Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 63

The Empress Dowager Says No

Serving the Empress Dowager’s bath was not a difficult task for Yao Xi, nor was there anything to be embarrassed about.

Her Majesty had what she had—what was there to be shy about?

            

Back in college, the school had communal bathhouses. At first she had been a bit uncomfortable, but after going a few times she had loosened up. Walking around naked and greeting acquaintances became routine. Later she had transformed from innocent to experienced, occasionally cracking risqué jokes with female classmates in the bathhouse.

For instance: “XX, why do you have pimples on your back?”

Those who understood the joke would laugh and curse back.

            

The still-innocent younger schoolmates would very seriously check their own backs, then after realizing, shyly cover their chests with their bath towels and say with flushed faces, “Senior sister, you’re so mean.” Before long, those innocents would shed their purity too—and become even raunchier and more violent.

She really missed those good old days of teasing people! Too bad she could never go back. After transmigrating here, she had not only become a eunuch, but also the Empress Dowager’s male favorite… Making a eunuch a male favorite? The Empress Dowager certainly had imagination.

Yao Xi stood before the mirror and changed into the set of brand new pale apricot everyday clothes Her Majesty had recently bestowed upon her. When she finished dressing and fastened her belt, she could not help but pray silently: Massaging Her Majesty’s shoulders, kneading her legs, serving tea and water, helping her bathe and change clothes—all no problem. But please, please do not strip off her clothes!

            

From her observations serving Her Majesty these past days, the Empress Dowager actually had no issues with her private conduct. Hopefully she would continue to keep it that way.

Wan Bi had ordered the hot water prepared. She had gone to Qianqing Palace¹ early that morning, and with the weather growing warmer these past two days, she had sweated a bit. She genuinely wanted to bathe and change clothes. Having Yao Xi serve her was not about seducing the little castrated donkey—her very existence was an irresistible temptation to him. Besides, she was wary of a eunuch’s body, so the two of them would not actually do anything.

She planned to let the little castrated donkey have a proper moment of awe. Let him not be so pathetic, getting starry-eyed over some mediocre-looking palace maid fresh from the bath. The only person the little castrated donkey should pine for in his dreams was her! Even if she could not actually do anything with him, the person he dreamed of while his heart fluttered with spring desire could only be her.

            

Speaking of spring dreams, Wan Bi thought again of those two dreams. If even she was like this, she could only imagine how the little castrated donkey, who had been lusting after her for so long, must have tormented her in his dreams. Thinking of Yao Xi’s dreams carrying all those youthful longings, Wan Bi felt both disgusted and sweetly moved, with a touch of heartache. Those feelings a eunuch had were not easily resolved—how miserable must the little castrated donkey be, always wanting that sort of thing because of her!

Wan Bi sat in the hall waiting for Yao Xi to finish changing and return to serve. Suddenly a figure blocked the light at the entrance. She looked up to see Yao Xi with her long hair bound up under a cap, wearing the pale apricot everyday clothes she had bestowed—every inch a fresh-faced young gentleman.

Truly beautiful! Wan Bi stared somewhat dazedly, then sighed again in her heart: What a pity he was a eunuch!

            

“This slave will serve Your Majesty’s bath.” Yao Xi stepped forward properly and supported the Empress Dowager. She still thought of herself as a servant attending the Empress Dowager. The term “male favorite” in her mind simply meant a bed companion for one’s master. She had no talent for being a bed companion, so she would just be an honest servant!

Wan Bi rose with a smile. “The days of serving this bereaved one will be long. What’s the rush?” Look at this impatient little look on the little castrated donkey. Too bad he was overthinking it—she only wanted him to serve, she had not promised to let him look. Letting the little castrated donkey see her after the bath was enough. As for anything else? In his dreams.

“…” Yao Xi listened with a confused face. She was not in a rush!

            

But hearing the Empress Dowager say the days of serving would be long, she felt a bit guilty. Her Majesty truly treated her well, and surely genuinely liked having her serve nearby. The palace was dangerous, but life outside was not easy either. If she were a man or a real eunuch, with no secrets on her body, perhaps she would be willing to stay and serve the Empress Dowager in the palace like this.

These days serving at Her Majesty’s side had been the happiest and most peaceful since she transmigrated. Her Majesty loved to tease and frighten her, but had never actually beaten or scolded her. Too bad she could not stay—not only was she a fake eunuch, but she also bore the identity of a criminal official’s son.

Entering the Empress Dowager’s bathing pool, the Lanye Pool², steam swirled inside, and flower petals floated artfully on the water’s surface. This was the first time Yao Xi learned that masters bathed in such enormous spaces. But wasn’t it frightening in such an empty place? She kept feeling like something terrible might suddenly emerge from that pool. Given the haunting at Jingling Palace, Yao Xi thought the possibility of such a situation was quite high.

            

“Undress this bereaved one!” Wan Bi spread her arms, waiting for Yao Xi to serve. She did not actually intend to let Yao Xi serve her bath—she only wanted to see the little castrated donkey’s excited, nervous, flustered, and helpless expression.

“Yes.” Yao Xi dutifully stepped forward, took hold of Her Majesty’s outer robe by the sleeves, removed the clothes, and hung them neatly on the nearby rack.

Seeing the little castrated donkey’s calm face, eyes not wandering, movements measured, Wan Bi actually felt a bit annoyed: Was her charm insufficient, or had the little castrated donkey’s brain truly been addled by drugs? His attitude was far too indifferent!

            

“Get out! Call a palace maid to serve.” Wan Bi said to Yao Xi.

“Yes.” Yao Xi obediently withdrew, relieved. Honestly, she had been worried Her Majesty might do something to her in the Lanye Pool. If Her Majesty only wanted her to serve, she would not have bothered taking her as a male favorite. Since she had taken her as a male favorite, she definitely had those kinds of intentions.

Wan Bi had expected that when she ordered Yao Xi to leave, Yao Xi would feel regret and reluctance. Instead, the little castrated donkey retreated without a word, as if afraid she would eat him.

            

“Come back!” Wan Bi was provoked by Yao Xi’s indifferent manner.

“…” Yao Xi had no choice but to return, however unwilling. Her Majesty was truly fickle!

“Your Majesty.” Yao Xi walked back before the Empress Dowager and stood properly with hands lowered, awaiting orders.

            

Wan Bi reached out and pinched Yao Xi’s chin, lifting his face. “Look into this bereaved one’s eyes!”

Yao Xi obediently raised her head and looked.

“Do you know what a male favorite is?” The desire to pull the little castrated donkey tightly into her embrace rose again in Wan Bi’s heart. She could not perform man-woman matters, and could not even look at the little castrated donkey’s body. No matter—there were plenty of other ways to play!

            

Yao Xi nodded blankly. Of course she knew what a male favorite was! But she could not fulfill that role!

“Good that you know!” Wan Bi cold-faced, reached out, grabbed Yao Xi’s waist, and pulled him tightly into her embrace. Her other hand still held his chin as she lowered her head and kissed him.

Wan Bi knew she was kissing a eunuch—the moment she thought of that word, an inescapable feeling of revulsion rose in her heart. But the little castrated donkey’s lips were so soft, with a faint tea fragrance between them, and she could not bear to let go. The little castrated donkey’s waist was also slender and soft, his body pressed tightly against hers, his warm breath mingling with hers. Though this was her first time kissing anyone, driven by instinct and desire, she needed no instruction.

            

Yao Xi froze in shock, stiff as a board. She did not resist, nor did she dare to resist. And honestly, being kissed by a beauty like Her Majesty did not inspire revulsion—but she did not particularly enjoy it either…

Her Majesty’s kissing technique… was quite lacking. It could even be described as clumsy. She felt her two lips pressing and rubbing against Her Majesty’s… Mmh mmh. Just rubbing. No licking, sucking, or biting, and certainly nothing involving tongues.

If not for the fear of exciting Her Majesty’s animal instincts and making her tear off her clothes, Yao Xi would have really liked to teach the adorable Empress Dowager how to kiss properly.

            

She had been startled when suddenly kissed, but seeing Her Majesty’s clumsy manner, she wanted to laugh. She had heard eunuchs gossiping before—palace consorts studied seduction techniques extensively to compete for the Emperor’s favor. The Empress Dowager had been in the palace for ten-some years now, and had served the Late Emperor for five or six, hadn’t she? How was she still so green, like a young girl who had seen nothing of the world?

As Wan Bi kissed, she felt something was wrong… She released Yao Xi and looked down suspiciously at his small chest.

Yao Xi also stopped smiling and looked at her own chest. She suddenly realized—oh no! They had been pressed so close just now—would Her Majesty feel that her chest was wrapped up like a mummy?

            

“Why is your chest so hard?” Wan Bi asked, feeling a bit bruised.

Yao Xi hastily lied. “This slave is simply too thin.”

Wan Bi felt a bit disappointed: The little castrated donkey’s face was the only thing worth looking at; his body was truly useless. Her impulse to embrace the little castrated donkey faded—being pressed against him was too uncomfortable.

            

After they finished speaking, they looked at each other, then both shyly turned their heads away. To be precise, Wan Bi shyly turned her head away, while Yao Xi turned her face to avoid being caught snickering. Her Majesty’s kiss just now had been truly adorable—hahahahahaha!

When Wan Bi turned her head back, she caught Yao Xi pursing her lips, stealing a laugh. Her heart, which had been a bit wounded by Yao Xi’s earlier indifference, now felt better. Of course the little castrated donkey loved her—but why had he shown no reaction when she kissed him? Was his skin too thin for embarrassment? Was his technique too poor for him to show his inadequacy?

“Go out! You’re not needed to serve.” Wan Bi had forcefully kissed Yao Xi in a fit of anger, but after calming down, she felt not only shy and awkward but also regretful. A male favorite should be the one pleasing and accommodating his master—the little castrated donkey was truly dense. Some things she could not say plainly; she would have to find a gugu to teach the little castrated donkey how to be a proper male favorite!

            

Yao Xi finished her bow and withdrew. Every breath she took still carried the Empress Dowager’s fragrance. Recalling that kiss, Yao Xi smiled as she turned away.

Her Majesty was truly adorable. With technique that bad, what was she doing playing at “The Domineering Empress Dowager Falls for Me”? Pffft hahahahaha…

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After Wan Bi bathed and changed, it was time for the midday meal. She entered the dining hall before remembering—she had originally wanted the little castrated donkey to see her just out of the bath, standing gracefully amid the swirling mist. But after kissing the little castrated donkey, she had completely forgotten… Truly the little castrated donkey’s loss!

            

“Bring another set of chopsticks!” Wan Bi ordered the palace maid serving the meal.

Yao Xi stood to the side, quietly stealing glances at the Empress Dowager. After the kiss at the Lanye Pool, her impression of Her Majesty had changed dramatically. To the world, Her Majesty was a willfully wicked Demon Empress—the world hated her, feared her even more. But only she had seen the Empress Dowager’s maidenly, inexperienced side. Where was the Demon Empress in that Her Majesty just now?

Her Majesty’s innocent, maidenly side—shown only to her? Yao Xi suddenly felt moved.

            

“Little Yaozi. Sit down!” Wan Bi pointed to the stool beside her and spoke to Yao Xi.

“Her Majesty grants this slave permission to eat together?” Yao Xi felt even more moved.

Wan Bi rolled her eyes at Yao Xi and said coldly, “What are you thinking! This bereaved one is having you test for poison.” Afraid Yao Xi would eat everything cleanly again, the uneasy Wan Bi added, “If you dare eat sloppily like last time, see if this bereaved one lets you off!”

            

Test for poison? Could she say it any more bluntly? Did she not even use the term “taste the meal” as a cover anymore?

Hmph! Her Majesty was still Her Majesty! All of Yao Xi’s emotion instantly evaporated. She sorrowfully accepted the chopsticks the serving maid handed her.

“After the midday meal, accompany this bereaved one to Qianqing Palace.” Wan Bi looked with interest at Yao Xi’s trembling manner as she ate. The food had already been tasted by others—no poison. But she simply loved watching Yao Xi’s cowardly fear of death! She liked the little castrated donkey who feared death; the one who did not fear death was beyond her control.

            

“Didn’t Your Majesty just go this morning?” Yao Xi asked, then realized she was talking back. Wherever Her Majesty said to go, she went—was it her place to question? “This slave deserves death. If this slave is still alive after the midday meal, of course she will accompany Your Majesty.”

“Just keep being glib!” Wan Bi smiled and rolled her eyes at Yao Xi again. This time she was going to Qianqing Palace to make a scene. Didn’t Noble Lady Lan like the little castrated donkey? She would deliberately show up at her doorstep and act all lovey-dovey with the little castrated donkey right in front of her!

Thinking of Noble Lady Lan’s jealous and resentful expression, Wan Bi felt delighted. She picked up her chopsticks and personally served Yao Xi many dishes. “You know you’re too thin—eat more.” Otherwise there was nothing to feel when holding her.

            

Yao Xi could not feel the Empress Dowager’s kindness at all. These dishes—she did not even know if they were poisoned or not! Did Her Majesty realize she was feeding her poison or not?

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