Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 136
by Little PandaThe Empress Dowager Refuses
When Yao Xi woke the next day, she discovered she was wrecked — her entire body ached.
She’d done a few dozen push-ups in the study before bed the previous night, then soaked in Lanye Pool with the Empress Dowager for a while. Yet here she was, so sore she couldn’t even lift her arms. She thought back to her days serving at the Bureau of Imperial Gardens, when she’d haul boxes weighing dozens of jin1 in and out every day without a problem. Exercise really was something you couldn’t skip! Ever since coming to the Empress Dowager’s side, she’d done nothing but eat and sleep. Her only exercise was… with the Empress Dowager in bed… cough cough.
Yao Xi tried raising her arms — the pain was soul-rending! Her slender arms felt like they were hung with a cauldron weighing a thousand jin. Her abdomen hurt too, a cramping ache with every breath in and out.
She hadn’t felt this kind of pain in a long time.
Before transmigrating, she’d been a lazybones who’d ache for days after every PE class. After waking up in the Sun household, before she could even figure out what had happened, she was already being driven to work by Sun Ergou and his wife. The first few days she’d been worked to the bone, aching just like now, half-dead with pain. Eventually she’d grown used to it. Later, in the Bureau of Imperial Gardens, it was still nonstop labor. This body of hers was weak, sure, but underneath it had actually been remodeled into the sturdy constitution of a working person, remarkably resilient to abuse.
Who would have thought the Empress Dowager would pamper her right back to softness. She’d once been a hardworking, honest, fine-looking little eunuch, and the Empress Dowager had single-handedly raised her into a gluttonous, lazy, chubby… what bliss!
Yao Xi smiled sweetly and, fighting through the pain in her body, leaned over to plant a kiss on the Empress Dowager.
Wan Bi’s eyelashes fluttered. Without opening her eyes, she murmured drowsily, “Xiao Yaozi, you talked in your sleep last night.” She’d been sleeping soundly in the middle of the night when she suddenly heard Yao Xi’s voice. Thinking something terrible had happened, she’d snapped awake instantly, her hand reflexively reaching for the hand gun hidden in the bedside cabinet.
“I… said what?” Yao Xi was worried. She feared that her longing for the other world, suppressed all this time, might erupt in her dreams. She was afraid the Empress Dowager would sense something was off, would think she was a lunatic, a monster. Even more afraid she might have said something treasonous in her sleep that the Empress Dowager would overhear — like, what if the Daxing dynasty really was going to fall?
When she’d first transmigrated, it was no exaggeration to say she’d cried herself dry for a long time. She couldn’t bear to leave her parents, her friends, her idols. Quite dramatically, she’d secretly hummed JJ Lin’s 《One Thousand Years Later》 while sobbing, because in the world hundreds of years from now, she truly would be gone. If the Sun family had actually cared for her, maybe it would have been bearable. But of course she’d drawn the short straw with Sun Ergou and his wife.
It had taken her a long time to accept this wretched reality. But her memories from before the transmigration were still there, and inevitably they’d pop up in her dreams. How was she supposed to explain that to the Empress Dowager?
“Your Highness, say something! What did I say in my dream? Things said in dreams don’t count, Your Highness knows that, right?” Yao Xi’s heart was panicking.
“Don’t count?” Wan Bi opened her eyes and looked at Yao Xi, her brow furrowing with displeasure.
Yao Xi studied the Empress Dowager’s expression. She probably hadn’t caused trouble — but she couldn’t be entirely sure… She smiled and snuggled into the Empress Dowager’s embrace, acting cute. “Good words count. Bad words don’t.”
Wan Bi drew her hand from beneath the covers and wrapped it around Yao Xi’s shoulder, laughing. “Little schemer. This bereaved one2 actually didn’t catch what you said.” In truth, she had caught it. In her dream, Yao Xi had carefully called her name. Only she’d said it as “Wan Qin”…
She’d clearly written her name out for Yao Xi to see. The silly girl really didn’t know many characters. But this wasn’t something she could point out — it would only embarrass Yao Xi. She’d have to find an opportunity to teach the girl to read!
Yao Xi exhaled with relief, but her heart still wasn’t at ease. She couldn’t recall what she’d dreamed about last night at all, and she was only now learning that she talked in her sleep — she’d never shared a bed with anyone before. At least, her college roommates back before transmigrating had never mentioned it. It must be a problem she’d developed only after waking up as Sun Xibao.
Sharing the Empress Dowager’s bed night after night, she’d inevitably slip up someday. How would she explain herself then? The Empress Dowager was a light sleeper who woke easily — she’d definitely hear.
“Didn’t Your Highness say you were going to Qianqing Palace to discuss matters with the Emperor? What time was that set for?” Yao Xi nestled against the Empress Dowager, tilting her small face up to ask.
Wan Bi’s arm around Yao Xi tightened, reluctant to let go. “This bereaved one wants to lie here with you a little longer. The Emperor isn’t going anywhere.” Was this girl trying to shoo her off to Qianqing Palace so she could hurry out of the palace and go gallivanting? Ungrateful wretch. Wan Bi suddenly flipped over, pinning Yao Xi beneath her, and smirked. “But Eunuch, just lying here is boring. Why don’t we do something?”
Every inch of Yao Xi’s body aching, she stared at the Empress Dowager in alarm and shook her head without hesitation. “No.”
“You say that, but you don’t mean it~” Wan Bi leaned down and kissed Yao Xi, her warm, firm hand beginning to roam at will.
“Ah—sss!” Yao Xi cried out in pain. Most of her body was screaming in agony. Sure enough, haste really did make waste! She just hoped the soreness would fade by the time the Empress Dowager’s monthly period was over! “Your Highness, really don’t.” She’d wanted to build up her arm strength and make the Empress Dowager beg for mercy — instead, she was the one begging first.
Wan Bi, thinking Yao Xi was enjoying it, didn’t stop but increased her intensity, kissing her and murmuring suggestively, “The eunuch is already crying out — isn’t that you enticing this bereaved one?”
Enticing, my ass! Is something wrong with you, Your Highness!
The pain more than Yao Xi could bear, she grabbed the Empress Dowager’s hand with her half-wrecked arm and pleaded, eyes glistening, “It really hurts all over. Can we wait for another day?” She knew the pain was temporary and hadn’t planned to say anything, afraid the Empress Dowager would worry.
“Where does it hurt?” All humor vanished from Wan Bi’s face. She quickly climbed off Yao Xi.
“My arms, shoulders, back, abdomen, calves… it’s nothing serious. It’ll pass in a few days.” Yao Xi endured the pain and sat up, smiling.
Wan Bi grew more worried with every item on the list. Yao Xi meant her entire body hurt? She couldn’t help blaming herself — had she been too demanding these past two days? “Don’t sit up. Lie down properly. This bereaved one is summoning Imperial Physician Fu to the palace at once!” After settling Yao Xi back against the pillows, Wan Bi threw on a robe and rushed out of the warm pavilion without even stopping to straighten her clothes.
“No need…” There really was no need! As soon as the Empress Dowager left, Yao Xi, tired of lying down, struggled to sit up again.
Imperial Physician Fu sat at the small couch in the warm pavilion and took Yao Xi’s pulse through a handkerchief. When he finished, his brow was deeply furrowed and he stayed silent for a long time.
Beside him, Wan Bi was frantic with anxiety. Imperial Physician Fu’s expression was so grim — was Yao Xi seriously ill? Her heart clenched with panic.
“Rest assured, Your Highness. Eunuch Yao is not in any danger. It’s just…” A flicker of embarrassment crossed Fu Wenqing’s face. How was he supposed to say this? The girl’s body was somewhat depleted — and from excessive intimacy, no less. If he reported the truth, wouldn’t that be exposing the Empress Dowager’s relationship with the girl? Absolutely out of the question.
“Just some weakness. This humble official will prescribe a tonic to help Eunuch Yao recover.” Fu Wenqing raised his sleeve and wiped the cold sweat from his forehead. He’d quietly prescribe something to nurse the girl’s body back to health. Words that could cost him his head — those he would never speak.
After examining Yao Xi, Fu Wenqing rose and knelt before the Empress Dowager. “This humble official requests to take Your Highness’s pulse.”
Wan Bi, reassured that Yao Xi was fine, let her taut nerves ease slightly. But why would she be in such pain for no reason? She extended her wrist and asked, “Does the physician know what caused this? She wasn’t in pain yesterday.”
Fu Wenqing kept his head lowered, not daring to meet the Empress Dowager’s gaze. “In reply to Your Highness — the eunuch is exhausted.”
Sure enough… Wan Bi looked at Yao Xi with guilt.
As Fu Wenqing took the Empress Dowager’s pulse, a question nagged at him: why did the girl show signs of excessive intimacy while the Empress Dowager showed signs of stagnant qi with no release? How very strange. Had he misunderstood the nature of their relationship?
He didn’t dare overthink it. He dutifully applied acupuncture for the Empress Dowager and prescribed a formula completely opposite to the one he’d given the girl. “This humble official takes his leave.”
“Mm.” Wan Bi nodded.
After Fu Wenqing departed, Wan Bi had breakfast brought in and intended to feed Yao Xi herself.
Yao Xi laboriously lifted her arm and waved at the Empress Dowager, smiling. “I’m really fine. If Your Highness doesn’t believe me, surely you believe Imperial Physician Fu?” She reached for the porridge bowl in the Empress Dowager’s hand, scooped a spoonful, and held it to the Empress Dowager’s lips. “The important matters you need to discuss with the Emperor can’t wait. Just go and attend to them. You don’t need to stay with me the whole time.”
She was happy that the Empress Dowager fussed over her so, but she couldn’t bear to make her worry excessively.
Wan Bi parted her lips and ate the spoonful Yao Xi offered. She wanted nothing more than to stay here with Yao Xi — but she’d lied yesterday about going to Qianqing Palace to discuss matters with the Emperor. She couldn’t very well not go now. If she didn’t, the girl would feel guilty. Best to go early and come back soon — make an appearance and hurry right back. “All right. Finish your meal and lie down properly and wait for this bereaved one. If you’re thirsty or hungry, just tell the servants. Don’t push yourself when your body hurts.”
“Mm-hm.” After feeding the Empress Dowager, Yao Xi saw there was still half a spoonful of porridge left and naturally brought it to her own mouth and ate it.
Wan Bi pretended not to notice — but her heart was melting with sweetness. This was the first time Yao Xi had voluntarily eaten from the same spoon as her.
After breakfast, Wan Bi departed for Qianqing Palace.
Yao Xi got up, freshened up, and strolled a circuit around the hall, wanting to test just how wrecked her limbs were. After moving around for a while, the pain actually eased a tiny bit. It still hurt, but had become bearable.
The Empress Dowager had said that going to Qianqing Palace to discuss matters with the Emperor would take at least half a day. Yao Xi’s mind turned to the idea of going out of the palace to tell stories.
Her original goal in storytelling was to earn a large sum of silver to give to the Empress Dowager — because she worried the Empress Dowager might hold a grudge over the Tao girl’s matter. Since she’d already given Tao Xiaolin one thousand taels, she’d naturally have to give the Empress Dowager even more. The Empress Dowager might not need it, but Yao Xi wanted to do her utmost, to give the best of what was within her power to the Empress Dowager.
But after two days of storytelling outside the palace, she’d fallen in love with the atmosphere in the teahouse.
The palace was a place of rigid hierarchy. No matter how well the Empress Dowager treated her, in the eyes of other masters she was nothing more than a presentable slave. However agreeable they seemed on the surface, most looked down on her inside. And in the eyes of her fellow slaves — the palace maids and eunuchs — she was a Rank 4b Junior Director, the Empress Dowager’s most favored person, so they treated her as half a master. Equality? In the imperial palace, it didn’t exist.
The teahouse was different. Nobody knew who she was, and she didn’t know who the people sitting below were — peddlers or noblemen. She didn’t care, and neither did the audience. Everyone sat together, laughing and chatting in the lively hubbub, and it felt no different from the world hundreds of years from now.
Yao Xi enthusiastically called two eunuchs and took a carriage out of the palace.
When she arrived at the teahouse, there were still quite a few people inside, though it was nowhere near as lively as that day. A young man in purple came to greet her. Yao Xi thought for a moment before recognizing him — the gentleman who’d wielded a folding fan and scolded the silver-throwing customer that day.
“Young Master Wan, you’ve finally come.” The young man in purple bowed with cupped hands. “You were gone for two days — I thought something had happened to you. Didn’t you later send a servant to say you wouldn’t be coming back? I was so anxious I nearly took the liberty of visiting your residence.”
“You know where I live?” Yao Xi was rather startled. Was she already getting the celebrity treatment — being stalked by a sasaeng fan3? How terrifying.
The young man in purple laughed it off without answering and gestured for Yao Xi to proceed. “Please take the stage, Young Master. Have some tea and refreshments first. I’ll spread the word — the crowd will gather in no time.”
“Spread the word? How… exactly?” Yao Xi felt a little uneasy. This was ancient times — no phones, no group chats. How did one spread the word?
The young man smiled, then shot a glance at the servant beside him. The servant nodded with a look of steely resolve, dashed to the teahouse entrance, and bellowed at the top of his lungs into the street: “Young Master Wan Xi is here! Young Master Wan Xi is here!…” On infinite loop.
Yao Xi’s face went dark. She lowered her head, mortified under the weight of every stare. So communication really did rely entirely on shouting?
The method was primitive but effective. Word spread from person to person, and the teahouse filled up in no time.
Yao Xi tried hard to forget the shameful scene from a moment ago and picked up the story from where she’d left off three days before. Suddenly, the crowd erupted in commotion. Yao Xi felt a little embarrassed — they were truly too enthusiastic. She stood up and waved politely for everyone to calm down.
“Ahh — it’s Tao Xiaolin!!!” A shrill male voice rang out from the crowd.
Yao Xi looked blankly in the direction of the man’s gaze, turning to see — Miss Tao stood beside her with a teapot, smiling gently. “This little woman has come to pour tea for Young Master Wan. When I bought the teahouse yesterday, the proprietor told me — if it weren’t for the fact that Young Master Wan, who told stories here, wasn’t coming anymore, he never would have sold it to me.”
“You bought this teahouse… Miss Tao bought it?” Yao Xi was stunned.
“Mm. The stage here is quite nice, so I bought it. I suppose I have Young Master Wan to thank for it.” Tao Xiaolin knew Yao Xi was hiding her identity, so she played along without exposing her. “I’ll leave the teapot here. Please pour for yourself — I’m afraid coming up to the stage too often might disturb your storytelling.” Tao Xiaolin retreated quickly behind the stage.
Storytelling — as if4! Yao Xi was so shocked that she felt none of the joy of seeing her idol. She only wanted to jump up and flee back to the palace. If the Empress Dowager found out the teahouse was now in Miss Tao’s name — wouldn’t that be disastrous? She’d never be able to explain this away. Miss Tao and she were an ill-fated entanglement. Of all the teahouses in the capital, why did she have to pick this one?
“Ahem—” Yao Xi coughed awkwardly, wondering how to explain to the listeners who’d rushed in. She scanned the crowd — and suddenly, among the sea of faces, she spotted one that was all too familiar.
It was over. Yao Xi’s heart stopped. She was dead.
Even if the Empress Dowager wore a head scarf, pasted on a beard, and dressed in coarse cloth, Yao Xi could pick her out of a crowd of thousands with a single glance.
Wasn’t the Empress Dowager supposed to be at Qianqing Palace? Why was she here? And so soon? Yao Xi couldn’t make sense of it.
She stood up in a panic, looking toward the Empress Dowager, wanting to go explain. Wan Bi gave her a gentle smile, deliberately roughening her voice into a man’s tone. “Everyone’s waiting for Young Master Wan to tell stories! Please — go right ahead!”
Footnotes
- A jin is a traditional Chinese unit of weight equivalent to approximately 500 grams.
- Aijia (literally 'this bereaved one') is a self-referential pronoun used exclusively by widowed empresses, emphasizing their mournful, elevated status.
- 'Sasaeng fan' (sishengfan) is a modern Chinese slang term derived from Korean, referring to an obsessive fan who stalks or invades the privacy of a celebrity. The term reflects the protagonist's modern-day transmigrator mindset.
- 'Wool thread' (maoxian) is modern Chinese internet slang used as a dismissive exclamation meaning 'forget it' or 'what the hell,' reflecting the protagonist's modern transmigrator mindset.
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