Your Majesty is Poisonous – Chapter 38

The Empress Dowager is So Wicked

A flicker of panic crossed Yuanqian’s heart. It would be terrible if Her Majesty misunderstood her relationship with Zheng Dayun, and even worse if it led to her affair with Tang Huaili being exposed. The Empress Dowager might show some affection for Yao Xi, but deep down, she still hated eunuchs. A large part of the reason Yao Xi had managed to win her favor was that she didn’t act like a eunuch at all.

But Yuanqian was a veteran of countless palace storms. Though her heart leaped, her expression remained placid. After a moment’s thought, she leaned close to the Empress Dowager’s ear and whispered, “This slave-girl saw how hard it was raining and went to the Peach Grove to tell that eunuch from the Directorate of Ceremonial that he needn’t wait. The eunuch saw that this slave-girl’s clothes were wet, so he offered his cloak.”

            

“This bereaved one never realized Yuanqian-gugu had the heart of a Bodhisattva¹,” Wan Bi teased. Where was that compassionate heart when she was making Yao Xi drink wine with chili peppers? Yet she couldn’t bear to see that power-abusing eunuch from the Directorate of Ceremonial get caught in the rain? In her opinion, it would serve him right if he drowned in it. Sooner or later, she would deal with that eunuch and get justice for the little castrated donkey who had nearly been molested!

Yuanqian forced a smile. “This slave-girl has been by Your Majesty’s side for so long, it’s only natural that some of your good nature has rubbed off.”

Wan Bi was speechless. Why does that sound so much like an insult?

            

Yao Xi was still kneeling, waiting for the Empress Dowager’s reward. After Yuanqian-gugu returned, she and Her Majesty had started a lively back-and-forth, and Yao Xi began to worry. She was afraid they would get so caught up in their chat that they would forget all about rewarding her.

Her fears were, of course, realized. The conversation between the Empress Dowager and Yuanqian-gugu continued.

Wan Bi picked up the account book—Yama’s Ledger²—and stood. “This bereaved one is going to the storeroom to put something away,” she said to Yuanqian. “The assassin has woken up. I’ll leave the questioning to you.”

            

“Yes, Your Majesty.” Yuanqian-gugu rolled up her sleeves, looking ready to get down to business.

After giving her orders, Wan Bi’s gaze fell on Yao Xi, still kneeling on the floor. “Gonggong, you can stop kneeling. Go and lend Yuanqian-gugu a hand.” Interrogation was a mental exercise, but it was also a physical one. She couldn’t count on the little castrated donkey for brainpower, but he could at least help with the heavy lifting.

Yao Xi’s heart ached as she thanked Her Majesty and rose. What? Is that it? No reward? Your Majesty, you’re a big, fat liar who goes back on her word!

            

After the Empress Dowager left, Yuanqian smiled at Yao Xi. “Bring the charcoal brazier over for me, please.” Her tone was gentle and kind. Whether Zheng Dayun and Yao Xi got together was none of her business, as long as it had nothing to do with Tang Huaili.

Yuanqian felt a little insecure in her relationship with Tang Huaili. Not only was he a high-ranking official, but though he had served two emperors, he was only in his thirties and remarkably handsome. But that wasn’t the worst of it. What unsettled her most was that their affair was conducted like a clandestine crime. Yuanqian always felt that in a relationship where they couldn’t even risk looking at each other, Tang Huaili would one day grow tired of it.

Fortunately, that day had not yet come, and the business with Yao Xi had been a false alarm. She felt a little guilty for teasing Yao Xi after the misunderstanding, so her attitude was now exceptionally warm.

            

This made Yao Xi very uneasy. Was this the same Yuanqian-gugu who had added roasted chili peppers to her wine, a supposed act of kindness in her time of need? Not daring to delay, she quickly carried the brazier over to the pillar.

With a pair of charcoal tongs in hand, Yuanqian addressed the newly conscious assassin. “You’d best confess. Who sent you?”

The assassin was stubborn. “The Demon Empress is a plague upon this nation! Everyone has the right to execute her³. Your grandpa here is acting on the will of Heaven!”

            

Listening from the side, Yao Xi was a little confused. Did the Empress Dowager do some other terrible things I haven’t heard about? It’s quite an achievement for a woman who lives deep within the palace to be hated to this degree.

Yuanqian-gugu used the tongs to pick up a fist-sized piece of charcoal, hesitated, then swapped it for one the size of a fingertip. She held it threateningly over the assassin’s arm. “Don’t force my hand. Are you going to talk or not?”

When Wan Bi returned, she saw Yuanqian and Yao Xi threatening the assassin with a sesame-seed-sized piece of charcoal. “Are you two trying to tickle him? You’ll see a ghost before you get anything out of him this way.” Wan Bi walked up to the assassin, glanced at him, and then turned to Yao Xi. “Gonggong, do you remember this bereaved one saying she would reward you?”

            

Remember? I remember it a million times over. Yao Xi smiled. “Saving Your Majesty is this slave’s duty. I dare not dream of a reward from Your Majesty.”

“Merit must be rewarded,” Wan Bi said with a smile. “Yuanqian, bring that bucket of lamp oil from the wing room.” After her spat with Empress Zhu, Wan Bi had ordered that Ning’an Palace be kept brightly lit at all times. The cost of the lamp oil was nothing to her; she wanted to use the all-night illumination to send a message to the rest of the palace. The Empress wants to cut expenses for all the palaces? This bereaved one is the first to disagree.

Because of Wan Bi’s decree, the maids of Ning’an Palace kept a bucket of lamp oil in the wing room, ready to refill the lamps at a moment’s notice.

            

Normally, such physical labor would have been given to the young eunuch Yao Xi, but since she had never served in the main hall, she didn’t know where anything was. Wan Bi had no choice but to order Yuanqian.

Once the lamp oil arrived, Wan Bi gave another order. “Pour a circle around the pillar, then sprinkle the rest everywhere else.”

“Your Majesty? Are you going to…” Yuanqian seemed to have guessed what the Empress Dowager was about to do, but she couldn’t understand why.

            

Wan Bi looked at the assassin and smiled. “This bereaved one just heard this brave warrior say he was acting on the will of Heaven. Well then, let’s see if Heaven will save him. Let’s see if the rain from the heavens is stronger, or if the fire this bereaved one starts is stronger. Do as I say!”

The assassin’s face twitched in terror.

Wan Bi sneered. “And here I thought you were a man who wasn’t afraid of death. Turns out you’re just a coward.”

            

“Don’t you get cocky, Demon Empress! Do enough evil, and Heaven will collect its due!” the assassin spat, his voice filled with hatred.

“So if the Lord of Heaven hasn’t collected me yet, does that mean I haven’t done enough evil?” Wan Bi’s smile was contemptuous. “You’re just a hired hand, so be a hired hand. Do you really think you’re some righteous hero ridding the world of a scourge? By the way, take a good look at this bereaved one. If you want revenge in your next life, don’t get the wrong person. But you’d better look quick. When the fire starts, your eyeballs will pop with a ‘bang.’ Then you won’t be able to see a thing.”

Yao Xi, who was sprinkling lamp oil nearby, felt a chill run down her spine. The Empress Dowager had spared her twice, and she had almost forgotten—Her Majesty’s reputation as the Demon Empress wasn’t just an empty rumor. It was a brand she had painstakingly built over many years.

            

Most of the hall was now doused in lamp oil. Wan Bi picked up an oil lamp and led the two of them outside.

Once in the courtyard, Wan Bi ordered the maids and eunuchs on duty, “From this moment on, no one is to make a sound without this bereaved one’s command.” With that, she hurled the oil lamp toward the assassin.

Fire erupted in a circle around him, then spread along the trails of oil that Yuanqian and Yao Xi had poured throughout the hall.

            

The rain kept falling, but the fire only grew, and in an instant, the main hall of Ning’an Palace was a blazing inferno.

Wan Bi stood in the courtyard with the residents of Ning’an Palace and said to Yao Xi, “Gonggong, you performed a great service by protecting the imperial personage. This fire is your reward from this bereaved one.”

Yao Xi’s face was a question mark.

            

This is the so-called reward?

I save your life, and this is what you show me?

And why do I get the strange feeling that this is like King You lighting the war beacons to make his concubine Bao Si smile⁴?

            

Furthermore, what do you mean this fire is my reward? You’re the one who wanted to play with fire, so why are you making me the scapegoat⁵?

---

The last two days had not been kind to Beauty Yu in Jingling Palace. The South Room had long been occupied, and Jingling Palace was only a two-courtyard compound. There weren’t many rooms to begin with, and they were all full. No one was willing to share with her. At night, she could only make do under the eaves, as if all the sins she had committed in the past were coming back to haunt her now.

At mealtimes, someone would knock over her bowl. When she walked, someone would throw stones at her injured backside. If it weren’t for the medicine Noble Lady Lan had given her, which made the wounds scab over quickly, she would have been bullied to death by the women of the Cold Palace long ago.

            

Yao Shuanglan sat in her room, watching Beauty Yu under the eaves, lost in thought. Jingling Palace was too dilapidated. The eaves leaked incessantly, drenching Beauty Yu, who had nowhere to hide.

She had no interest in avenging Noble Lady Yan. It was true that Beauty Yu had framed Noble Lady Yan and gotten her sent to the Cold Palace, but no one’s hands were clean. Noble Lady Yan’s miserable end wasn’t because she was good, but because she was weak. She had simply failed to outmaneuver Beauty Yu. If their positions had been reversed, Noble Lady Yan would not necessarily have shown Beauty Yu any mercy.

They were all cut from the same cloth.

            

She treated the women of the Cold Palace well only because there was no need to be cruel in this place. If it became necessary, she wouldn’t hesitate either. Beauty Yu said her parents had been sent to the Southern Frontier and her brother had escaped? How was that possible? Her parents only had her and A-Xian. She had entered the palace; how could her brother possibly abandon their parents and flee alone? Something had happened to her brother.

She could no longer hide in the Cold Palace, living a quiet life. Before she was sent here, she knew Tang-gonggong was investigating the Yao family’s case, but this was her family’s business. She couldn’t just rely on others. She had come to the Cold Palace to escape disaster, but now it was time to leave. Her parents should be fine, but she had to find her brother. It would be best if he were still alive, but if he was dead, she would have her revenge.

There were two ways to leave the Cold Palace. One was to send a message to Princess Longyi and have her ask the Emperor to come. The other was to find a way to lure the Emperor here herself.

            

She had blocked the secret passage left by Princess Longyi a year ago. Even though she desperately wanted news of her parents, and even though life in Jingling Palace was difficult, she had never once thought of asking Princess Longyi for help. She had to extinguish that improper idea of the Eldest Princess’s; she could not ruin the other woman’s life.

Yao Shuanglan’s gaze fell again on Beauty Yu, shivering under the eaves. Her mind was made up.

She rose gracefully and sat before her dressing mirror. Ever since the Empress Dowager’s last visit, a bloodstain had remained on the mirror. It was rather creepy at night. She had wiped it with a cloth, but a faint mark was still visible.

            

Yao Shuanglan shifted her stool to avoid the residual blood. Facing the mirror, she removed the broken wooden hairpin holding her hair, combed it meticulously, and then took a plain silver hairpin from a drawer to secure her bun. She found a box of rouge and powder, rubbed the caked powder loose in her palm, and gently patted it onto her face. Finally, she changed into a set of moon-white clothes.

Once she was ready, she picked up the paper umbrella in her room and pushed the door open.

Beauty Yu flinched with every clap of thunder. The weather in the fifth month had already warmed up. On clear nights, sleeping under the eaves was manageable. It was cold, but she could grit her teeth and bear it. But today, the rain grew heavier and the wind blew wilder. It was as cold as deep winter. If she spent the night out here, she would freeze to death. Even if she didn’t, she would catch a chill. No one cared if the people in the Cold Palace lived or died. Without an imperial physician, a common cold was a death sentence.

            

She stared anxiously at the sky, praying for the rain to stop. The water leaking from the eaves dripped onto her head, but she didn’t react. She was used to it. Suddenly, the constant dripping stopped. Beauty Yu looked up to see a paper umbrella above her head, held by Noble Lady Lan.

But Noble Lady Lan looked different today. She usually wore slate-blue or indigo, but today she was dressed in moon-white. Standing under the eaves with her umbrella, she looked like a celestial fairy.

“Beauty, why don’t you come rest in my room for a while? It’s gotten cold. You’ll fall ill if you stand here too long,” Yao Shuanglan said with a smile. Her gentle smile held a trace of apology. Even if she left Beauty Yu alone, the others would torture her to death eventually. But a life was still a life.

            

After entering the Cold Palace, Beauty Yu had come to feel that this Noble Lady Lan was not as kind as the servants claimed. She was a deeply calculating person. The sudden invitation made her suspicious, and she didn’t move.

“Are you afraid I’ll harm you?” Yao Shuanglan looked down and smiled. “Do you think you’ll survive until tomorrow if you spend the night out here? It’s so cold, and you’re only wearing a single layer of clothing…”

Beauty Yu thought about it and realized she was right. She let down her guard and was about to go inside when she noticed Noble Lady Lan hadn’t moved. “Aren’t you coming back with me?” she asked.

            

Yao Shuanglan shook her head. “My room is small; it can’t fit two people. I’ll go find one of the other sisters to squeeze in with for the night.”

Yao Shuanglan stood under the eaves, holding her umbrella, and watched as Beauty Yu entered her room. After about two quarters of an hour⁶, she figured that someone as exhausted as Beauty Yu must be fast asleep. Yao Shuanglan walked to the window of the room, pushed it open, and tipped the oil lamp from the table onto the clothes she had just changed out of. Then she took out a fire starter and tossed it inside. Immediately, she bolted the window from the outside and locked the door.

Jingling Palace was made of rotten wood. It burned fast.

            

Beauty Yu must have been overcome by the smoke. Standing under the eaves, Yao Shuanglan didn’t even hear a scream.

Jiu’er smelled smoke and ran out of her room. “Lan-meimei, where’s the fire?” she asked.

Yao Shuanglan pointed to her own room. “Beauty Yu set herself on fire.”

            

“In your room?”

“In her room,” Yao Shuanglan corrected, smiling at Jiu’er.

Jiu’er understood and nodded. “She deserved it.”

            

---

As the fire crept closer and was about to reach his body, the assassin finally broke, screaming, “I’ll talk! I’ll talk! It was Grand Secretary Yang!”

Satisfied, Wan Bi ordered her people to close the hall doors.

“Little Yaozi, have you ever seen such a big fire?” Wan Bi asked proudly, watching the flames grow. Emperor Ming Cheng’s troubles all depended on this fire.

            

“I have.” Yao Xi wasn’t looking at the fire in Ning’an Palace. She was looking elsewhere.

Wan Bi followed Yao Xi’s gaze. In the direction of Jingling Palace, another massive fire was raging, and it was bigger and fiercer than hers. Wan Bi felt a sense of displeasure, as if she’d been one-upped. Is someone horning in on my business⁷?