Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 60
by Little PandaThe Empress Dowager is So Wicked
When Yao Xi woke, she discovered she had fallen out of favor.
Yesterday, Her Majesty had taken her along to Qianqing Palace. Today, when she returned to serve in the hall, Her Majesty refused to bring her. She had not risen late — yet when she hurried to the palace to attend her duties, the palace maid jiejie who was sweeping told her that Her Majesty had already gone to Qianqing Palace.
This made Yao Xi very uneasy.
She was a slave of Ning’an Palace. Even though she had gained a Noble Lady jiejie, leaving the palace ultimately required Her Majesty’s approval. With the Dragon Boat Festival approaching, if she had lost favor, she could forget about any opportunities to earn silver by delivering gifts to the various palaces. That would not do — she needed to save silver to get out of the palace!
Noble Lady Lan, who had mistaken her for her younger brother, might help her with money — but she knew she was impersonating someone else’s identity. Even if Noble Lady Lan wanted to give her something, she had no face to accept it!
Yao Xi began to reflect on what she might have done yesterday to displease Her Majesty. She needed to find a way to make amends.
Had she not refused or resisted when Her Majesty tested her? Had she said something too rude while pretending to be drunk? Or had she failed to satisfy Her Majesty, who had certain special preferences?
She thought about all sorts of things, but could not make sense of any of it.
To say something disrespectful — Her Majesty likely had some mental or psychological illness. She was not a fellow patient; she truly could not understand Her Majesty’s world.
Since Her Majesty did not need her to serve for the moment, Yao Xi decided to take this opportunity to visit the Bureau of Imperial Gardens. She needed to find an old eunuch to ask about the Yao family’s situation. If she was exposed at Noble Lady Lan’s place, her true identity probably would not stay hidden for long.
In Qianqing Palace.
When Emperor Ming Cheng heard that Wan Bi had arrived, he instructed Tang Huaili to take everyone out and asked Noble Lady Lan to withdraw for the moment.
He needed to have a proper talk with Wan Bi, to make that girl set aside those improper thoughts she should not have toward him. When the Late Emperor was alive, Wan Bi had never framed anyone out of jealousy — presumably because her heart was not set on the Late Emperor.
Yesterday, she had arrested a eunuch from his own palace and falsely accused Noble Lady Lan?
Only Wan Bi could do such a thing without him holding it against her. If anyone else had dared such nonsense, he would have punished them long ago. Wan Bi had done much for him over the years. She had borne heavy burdens from a young age. He liked to find Wan Bi to talk and share his thoughts, but he absolutely could not summon even a trace of romantic feeling toward her.
Wan Bi gave him a feeling similar to Longyi — both were younger sisters, though Wan Bi carried more weight. Longyi kept things from him, but Wan Bi was of one heart with him.
“If the Empress Dowager had not come, We would have gone to find you.” Emperor Ming Cheng sat down before the kang table1, his hand restlessly toying with the teacup on its surface.
Wan Bi had her attendants wait outside and entered the hall alone to meet Emperor Ming Cheng. After entering, she sat down at the other end of the kang table and asked, “You wanted to see this bereaved one about something? Then you speak first.” She happened to feel a bit embarrassed about bringing up the matter of taking Yao Xi as her male favorite.
“Very well. We will speak first.” Emperor Ming Cheng also found it somewhat difficult to begin. He thought about how to phrase this so that he could avoid hurting Wan Bi while also making her recognize the truth and give up on him. After thinking for a long while, he finally said indirectly, “Does the Empress Dowager understand her relationship with Us?”
What kind of foolish question was that? Mother and son!
But Wan Bi smiled wickedly and deliberately shook her head. She wanted to hear Emperor Ming Cheng admit it with his own lips. “This bereaved one does not understand! Why doesn’t His Majesty tell this bereaved one?” After all these years, even a stone would have warmed. It was time for the Emperor to call her Mother Empress. Wan Bi propped her chin on her hand at the kang table and gazed at Emperor Ming Cheng with an expression full of anticipation.
Ah, this girl is indeed deceiving herself. If he let Wan Bi’s mad nature run wild with her fantasies, there was no telling what chaos she might cause. To guide Wan Bi onto the proper path, Emperor Ming Cheng could only speak plainly. “You and We have always spoken directly to each other. We will not beat around the bush. Wan Bi! We understand your feelings toward Us, but We only regard you as a younger sister. We cannot give birth to even a trace of romantic feeling for you.”
“What do you take this bereaved one for?” Wan Bi narrowed her eyes. And what was this “romantic feeling” nonsense? Who the hell wanted romantic feelings with him?
“A younger sister.” Emperor Ming Cheng saw Wan Bi’s expression change as if she were hurt, and suddenly felt a pang of sympathy.
It was not strange that Wan Bi’s heart belonged to him. No matter how well the Late Emperor had treated Wan Bi, there was, after all, such a difference in their ages. It was easy for Wan Bi to feel reverence for the Late Emperor, but romantic love was difficult. He and Wan Bi were only ten-some years apart, and they had weathered so many storms together. He considered himself reasonably handsome, gentle, and modest. He had treated Wan Bi exceedingly well. Under these circumstances, it would have been strange if Wan Bi had not developed feelings for him.
“Even if you do not acknowledge this bereaved one as your stepmother, do you not at least acknowledge this bereaved one as an elder? You take this bereaved one for a younger sister? Then was the Late Emperor your brother-in-law?” Wan Bi waited expectantly for her son to acknowledge her as his mother, but instead she got a brother. “And what romantic feelings? If you dared to have those kinds of thoughts about this bereaved one, you would be worse than a beast.”
“You have no such feelings for Us?” Emperor Ming Cheng suddenly felt a faint sense of loss. He had no intention of doing anything with Wan Bi, but for her to so firmly and mercilessly deny his charm — as an Emperor with a harem full of consorts, Emperor Ming Cheng still felt an inexplicable disappointment. “Then why are you jealous of Noble Lady Lan?”
Was she jealous of Noble Lady Lan? It did seem like a sour feeling…
But that was because of her little castrated donkey, not because of Emperor Ming Cheng!
“This bereaved one did not falsely accuse her! Let us not speak of her — this bereaved one has regarded you as her own son, and you? You forgot your mother as soon as you took a wife. You told this bereaved one not to come to Qianqing Palace as soon as you brought her back, and these past few days you have barely come to pay your respects.” Wan Bi genuinely felt wronged. Perhaps the reason she had developed feelings for her little castrated donkey was precisely because he was the only one who loved her wholeheartedly, without asking for anything in return.
“The Wan family has no one left. When the Late Emperor passed, this bereaved one had only you left in this palace with any emotional bond. No matter what you take this bereaved one for, this bereaved one will always treat you as her own son.” When she spoke the last sentence, Wan Bi felt a secret satisfaction in her heart. She was not truly that sad — she was just taking the opportunity to play the victim and gain some sympathy, to pull the Emperor from Noble Lady Lan’s side toward her own.
Emperor Ming Cheng’s mood was somewhat strange. The words seemed like good words, but why did he feel uneasy after hearing them?
“The Empress Dowager will always be Our family!” Emperor Ming Cheng spoke with deep feeling and reached out to hold Wan Bi’s hand. Wan Bi, as usual, pulled her hand back with utter distaste. Emperor Ming Cheng looked at her expression of disdain and could not help but smile bitterly. He really had been overthinking things. “By the way, what did the Empress Dowager come for?”
Wan Bi played with her fingernails, trying to sound as casual as possible. “This bereaved one wishes to take a male favorite.” As she spoke, she kept her head lowered, not daring to look at Emperor Ming Cheng. She had not expected that actually saying these words would make her feel so shy.
Emperor Ming Cheng’s mood became complicated again. He felt the sorrow of a daughter growing up and leaving. But daughters could not be kept forever — Wan Bi was already in her twenties, and it would be pitiful for her to remain alone. So he asked, “Is there someone you have in mind? Or do you need Us to find someone for you?”
“There is someone.” Wan Bi could feel her face growing warm. She had never been thin-skinned, but when it came to taking Yao Xi, she was never quite decisive — always hesitating and dragging things out.
“Oh? Which temporary palace does the Empress Dowager plan to keep him in?” Emperor Ming Cheng could not help but feel curious. He wanted to know what kind of man Wan Bi had finally taken a liking to, when she had not cared for the Late Emperor or for him. The Late Emperor had been gone for five years now, and this was the first time Wan Bi had shown such interest in anyone.
Wan Bi felt her lips go dry. She poured herself a cup of tea to moisten her throat before saying, “Keep him in the palace.”
“Ridiculous!” Emperor Ming Cheng frowned. “We feel for you, being alone all this time. You had no marital relations with the Late Emperor either. We intended to grant your wish — but for you to let a man reside in the palace is too absurd.”
Wait. Wan Bi also frowned. What had she just heard? “What do you mean, ‘this bereaved one had no marital relations with the Late Emperor either’? Did you look at the records in the Directorate of Palace Records2?” Wan Bi’s face grew even redder. This unlucky child Feng Qian was far too improper.
Emperor Ming Cheng, in the wrong, refused to answer Wan Bi’s question. Instead, he said, “In any case, no men are permitted in the palace. If the Empress Dowager wishes to take a male favorite, that is acceptable. First, he can only be kept at a temporary palace. Second, if the Empress Dowager has any children, they will be of the Wan family, not the Feng family, and will have no right of succession to the throne. Third, the man must be approved by Us.”
Wan Bi did not want to dwell on the matter of Emperor Ming Cheng looking at the Directorate of Palace Records. If the Emperor had no shame, she still had a reputation to maintain. “Why do you need to approve him? This bereaved one is taking a male favorite, not selecting consorts for you!”
Emperor Ming Cheng spoke earnestly. “We are doing this for your own good. You are young and have little experience dealing with men. It is easy to be deceived.”
If not for that troublesome Noble Lady Lan, she would have to coax the Emperor a bit — Wan Bi really wanted to snap back at him. Deceived? He should look at what kind of women he had chosen for himself! “No need! The one this bereaved one wishes to take is a eunuch. So the first and second conditions are not a problem.”
“A eunuch?” Emperor Ming Cheng’s shock was written all over his face. “Take a eunuch as a male favorite???” Did this foolish girl Wan Bi even understand what a male favorite was! Emperor Ming Cheng knew there was a very bad custom in the palace — consorts who had gone long without favor would take handsome eunuchs as bed-chamber eunuchs.
But that was a last resort for those consorts. Wan Bi did not need to wrong herself.
“Empress Dowager!” Emperor Ming Cheng truly felt like he was playing both father and mother, as if he had a naive daughter about to be married off, and certain knowledge could only be passed on by him. “Eunuchs cannot be male favorites. They…” Emperor Ming Cheng was extremely awkward, not knowing how to explain this to Wan Bi.
“Because they cannot serve in bed?” Wan Bi coldly pointed out what Emperor Ming Cheng was trying to say. “This bereaved one has found a servant she likes and wants to keep by her side — it is not because she is lonely and wants to find a man to sleep with! Can you stop imposing your way of choosing women onto this bereaved one?” What she wanted was only Yao Xi — not just any man.
“By the way.” Emperor Ming Cheng was reminded by Wan Bi. “We intend to promote Noble Lady Lan to Jieyu3. Can the Empress Dowager help choose an auspicious date?”
“Promote her four ranks at once? The Yao family has not even been rehabilitated yet! And she has not borne any children — on what grounds does she deserve a four-rank promotion?” Wan Bi felt like she was facing a great enemy. But she did not want to argue with the Emperor over Noble Lady Lan. Their relationship was already not great, and arguing more would only make it worse. So she put on a smiling face and said, “This bereaved one help choose a date? Certainly! How about the Dingwei Year?”
“The Dingwei Year…” Emperor Ming Cheng thought for a moment. “If We recall correctly, last year was the Dingwei Year, was it not?”
“Oh.” Wan Bi smiled mischievously. “That is correct. When she accompanies His Majesty until her hair turns white, that will be the time to promote her to Jieyu.”
Emperor Ming Cheng was amused. “We accept the Empress Dowager’s auspicious words. It seems We will live to at least ninety-some years.”
Wan Bi smiled, then suddenly said, “By the way. The assassin at Ning’an Palace the other day was most likely sent by Zhu Xiangchang. The three-day deadline We gave Yang Qishang is almost up — Your Majesty should be prepared. The assassination attempt was probably unrelated to the Empress. Just confiscate the Zhu family’s property; there is no need to implicate the Empress and Feng Xin.”
If Noble Lady Lan had not suddenly appeared from the Cold Palace, Wan Bi would not have minded letting Emperor Ming Cheng find a better Empress. But now things were different. With Noble Lady Lan present, that foolish girl the Empress seemed especially endearing by comparison. At a time like this, they could not touch the Empress, lest they create an opening for someone else.
But the Zhu family still needed to be dealt with. Not necessarily execution of the entire household, but confiscating their property and imprisoning them for a few years was necessary. Otherwise, people would think there were no consequences for trying to assassinate her!
“Zhu Xiangchang?” Emperor Ming Cheng was clearly surprised. “Because of the three million taels We demanded from him at Zai County ferry crossing?”
Wan Bi nodded. “As long as Your Majesty is aware, this bereaved one will return now. Also, if you wish to favor Noble Lady Lan, this bereaved one will not object — but do not break the rules. Promoting her from Guiren to Jieyu is too much. First promote her to Talent4.”
“Has the Empress Dowager forgotten? When you first entered the palace, you were Noble Consort, with neither family background nor children.” Emperor Ming Cheng smiled. “Rules are made by people. Empress Dowager, please help choose a proper date. We will bring her to kowtow and serve tea to you.”
Wan Bi stood frozen in place for a few moments. Kowtow and serve tea? His Majesty was truly in love. When consorts in the palace were promoted, they typically only needed to kowtow at the Empress’s palace. Kowtowing and serving tea to her? That was something only the proper Empress could do.
“Very well. This bereaved one will order someone to choose an auspicious day.” Wan Bi smiled at Emperor Ming Cheng. Emperor Ming Cheng had the heart to help her, and she should have the heart to help him. If he liked that demoness, then so be it. With her watching on His Majesty’s behalf, that Yao woman would not be able to cause any great chaos.
Speaking of which, both Noble Lady Lan and her little castrated donkey had the surname Yao. The two shared a surname but had such different temperaments! Look at how well-behaved her little castrated donkey was.
After Wan Bi left Qianqing Palace, she went to Ning’an Palace.
Yuanqian hurried out to greet her. “Is Your Majesty here to check on the reconstruction progress? It will still take quite a few more days!”
Wan Bi waved her hand. “Come with this bereaved one to the storeroom to pick out some things.” She was going to give a grand betrothal gift and officially take her little castrated donkey.
Footnotes
- Kang table (炕桌, kāngzhuō) — a low table used on a kang, a heated brick bed-platform common in northern China. The kang was the center of daily life in winter, and the kang table was used for dining, writing, and conversation.
- The Directorate of Palace Records (Jìngshìfáng) — the office responsible for maintaining detailed records of the Emperor's intimate encounters with consorts, including dates, times, and outcomes. These records were considered highly confidential and could only be accessed by the Emperor himself or his most trusted eunuchs.
- Jieyu (婕妤) — an imperial consort rank four levels above Noble Lady (Guiren). In the hierarchy of imperial consorts, Jieyu ranks below only Consort (Fei) and Noble Consort (Guifei), making it a significant promotion.
- Talent (Cáirén) — a lower imperial consort rank, below Beauty (Meiren) and Noble Lady (Guiren). Promoting someone directly to Jieyu would skip four ranks at once, which Wan Bi considers excessive.
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