Peaches and Plums Don’t Speak – Chapter 72

I Won’t Let Her Know.

Anzhi obediently did as she was told. The gentle heat soothing her lower abdomen was indeed much more comfortable. She lay there, silently watching Yan Xi by the light of a lamp that was dim but bright enough to see clearly.

Because Yan Xi had just returned from outside, she had not yet taken off her makeup. She looked bright and moving, a natural, tender smile touching the corners of her eyes and lips.

            

“So it came while you were taking the exam today?” Yan Xi suddenly recalled how Anzhi’s first period¹ had coincided with the High School Entrance Exam. By the time she finished her papers back then, she had been completely drained of energy.

“No, it came after I got home,” Anzhi said softly.

“That’s good, then.” Yan Xi reached out and rubbed her hair. “How did the exam go?”

            

“I should be able to make it into the preliminaries,” Anzhi said.

The smile on Yan Xi’s lips deepened. “Very impressive.”

“Go to sleep now, alright? If you’re not feeling well, rest early.” After saying this, Yan Xi stood up.

            

Hearing her words and sensing that she was about to leave, Anzhi couldn’t help but call out, “Auntie!”

“Hmm?” Yan Xi turned back.

Anzhi propped herself up halfway, looking at Yan Xi, her chest full of words she couldn’t bring herself to ask.

            

In truth, she didn’t need to ask anything at all. She already knew everything. Perhaps she had known since she was very young that this day would eventually arrive.

Her auntie was going to be courted away by someone else in the end. Time had already treated her kindly by giving her the memories of so many years of companionship.

“Are you… happy?” Anzhi murmured.

            

Yan Xi looked at her with mild confusion. “Why are you suddenly asking such a strange question?” She sat back down.

“I just… I just wanted to know.” Anzhi’s face, nestled in the covers, looked like a small gardenia flower. The light in her eyes resembled morning stars—faint and crystalline.

Yan Xi tilted her head and thought for a moment. “There’s nothing for me to be unhappy about.” She reached out and smoothed the hair on Anzhi’s forehead.

            

Anzhi pressed her lips together and said no more. Yan Xi also fell silent.

A stretch of quiet settled over the room, with only the lamplight keeping them silent company.

“You…” Yan Xi didn’t know how to bring up Anzhi’s situation with Xu Jia’er, so she could only try to pivot. “It seems that after Mengmeng went back to her hometown, you two haven’t been in touch?”

            

“Yeah, it seems she changed her phone number. I don’t know what happened to her either, but I hope she’s doing alright.” Anzhi still felt a little sad thinking about it.

“Mm,” Yan Xi said softly. “Actually, if you have any close friends at school, you can invite them over to play at the house.”

Anzhi blinked. “Okay.”

            

Yan Xi let out a long breath internally. “Go to sleep now. Lie back down.” She pulled the cotton quilt securely over Anzhi. “Do you want your rabbit plush doll?”

“It’s already in the covers with me.” Anzhi’s dimples sank inward as she smiled sweetly.

Yan Xi gave a low chuckle. “I should have known.” She moved to the foot of Anzhi’s bed to tuck the quilt in around her feet. “Don’t kick your blankets off.”

            

Anzhi’s gaze remained glued to her. “Auntie, can you wait until I fall asleep before you go?”

Yan Xi nodded. “Alright.”

Anzhi closed her eyes, hugging the rabbit plush doll. Her lower abdomen felt warm, and Yan Xi was right there keeping her company. Yet, she felt an urge to cry. But she didn’t dare, afraid that she would be found out. Yan Xi was gazing down at her—what kind of look was in her eyes right now? Her hand gently stroked the top of Anzhi’s head, just like she used to do to coax her to sleep in the past.

            

Her heart felt both soft and bitterly sore. Forcing her eyelids to stay perfectly still, she slowed her breathing, letting Yan Xi believe she had fallen asleep.

After a little while longer, Yan Xi must have decided she was truly asleep. Giving her hair one last pat, she gently stood up and closed the door behind her as she left.

Only then did Anzhi open her eyes. Two teardrops rolled down from the corners of her eyes.

            

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In May, the feeling of spring grew stronger, but Beicheng still suffered from frequent cold, overcast weather. On a gloomy, rainy Saturday, Anzhi went to Beicheng University of Science and Technology to find Yan Yixi. Hearing that she was participating in a competition, Yan Yixi dug out several suitable books for her to read.

Yan Yixi was doing research at the university. He had started supervising graduate students this year, and the university had allocated him a three-bedroom, one-living-room apartment². It was elegant and clean, and the environment inside the campus was tranquil, so Liu Yiyi had moved in to live with him. Ever since they had a destination wedding³ at the end of February and spent a month travelling in Northern Europe, the two of them had only recently returned to work.

Liu Yiyi was also there when Anzhi arrived, while Yan Yixi was just about to head out. He handed the books to Anzhi and said, “You can use these to understand the material better. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself; just treat it like for fun.”

            

Watching from the side, Liu Yiyi felt her head was going to explode just looking at those massive tomes. And yet, this older-and-younger pair actually struck up a conversation about them.

“Alright, alright, hurry up and head out. It’s rare for Xiao Anzhi to have a weekend off. Don’t nag her,” Liu Yiyi urged him.

Yan Yixi smiled and naturally reached up to touch her head. Liu Yiyi’s cheeks warmed slightly, and she shot him a coquettish, reproachful glance.

            

Watching them smile with the corners of their lips turned up, Anzhi felt another wave of melancholy.

Was this what mutually in-love people looked like? The love in their eyes and expressions was irrepressible, oblivious to anyone else, completely impossible to hide.

Was this how Yan Xi and that man were when they were together?

            

Lately, Anzhi’s heart had been aching frequently, and thinking of this made the sourness even harder to bear.

Liu Yiyi saw Yan Yixi to the door. When she returned, she found the young girl sitting on the sofa, her brows slightly furrowed, an expression of profound loneliness on her face. It was not a look that an innocent, carefree young girl should have.

Liu Yiyi’s heart stirred. She smiled and said, “Xiao Anzhi, it’s the weekend today. How about you go out shopping with Auntie?”

            

Anzhi snapped back to reality and forced a smile. “No thanks. I still have to go home and review my coursework.”

“How boring. Fine, if we’re not going out, then stay and chat with Auntie. There’s no rush to go back. So, do you have a boyfriend?”

“Our Xiao Anzhi is so pretty, I’m sure there are plenty of boys chasing you, right?”

            

Anzhi scratched her cheek. “No…”

There was a question she had been keeping buried in her heart for a long time; if she didn’t say it now, her insides were going to tie themselves into knots. “Auntie Liu, um, Second Aunt-in-law.”

Liu Yiyi burst into laughter. “Good girl, Xiao Anzhi. Is there something you want to ask me?”

            

Anzhi pressed her dimples together. “Um… what’s the guy who is dating Auntie like?”

Looking at her, Liu Yiyi’s smile faded slightly.

Anzhi felt a little uneasy. “Just… are they getting along well?”

            

“The guy’s financial situation is average, but he’s a decent person,” Liu Yiyi replied. “Yan Xiao Wu’s feelings toward him…” She quietly observed Anzhi’s expression. She could see that the young girl was visibly nervous, her fingers constantly pulling and twisting the hem of her shirt.

Deciding to test the waters, she said, “Yan Xiao Wu must like him quite a bit.”

She watched Anzhi’s face drain of color instantly as she lowered her head in despair. Liu Yiyi thought she was on the verge of crying right then and there.

            

“You, you’re…”

Countless thoughts flashed through Liu Yiyi’s mind in an instant. She told herself not to let her imagination run wild; perhaps, because of Anzhi’s background, she was simply too dependent on Yan Xi and was afraid of her dating someone.

But Liu Yiyi had long noticed Anzhi’s gaze and moods. She had also been someone who harbored a long-term unrequited crush, and having lived abroad and still frequently flying overseas, she was all too familiar with that secretive look between people of the same sex.

            

Suddenly, Liu Yiyi didn’t know what to say.

After a long while, Anzhi raised her head, her eyes red.

“I understand.” She sniffled.

            

Liu Yiyi had been eloquent her whole life, but at this moment, she stumbled over her words for the first time. “Why put yourself through this?”

Anzhi wiped at her tears. Liu Yiyi panicked slightly. “I’m not saying you can’t like girls, it’s just… of all the people to like, why did it have to be…”

Anzhi bit her lip, crying, “I know I shouldn’t, I know… I…”

            

She was still so young; before ever tasting the sweetness of love, she had already tasted its bitterness. Before enjoying the mutual delight of a shared romance, she had to adapt to the agony of an unrequited one. Before learning that love could be something frankly open to the blessings of others, she already knew that her love would be misunderstood and even despised.

Liu Yiyi’s heart ached at her crying. She sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Alright, alright, I understand.”

She had originally wanted to say, ‘Maybe you’re still young. After a while, when you grow older, see more people, and experience more things, you’ll be able to let it go. You won’t like the person you like now anymore.’

            

But she couldn’t bring herself to say it.

No one understood the bitter pain of secretly loving an impossible person better than she did.

She had fallen in love with Yan Yixi at around Anzhi’s age. Even after going abroad for so many years, she was still in love with Yan Yixi in the end.

            

She couldn’t say those words. She couldn’t bring herself to do it.

Anzhi cried for a long time, completely unable to stop, her breath hitching in slow sobs.

“Actually, things between your auntie and that Liao Chengyu haven’t progressed that quickly either. They’re still in the adjustment phase.” As soon as Liu Yiyi said this, she wanted to bite her own tongue. Was saying this just giving Anzhi false hope she shouldn’t have?

            

“But, Yan Xiao Wu isn’t… Moreover, she probably only sees you as…” Always sharp-tongued and quick-witted, Liu Yiyi was now stammering, struggling immensely with her words.

“I know.” Tears welled up and streamed down Anzhi’s face, clear as crystal.

“I won’t let her know,” Anzhi murmured.

            

“I can’t let her know, either.”

This was her duty, and the absolute bottom line she had to maintain.

After Anzhi left, it took a long, long time for Liu Yiyi to recover her senses. She sighed heavily, over and over, feeling unimaginably heartbroken.

            

“This child is too pitiful… ah, this child…”

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