Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 96
by Little PandaThe Empress Dowager Refuses
Yao Xi was a bit frustrated. She had already lain flat1 and let the Empress Dowager do as she pleased with her, yet Her Highness had actually said she wasn’t in the mood? That was practically an insult to her powers of attraction! She might not be fighting for a steamed bun, but she was fighting for her pride2—she would earn that thousand taels of silver today, and that was final!
Wasn’t it just a matter of seducing the Empress Dowager until she lost control and… did “that”? She and Her Highness were already in love, and there was no one else in the Main Hall at the moment. She had nothing to be self-conscious about.
Yao Xi picked herself up off the cold floor, having finally worked up her resolve. Seduction—this sort of thing, she had truly never done it in either of her lives. Actually, shamelessly throwing herself at Her Highness wasn’t the hard part; she had never been thin-skinned, and her days of serving at the Empress Dowager’s side had only thickened it.
What she was really afraid of was the Empress Dowager going back on her word.
“Your Highness, you have to keep your promise! From this moment on, as long as you touch so much as one of this slave’s fingers of your own accord, then this slave has succeeded.” Yao Xi needed a guarantee. She wasn’t going to throw herself into seductive posturing for half the day only for the Empress Dowager to enjoy the show, ravish her, and then withdraw her hand without a second thought.
Wan Bi watched Yao Xi take deep breath after deep breath, murmuring pep-talks to herself, and her anticipation shot up. “This bereaved one keeps her word. If the eunuch has the skill to entice this bereaved one into touching you of her own accord, that thousand taels is yours.” She honestly hadn’t expected a heavy bribe to work so well on Yao Xi. The Yao family might have fallen, but Noble Lady Lan was currently in the Emperor’s favor; Yao Xi could casually ask her elder sister for a thousand or so taels without much difficulty.
Yet Yao Xi had not done that. She absolutely had to earn the silver from her.
What did that mean? It meant the girl had clearly been longing for her and thoroughly enjoying herself, but had been held back by the master-servant boundary and hadn’t dared to act. The moment she offered an opening, Yao Xi was fired up, determined to use every trick she had. A greedy wench Yao Xi might be, but in the end she was still a young woman—surely she wouldn’t really go through with something this embarrassing just for a thousand taels, would she?
So, Yao Xi doing this was actually entirely for her.
Perhaps this was the kind of tacit understanding that only existed between people in love. She’d jokingly given Yao Xi a chance to perform, and Yao Xi was using the excuse of greed to seize that opportunity tightly.
“Your Highness, please wait a moment. This slave will be right back.” Yao Xi’s expression was heroic as she saluted the Empress Dowager, then headed off toward the bedchamber.
“???” Wan Bi was thoroughly perplexed.
Yao Xi had taken only a couple of steps before she suddenly turned around and asked the Empress Dowager, “Might this slave make use of a bit of Your Highness’s rouge and powder?”
Wan Bi nodded. “You may use anything of this bereaved one’s.” Was the girl going to dress up as a woman to tease her? Wan Bi grew even more expectant; she had never before seen Yao Xi in female attire.
Once inside the bedchamber, Yao Xi shut the door and sat down in front of the dressing mirror. She loosened the topknot that had already been pulled askew by all the earlier fuss. She had come inside not only to do a proper job of making herself up, but also to make the Empress Dowager wait a little. By the time the Empress Dowager was itching with anticipation, she would make a grand entrance and serve up the most extreme seduction—winning over a pure little maiden like the Empress Dowager would be a matter of minutes!
So she was in no hurry at all, leisurely dusting powder across her face. For seduction, of course she had to use a drunken makeup3 look that would make anyone’s heart ache. She then used the pad of her finger to blend rouge into the hollows of her eyes, the under-eye puffs4, and the apples of her cheeks beneath them. After finishing her lip color and tracing her brows, Yao Xi faced the mirror and studied her own face intently.
Before, when she looked in the mirror she always felt as though she were looking at a stranger. Perhaps because she had lived in this body for so long, that sense of detachment and unfamiliarity had gradually faded. As her soul fused more and more tightly with this flesh and blood, fragments of the original Sun Xibao’s memories would sometimes surface in her dreams. She couldn’t be sure if they were the real experiences Sun Xibao had before she transmigrated, or memories Sun Xibao had cobbled together out of events, dreams, and imagination.
Because the places that appeared in those dreams were far too strange, and as far as she knew, the Sun family had lived for three generations in that remote alleyway she’d been in when she crossed over and had never moved.
Guessing that the Empress Dowager must be getting impatient, for the umpteenth time today Yao Xi rearranged her loosened clothes and redid her topknot. She was still wearing that set of light-fragrance-colored5 men’s everyday clothes, and her hair was still in a man’s style, yet her face was painted in that delicate, pitiful drunken makeup, and she held a pink silk shawl of the Empress Dowager’s in her hand.
This was masculinity with a hint of femininity, and femininity laced with masculinity—a ‘niang-gang’ aura6 that was the hardest of all to resist.
Wan Bi was growing a little impatient. Even if the girl meant to change into a skirt and apply her makeup, she surely should not have taken this long. But no matter how anxious she felt, she did not once consider stirring from her chair to go and hurry her along. She remained firmly seated.
Just when Wan Bi was starting to think Yao Xi had fallen asleep in the bedchamber, a familiar silhouette came gliding toward the Main Hall, face veiled by the shawl. Wan Bi couldn’t make out Yao Xi’s face, but she could see that she was still wearing men’s clothing, and a faint disappointment crept over her.
Peering through the filmy silk of the shawl at the path ahead, Yao Xi did not go directly to the Empress Dowager; instead, she stopped beside the great pillar in the center of the Main Hall. She had put on a seductive face, and now she would dance the most seductive of dances.
There was no steel pole to be had, but there were more than enough big pillars.
Yao Xi took up her position beside the pillar, lightly shook away the pink shawl that had been veiling her face to reveal her drunken makeup, then with a sinuous twist of her waist, she flirtatiously gripped the pillar with one hand. Back in her school days, she’d danced to AS’s 《First Love》 for the class performance, and she still vaguely remembered a few of the moves.
With a background music track automatically playing in her head, Yao Xi fixed her gaze on the Empress Dowager and began her performance.
Wan Bi’s mood rose and fell in rapid succession. First, seeing Yao Xi come out in men’s clothes, she was disappointed. When the shawl was whisked away and she caught sight of Yao Xi’s luscious, intoxicating makeup, her heart gave a quiver. Then, when she saw Yao Xi start to dance around the pillar, she was somewhat… tempted to laugh.
Yet, because Yao Xi’s expression was so earnest, coiling herself around the pillar like a snake while wriggling incessantly and tossing her flirtatious glances now and then, Wan Bi did not want to let the child’s heartfelt efforts go to waste. She forcibly suppressed her amusement and watched seriously.
Seeing the Empress Dowager watching with rapt attention, Yao Xi’s confidence multiplied. High-difficulty moves followed one after another; she even wrapped both legs around the pillar and lifted herself into the air.
The move was enormously difficult, yet it held very little aesthetic appeal. The pillar was thick, nothing like the slender span of a steel pole. If Yao Xi had been dancing wrapped around a pole, it might have been sexy enough, but hugging a pillar? Let alone sexy—it was practically an eyesore.
She looked for all the world like a bear clinging to a great tree, teetering on the verge of falling off.
Wan Bi couldn’t help but cover her mouth and laugh. Was the girl trying to seduce her, or was she trying to make her die of laughter?
The Empress Dowager’s laughter deeply wounded Yao Xi’s self-esteem. Back when she danced this at school, she had won quite a few suitors! It seemed she had to resort to her ultimate move.
The BGM in Yao Xi’s mind switched over.
A melodious tune began to play:
She7 is a gentle, slanting ray of setting sun,
Longing, longing for someone to appreciate her…
…
Yao Xi leaned her back against the pillar, raised both hands high above her head and laced them together, then slowly slid downward with a twist of her hips, her gaze fixed teasingly on the Empress Dowager. She had forgotten how many times today she had undone her belt; she loosened it very, very slowly.
It was time to tear off her chest binding cloth and perform a magic trick for the Empress Dowager.
The BGM continued:
Come on, have some fun ~ we have got all the time in the world,
Come on, what is love ~ there is all the folly you could want…
Without realizing it, Wan Bi’s grip on the armrests of her chair had tightened. Every move Yao Xi made, every glance she cast, was transmitting one message to her, plain as day: “Your Highness, I want you!” She rose from her chair and began walking step by step toward the pillar.
Yao Xi saw the Empress Dowager approaching, and suddenly her heart began to hammer. Dragging the shawl, singing, she walked toward the Empress Dowager; when she reached her, Yao Xi gently held the Empress Dowager’s waist, rose up on tiptoe, and sang to her, low and intimate right next to her ear:
“Ah it ~~~ itches ~~~”
Wan Bi’s whole body trembled; that languid voice, like a kitten’s, scratched at her until her heart itched unbearably.
As she pulled open her collar to bare one shoulder, Yao Xi sang in a low voice:
Boldly and openly fall for love’s illusion,
Windingly and repeatedly lost in dream’s debauched delusion,
The more you panic, the more you crave ~ the more it itches, the more you scratch, the more it itches ~~~
The song ended. Yao Xi seized the Empress Dowager’s hand and pressed it to her own chest, smiling as she said, “Shall Your Highness untie it for this slave, or shall this slave do it herself?”
Wan Bi swallowed hard. Through Yao Xi’s slightly parted inner garment, she could see the cloth strips binding Yao Xi’s chest tight. Those strips looked vaguely familiar… so the girl had not been using them to hang herself. Her hand stayed pressed firmly to Yao Xi’s chest; time seemed to stop. Yao Xi gazed up at her with longing.
She knew. Yao Xi did not want the silver; she wanted her.
Yao Xi’s eyes were burning. Inwardly, she was thinking: Your Highness, hurry up and make a move! My thousand taels of silver will be in the bag!
The door to the Main Hall suddenly opened.
Wan Bi turned her head and saw Emperor Ming Cheng standing at the entrance, holding Noble Lady Lan by the hand.
Her hand was still on Yao Xi’s chest—and Yao Xi’s clothes were already in total disarray. “Ah—” Without caring whether she might startle the imperial presence, Yao Xi shrieked and covered the bare shoulder she had just exposed.
Wan Bi reached out and gathered Yao Xi into her arms, shielding her with the broad sleeve of her outer robe. Had she been in her usual temper, she would have barked at the two at the door to get out. But the Emperor had recently undergone far too many miserable ordeals and had only just barely rallied some spirit, and Noble Lady Lan was the girl’s own blood sister. So she pressed down her anger, continuing to shield Yao Xi with one hand while using the other to straighten Yao Xi’s clothes.
Yao Shuanglan had already averted her face. She had known that her younger brother’s life serving at the Empress Dowager’s side would be full of hardships, but she had never imagined that his days would be this miserable. A fine young man painted up like a woman—and to top it off, the Empress Dowager was groping him in broad daylight… Yao Shuanglan secretly wiped away a tear of anguish.
Emperor Ming Cheng, too, lowered his head in embarrassment. Was that wench Wan Bi really finding sweet rain after a long drought? She was practically glued to that eunuch. It was also his fault for forgetting that Wan Bi now had a male favorite and could no longer be joked with like before.
Once Yao Xi had set her clothes to rights, she hid herself in the Empress Dowager’s embrace, her head bowed as she used her sleeve to scrub roughly at her face, wiping off the make-up, the roots of her ears burning bright red. Wan Bi patted Yao Xi’s back in distress. The girl was shy to begin with; it was only because she loved her that she had been willing to let herself go a little in front of her. Having that scene caught by outsiders—and her own sister and brother-in-law, no less—must be unspeakably mortifying for her.
“Did no one teach the Emperor to knock before entering someone’s rooms?” Wan Bi couldn’t help but scold Ming Cheng.
Ming Cheng lowered his head. “It was Our fault.”
“You go back to the warm pavilion,” Wan Bi said softly to Yao Xi, still holding her.
Ming Cheng picked up the thread and directed Yao Xi: “Better step outside for now. We have matters to discuss with the Empress Dowager.” True, the warm pavilion was some distance from the Main Hall, but the two were connected. He had brought Noble Lady Lan to offer tea to Wan Bi, and he didn’t want outsiders present.
Yao Xi kept her voice low as she asked the Empress Dowager, “Your Highness just held this slave. Does that mean the thousand taels counts as this slave’s success?”
“…” Hearing this, Wan Bi couldn’t help but wonder whether the girl was truly grasping after silver, and not after her. “It counts. Go out for now; once the Emperor has left, come back in to receive your reward.”
“Yes.” A smile instantly bloomed across Yao Xi’s face. She saluted the Empress Dowager, then the Emperor and Noble Lady Lan, and fled out the door—cheeks still flushed—as though escaping for her life.
The palace maids at the entrance had also witnessed that scene a moment ago. By chance, Yao Xi’s eyes met one of theirs; they averted their gazes with a wordless, mutual understanding. Yao Xi felt it was getting too difficult to stay in the Empress Dowager’s palace. Remembering she had earlier promised to help Princess Longyi select a festival gift for the Empress Dowager, she skirted everyone’s line of sight and headed in the direction of the creek.
After following the Emperor into the Main Hall, Yao Shuanglan shut the doors with her own hands.
“Sit down,” Wan Bi said to Ming Cheng, her expression sour. “What is the Emperor doing here?”
“Wasn’t this the day the Empress Dowager set for promoting Shuanglan to Jieyu? We have already issued the decree, so We brought her to offer tea to the Empress Dowager,” Ming Cheng replied with a smile. “We also thought that on the occasion of the Dragon Boat Festival We ought to keep the Empress Dowager company and have a word.”
Wan Bi could see that Ming Cheng’s mood had improved considerably, and she felt some genuine relief. She’d really feared Ming Cheng would never recover his spirits. If the Son of Heaven sank into despondency, the consequences were too terrible to contemplate. “There’s no need for idle talk. Offer the tea and then be on your way.”
Ming Cheng was stunned for a moment, recalling what he had just witnessed. He had indeed interrupted Wan Bi.
There was hot tea right there in the Main Hall. Yao Shuanglan stepped forward and poured two cups: one she handed to the Emperor, the other she held herself.
Ming Cheng carried his tea over to Wan Bi and was bending forward, about to speak, when Wan Bi cut him off: “Where has the Emperor ever seen anyone offer tea to an elder while standing?” Wan Bi sat back smugly in her chair at the head of the room, raised her chin, and flashed Ming Cheng a provocative smile.
Ming Cheng considered for a moment, then knelt down, bringing Noble Lady Lan with him, and held out the tea bowl with the utmost respect. “Empress Dowager, please accept the tea…”
Wan Bi cut him off again with a smile. “Empress Dowager? If the Emperor’s sincerity is this lacking, then why put on such empty gestures?”
“Mother Empress, please accept the tea. We…”
“We? Since the Emperor doesn’t treat this bereaved one as an elder, you may as well return to Qianqing Palace.” Wan Bi rose as if to see him out.
Smiling helplessly, Ming Cheng said to Wan Bi, “This child-subject, along with Yao-shi, offers tea to Mother Empress!”
Only then did Wan Bi sit back down, her face alight with satisfaction. That hapless brat Feng Qian had at last formally acknowledged her as his Mother Empress. “Now that you’ve said it, you’re not to change it back later!”
As Ming Cheng offered tea to Wan Bi, he felt rather moved. When he had married Empress Zhu, he had offered tea to the Dowager Consort and the Late Empress. Both had still been alive then; that day, the Dowager Consort had been overjoyed to take the teacup because having the Zhu family behind him could help stabilize his position as heir apparent. Today, Wan Bi was just as happy—but her reason was far simpler than the Dowager Consort’s had been.
Yao Shuanglan knelt as well and presented the tea, saying, “This subject-concubine Yao-shi offers tea to the Empress Dowager—”
Ming Cheng softly prompted, “Shuanglan, call her Mother Empress.”
“Don’t!” Wan Bi sternly stopped Noble Lady Lan. “You shall still address this bereaved one as Empress Dowager.” For Yao Xi’s own elder sister to call her Mother Empress—something about that felt off.
“Empress Dowager!” Ming Cheng assumed Wan Bi still harbored ill feelings toward Noble Lady Lan, and his face clouded.
Having accepted the son but not the daughter-in-law was indeed improper. Wan Bi gave in. “Go on, then.”
When Yao Xi reached Longyi Palace, she saw that several empty chests had already been set out in the courtyard.
“Her Highness the Princess has already started packing?” Yao Xi greeted the palace maids in the courtyard.
The maids’ faces flickered with something strange. They gave Yao Xi forced smiles. “Eunuch Yao is here? I’ll go in at once and inform the Eldest Princess.”
Longyi was in the middle of her midday meal. Hearing that Yao Xi had arrived, she tossed aside her chopsticks, wiped her face and hands haphazardly, and hurried out. She descended the steps into the courtyard and smiled as she asked Yao Xi, “What brings you here at this hour? No need to attend the Empress Dowager’s midday meal?”
Yao Xi answered truthfully: “His Majesty and Noble Lady Lan had some business with the Empress Dowager, so I seized the moment to hurry over. If I help Her Highness the Princess pick out a festival gift, I’ll still be able to get back in time.”
“Does the Empress Dowager know you’ve come over to my place?” Longyi’s smile today was exceptionally warm.
Yao Xi smiled and shook her head. “This slave figured it wouldn’t take long anyway.” She hadn’t planned on coming over just now, but the sight of her seduction of the Empress Dowager had been witnessed by quite a few people; at such a moment of peak embarrassment, she figured it was better to lie low.
Yet looking at Princess Longyi’s smiling face, she suddenly felt a prick of unease.
She had seen that smile far too many times. It was the exact same smile the Empress Dowager wore whenever she was digging a pit for her!
Longyi smiled and nodded, then addressed the palace maids in the courtyard: “Do it.” She had long since instructed several of her trusted personal maids: at the first opportunity, tie Yao Xi up and spirit her off to the fiefdom.
Yao Xi hadn’t even had time to react before the maids swarmed her, pinning her arms and legs and stuffing a cloth into her mouth.
“Yao Xi, don’t hold it against this palace.” Longyi had wanted to explain a bit more, but with the palace maids present it was awkward to bring up the matter of the Yao family, so she turned instead and ordered the maids: “Bring the palanquin in!”
Footnotes
- Tangping (tǎngpíng) — literally 'lie flat' (躺平), a modern Chinese slang term representing a lifestyle choice to reject overwhelming social and professional pressures, choosing instead to do the bare minimum to get by. Here, Yao Xi surrenders herself entirely to the Empress Dowager's whims.
- 'Not for the steamed bun, but for one's pride' — a Chinese saying meaning one should stand on principle even when the material stakes are low. Yao Xi is determined to win the bet for the sake of her dignity.
- Zuijiuzhuang (zuìjiǔ zhuāng) — 'drunken makeup' (醉酒妆) is a style mimicking a slightly tipsy, flushed look; it uses pinkish tones around the eyes and on the cheeks to appear delicate, vulnerable, and alluring.
- Wocan (wòcán) — 'lying silkworm' (卧蚕), the slight natural puffiness under the eyes that is considered a cute and youthful feature in Chinese beauty standards.
- Boxiang se (bóxiāng sè) — literally 'thin-fragrance color' (薄香色), a pale, delicate traditional Chinese shade reminiscent of a faint floral scent, typically a soft pink or light lavender-grey.
- Niang-gang (niáng-gāng) aura (娘刚之气) — a humorous hybrid concept coined by Yao Xi, blending the words for feminine or girlish ('niang') and masculine or strong ('gang') to describe the charm of her gender-bending look.
- Yao Xi is mentally replaying 'Yang' (Yǎng), a famously sultry and tease-filled Chinese pop song by singer Huang Ling, using its suggestive lyrics to set the mood.
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