Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 111
by Little PandaThe Empress Dowager Refuses
Yao Xi forcefully balled up the monstrous scribble1 in front of her, threw down her calligraphy brush, and clutched her head in agony. If she dared present a drawing like this to Her Highness, even a woman with the patience of a Bodhisattva would fly into a rage.
But she had truly done her level best to use the brush to capture the Empress Dowager’s stunning beauty. It was just that what she pictured in her mind and what actually appeared on the paper were two completely different things. In her mind, Her Highness was a breathtakingly ethereal fairy; under her brush, she turned out looking like a hideous goblin.
Cutting a fresh sheet of paper, Yao Xi gathered her courage and tried once more—
Sure enough, it was entirely futile!
Still, the Empress Dowager had already witnessed how hideous her handwriting was. Surely she could forgive a drawing that was even uglier than her calligraphy? Thinking this way comforted Yao Xi immensely. She painted with absolute focus and precision. She couldn’t hope for beauty, but at the very least, a nose had to look like a nose, and eyes had to look like eyes.
While Yao Xi was deeply absorbed in her creation, the soft, rustling sound of approaching footsteps echoed from outside the hall.
Yao Xi knew the Empress Dowager was returning with her retinue from Empress Zhu’s Kunning Palace. Why had Her Highness returned so quickly? Were the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law really so incompatible that they had absolutely nothing to say to each other? Empress Zhu was quite something, too—at the very least, she should have kept the Empress Dowager for the evening meal2 before letting her leave! For the woman who supposedly mothered the entire realm to not even understand basic hospitality… the Daxing Dynasty was surely doomed.
Wan Bi had only just passed the apricot grove when she noticed the main hall doors were wide open. Yao Xi was sitting at the writing desk, brush in hand, scribbling away.
A smile tugged at the corners of Wan Bi’s lips. To be honest, if that wench Yao Xi painted her looking too beautiful, it would actually be a bit embarrassing. Filled with anticipation, Wan Bi ordered her attendants to wait outside and entered the main hall alone.
Seeing the Empress Dowager return, Yao Xi hastily balled up the chaotic mess of her previous drafts and threw them under the desk. She then put on a show of innocence, layering several clean sheets of painting paper over her latest completed drawing to hide it.
She still didn’t dare show the drawing to the Empress Dowager. Even though, by her own standards, that last piece was actually decent—you could immediately tell it was a human being, and it even possessed a vague hint of expressionism3.
“Xiao Yaozi, how is the drawing coming along?” Wan Bi walked over to Yao Xi, pulled out the hand gun she had kept hidden in her sleeve, and clapped it onto the writing desk. The weapon was quite heavy, and carrying it all this way had genuinely exhausted her.
Yao Xi’s heart shuddered at the sight of the hand gun. What was Her Highness trying to prove? It was just a portrait. Was there any need to make this a life-or-death matter?
She guiltily kicked the balled-up scraps of paper a bit further under the desk, then flashed the Empress Dowager a smile. “Replying to Your Highness, this slave has meditated on it for a very long time, but still feels these mediocre brushes and cheap ink could never capture Your Highness’s breathtaking beauty.”
Wan Bi didn’t appreciate those words.
She was a lover of painting and calligraphy, and the brushes, ink, and paints in her collection were the absolute finest in the world. Yet that wench Yao Xi actually dared to call her things mediocre and cheap? She certainly had some nerve! “Does the Eunuch find the tools in this bereaved one’s palace too vulgar to match your sublime, otherworldly talent?”
“No, that’s not it at all! Your Highness, let me explain…” Yao Xi panicked.
“Since that’s not the case, start painting!” Seeing the blank paper before Yao Xi, Wan Bi dragged a chair over, sat down gracefully directly opposite her, and said, “It just so happens that this bereaved one is back. Surely there’ll be no issues if the Eunuch paints while looking at this bereaved one?”
There was an issue! A massive one, at that!
Yao Xi set down her brush and said pleadingly, “This slave truly doesn’t know how to paint, and fears that whatever is drawn will only anger Your Highness.” As she spoke, her eyes drifted involuntarily toward the loaded hand gun.
“Didn’t this bereaved one already promise you? No matter how it turns out, this bereaved one won’t be angry. Begin!” Wan Bi said with a smile.
Her Highness was going to regret this! Yao Xi picked up the brush, gritted her teeth, and began drawing a watermelon by copying a gourd4. With the Empress Dowager sitting right in front of her, she was far more nervous than when she had been working alone. The lines she drew were uneven—sometimes thick, sometimes thin, and entirely crooked.
When she finished and took a look, this one was even worse than the last! Taking advantage of a moment when Her Highness wasn’t paying attention, she swiftly balled up the drawing and threw it under the desk.
Yao Xi really didn’t have the nerve to present such rubbish. She felt it’d be best to find some way to wriggle out of this. She absolutely couldn’t provoke Her Highness’s anger; if the Empress Dowager flew into a rage, Yao Xi’s life would become thoroughly miserable. But what could she do?
“Your Highness must be thirsty?” Seeing the hot tea on the table, Yao Xi had a sudden stroke of inspiration.
Wan Bi actually was rather thirsty. She had spoken at length with the Empress in Kunning Palace and hadn’t dared to drink a single drop of tea served there, leaving her throat parched on the way back. “Slightly.”
Hearing this, Yao Xi quickly rose to pour a full cup of tea from the teapot, then carried the bowl as she tottered unsteadily toward the Empress Dowager. Halfway there, she feigned a sudden stumble. Her hand gave a deliberate tremor, and the cup flipped over, instantly drenching her hand in scalding hot tea.
“Ah!” Yao Xi shrieked as she threw the bowl aside. She clutched her right hand tightly and crouched on the floor, her facial features contorting in agony. It genuinely, deeply hurt! Yet, getting scalded like this was still infinitely better than provoking the Empress Dowager’s wrath. Her hand was throbbing with pain, but her heart was absolutely singing with joy.
She had finally escaped this disaster!
Seeing Yao Xi get scalded, Wan Bi leapt from her chair and rushed to the cabinet to retrieve her burn ointment5. She uncorked the vial, crouched beside Yao Xi, and tenderly pulled the scalded, bright red little hand into her own. As she began applying the medicine, she scolded softly, “If you didn’t want to paint, you didn’t have to. Why go to such lengths to pull a stunt like this? Don’t you know how much it hurts this bereaved one to see you suffer?”
“Your Highness…” Yao Xi hadn’t expected her acting to be so terrible that Her Highness would see right through it in an instant. Her eyes grew warm and red with emotion. Looking up at the Empress Dowager with deep affection, she whispered, “To this slave, Your Highness is more beautiful than anything else in the world.”
Wan Bi twitched her lips but said nothing.
The ointment felt cool and refreshing, quickly soothing the throbbing heat. Feeling the pain recede, Yao Xi reached out, intending to gather the shattered porcelain shards on the floor.
“Hey!” Wan Bi glared at her. “There are plenty of servants to clean that up. Watch your injured hand—this bereaved one still intends to collect that ten thousand taels from you!”
What ten thousand taels? It took Yao Xi a long moment to realize what she meant, and her face flushed red as she lowered her head.
As Wan Bi walked past the writing desk to return the ointment to its place, she caught sight of a drawing faintly visible beneath the clean white sheets. “Isn’t this already finished?”
Yao Xi gasped in horror. The Empress Dowager had actually pulled out her previous expressionist masterpiece. It was a case of choosing a tall one from among dwarfs6; she was only barely satisfied with that drawing herself, and there was absolutely no way it could pass muster with the Empress Dowager!
“You paint quite quickly!” Wan Bi praised with a smile. She picked up the dry painting and glanced at it, only for her smile to slowly freeze. This person with a square head, a crooked chin, asymmetrical eyes, uneven shoulders, and deformed limbs was actually her?
“Phew…” Wan Bi let out a long, heavy sigh to suppress the rising flames of her anger.
She had promised that no matter what kind of monstrous abomination Yao Xi painted, she wouldn’t lose her temper. Besides, the girl’s hand was still injured. Furthermore, Yao Xi had her reasons for hiding her artistic talent—she didn’t want to expose her identity as the brilliant daughter of the Yao family…
Bah! No matter how pressing her reasons were, there was no need to desecrate her image like this, was there? If she didn’t want to draw, she shouldn’t have; but if she did, she could have at least made her look like a human being! Even Wan Bi could no longer find an excuse to rationalize this for Yao Xi.
Seeing the Empress Dowager’s face turn instantly to ice, Yao Xi knew Her Highness was furious. “Your Highness… this slave truly doesn’t know how to paint…” Yao Xi walked over with a pitiful, aggrieved expression, gently massaging the Empress Dowager’s shoulders with her injured hand to make amends.
Wan Bi couldn’t immediately recover from the sheer psychological shock of the portrait. “Phew…” She exhaled slowly once more, settling her emotions before turning to Yao Xi. “This bereaved one merely wanted to know what this bereaved one looks like in the Eunuch’s eyes. Does the Eunuch truly intend to tell this bereaved one that this bereaved one looks like this drawing in your eyes?” Wan Bi demanded, holding the painting up in front of Yao Xi’s face with a freezing expression.
“Your Highness has misunderstood! This slave wasn’t drawing Your Highness at all, but this slave’s own self! This slave hasn’t painted in a very long time, and fearing that clumsy strokes would offend Your Highness, this slave decided to practice on this slave’s own self first.” Yao Xi’s survival instincts flared with burning intensity. The Empress Dowager was standing right beside the writing desk, and with a simple reach of her hand, she could grasp the hand gun she had placed there earlier. While Yao Xi didn’t truly believe the Empress Dowager would harm her, she still felt a primal, instinctive trace of fear.
“Eunuch, this is clearly a portrait of a woman!” Wan Bi was no fool.
“But this slave isn’t a real eunuch either! Before entering the palace, this slave always dressed as a woman, so the image in this slave’s memories is naturally that of a girl.” Yao Xi scrambled desperately for excuses. She could absolutely never admit that the grotesque, half-demon caricature in the painting was the Empress Dowager. Never! Fortunately, her drawing skills were so abysmal that there were no discernable details on the clothing or hair ornaments, otherwise she wouldn’t even have been able to spin this lie.
She regretted even more that she hadn’t balled up this drawing and thrown it away with the rest. Because she’d never imagined she could get away with scalding her hand, she’d kept her most “satisfactory” piece as a backup plan, just in case.
Wan Bi glanced down at Yao Xi’s injured little hand. Even though the irritation in her chest hadn’t entirely subsided, she couldn’t bear to take issue with her any longer.
“Go to Ning’an Palace and fetch some items from Gugu Yuanqian. Have your dinner there and return afterward!” She’d arranged to dine with Princess Longyi and Jieyu Lan tonight, as she wanted to ask them about Yao Hezheng’s case. Wan Bi intended to keep the plan to exonerate the Yao family and bring Yao Xi’s parents back to the capital a secret from her for now. Once everything was accomplished, she would personally deliver Yao Xi to her family, giving the child a wonderful surprise.
“Yes…” Yao Xi sniffled aggrievedly. Her Highness was truly angry; she didn’t even want to eat with her anymore.
“Take a few extra people with you, and don’t carry anything heavy with that injured hand,” Wan Bi instructed. Yao Xi had only just returned to her side with great difficulty; she couldn’t allow the child to wander the palace alone anymore. Who knew what kind of trouble she might run into next?
“Mm-hmm.” Yao Xi nodded happily. Fortunately, Her Highness still cared about her.
During the days of Yao Xi’s disappearance, the Empress Dowager hadn’t been the only one worrying about her. Meng Delai of the Eastern Depot had been equally concerned.
Meng Delai had even ordered his subordinates to search for Yao Xi in secret. Unfortunately, since he didn’t know when or where he had gone missing, he had no clues to follow, and several days of frantic searching yielded nothing. Just as he was about to give up, word arrived from within the palace that Eunuch Yao, who served by the Empress Dowager’s side, had suddenly returned.
If he didn’t make use of Yao Xi soon, he might never get another chance. It would be a terrible waste if he vanished again or was accidentally killed by the assassins targeting the Empress Dowager. Yao Hezheng’s daughter, Yao Shuanglan, was certainly proving herself capable; not only had she emerged from the Cold Palace, but she’d even moved into the Emperor’s Qianqing Palace. Shortly after her release, she’d climbed from Noble Lady straight to Jieyu. At this rate, she was likely aiming for the position of Empress. If he didn’t throw fuel onto the fire surrounding the Yao family, their total resurgence would only be a matter of time.
Lord State Uncle Zhu’s household had been raided and their property confiscated, and rumors were swirling that the Second Prince, Feng Xin, born to Empress Zhu, wasn’t of the Emperor’s blood. The Zhu family was essentially finished. What truly unsettled Meng Delai, however, was that in the wake of the Zhu family’s ruin, Eunuch Zheng Dayun—who’d supervised the confiscation—seemed to be manufacturing a mountain of fabricated evidence to smear him. The charges were likely nothing more than the illegal seizure of civilian lands. Frankly, the accusation wasn’t entirely baseless, but there was no way Zhu Xiangchang could’ve possessed actual evidence of his misdeeds.
He’d always been exceptionally prudent. His only miscalculation lay with the Empress Dowager; even if he were threatened with death, he could never have imagined that the wealthiest merchant in the realm was actually her.
Zheng Dayun had to be eliminated. Tang Huaili was busy serving the Emperor day and night inside the palace. If he could rid himself of these troublesome godsons of his, Tang Huaili would be stretched too thin to manage the affairs of the Directorate of Ceremonial.
As for Yao Xi, now that the kid had become one of the Empress Dowager’s people, he had to tread with absolute caution. He couldn’t risk dragging himself down before he could even destroy the Yao family. It seemed his previous attempt to use Concubine Kang to present that painting had failed; the Empress Dowager was apparently entirely unmoved by male beauty.
Since he couldn’t use handsome men to turn the Empress Dowager against Yao Xi, he’d have to target Yao Xi directly.
Footnotes
- Literally 'ghost-drawn talismans' (guǐhuàfú), this highly common colloquial Chinese expression refers to illegible scribbles or dreadful, chaotic drawings.
- Wǎnshàn (晚膳) is the formal term for the imperial dinner or evening meal served within the Chinese imperial palace.
- An early 20th-century Western art movement that prioritized emotional experience over objective reality, often using distortion and exaggeration. Yao Xi's modern knowledge colors her perspective.
- A Chinese idiom (zhào zhe hú lu huà xī guā) meaning to copy or imitate something blindly without real understanding, simply following a model.
- Tàngshāng yàogāo (烫伤药膏) is a traditional soothing salve kept in Longyi Palace to treat minor skin burns and scalds.
- A Chinese saying (ǎi zi lǐ bá gāo gè) meaning to choose the best of a mediocre lot—literally, picking a tall one from among dwarfs.
0 Comments