Peaches and Plums Don’t Speak – Chapter 113

Happy New Year

The hand Yan Xi had tucked into her pocket grew cold. She watched them in silence.

They talked as they walked. Aside from catching Anzhi to keep her from falling, Xu Jia’er made no other moves.

            

Right, and she also patted Anzhi’s head…

Yan Xi bit her lip lightly, her eyelashes trembling. Then she pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling like she wasn’t herself anymore.

Yan Xi’s gaze swept over them again. Anzhi was wearing a large blue sweater, the collar of a white shirt peeking out from its round neckline. Being much shorter than Xu Jia’er, she had to tilt her head up to speak. In the morning light, her eyes curved into a smile.

            

Yan Xi thought of those eyes. When they focused on you, they were so bright and clear, like a camera lens that pierced straight to the heart.

Yan Xi involuntarily took two steps forward, then forced herself to a dead stop.

They looked so young, so full of vibrant energy, as if they hadn’t a care in the world.

            

There was a simple, pure atmosphere about them.

The other girl could give Anzhi everything she couldn’t.

Yan Xi’s eyes gradually filled with moisture.

            

She had come here just to see her. She had seen her now and knew she was doing well. That was enough.

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“Huh.” Anzhi paused, hesitating.

“What’s wrong?” Xu Jia’er asked.

            

“…Nothing.” It was just a strange feeling that had suddenly come over her, as if someone had been watching her.

“Alright, you finally finished your exams. We’re taking you out. You can’t possibly spend Christmas all alone,” Xu Jia’er said, winking.

“Can’t I just sleep in a little later? Besides, I didn’t pack any luggage…”

            

Anzhi and Xu Jia’er had exchanged a few emails back when they were in university. She had learned then that Xu Jia’er was studying at Columbia University, and after Anzhi came to Harvard, they reconnected. Sometimes, Xu Jia’er would bring her girlfriend and other friends over for a visit.

“You’re spending Christmas with us. Rachel’s place is right next to my school. She has everything, and if not, we’ll just buy it. We can show you around New York while we’re at it.”

“What would I be doing there, being a third wheel¹?”

            

“Not at all, a lot of other friends will be coming over,” Xu Jia’er said with a smile. “There’ll be blonde girls, you know.”

Anzhi was speechless.

They had reached the side of the road, where a brown-haired woman with a stunning figure was leaning against a car, giving them a brilliant smile.

            

Xu Jia’er went up to hug and kiss her. Anzhi, feeling a little awkward, scratched her cheek and averted her eyes.

“Hi, Ann,” Rachel said, grinning as she wrapped an arm around Anzhi and planted an affectionate, sweet kiss on her cheek.

“…Hi, Rachel.” Anzhi had met her once or twice but still wasn’t quite used to such an enthusiastic way of greeting people.

            

But Xu Jia’er had told her that her girlfriend really liked her and thought she was adorable.

“We’re going to have a merry Christmas, little cutie.” Another cheek kiss was delivered. Anzhi was so flustered that Xu Jia’er had to laugh and intervene.

Anzhi got into the car and sat in the back. The two in the front chatted intimately as they drove.

            

Outside the window, she could see Christmas decorations lining both sides of the road. This was her first long holiday in a foreign country.

Anzhi pressed her face closer to the window.

The sky was clear and bright. People were jogging along the banks of the Charles River, its water pristine and blue. This city still felt very unfamiliar to her, yet she didn’t dare return to that other city. She still hadn’t figured out how to face Yan Xi.

            

Her longing was not here; her love was not here.

Anzhi thought that if Beicheng weren’t the place where Yan Xi was, then it wouldn’t matter where she herself was.

But not being by her side, she was like a rootless weed, adrift and swaying.

            

Countless times, she told herself that what she did was right—leaving Beicheng, coming to a foreign country, blessing Yan Xi from afar, no longer putting pressure or burdens on her, and pursuing her own future.

But how was this not also a form of self-exile? It was a case of the closer to love, the more timid one becomes²; with the distance between them, the feeling was sometimes bearable, and other times not.

She had endured sleepless nights, tormented by pain and self-reproach, only to go to class the next day as usual, burying her feelings deep in her heart.

            

The mere thought of Yan Xi would bring tears to her eyes.

She hoped Yan Xi was well. She hoped she didn’t blame herself. It wasn’t her fault, but her own greed and delusion.

She hoped all her own love, confusion, and pain would one day settle like dust, and that she could appear before Yan Xi again as a better version of herself.

            

The car started moving slowly. Anzhi closed her eyes, listening to the music playing inside. “If you miss the train I am on, you will know that I am gone. You can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles. A hundred miles, a hundred miles…”

Rachel was speaking. “I want to introduce Ann to a girlfriend…”

Xu Jia’er laughed. “You can try, but there will always be someone in her heart.”

            

“Ah, the poor thing…”

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In early January, the spring semester began. Anzhi had to start her work as a teaching assistant, which involved leading undergraduate lab experiments, facilitating group discussions, grading assignments, and holding office hours. She had to work twenty hours a week, all while trying to finalize her advisor and research group. She was so swamped that in the blink of an eye, it was time for the Spring Festival back home.

The international students in her school organized their own Spring Festival Gala³ party. Everyone brought something to eat—those who could cook did, and those who couldn’t bought food. They played their motherland’s gala on a TV, played games, danced, and chatted. It was a cheerful and lively gathering. Anzhi went for a little while, then returned to her dorm.

            

She sat in a daze for a long time.

Taking a deep breath, just as she decided to make a video call, Liu Yiyi beat her to it, sending a WeChat message requesting a call.

Anzhi was instantly nervous. She typed back: Give me five minutes.

            

Putting her phone down, she hurried to the mirror, changed into a sweater she felt complemented her skin tone, then washed her face and applied a touch of lipstick.

She sat down at her desk, practiced smiling in the mirror a few times, and tried to calm her racing heart before finally accepting the call.

The first thing she saw was Liu Yiyi’s familiar smiling face. “Little Anzhi! How are you doing? Happy New Year!”

            

She was holding an iPad, and behind her, Yan Da Pang and Yan Xiao Pang were grinning at the screen.

“Happy New Year!” A wave of familiarity washed over Anzhi, and she smiled back, greeting each of them in turn—her uncles, Grandfather and Grandmother Yan, her maternal aunts.

The other end was filled with boisterous laughter. Yan Da Pang and Yan Xiao Pang took turns snatching the iPad to talk to her. The camera shook for a while before returning to Liu Yiyi’s hands, who could be heard muttering a few scolding words with a quiet laugh.

            

It seemed she had walked into another room. She propped the iPad up on a desk. “Are you busy? Is your money lasting?”

“It’s enough. I have a stipend.”

“Oh, I know, but isn’t your rent eighteen hundred dollars a month? And you only get thirty thousand a year, right? I’m worried it won’t be enough.”

            

“It’s fine, really. Though I was thinking of maybe finding a cheaper place. There might be some off-campus…”

On the screen, Liu Yiyi hesitated for a moment. Her eyes darted to the right. “No, no, no, you should stay on campus. It’s safer, especially if you’re coming back late from the lab. If it’s not enough, your auntie—ahem, your maternal aunt—can wire you some money.”

Anzhi’s dimples appeared. “There’s really no need. I truly have a stipend, and it’ll be a bit more this semester. I don’t have any other expenses besides rent. Oh, and I won’t have to pay for driving lessons anymore.”

            

Liu Yiyi sounded puzzled. “Driving lessons? Didn’t you learn in university?” She glanced to the side again, so obviously this time that even Anzhi noticed.

“That’s right. A Chinese driver’s license isn’t recognized in Massachusetts, so you’ll have to be extra careful.”

“I will be,” Anzhi said. “My friend here can drive. She’s taken me out a few times, so it should be fine.”

            

Liu Yiyi suddenly smiled, casting another meaningful glance to her right before looking back at the screen. “Made a friend who can teach you how to drive so quickly, have you? Hahaha, that’s great, really great.”

Anzhi froze for a second, not quite understanding what she meant.

Liu Yiyi suppressed a laugh. “Is she a foreigner or Chinese?”

            

Anzhi blinked before replying, “She’s my classmate from high school. She’s a graduate student at Columbia.”

A smile played on Liu Yiyi’s lips. “What a coincidence…”

Liu Yiyi looked straight at her, then suddenly blinked, gesturing subtly to the side.

            

Her eyebrow quirked up.

Anzhi’s heart began to throb, throb, throb. She swallowed hard and said, “Yes. She and her girlfriend come over to see me sometimes. They’re both really nice and take good care of me.”

“Oh…” Liu Yiyi drew out the sound, then beamed. “That’s just wonderful…”

            

“Ahem, alright, you should get some rest. Come home when you have a holiday. Let your maternal aunt know first, and she’ll book you a ticket…” Liu Yiyi brushed her bangs aside. “Ah, I should go check on your second uncle… You can just end the call in a bit.”

She stood up and walked out, leaving the iPad on.

Anzhi bit her lip, motionless.

            

The room in the video feed was empty.

Time ticked by, but her heartbeat only accelerated. She knew someone was there, in the right-hand corner of the video, just out of frame. They had been standing there the whole time, listening to her conversation with Liu Yiyi.

And they wouldn’t show themself.

            

Anzhi didn’t dare to speak.

A torrent of emotions welled up in her chest until it ached.

Anzhi couldn’t stop a small, soft sob from escaping.

            

She blinked her damp eyelashes and finally, in the bottom right corner of the screen, she saw it—a tiny speck of black yarn.

That person was wearing a black sweater.

“Happy New Year,” Anzhi murmured.

            

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