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    Chapter Index

    She Could Only Rely on Her Studies

    Over the following period, Anzhi lived in a daze, merely pushed forward by the days. When it was time for exams, she took them; when it was time to stay at the Yan Family Old Residence, she stayed there. With the end of the year approaching, the working adults were incredibly busy. Furthermore, because Grandfather Yan had sprained his ankle, Yan Yixi, Yan Yinan, and Yan Xi—who usually lived elsewhere—all tried to spend more time at home. Xiao Yutong had to look after Junjun, while Auntie Xin was busy with matters large and small around the house, as well as keeping an eye on Grandfather Yan’s daily routine and his medication.

    Under these circumstances, a half-grown, usually well-behaved child like Anzhi was easily overlooked. Moreover, she didn’t know if she was overthinking it, but Yan Xi’s level of attention toward her wasn’t as high as before. It was as if Yan Xi had suddenly started treating her entirely as an adult. Although Yan Xi usually gave her a fair amount of freedom, there used to be at least one phone call a day to check in—asking if she had gotten home yet, or if she had eaten.

    But lately, there had been none. Anzhi hadn’t called her either, because the end of the year was always Yan Xi’s busiest time, and she didn’t want to disturb her. By unspoken agreement, they began to give each other the cold shoulder.

    But could this just be Anzhi’s misconception?

    Or was it not?

    Anzhi didn’t dare seek further proof. The scene she had witnessed at the hospital a few days ago lingered in her mind. They worked together every day, and that man clearly coveted Auntie. What Anzhi feared was that Yan Xi had already accepted him. But there was absolutely nothing she could do. She couldn’t do a thing.

    On New Year’s Eve, Grandfather Yan and Grandmother Yan were extremely happy. Before the holiday, the Yan and Liu families had met and finalized the marriage between Yan Yixi and Liu Yiyi.

    Xiao Yutong said happily, “I hope we can hear news about Xiao Nan and Xiao Wu next year.”

    Yan Yidong said meaningfully, “Xiao Nan probably…”

    Yan Yinan said in exasperation, “First Brother! I’m definitely going to win her over! I’ll definitely succeed!”

    Yan Yidong laughed. “Oh, even Da Pang and Xiao Pang have girlfriends, and you still haven’t succeeded!”

    Frightened, Yan Da Pang and Yan Xiao Pang hurriedly clarified, “Dad, Dad, we don’t! We don’t have them yet!”

    The whole family was jubilant.

    At night, after the whole family had gone to sleep, Anzhi got up alone, fetched some fireworks from the garage, and went outside to set them off.

    A succession of brilliant flowers bloomed in the sky. A final, massive bloom hung lonely in the air before extinguishing piece by piece. After the brilliance came isolation—a cold, clear isolation.

    Anzhi stood alone in the same spot for a long time. Every breath she took was filled with freezing air, turning her face numb from the cold.

    She remembered her first year arriving at the Yan family, when Yan Xi had sneaked her out to set off fireworks. In the blink of an eye, so many years had passed.

    The Yan family was wonderful. Everyone in the family was wonderful—too wonderful. It was like the kind of perfect family she had seen in movies. She had immersed herself in it, enjoying the care and love the Yan family showered upon her. They treated her as a child of the Yan family. She felt both moved and conflicted.

    Perhaps she was too greedy; she still wanted to crave what she shouldn’t.

    Her eyes felt dry and sore. In this world, apart from Yan Xi, she was completely alone. She suddenly realized this.

    If she dared to ask for more, she would lose everything in front of her. She would lose Yan Xi. And she had nowhere else to go. After all these years of receiving so much care, being doted on by Yan Xi, she could no longer imagine a life on her own.

    She also didn’t have the kind of father who embodied the idea that ‘no matter what mistakes a child makes, parents will always be the most solid, final harbor.’ She could only be alone.

    She couldn’t ask for too much. Yan Xi hadn’t had a personal romantic life for so many years, which was more or less out of consideration for her. There was such a large age gap between them; they were situated in two different torrents of time. No matter how hard she chased, she could never catch up.

    Anzhi gazed at the now-empty night sky, trying hard to tilt her head back so her tears wouldn’t fall.

    After the winter break, the second semester of her second year of high school officially began. Xu Jia’er returned from the United States and brought back a huge pile of things to hand out to their classmates. She poked Anzhi. “How was your Spring Festival?”

    Anzhi responded listlessly, giving a noncommittal hum.

    Xu Jia’er looked her up and down. “Little Class Monitor, I’ve noticed you aren’t growing taller anymore.”

    In the past, whenever the topic of her height came up, Anzhi would bristle with displeasure. But now, she simply sat down at her desk and said languidly, “If I don’t grow, then I don’t grow.”

    Xu Jia’er scrutinized her closely, feeling that her mental state wasn’t very good. During the winter break, she had sent her WeChat messages. Sometimes Anzhi replied, sometimes she didn’t, and her tone always lacked enthusiasm.

    Something must have happened.

    Xu Jia’er thought for a moment, wanting to ask a few more questions, when a classmate came up to ask Anzhi a math problem. Xu Jia’er watched Anzhi rub her face, pull out a Mitsubishi1 gel pen, and scrawl across a piece of blank paper. “You must be confused about this part. Look, if you draw an auxiliary line here, doesn’t it become much clearer…”

    Xu Jia’er watched her hold the pen, listing the steps on the paper before explaining them in detail.

    She pressed her lips together and smiled.

    So cute! What a pity, what a pity she doesn’t like me.

    For the first time, Xu Jia’er tasted this kind of melancholy.

    After the semester started, the chemistry teacher announced to the class that the provincial high school students’ Chemistry Olympiad had begun, and students could sign up to participate. If they achieved good results in the provincial Olympiad, they could also participate in the national Chemistry Olympiad. This would be very helpful for university admissions later on.

    Anzhi’s spirits lifted. She happened to need a competition to adjust her mood. This was the most suitable thing for her at her current stage.

    After class, the chemistry teacher called her to the office and guided her through clarifying the knowledge modules for high school chemistry. Anzhi had already finished self-studying the curriculum for the third year of high school. Essentially, as soon as the teacher brought something up, she could follow along; she even knew many concepts not covered in high school.

    The chemistry teacher was extremely satisfied and instructed her, “Don’t do problems that are too difficult, and pay a little attention to organic chemistry. Also, from now on, stay behind every Friday to do experiments. The competition will have an experimental section; I’ll give you the key.” The teacher handed her some notes and offered a few words of encouragement.

    Anzhi thanked the teacher and let out a long breath upon leaving the school. She told herself not to let her imagination run wild. What she was good at, the only thing she could rely on, was her studies.

    Anzhi began a one-month exam preparation period. She allocated her time well; every day, besides studying her other subjects, she dedicated extra time to chemistry. She would often study late into the night. She knew she had a bit of talent for studying, but there were many talented people in the world, and many who were smarter than her, so she needed to work even harder.

    Yan Xi came to check on her a few times when she studied late into the night. Seeing her working hard for her studies, she nodded in encouragement and didn’t ask too many questions.

    “Do you have enough money?” Yan Xi belatedly realized that Anzhi hadn’t spent her pocket money in a long time. Anzhi’s WeChat was linked to Yan Xi’s card, as was her Alipay2, and the cash pocket money at home hadn’t been touched in ages.

    “Mm, it’s enough. There’s nothing I need to spend it on.” Anzhi smiled at her.

    “You don’t need to buy clothes or skincare products?” Yan Xi asked again.

    “No need.” What Anzhi wore most was her school uniform. Her skin was naturally good, so she only needed the most basic moisturizing. With that, even using Dabao3 was fine.

    “Oh… all right.” Yan Xi nodded. She fell silent for a moment, feeling there was nothing else she needed to ask. She paused, hesitating over other private questions before deciding not to ask them after all.

    “Don’t study too late. Make sure you rest.” She left those words behind and exited the room.

    She didn’t see that as she walked out, Anzhi had been silently watching her from behind. When the door clicked shut, Anzhi lowered her head.

    She wanted to ask, Are you already dating? Have you already accepted him?

    But she didn’t dare.

    There was a sliver of hope in her heart—perhaps if Yan Xi were dating, she would tell her?

    But on what grounds? Why would Yan Xi have to tell her if she was dating?

    In Yan Xi’s heart, wasn’t she just a foster child? Did Yan Xi think that now she was grown, she didn’t need to be looked after anymore?

    Once Yan Xi actually started dating, she might stop caring about her altogether.

    Droplets of water fell from her eyes, smudging her paper. The three characters for ‘nitrogen atom’ completely blurred. She silently shed tears for a while, wiped her cheeks dry, and continued doing practice problems.

    The preliminary round was held at their school. Xu Jia’er also participated in the preliminaries; she purely wanted to gain some experience and join in the fun.

    The preliminaries lasted three hours. After finishing the exam and coming out, they both felt a bit drained. They bought hot milk and drank it as they walked.

    “I should be able to make it to the first round in September, but it’s too exhausting. I don’t want to take the test.” Xu Jia’er finished her milk, crushed the carton, and tossed it. It traced an arc through the air and landed in the trash bin.

    Anzhi sipped her milk in small mouthfuls, her cheeks slightly puffed out. From Xu Jia’er’s angle, Anzhi was wearing a thick oversized sweater, jeans, and boots, with a red scarf wrapped around her neck. She had snowy skin and pink lips, and her long, fine eyelashes shimmered with a faint golden light in the winter sun.

    “Mm.” She answered only after finishing a large gulp. She looked absolutely adorable.

    Xu Jia’er managed to drag her gaze away with great difficulty. After staying quiet for several seconds, she said, “I’m going to study abroad after I graduate from high school. This was decided a long time ago. Anzhi, have you ever thought about going abroad?”

    This was the first time she had called her by her given name. Anzhi froze for a moment before answering, “Not for the time being.”

    Xu Jia’er knew who Anzhi was staying for, but she still wanted to ask. She gave a self-deprecating smile and said, “I understand your thoughts, but… for people like us, the environment abroad is a bit better. Not just academically… but also in terms of lifestyle.”

    “I think you should still consider it. Beicheng University of Science and Technology isn’t necessarily the only school that suits you.”


    Footnotes

    1. Mitsubishi (三菱, Sānlíng) Pencil (uni-ball) is a well-known Japanese brand of writing instruments.
    2. Alipay (支付宝, Zhīfùbǎo) is a major Chinese mobile payment app and digital wallet platform.
    3. Dabao (大宝, Dàbǎo) is an extremely popular, affordable domestic Chinese skincare brand, famous for its basic moisturizing lotion.

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