in the hot spring. Now that an assassin had slipped into his estate, he had no way to even cry out for help.
“Zheng Dayun!” Cao Yue wiped the water from his face, looking down at his clothes, which had been thoroughly drenched by the hot spring water. He used every ounce of his strength to suppress the urge to draw his blade and end Zheng Dayun right then and there. “Are you f*cking out of your mind?”
“Cao Yue?” Standing in the waist-deep spring, Zheng Dayun sheepishly crossed his arms to block his chest. “You’re the one who’s out of your mind! Creeping in here to watch me bathe… Have you gone completely sex-starved? If you’ve never seen a man before, go look at yourself! Pervert!”
“Are you a f*cking man?” Cao Yue pulled out the ledger given by Emperor Ming Cheng from his robes and said, “His Majesty ordered me to deliver something to you. Do you think this master of yours had nothing better to do than come here willingly? I was worried it’d dirty my eyes!”
“Cao Yue! Watch your mouth, you prick!” Zheng Dayun tightly covered his chest and barked, “Don’t think we eunuchs are easy targets.”
“That’s my line! This old man is a Rank 2 Commander! Even your godfather, Tang Huaili, has to treat me with respect when he sees me. Who the hell do you think you are?” Cao Yue tossed the ledger onto a dry rock on the shore and said impatiently, “I’ve delivered what His Majesty ordered. Keep it safe. But seeing how extravagant your estate is, you’d better embezzle carefully. Don’t let any dirt fall into this master’s hands!”
Zheng Dayun panted heavily with rage, utterly speechless.
Cao Yue rolled his eyes contemptuously, tapped his toes, and flew back up onto the courtyard wall.
Zheng Dayun soaked in the hot spring, fuming for a while. Suddenly, he felt another dark shadow fall behind him. Turning around impatiently, he snapped, “Is there no end to this—”
His jaw dropped, and the expression on his face instantly shifted from disgust to sheer terror.
The real assassins had arrived!
There were three of them, dressed in everyday clothes. They were so brazen they didn’t even bother to cover their faces; it was clear they were determined to take his life.
Zheng Dayun scrambled backward two steps in the water, his face turning deathly pale from fear.
“Guards! Help!” Zheng Dayun cried out desperately. He knew that by the time anyone arrived, it’d be too late; the best-case scenario would be them recovering his corpse.
The three men advanced across the water, their swords glinting with a cold light.
In his despair, a dark figure suddenly flew over the courtyard wall where Cao Yue had just vanished. Swinging his sword, he kicked up a massive splash of water, scooped Zheng Dayun out of the pool under the cover of the spray, and carried him as he flew back to the shore.
“Cao Yue?” Even in the face of death, Zheng Dayun didn’t forget to use the ledger on the shore to cover his lower body. He gazed up adoringly at Cao Yue, who stood before him, fighting fiercely. “Watch your back! Yes! He’s slashing from the left! Be careful!”
“Can’t you f*cking do something other than sit there and watch? Go fetch some reinforcements, will you? This old man’s arms are already sore from fighting!” Cao Yue deeply regretted coming back. He’d already reached the main street when he spotted several sneaky figures slipping into Zheng Dayun’s estate. In a moment of sheer madness, he’d followed them.
Had he known, he should’ve just let them slaughter Zheng Dayun!
“How can I go when I’m stark naked?” Zheng Dayun said, looking somewhat conflicted. Running out like this was far too humiliating, and besides, he had full confidence in Cao Yue’s prowess.
Cao Yue wanted nothing more than to defect on the spot and help those three kill Zheng Dayun.
“Your f*cking life is on the line, and you’re still acting so squeamish? Get moving! Otherwise, your grandpa here is going to stop fighting!”
Zheng Dayun had no choice but to use the ledger to block his front, cover his buttocks with his hands, and waddle out to summon help.
By the time he returned, the assassins were slumped in the pool, turning the water a deep crimson. Cao Yue had already vanished without a trace.
Inside the palace, dusk had already fallen. Wan Bi, who had only finished her midday meal very late, led Yao Xi into the study. “Xiao Yaozi, come here. This bereaved one has some things to instruct you on.”
“Mm-hmm.” Yao Xi obediently followed behind the Empress Dowager, and they stopped together in front of a bookshelf once they reached the study.
Wan Bi stood on her tiptoes, casually pulling a few books from the shelf and tossing them aside to retrieve a small handgun hidden behind them. It was made of brass, no larger than a palm, with three small barrels.
“Your Highness, this is…” Yao Xi was both bewildered and uneasy. Could it be that during her outing from the palace, some death-seeking fool had offended the Empress Dowager?
Wan Bi pressed the small handgun into Yao Xi’s arms. “This is for you to carry for self-defense. Aren’t you leaving the palace tomorrow? Even with people accompanying you, this bereaved one can’t feel at ease. This handgun can fire three consecutive shots. Though it can’t strike anything too far and lacks great power, it’s more than sufficient for close-quarters defense.”
Yao Xi was deeply moved, but… “Your Highness, I don’t know how to use it.”
“It’s not difficult. This bereaved one will teach you. Let’s start with loading the ammunition.” Wan Bi took back the handgun, pulled a silver canister containing gunpowder from the desk drawer, and demonstrated to Yao Xi. “First, pour a bit of gunpowder into the muzzle, then use this ramrod to pack the gunpowder tight. Once it’s packed tight, insert the lead ball…”
Wan Bi’s ten fingers fluttered deftly as she worked, her movements seamless and swift. In the blink of an eye, she had loaded one of the barrels. She said gently to Yao Xi, “Give it a try. There’s no need to be afraid. Just don’t point the muzzle at yourself and you’ll be fine. Oh, and pointing it at this bereaved one isn’t allowed either.”
Yao Xi felt a sudden spark of excitement. Across two lifetimes, she’d never touched a gun before!
“Let me try then.” Following what the Empress Dowager had just taught her, Yao Xi successfully loaded the second barrel. Once finished, she realized it was actually quite simple. Almost as if she were getting addicted, she proactively loaded the third barrel without waiting for Her Highness’s instruction. “Your Highness, is it like this?”
“Yes.” Wan Bi watched from the side with satisfaction, her face sporting a gentle, maternal smile. “A promising pupil. Would you like to fire a shot to try it out?”
“If others hear the noise, won’t they think an assassin has breached the palace? Let’s not do it.” Yao Xi looked down at the little gadget in her hand, hesitating slightly.
Wan Bi dragged Yao Xi straight to the main hall, pointing at the thickest pillar. “Others will only think our palace is setting off firecrackers. Let’s use that!”
Yao Xi was still fraught with worry. “If we shoot down this pillar, the building will collapse, right?”
Wan Bi couldn’t stand Yao Xi’s dallying. Snatching the handgun directly from her, she fired a shot at the pillar without another word. Following the bang, a wisp of gunpowder-scented smoke drifted through the air, leaving a shallow notch on the red-lacquered pillar, the wood splinters within scorched black.
“If a pillar could be brought down by this tiny handgun, wouldn’t it collapse from a mere gust of wind?” Wan Bi pulled a silk handkerchief from her robes, folded it, and padded the handle of the gun before handing it to Yao Xi. “The handgun has recoil. Pad the web of your hand with the handkerchief, and it won’t hurt as much.”
Yao Xi took the handgun. Screwing up her courage, she raised her arm and aimed the muzzle at the pillar.
Bang!!!
The moment she fired, Yao Xi closed her eyes in fright. Only after a long moment did she slowly open them, carefully checking the pillar for any new marks. She eventually found her own just below the bullet scar left by the Empress Dowager—the red lacquer had been chipped away, leaving a similarly shallow notch.
“Isn’t it easy?” Wan Bi stepped forward with a smile and took the handgun from Yao Xi’s hand. Gently blowing on the reddened web of her hand with concern, she said, “The first time is always a bit painful. You’ll get used to it after some practice.”
Yao Xi knew Her Highness was talking about the handgun, but with her dirty little mind, hearing these words made her head spin with recollections of their “first time” in the warm pavilion the previous night. Surprisingly, unlike the rumors she’d heard, it hadn’t hurt at all. She was truly fortunate.
She just didn’t know if Her Highness had felt any pain… Yao Xi’s face flushed crimson at the images conjured by her own thoughts.
“What are you grinning about?” Seeing Yao Xi secretly smiling, Wan Bi couldn’t help but smile as well. “There are a few more things you must take with you when you leave the palace tomorrow.” Wan Bi went into the study to rummage around for a bit, returning with a small, carved wooden box cradled in her arms.
She placed the box on the desk in the main hall and took the items out one by one, giving Yao Xi detailed instructions.
“This packet is quicklime. If anyone tries to bully you, pull it out and blow it into their eyes. But remember, you must close your own eyes when you blow it, or else if the wind blows back at you…” Wan Bi paused, thinking it seemed somewhat hazardous, and shook her head. “Forget it. Don’t take this one.”
“This bottle is hemostatic ointment. If you’re severely injured, quickly scoop some out and smear a thick layer over the wound.”
“This vial is poison. If anyone abducts you, find an opportunity to poison them to death. It’s colorless and odorless, so they won’t detect it. Even if you ingest it by mistake, there’s no need to panic—this other vial is the antidote. Have you got them clearly distinguished?”
“You must bring this hairpin along. Look, with just a gentle twist like this, it can fire a toxic needle.”
…
“Oh, and don’t let your cravings get the better of you on the streets. I’ll have the kitchen prepare a food box for you tomorrow morning, and they must brew some sour plum drink for you to carry. The weather is getting warmer; what if you suffer a heatstroke?”
“Um… Your Highness, I’m only leaving the palace for two shichen2, not going to war. Besides, our Daxing Dynasty is prosperous and peaceful, and the commoners are law-abiding…” Yao Xi felt slightly overwhelmed by the sheer weight of the Empress Dowager’s love. Yet she was deeply moved. Her Highness was clearly terrified for her safety, yet she hadn’t taken the easy way out by issuing a decree forbidding her from leaving the palace.
Looking at the heap of items before her, Wan Bi suddenly felt a wave of melancholy. “Just take them all, alright? Otherwise, this bereaved one can’t be at peace.” She feared that Yao Xi might go hungry, grow tired, suffer grievances, or encounter wicked people outside, and she wouldn’t be there to protect her.
“Alright! I’ll bring them all.” Yao Xi took two steps forward, nesting herself in the Empress Dowager’s arms as she teased, “Your Highness really has no need to worry. I don’t have a reputation as terrible as yours, so no one would ever want to assassinate me.”
Wan Bi had been feeling rather sentimental about their impending brief separation, but upon hearing Yao Xi’s words, her melancholy snapped instantly with a sharp crack. Pushing Yao Xi out of her arms without mercy, she chided with a laugh, “You wretched girl! Say that again if you dare!”
Yao Xi tilted her little face upward and playfully stuck out her tongue. “I don’t dare, so I won’t say it. If you have the ability, Your Highness, bite me!”
Bite her she would! Wan Bi cupped Yao Xi’s face in her hands and kissed her deeply.
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