Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 76
by Little PandaThe Empress Dowager Refuses
Emperor Ming Cheng looked mournfully at Noble Lady Lan, whose face showed obvious resistance toward him. “Sometimes, We often find Ourself thinking, how wonderful it would have been if, back then, We hadn’t listened to the Dowager Consort and married Zhu-shi as Our Crown Princess, but had married you instead. Then you wouldn’t detest Us as you do now, would you?”
“Your Majesty jests. When you married Empress Zhu, you hadn’t even met this subject-concubine,” Yao Shuanglan said, standing her ground.
Emperor Ming Cheng smiled. “Have you forgotten that year when you entered the palace to serve as Longyi’s reading companion?” He had fallen in love with Noble Lady Lan at first sight. It was just a pity that when he married the Crown Princess, Noble Lady Lan had not yet reached marriageable age. At the time, his position as heir was unstable, and the Zhu family could be of assistance. By the time he ascended the throne and issued an edict specifically summoning Noble Lady Lan into the palace, given her temperament, it was already too late.
She loved him, but she also detested him.
“This subject-concubine remembers.” Yao Shuanglan was a little surprised. She thought her first meeting with the Emperor was on the day she entered the palace four years ago. She hadn’t expected it to be so early. No wonder the Emperor had issued an edict to specially summon her into the palace despite never having seen her. And no wonder she received imperial favor as soon as she entered the palace. Even though she was indescribably cold to the Emperor, he had always regarded her as his true love.
“That day, We were slapped by the Late Emperor in the Imperial Study. We bumped into each other in the garden. You saw the injury on my face and gave me a silk handkerchief. Do you still remember?” Emperor Ming Cheng fell into his memories.
Yao Shuanglan shook her head.
Emperor Ming Cheng gave Yao Shuanglan a look of feigned reproach. He bent over, pulled a small silk handkerchief from under his pillow, walked up to Yao Shuanglan, and stuffed it into her hands. “We have kept this all along.” For so many years, he had hidden the silk handkerchief beneath his pillow. It was also because of this that he never summoned any consorts to Qianqing Palace to serve in bed. The only woman who had stayed in Qianqing Palace all these years was Noble Lady Lan.
Yao Shuanglan accepted the silk handkerchief with a face full of confusion. After taking a look at it, she calmly raised her head to look at Emperor Ming Cheng and said, “This does not belong to this subject-concubine.” When she entered the palace as a reading companion in her childhood, she had never bumped into anyone in the garden. Her father had instructed her at the time that there was much strife in the palace, and as a young child, she needed to follow the Eldest Princess closely and not run around. She was very obedient, and had never left Longyi’s side for even a single step.
“To think you actually forgot.” Emperor Ming Cheng smiled like a youth, as if the messy affairs of the palace no longer had anything to do with him. “Speaking of which, every time We saw you, We were in such a sorry state. The next time We met you was on the stone bridge by Liyang Pool. A few of Our Imperial Brothers were chasing and beating me. Have you also forgotten how you carried a rock heavier than yourself to help me out of that siege?” At that time, Noble Lady Lan was tiny, only reaching up to his waist. The way she stood protectively in front of him was both moving and amusing.
Yao Shuanglan gently shook her head. How could the daughter of a minister dare to hit imperial princes? “Your Majesty has mistaken the person.” In her heart, she actually breathed a sigh of relief. If the person the Emperor loved was not her, perhaps it wasn’t entirely impossible for her and Longyi to stay together openly and honorably in this lifetime.
“We asked who you were at the time, and you personally said you were Princess Longyi’s reading companion. Who else was Longyi’s reading companion besides you?” Seeing that Noble Lady Lan still couldn’t remember, Emperor Ming Cheng added, “You were young then; perhaps you really don’t remember. It doesn’t matter. It’s enough that We remember. We will not force you regarding the matter of conceiving an heir. We can take our time.”
Yao Shuanglan didn’t know what to say, nor did she know who the little girl the Emperor had met back then was. But she was certain the Emperor had mistaken the person, and loved the wrong person. And because of this misunderstanding, she had been inexplicably summoned into the palace. If she hadn’t been summoned into the palace by a paper edict, she definitely would have been with Longyi long ago. Clutching the silk handkerchief, Yao Shuanglan said to Emperor Ming Cheng, “Your Majesty, could you lend this handkerchief to this subject-concubine for two days?” The handkerchief’s owner had mentioned Longyi; perhaps Longyi knew the answer!
“It was yours to begin with,” Emperor Ming Cheng said with a smile.
Wan Bi had changed into men’s clothing—a cyan straight-gown1, with a white jade sash ring hanging at her waist, and her black hair tied up into a topknot.
“Little Yaozi. How does it look?” Wan Bi turned around from the mirror, picked up a folding fan, and gave it a suave flick. The fan smoothly snapped open.
“Good!” Yao Xi’s words of praise for a beauty were as pale and lackluster as always.
She knew the Empress Dowager wanted to be praised, and she also felt Her Majesty looked beautiful no matter how she dressed up. But whenever she thought about how a major disaster might happen tonight, she was weighed down by worry and couldn’t muster any enthusiasm. She even felt like she might not live to see the night. Accompanying the Empress Dowager out of the palace to watch the spectacle? Was she sure it wasn’t going out of the palace to be a human target?
Wan Bi shot Yao Xi an unhappy glare. “Didn’t this bereaved one tell you to read more books in the study?” If this wench lacked culture, she should read books! She didn’t even know how to praise people; wasn’t that concerning? How utterly lacking in ambition.
Yao Xi suddenly turned her body and sneezed.
Had she really caught a cold? Yao Xi couldn’t believe such a good thing had descended upon her so unexpectedly. She finally had an excuse not to serve her in bed, and even an excuse not to leave the palace to throw her life away!
“What’s wrong?” Wan Bi’s gaze toward Yao Xi shifted from reproach to worry. This wench had just fainted last night; she better not have caught a cold again.
“This slave has caught a cold!” After Yao Xi said this, she let out two extremely artificial coughs. Her expression was sorrowful, yet the unconcealable joy in her words betrayed her.
Wan Bi felt Yao Xi’s brain was truly broken. Caught a cold? Just hearing the emotion in her words, she would have thought Yao Xi had picked up money off the street! “Once we finish our business and return to the palace, have Imperial Physician Fu take a look at you!”
Hearing that Her Majesty still intended to take her out of the palace, Yao Xi hurriedly said, “This slave has caught a cold, and does not dare to serve by Your Majesty’s side. I am truly afraid of passing the sickness to Your Majesty!”
“Then pass it! This bereaved one trusts Imperial Physician Fu,” Wan Bi said coldly. Was she just overthinking it, or did this wench Yao Xi really not want to serve her? Suspicion bloomed in Wan Bi’s mind. She asked, “How did you catch a cold?” The weather was so warm right now, it was easier to get heatstroke than to catch a cold.
Yao Xi hesitated and said nothing. When she was pouring well water over herself, she had been spotted by that little eunuch, so she absolutely couldn’t lie. But if she told the truth, the Empress Dowager would definitely know she did it on purpose. “At midday, this slave was feeling unbearably hot, so I went to the well and poured a few buckets of water over myself to cool off.”
“…” Wan Bi fell silent. She thought of that lingering kiss between her and Yao Xi before their afternoon nap. This wench Yao Xi loved her so much, she had definitely secretly fantasized about her body. When she kissed Yao Xi, she had been wearing so little, and that kiss had been so good—Yao Xi’s inner fire must have been stoked. The fire of desire had burned her body so uncomfortably that she had no choice but to go to the well to cool off.
What a silly girl. How could water possibly extinguish that kind of fire? If she wanted her, she should just confess! Feeling frustrated that iron wouldn’t turn into steel, Wan Bi stepped forward and touched Yao Xi’s forehead. “You don’t have a fever. You’ll be fine once we get back and you take some medicine to regulate your body.”
Hearing she didn’t have a fever, Yao Xi looked thoroughly displeased.
Yuanqian returned from Ning’an Palace, cradling a thick ledger in her arms.
Wan Bi reached out, took the ledger, and flipped through it. This was the ledger cataloging all the items stored in her underground vault. She was going to take it to the Zhu residence to compare her wealth with Zhu Xiangchang’s. “Yuanqian, how is the investigation into the fake eunuchs in the palace going? This bereaved one heard that aside from the deceased Lady Lin, Consort Shu and Jieyu Wang’s palaces had them too?”
Gugu Yuanqian hadn’t served by the Empress Dowager’s side in a long time; just being asked a question moved her deeply. She knew all the matters in the palace, big and small. She replied, “The fake eunuch in Consort Shu’s palace confessed. He said he has been in the palace for over four years, and the little princess isn’t the Emperor’s either. The one in Jieyu Wang’s palace threw himself into a well and died. Jieyu Wang adamantly insists that the person was assigned by the Directorate of Palace Servants, and she had no idea the eunuch wasn’t fully castrated2.”
“How did the Emperor handle it?” Wan Bi’s expression was solemn.
Yuanqian said, “The Emperor returned to Qianqing Palace in a fury. He hasn’t handled it yet.”
Wan Bi’s heart ached a little for him. That child Feng Qian was kindhearted, and his temperament had a weak side to it. She heard that he was often bullied by the other princes when he was young. Such a person was naturally much better than a cruel and capricious tyrant, and there was no problem with him being a monarch in times of peace and prosperity. It was just that on certain matters that required a ruthless hand, he needed someone to help him along.
“Sentence Consort Shu to death, and execute the fake eunuch immediately! Send the little princess back to Consort Shu’s hometown to let her parents raise their own granddaughter, but declare to the outside world that the little princess was sentenced to death alongside Consort Shu!” Wan Bi said calmly. “If those women in the palace find out the little princess was left completely unharmed, I’m afraid they’ll be even more brazen when having illicit affairs in the future.”
“As for Jieyu Wang’s side… banish her to the Cold Palace! It doesn’t matter whether that fake eunuch was assigned by the Directorate of Palace Servants or if she specifically asked the Directorate for him herself. Let this serve as a reminder to the others to keep a close eye on the maids and eunuchs in their own palaces. When something happens, the masters won’t be able to escape either.”
Wan Bi then ordered, “Also, for all the consorts in the palace who have given birth to princes or princesses—have the servants who have waited upon them closely for years apprehended and interrogated one by one for this bereaved one. Find out how many of those children aren’t the Emperor’s flesh and blood; drag out as many as you can. After all, not every slave is entirely loyal and unafraid of death for their master’s sake!” Having finished speaking, Wan Bi gave Yao Xi a gratified look.
“This slave-girl obeys the decree.” Yuanqian received the order. Seeing the Empress Dowager dressed entirely in men’s attire, she asked uneasily, “Is Your Majesty leaving the palace again?”
Hearing the word “again,” feelings of deep admiration for the Empress Dowager swelled spontaneously within Yao Xi. Her Majesty was truly a little expert at courting death! Just how had she survived all these years?
“Gugu, go handle your own errands.” Wan Bi took Yao Xi’s small hand, and the two of them sat together in the palanquin waiting outside the hall. Word of her leaving the palace could not be leaked; there were simply far too many people plotting to kill her. But she absolutely would not be so frightened by such trivial matters that she dared not step foot outside the palace. Her life, naturally, she wanted to keep, but she also wanted to find amusement.
Speaking of finding amusement…
The moment Wan Bi entered the palanquin, she pointed to her lap and said to Yao Xi, “Little Yaozi, come sit over here!”
“Your Majesty!” Yao Xi was aggrieved, frightened, and yet didn’t dare defy the decree. She could only use her cold as a smokescreen. “This slave has caught a cold, and is truly afraid of passing it to Your Majesty. Even though Imperial Physician Fu’s medical skills are superb, and Your Majesty’s vast fortune reaches the heavens…”
“How many times must I say it? Whatever this bereaved one tells you to do, you do it! Otherwise…” Wan Bi cast a threatening glare at Yao Xi.
Yao Xi didn’t panic at all. Whenever Her Majesty threatened to kill her or the like nowadays, her heart remained entirely unmoved. Her Majesty couldn’t bear to kill her!
“Otherwise, this bereaved one will strip your clothes clean off!” Wan Bi said with a wicked smile.
Without another word, Yao Xi immediately rolled right into the Empress Dowager’s lap and sat down.
Seeing Yao Xi being so obedient, Wan Bi suddenly felt that leaving certain things unexposed didn’t seem so bad either. She now had another point of leverage over Yao Xi, and this leverage was far more effective than threatening to kill her.
Wan Bi hugged Yao Xi and leaned in with a smile to kiss her. This time, she didn’t kiss her lips, but instead kissed her neck.
Everyone’s sensitive spots are different. Unfortunately for her, Yao Xi’s was her neck.
She only realized it the moment the Empress Dowager’s lips pressed against her neck, causing her body to suddenly shudder violently. Her Majesty expertly stuck out her tongue to suck and lick the skin of her neck. Yao Xi’s hands clenched tightly into fists; wave after wave of stimulation tortured her until she was on the verge of madness. She had heard that during a period, desires of that sort were naturally stronger than usual…
Driven crazy with need, Yao Xi almost wanted to immediately pin the Empress Dowager down inside the palanquin and do this and that.
The author has something to say:
Let me share a famous quote:
There are no eternal tops3, nor are there eternal bottoms4!
Footnotes
- A traditional Chinese men's robe (zhízhuì) characterized by its straight, continuous cut from top to bottom, often worn by scholars or gentlemen.
- A colloquial euphemism for complete castration (removal of both penis and testicles), as opposed to partial castration.
- Modern slang originating from BL/GL culture for the active/penetrative or dominant partner in a same-sex relationship.
- Modern slang originating from BL/GL culture for the passive/receiving or submissive partner in a same-sex relationship.
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