Peaches and Plums Don’t Speak – Chapter 66
by Little PandaThe Road Not Taken
Yan Xi mulled things over on the sofa for a while before deciding to go check on her. Anzhi’s door was ajar. Yan Xi knocked. “Taotao?”
Several seconds passed before a muffled “Mm” came from inside the room.
Yan Xi pushed the door open. Anzhi had already tidied her desk and washed up, and was now sitting on her bed in her pajamas.
“Getting ready to sleep?” Yan Xi asked with a smile.
“Yeah,” Anzhi replied in a low voice. She was wearing a long-sleeved cotton pajama set. Because she’d grown taller recently, the trousers were a little short, revealing her pale ankles.
Yan Xi walked over and sat on the edge of her bed. “You don’t wear socks to sleep?”
“I don’t need to,” Anzhi said, hugging her knees. She didn’t look at her.
Yan Xi’s brows furrowed slightly. She could sense that Anzhi was clearly struggling with something, likely because of the confession she’d made yesterday.
Yan Xi considered how to begin the conversation. She tried asking, “You said you did badly on your English exam earlier? Or is it…”
Before Yan Xi could finish, Anzhi turned her head and gave her a heavy look, then went back to staring at the floor, still hugging her knees. Yan Xi paused, feeling like she was once again being enveloped by a communication black hole1. She shook her head in resignation. She’d have to find another time to talk about it.
“Well, you should get to sleep early then.” Yan Xi stood up, ready to leave.
The moment she got to her feet, Anzhi’s eyes latched onto her anxiously. “Auntie…”
Yan Xi looked back at her. Anzhi hesitated. “What I… what I told you last night… What I mean is…”
She stammered, her eyes timid, her expression a little panicked.
Yan Xi’s heart softened. She’s still so young, after all. She sat back down. She had to make her stance clear.
“Taotao, I heard everything you said yesterday. I’m very moved that you trust me so much, but before you become an adult, don’t tell anyone else. Let’s just keep it our secret, how about that?”
Yan Xi spoke softly. Anzhi was curled up, looking just like she had as a child—whenever she was unhappy, she’d never say a word, just hide in a corner like a little rabbit, not speaking, only crying by herself.
Yan Xi subconsciously wanted to pull her onto her lap, but as her hand rested on the girl’s shoulder, she realized it might be inappropriate. She moved closer to Anzhi, stroking her shoulder, her tone as gentle as she could make it.
“A secret?” Anzhi looked at her.
“Young people like you might feel there’s no need to hide who you are, that you should live your youth to the fullest,” Yan Xi said. “But Taotao, our society is very complex. Not everyone can be so open-minded and accepting. I’m afraid you’ll be hurt by malicious gossip.”
She paused, then asked tentatively, “Or have you already told someone else?”
Anzhi shook her head. “No. I’ve… only told you…” She quietly turned her reddening face away.
Yan Xi let out a silent sigh of relief, ruling out that possibility.
It wasn’t that she forbade her from dating. That Xu Jia’er girl was older than Anzhi, and while Anzhi had always socialized with older peers, at fourteen, she was still too young.
Yes, she was too young. She couldn’t be in a relationship yet. But if she really wanted to be, Yan Xi felt there was little she could do. Thankfully, her gentle probing just now confirmed Anzhi wasn’t currently dating anyone.
Yan Xi felt like she was making her own head spin. She pressed her temples and summarized, “That’s good, then. Let’s keep it our secret, okay? Auntie won’t tell anyone.”
“Okay.” Anzhi nodded obediently. Then, she asked again, full of apprehension, “Auntie, do you think I’m… weird?”
Here it comes, Yan Xi thought. I have to answer this well.
She couldn’t let Anzhi see that she was still in the aftershock of the revelation.
She also had to put her at ease. Anzhi was certainly feeling anxious right now, desperate for her comfort.
“No,” Yan Xi said, shaking her head. She ruffled Anzhi’s hair. “I would never think that. Didn’t I tell you before? Liking boys or liking girls are both perfectly normal things. I’m not prejudiced.”
I’m just a little shocked, that’s all, Yan Xi added silently in her heart.
Yan Xi’s voice was as gentle and calm as ever, smoothing away all of Anzhi’s unease. The waves in Anzhi’s heart rippled, and she leaned her head against Yan Xi’s shoulder.
Yan Xi raised a hand to cradle her head, and they held the pose, silently enjoying the moment of intimacy.
Anzhi had just showered, and the familiar Kai brand gardenia fragrance emanated from her neck.
But there was something different. Yan Xi felt a little dazed. Besides the gardenia, there was a faint, clean… slightly sweet scent.
That must be Anzhi’s own scent.
It was lovely.
Anzhi’s pink cheek rested on her shoulder, her long, youthful eyelashes fluttering. Yan Xi’s heart was suddenly, immeasurably soft.
Yan Xi began to speak slowly. “Taotao, do you remember I once told you about a poet I really like? Robert Frost. He wrote a poem called ‘The Road Not Taken.’”
Anzhi listened quietly.
“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,2
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other…”
…
Anzhi loved the sound of Yan Xi’s voice when she read, especially when she recited poetry. Her pronunciation was more precise, and she interpreted the lines with incredible skill, without any of the stilted, formal affectation of a public reading. Years of hosting experience had lent her voice a clear, serene quality.
She had a feeling she knew what Yan Xi was trying to tell her.
Yan Xi suddenly stopped reciting. She smiled softly and said to Anzhi, “Taotao, do you know how old Auntie is?”
Huh? Anzhi was a bit confused. She quickly calculated in her head. Yan Xi was fifteen years older than her, but since her birthday hadn’t passed yet, she was still twenty-eight. Anzhi felt that women in this age range often had a sense of urgency about time. A couple of years ago, Auntie Liu had been very emotional at this age, constantly lamenting that time waits for no one, sighing and even crying.
Anzhi thought she understood. She hurried to act like a dog leg3. “I don’t know. I feel like Auntie hasn’t changed at all!”
Yan Xi was amused. She started to say something, but couldn’t help laughing again. Her eyes seemed to hold countless stars, each one flying straight into Anzhi’s heart.
She really hasn’t changed, Anzhi’s heart murmured. And she’s only getting more and more beautiful.
Yan Xi pressed her lips together, the remnants of a smile still on her face, making her look exceptionally gentle. “At my age, many women already have families, or are in relationships, or are still waiting for love, or have no choice but to go on one blind date after another. I get messages like that every day—telling me to go on dates, to hurry up and find a partner, to have kids while I’m still young.
“It’s like I’m standing at a fork in the road, and before I’ve even decided which way to go, there’s this endless stream of voices telling me I have to take the path with more people on it. Because ‘everyone takes that path,’ because ‘I’m at that age’…” Yan Xi said slowly. There was no trace of displeasure in her expression, only a slight weariness in her tone.
Anzhi gazed at her without interrupting. If she remembered correctly, this was the first time Yan Xi had ever spoken to her about her troubles.
Yan Xi sighed softly, stroking Anzhi’s hair. “Life’s choices are like two different roads in front of you. Some people choose the one that’s more crowded, and some choose the one that’s less traveled, just like the poem says. But no one can say your choice is wrong or strange, as long as you’re not hurting anyone.
“It’s just that once we’ve made a choice, we have to stick with it and take responsibility for all the consequences.”
Yan Xi gently stroked Anzhi’s hair at her temple and smiled at her.
“Auntie will always support you.”
Anzhi’s eyes began to sting. She nuzzled against Yan Xi’s shoulder with a small, choked sound. “Okay!”
Yan Xi chuckled and ruffled her hair. “So, were you so worried I’d think you were strange that you got three reading comprehension questions wrong?”
“Three questions—that’s a lot for you, isn’t it?” Yan Xi teased.
Anzhi bit her lip, her cheeks suddenly burning.
Of course it was. Each question was 1.5 points, so three wrong was almost five points lost. Someone else could easily pull ahead of her.
And there was more. Yan Xi hadn’t called her after school today, nor had she let her know when she got home, especially after what happened last night.
She’d spent the entire evening in a state of apprehension, both looking forward to and dreading Yan Xi’s reaction. In her turmoil, she’d even started to give up, thinking that if this was how it was going to be, she might as well have just confessed everything.
No, that’s impossible! Yan Xi clearly still saw her as a child. But what could she do? Yan Xi was right. At her age, she was surrounded by voices pressuring her to get married. Although the Yan family elders were very tolerant, how many more years would Yan Xi remain single?
In fact, for someone as outstanding as her to have stayed single for so many years, to have stayed by her side for so many years…
Anzhi knew she couldn’t cause her any more trouble.
She absolutely could not let her know she was in love with her.
But, but…
Yan Xi didn’t notice the chaotic storm of Anzhi’s thoughts. She smiled and said, “Alright, you can sleep soundly now, right?”
She stood up. Anzhi, not ready to give up, pressed, “Auntie, are you dating anyone right now?”
Yan Xi smiled and looked down at her. “I come home so early every day, I barely go out on weekends, and the only person I call is you. Do you think I’m dating anyone?”
Anzhi froze. Although that wasn’t what Yan Xi had meant, her face turned bright red.
Yes, dating her… that would be… nice.
“Not yet,” Yan Xi said, deciding to satisfy the little one’s curiosity. She had only taken a few steps when Anzhi called out again, mustering all her courage. “Then… you said before that you like people who are gentle and sincere. You didn’t say it was limited to men. Does that mean girls are within your scope of consideration…?”
“Pfft!” Yan Xi nearly tripped over the words, though there was nothing on the floor. She coughed a few times and turned back to look at Anzhi. “Huh?… About that…”
Anzhi stared at her, tense. As Yan Xi saw it, she figured Anzhi must still be feeling insecure and was looking for a “companion,” for the existence of someone with the “same orientation.”
“Um… I haven’t really considered that question.” A bead of sweat had already formed on Yan Xi’s forehead.
Anzhi almost blurted out, “Then how about you consider it now!”
She couldn’t say that. She quickly rephrased the question. “Auntie, has a girl never confessed to you? Look, so many people online call you xiaojiejie4 and say they want to marry you!”
Yan Xi was about to be knocked out by this barrage of questions. She said, slightly flustered, “Well, it happened when I was in school, but I… um, I’ve never thought about it that way. Um… it’s too late, I’m tired…”
“Go to sleep early. And don’t play on your phone for too long.” Yan Xi beat a hasty retreat.
Only after the door clicked shut did Anzhi collapse onto the bed in frustration, sighing.
Was she pushing Yan Xi too hard?
But on the path she had chosen, she hoped she would see her auntie! She wanted Yan Xi to be there, by her side!
The author has something to say:
Hahahahahahaha! Poor old Auntie Yan Xi, she’s been through so much these last few chapters…..
Footnotes
- A modern slang term for a situation where attempts at communication are completely ineffective, as if the words are being sucked into a black hole with no response or understanding.
- From 'The Road Not Taken' by American poet Robert Frost (1874-1963). The poem is a well-known meditation on choice and individualism.
- 'Dog leg' (gǒutuǐ) is a slang term for a sycophant or a toady. Anzhi is using it self-deprecatingly to describe her own fawning praise.
- A trendy Chinese internet slang term (xiǎo jiějiě) for a pretty young woman, often used affectionately by fans.
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