Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 85
by Little Panda[LP: Hi, hi! Unfortunately, Chapter 84 is locked and can’t be accessed anymore!]
The Empress Dowager Refuses
Zheng Dayun had dry-howled late into the night. His throat was so raw it felt like it was smoking; upon waking, even swallowing a mouthful of tea hurt.
Last night was simply the most unbearable day to look back on in his entire life, save for the day of his castration.
Cao Yue had told him to scream, and he hadn’t dared not to scream. That bastard Cao Yue sat to the side holding a small riding crop, glaring at him like a tiger watching its prey. If his performance occasionally failed to satisfy, Cao Yue would obnoxiously smack the ground with the small riding crop—smack, smack.
The most hateful part was that Cao Yue didn’t just force him to howl; he even offered critiques on his screams. “Eunuch Zheng, half a shichen has already passed, yet you’re still screaming with such vigor? Doesn’t that make me seem rather incompetent? You brought this disaster upon yourself. It’s bad enough that I’ve been dragged down and slapped with the lecherous reputation of a man who plays with eunuchs1, but you can’t have people thinking I’m both a lecher and incompetent, can you? Please, try to add a sense of exhausted weakness, yet with a lingering, unsatisfied craving to your cries.”
Play with eunuchs? If not for the vast disparity in their strength, Zheng Dayun would have rushed up and fought Cao Yue right then and there. What was this nonsense about adding a sense of exhausted weakness and lingering craving? What the hell was that!
Whatever happened, happened. This master wasn’t playing along anymore! Zheng Dayun was dead set on taking a break.
No! Not taking a break—even if he was beaten to death, he wasn’t going to howl anymore!
But before he could even catch his breath, Cao Yue spoke up from the side again, “Why did you stop?”
Zheng Dayun didn’t say a word. Exhausted, he slumped in his chair, picked up his tea, and took a sip.
Cao Yue shot Zheng Dayun a glare. He had only been deliberately tormenting Zheng Dayun just now to vent his own pent-up frustration. At the thought that by tomorrow, the rumor that he had slept with Zheng Dayun would be known to everyone, Cao Yue felt his anger rising all over again. What kind of damn mess was this!
“Get up!” Cao Yue ordered, his tone much calmer and far more serious now.
“What do you want now?” Zheng Dayun frowned, looking at Cao Yue, who had suddenly stood up.
“Her Highness the Empress Dowager isn’t so easily fooled. I’ve thought it over, and I’m afraid I’ll have to wrong you a bit.” Cao Yue walked over to a long desk, pointed at the surface, and said to Zheng Dayun, “Come here and lie down. It’s just a little pain. You’ve survived the knife before; this little bit of pain shouldn’t be anything to you.”
Was this merely a question of pain? This was about his dignity as a man, alright?! “Cao Yue! Enough is enough! Even if I, Zheng Dayun, smash my head and die right here, I will not let you—let you—” Zheng Dayun’s face flushed bright red.
“I’m doing this for your own good.” Cao Yue sighed as he dragged Zheng Dayun to the table, pinned him down flat, and hardened his heart, dealing a few fierce lashes to the man’s buttocks. “If you go out tomorrow and your rear end doesn’t hurt at all, who’s going to believe it?”
Finished with his work, Cao Yue fished a bottle of wound medicine from his robes and slapped it down in front of a teary-eyed, agonized Zheng Dayun. “This medicine works wonders; it’s saved the lives of many brothers in the Embroidered Uniform Guard. Apply it yourself. It’ll hurt for a few days, but after that, you’ll be fine.” He had errands to run early the next morning. Having said his piece, he pushed the door open and departed the Directorate of Ceremonial into the night.
Furious, Zheng Dayun raised the medicine bottle, ready to smash it, but a burning pain flared in his buttocks, and he defeatedly put the medicine away.
As soon as day broke, Zheng Dayun gathered himself and prepared to head out to Lord State Uncle Zhu’s Residence to handle matters. But after taking a few lashes from Cao Yue, his rear end wasn’t just unfit for sitting in a carriage—even walking was incredibly difficult. After hobbling for a long while, Zheng Dayun was still lingering in the courtyard outside the Directorate of Ceremonial’s duty room.
A young errand boy, who had eavesdropped on the commotion outside the duty room for a long time last night, carefully advised him, “Master, why don’t you speak with the First Boss and just rest in the yamen for the day?”
“Is a property confiscation something that can be delayed?” Zheng Dayun braced himself against a stone table, intending to rest for a moment before continuing on, when Tang Huaili approached.
“Godfather?” Zheng Dayun hastily stifled his pain and stood up straight.
Tang Huaili nodded, using a glance to signal for everyone else to clear out. “I returned to the yamen to approve some documents. When I heard you hadn’t left for Lord State Uncle Zhu’s Residence yet, I came over to give you some instructions.” Tang Huaili sat down on a stone stool beside the table and said to Zheng Dayun, “Sit down and we’ll talk.”
Sit… Zheng Dayun gritted his teeth and slowly lowered himself down. “Ah… hiss…”
Seeing Zheng Dayun’s twisted, agonized expression, Tang Huaili couldn’t help but ask, “What’s wrong? Do you have hemorrhoids?”
Hemorrhoids really would have been a great excuse! But that bastard Cao Yue had surely already spread the rumor that he had slept with him in the Directorate of Ceremonial last night. His godfather would hear about it soon enough. Thus, he could only follow Cao Yue’s instructions and say, “Last night, Cao Yue and I… played a bit too wildly.”
“Tsk, tsk—” A flicker of disgust flashed across Tang Huaili’s face. “You’ve hooked up with Cao Yue now?” He had originally thought Cao Yue only played with men, never expecting the Commander’s tastes to have shifted. As for his godson, Zheng Dayun, he was notoriously undiscerning, caring only for a pretty face. The problem was, Cao Yue was rather average-looking… It seemed it must be true love.
Hooked up? More like he was nearly taken advantage of! Zheng Dayun hurriedly changed the subject. “Let’s not talk about your son’s matters. What instructions do you have for me this time, Godfather?”
“When you raid the Zhu estate, keep an eye out for any evidence of collusion between Zhu Xiangchang and Meng Delai. If there is any, bring it to me. If there isn’t—find a way to fabricate some.” Tang Huaili had spoken with Noble Lady Lan for a long time last night. Noble Lady Lan had claimed that Yao Xi, the eunuch by the Empress Dowager’s side, was actually her brother Yao Xian. The only person other than himself capable of smuggling someone into the palace without leaving a trace was Meng Delai.
It wasn’t that he hadn’t met Yao Xian before. He simply hadn’t expected the changes to be so drastic; not only had his appearance changed, but his entire aura was completely different from before.
Perhaps the damage that cut inflicted upon a man truly was that profound! Now that Yao Xian had been made a eunuch, and Lord Yao was already advanced in years, it seemed the Yao family line was destined to end.
He was also even more certain now that it was Meng Delai who had framed the Yao family. The death of Meng Delai’s biological son, Meng Guangshen, was somewhat connected to Lord Yao. However, Meng Delai had orchestrated the framing flawlessly, leaving no evidence behind. Reversing the verdict on the Yao family’s case was not yet feasible, but Tang Huaili could at least give Meng Delai a taste of his own medicine. Even if he couldn’t immediately clear the Yao family’s name, he had to find a way to eliminate Meng Delai.
“Godfather wants to do away with Eunuch Meng?” Zheng Dayun didn’t quite understand. His godfather and Eunuch Meng had stayed out of each other’s way for years. Why this sudden decision to strike?
Tang Huaili nodded. “It would be better to have the Eastern Depot managed by our own people!” Tang Huaili suddenly thought of Cao Yue and said to Zheng Dayun, “If you and Cao Yue are truly sincere about each other, then treat him well. When it comes to dealing with the Eastern Depot, the Embroidered Uniform Guard can be of great help.”
Sincere? That didn’t even count as a one-night stand, alright?! Zheng Dayun simply didn’t know where to begin explaining. Her Highness the Empress Dowager truly lived up to her reputation as the Demon Empress; her methods for punishing people were far too wicked.
Tang Huaili stood up to leave. Zheng Dayun, needing to hurry to the Zhu Residence, tremblingly rose to his feet and said, “Your son will see you out!”
“You…” Seeing Zheng Dayun walking with his legs clamped tightly together, grimacing in pain, Tang Huaili kindly advised, “Cao Yue is a martial artist. Be careful he doesn’t torment you to death. Next time, use a bit more Apricot Blossom Ointment2.”
Zheng Dayun wasn’t tormented to death, but he was so mortified he wished he were dead.
The moment Yao Xi returned to the duty room and tightly bound her chest with her chest binding cloth, a long-lost sense of security washed over her. She finally no longer had to hunch her shoulders and cave her chest in front of Her Highness the Empress Dowager. Gathering her meager belongings, Yao Xi carried her things and moved into the warm pavilion beside the bedchamber.
The warm pavilion and the main bedchamber were separated by partition doors3 that couldn’t be closed tight or locked. Her Highness the Empress Dowager could come in whenever she pleased. The tiny bit of security brought by the chest bindings vanished in an instant. Yao Xi felt she would never be able to sleep soundly again. The Empress Dowager loved doing strange things while she slept—who was to say she wouldn’t sneak in?
Wan Bi walked into the warm pavilion to see if Yao Xi had settled in. As soon as she entered the room, she spotted the calligraphy she had gifted Yao Xi carelessly tossed onto a side table. “Didn’t I tell you to have these characters mounted?” Gifting the calligraphy had been a prank, but she still hoped Yao Xi would cherish whatever she gave her.
“Your Highness, please forgive me. This slave truly cannot scrape up the silver to mount Your Highness’s precious calligraphy…” Yao Xi cast a pitiful, sidelong glance at the Empress Dowager, her intention to ask for money painfully obvious. She was genuinely too broke. She didn’t have a single copper coin on her. The palace’s monthly silver was distributed in the middle of the month, and it was only the beginning of the month. Fortunately, she served by the Empress Dowager’s side, so her food and clothing were all provided along with Her Highness’s.
Wan Bi had forgotten about that. She had confiscated the more than eighty thousand taels of silver Yao Xi had been carrying. She thought of Yao Xi saying she wanted to be with her, and thought of their lingering intimacy on the phoenix bed in the bedchamber just moments ago… But she still couldn’t put her mind at ease. She still feared that the moment Yao Xi had silver, she would try to escape the palace.
“You really should have some daily use silver on you. Come with this bereaved one!” Wan Bi said gently to Yao Xi, though a wicked smile touched the corners of her lips the moment she turned around.
Yao Xi hurriedly smiled and followed. She had no immediate plans to save up silver to leave the palace, but having some money on her would make her feel much more secure. Walking about the palace, there was no telling when she might need to spend some silver to grease some palms.
Wan Bi led Yao Xi straight to the Main Hall.
Looking at the writing desk laid out with the Four Treasures of the Study4, Yao Xi suddenly had a bad premonition. Please don’t let it be a painting or calligraphy! Please don’t let it be a painting or calligraphy! You promised daily use silver. Your Highness, you must keep your word!
Wan Bi did not pick up a brush; instead, she picked up the copper coin jar from the top right corner of the desk. She was accustomed to casually rewarding subordinates with loose silver for running errands, so she kept a coin jar in the Main Hall to hold small, scattered silver pieces. Holding the jar, she walked up to Yao Xi, her fingers sifting through the little silver chunks inside.
Yao Xi knew this coin jar. The largest pieces inside were no more than five taels of silver. But every little bit counted; if Her Highness simply grabbed a handful for her, it would be a decent amount.
Poverty had taught Yao Xi contentment.
“This is what Eunuch Yao has earned.” Wan Bi pinched a broken piece of silver worth two taels between her index and middle fingers, handed it to Yao Xi, and said, “This bereaved one keeps her word. For every time you serve in bed, you may earn two taels of silver. Accept your reward and give thanks!”
“This slave thanks Your Highness for the reward!” Yao Xi accepted the loose silver with disappointment, the corners of her eyes drooping unhappily. She really wanted to ask the Empress Dowager: Your Highness, have you gone bankrupt? Why are you getting stingier and stingier?
If even the reigning Empress Dowager was this broke, the Daxing Dynasty was truly doomed!
Seeing Yao Xi’s dejected appearance, Wan Bi smiled even more gleefully and said, “Think it’s too little? You can always find a way to earn a little more!” After speaking, she threw Yao Xi a provocative wink.
“This slave doesn’t serve Your Highness for the silver… it is because this slave likes Your Highness.” Yao Xi pouted awkwardly. Besides, even if she wanted to earn money, she wasn’t going to earn it by selling her body. The Dragon Boat Festival was right around the corner; she could deliver festival gifts to the consorts in the various palaces and earn reward silver that way!
Silly wench. Wan Bi smiled.
Outside the hall, a palace maid reported from the doorway, “Your Highness, Noble Lady Lan has arrived to present you with Dragon Boat Festival gifts.”
“Invite her in.”
Footnotes
- Wán tàijiān (玩太监). A derogatory slang phrase referring to men who use palace eunuchs for sexual gratification. It implies a scandalous or deviant appetite within the imperial court.
- Xìnghuā gāo (杏花膏). A soothing floral ointment; in this context, suggested as a lubricant to ease the soreness from bottoming.
- Géshàn (隔扇). Traditional lattice doors or screens used to partition interior rooms in traditional Chinese architecture.
- Wénfáng sìbǎo (文房四宝). The 'Four Treasures of the Study' refers to the brush, ink, paper, and inkstone, which are the essential implements used in traditional Chinese calligraphy and scholarly pursuits.
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