Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 42

The Empress Dowager is So Wicked

It was now deep in the night. The fires at Ning’an Palace had mostly been extinguished, and Wan Bi, thinking of the morning court session she had to attend, prepared to head to Longyi Palace to rest for a while.

Longyi had been sitting with Wan Bi in Ning’an Palace the entire time. She hadn’t the courage to follow her Imperial Brother to Jingling Palace; going would only make the pain in her heart worse. Seeing Wan Bi rise to leave, Longyi hurried forward to support her. “The path is slippery. Longyi will help the Empress Dowager.”

            

Just a moment ago she was turning hostile at the slightest disagreement, and now she was making a sudden show of goodwill? Wan Bi was worried that as Longyi supported her, she might suddenly give her a shove. She really didn’t dare let Longyi help. But considering they would be living together for some time starting today, she didn’t want to make things too unpleasant. She smiled. “Why walk in such heavy rain? This bereaved one¹ has already ordered two sedan chairs to be prepared. Besides, you’ve just been drinking. I’m afraid you can’t even walk steadily yourself, so how could you possibly support this bereaved one?”

With that, she ordered two young palace maids to help the still-tipsy Longyi, while she herself walked toward the sedan chair, supported by Yuanqian.

On the way to the chairs, Wan Bi instructed Yuanqian, “Tomorrow, have a few eunuchs who know some martial arts accompany Yao Xi back to the Bureau of Imperial Gardens. Have him pack his belongings and move to Longyi Palace to await my orders. Once he arrives at Longyi Palace, remember to give him the things this bereaved one promised. Right, what was the name of that eunuch who wanted to kill Yao Xi?”

            

“Replying to Your Majesty. I believe his name was Liao something.” A smile had been fixed on Yuanqian-gugu’s face the entire time. Though she was answering the Empress Dowager’s question, her mind was still savoring what Tang Huaili had said to her earlier. Tang Huaili had asked her to go boating with him in a few days. She would have to find a way to ask Her Majesty for a day of leave.

“Oh. Kill him,” Wan Bi commanded, her tone light. Then, remembering something, she let out a sudden laugh. “Yuanqian, you should have seen it. When this bereaved one said this bereaved one was rewarding Yao Xi with this fire, the little thing’s face turned green with disappointment. Hahahahahaha…”

“This slave-girl² saw today that the shirt Yao Xi was wearing under his uniform was old and torn. His days must not be easy. It’s rare to get a chance for some reward, so naturally, he was happy. But then Your Majesty said you were rewarding him with a view of the fire. A fire can be looked at but not eaten, so of course he was disappointed.” Yuanqian had seen this when she returned to the hall after speaking with Zheng Dayun.

            

She had already felt a little guilty toward Yao Xi. Seeing that he would rather wear rags than accept anything from Zheng Dayun, that he tore up the letter without a second thought, and that he had moved the gifts to a storage room before the fire, saying he would return them to the sender… He clearly didn’t have two coins to rub together, yet he presented his master with such a valuable gift. Yuanqian truly felt a measure of admiration for Yao Xi.

Wan Bi was a little surprised. “I would never have guessed.”

The pair of pure gold paperweights the little castrated donkey had given her were worth a great deal of silver. To think he couldn’t bear to spend money on himself, yet was so willing to spend it on her.

            

Sigh! The little castrated donkey truly wishes he could give his all to love me. She considered rewarding him more, but then worried. If she gave him too much, would he overthink it and assume she had other intentions toward him? Better not. A modest reward would be best.

“Maiden, why have you suddenly started speaking up for him?” Wan Bi wanted to change the subject. Ever since she had sent Yao Xi back to the side room to rest, her mind hadn’t stopped; the little castrated donkey’s face would pop into her thoughts from time to time. That was her intention, at least, but as she thought it over, she realized the question that had just tumbled out of her mouth was also about the little castrated donkey…

Yuanqian replied with a beaming smile, “This slave-girl is merely speaking the truth.”

            

“What are you always smiling about?” Wan Bi felt that ever since Yuanqian had returned from the Peach Grove, she had been prone to silly smiles.

Yuanqian wiped the smile from her face. “This slave-girl wouldn’t dare. Your Majesty, we’ve arrived. Allow this slave-girl to help you into the sedan chair.”

“Are you involved with someone?” Wan Bi was no fool. That besotted, girlish grin was all too easy to recognize. That’s how girls were. When they fell for someone, they constantly replayed the person’s every word and action in their minds and couldn’t help but smile foolishly.

            

Wan Bi could see into others’ hearts as if they were clear mirrors, yet she saw nothing improper about the way she herself had burst out laughing when she remembered Yao Xi’s green face.

Yuanqian froze. She didn’t dare lie; Her Majesty hated dishonest servants more than anything. Nor did she dare confess; Her Majesty hated eunuchs, and she hated the chief eunuch most of all. Although Tang Huaili wasn’t the Seal-holding Eunuch of the Directorate of Ceremonial when the Wan family met their tragic end, in the Empress Dowager’s heart, all eunuchs were the same.

Wan Bi settled into the sedan chair and looked at the silent Yuanqian with a smile. “Maiden, for a withered tree to meet the spring³ is a joyous occasion. Who is it? A palace maid, an imperial guard, or a eunuch?” The very order in which Wan Bi listed the choices revealed her preference.

            

“A… a eunuch,” Yuanqian said with difficulty. The conversation had been going so well, how did it suddenly turn to this? And what did she mean, ‘a withered tree meets the spring’? Her Majesty really had a way with words, didn’t she?

“Oh? Is he from one of the government bureaus or from within the palace?” The smile on Wan Bi’s face faded considerably.

If Yuanqian was lonely and wanted to marry, she could have just told her. She wouldn’t have forbidden it; she would have personally selected a fine husband and had Yuanqian married off in grand style. Why would such a clever person be so foolish as to get involved with a eunuch? What was so good about them? Their looks couldn’t compare to the palace maids, and their presence couldn’t compare to the imperial guards. They were truly the worst possible choice for a lover.

            

If it were an ordinary palace maid, that would be one thing, but this was Yuanqian! From the bottom of her heart, Wan Bi felt that no eunuch was worthy of her maiden.

“From the palace.” Yuanqian truly didn’t want to give up Tang Huaili’s name. Her Majesty was already annoyed just hearing it was a eunuch. If she knew it was Tang Huaili, she would explode.

Wan Bi nodded. “That makes sense. You don’t interact much with the eunuchs from the government bureaus. Which palace is he from? Has this bereaved one met him?”

            

It was over. It was all over. Yuanqian couldn’t smile anymore. She even hated herself for being unable to hide her joy, letting Her Majesty see that something was amiss. Not answering was death, but answering wasn’t a guarantee of survival either.

The sedan chair swayed and bounced as it made its way toward Eldest Princess Longyi’s palace.

“Your Majesty has met him,” Yuanqian said hesitantly. “It’s… it’s Eunuch Tang from Qianqing Palace.”

            

“Tang Huaili????” Wan Bi’s brow furrowed. “Maiden, you have some skills! How long have you two been together?”

“Not long.” Yuanqian counted silently. “Perhaps… three, four, five, or six years?”

“Are you playing counting games with this bereaved one? You were together before the Emperor ascended the throne, and you dare say it hasn’t been long?” Wan Bi was furious not only that Yuanqian had debased herself with a eunuch, but more so that she had been kept in the dark for so many years.

            

But after a moment, she calmed down and felt a pang of sympathy for Yuanqian. Hiding it for so many years must have been harder on Yuanqian than on her. Two people, in love, unable to even speak a proper sentence to each other on her account. Wan Bi’s breathing softened, and she said gently, “If you’re together, you’re together. Why hide it?”

“This slave-girl deserves death!” Yuanqian knelt inside the sedan chair.

“Get up! You didn’t dare tell this bereaved one because of what happened to this bereaved one’s family, is that it?” Wan Bi helped Yuanqian up. They had been through so much together over the years; they were more like sisters than master and servant.

            

Yuanqian nodded.

“And to think this bereaved one was pitying you, thinking you were all alone and so pathetic,” Wan Bi snorted. “Turns out the only truly solitary person in this palace is this bereaved one!” Then, a gratified smile bloomed on her face. “No, wait. There’s still Longyi! Hahahahaha…”

Yuanqian: “…” Your Majesty, what exactly are you gloating about?

            

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Yao Xi woke early. She had to get into the habit of going to the latrine before everyone else got up.

After relieving herself, she went to the well to wash up. She was up so early that the staff in the washroom hadn’t risen yet. There was no hot water, only icy well water. Yao Xi howled as the cold bit into her. She brushed her teeth with a bamboo-handled palm-fiber brush⁴, dipping it in softened tea leaves. She didn’t know if the bristles were too hard or the water was too cold, but she spat out a fair amount of blood.

“Eunuch Yao, you’re up early!”

            

Hearing someone greet her, Yao Xi quickly spat out the rest of the water and turned around. Several eunuchs from the Miscellaneous Affairs Room were standing behind her, smiling obsequiously.

“Are you all here to wash up as well?” Yao Xi felt a little uneasy. Were they here to settle scores on behalf of the two night-duty eunuchs who died yesterday?

“No. We have received the Empress Dowager’s orders to escort Eunuch Yao to the Bureau of Imperial Gardens to retrieve your luggage. We were afraid we might miss you if you had other business after waking up, so we came to wait early. What a coincidence to run into you. Please, finish your business, we will wait here,” the tallest eunuch explained with a smile.

            

Go back to the Bureau of Imperial Gardens to get her things? What things did she even have there? She hadn’t accumulated much since entering the palace, and what little she had was destroyed by Liao Bing anyway. But since the Empress Dowager had issued an order, she had to go, no matter what. “The palace gates probably aren’t open yet. Should I go back to my room and change first?”

“Eunuch, please wait.” The lead eunuch clapped his hands, and a young eunuch stepped forward, holding a brand-new uniform. “A gift from Her Majesty. She said that since you have entered Ning’an Palace, returning to the Bureau of Imperial Gardens is like returning home in silken robes⁵, and you cannot look too shabby.”

Yao Xi knelt to express her gratitude. “This slave⁶ thanks Her Majesty for the reward.” She took the uniform, asking nervously, “But this is the uniform of a Junior Fourth-Rank Assistant Director⁷, isn’t it? How could a rankless menial servant like me dare to wear it?”

            

“Her Majesty said that you performed a great service in protecting her. From this day forward, you are a Junior Fourth-Rank Assistant Director, and you will serve Her Majesty directly.” The lead eunuch smiled. “Congratulations, Eunuch. A eunuch serving in the inner hall—this is a first for our Ning’an Palace.”

“Junior Fourth-Rank… Junior Fourth-Rank Assistant Director?” Yao Xi clutched the uniform—the very kind she used to have to bow and step aside for—and was filled with emotion. She knew it! For a service as great as risking her life to save her master, how could Her Majesty possibly reward her with just a fire show?

Yao Xi rushed back to her room, elated, and cruelly woke the still-sleeping Meng Li’an. “Li’an-di, I have the best news! Your brother has been promoted to Junior Fourth-Rank Assistant Director-la-la-la-la!!!!” Yao Xi was so excited she almost shrieked.

            

Meng Li’an blearily opened his eyes. “What?”

“I’ll tell you the details when I get back. I have to go to the Bureau of Imperial Gardens. Would it be convenient for you to step out for a moment so I can change?” She and Meng Li’an had an unspoken agreement not to look at each other.

After changing, Yao Xi preened in front of the mirror for a long time. The Assistant Director’s uniform really was different. Not only was the fabric better, but the color was brighter too. It made her whole person look more spirited. But she couldn’t bear to show off in the room for too long. Meng Li’an had been beaten yesterday and was still injured. Though the rain had stopped, the weather outside was still cool. She had to let him back in quickly.

            

“Li’an-di, go back to sleep! I’m off now!” With her back straight and chest out, Yao Xi swaggered out of the side room, leading the group of eunuchs away.

She couldn’t preen in front of the mirror, but she could go and preen to her heart’s content in front of her old colleagues at the Bureau of Imperial Gardens!

Today was the best day Yao Xi had had since entering the palace. But the good things kept coming. When she exited the main gate of Ning’an Palace, a sedan chair was waiting.

            

“Eunuch, if you please. The Empress Dowager has rewarded you with a sedan chair for your trip back to the Bureau of Imperial Gardens.”

Yao Xi’s heart was filled with a triumphant “Bwahahahaha!” She could even feel the smug smile of a petty person who’s made good⁸ plastered across her face! That bowl of strong liquor was well worth it, and that peppercorn she’d eaten was worth it too. So life really was just a series of seemingly unrelated, yet intimately connected, strokes of fortune.

Yao Xi understood. Yesterday’s life-risking lunge had not only taken down the assassin, it had also allowed her to firmly latch onto the Empress Dowager’s golden thigh⁹.

            

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