The Alley Was Always This Long – Chapter 78
by Little Panda“Teacher Tao”
“Why so active, Teacher Tao?”
[My tongue is a fish, swimming back and forth in your breath.]
Cheng Xiang’s checkup results were completely clear, and life went on just like that.
After the 「Phoenix Tree」 themed brooch was delivered, Tao Tianran never saw Qiao Zhiji at the company again. The next time they met was in early autumn, when Tao Tianran won the prestigious Asia-Pacific jewelry design accolade, the 「IAI Award」.
This year’s ceremony was held in Beicheng. Tao Tianran handed an invitation to Cheng Xiang, and also sent one to Qiao Zhiji.
Cheng Xiang paced around Qin Ziqiao’s home with her arms crossed. “What do I do? What do I do?”
“What do you mean, ‘what do you do’?”
“The award ceremony! What am I going to wear?”
“…It’s not like you’re the one winning an award.”
“But people from her company are going to be there too. They all know I’m her girlfriend, so I can’t look too casual, can I?” Cheng Xiang curled up one leg and sat on the sofa next to Qin Ziqiao. “Look, I searched on Taobao for some casual evening gowns.”
Qin Ziqiao glanced at the screen. “They look like curtains.”
Cheng Xiang’s brow furrowed. She sighed, raising her hand to rub at her temple. “To be honest, I think so too. But my budget is really tight right now, and these are the only ones I can afford.”
“Didn’t your webcomic get a boost in followers from Douyin’s recommendation?”
“Yeah.” Cheng Xiang smiled. “I gained sixty-two whole followers! For me, that’s practically a viral sensation! But who knows when I’ll actually start earning money from it? My past savings still have to go toward paying my mom for living expenses. Sigh, money’s just too tight.”
“How about this?” Qin Ziqiao stood up and began rummaging through her wardrobe.
“Do you actually have an evening gown?” Cheng Xiang craned her neck. “There’s no way, Qiaozi.”
Qin Ziqiao dug out a heap of dark brown, fluffy fabric from the depths of her wardrobe and shoved it into Cheng Xiang’s arms. “Here, a souvenir from the zoo.”
Cheng Xiang unfurled it. It was a capybara onesie.
Cheng Xiang collapsed onto the sofa, clutching the pile of fabric as she dissolved into laughter. “Oh my god, seriously, if I really can’t find anything to wear, I’ll actually wear this. At least it’d be unique, right?”
On the day of the ceremony, Cheng Xiang did not wear the fluffy capybara onesie.
She had originally put on a white T-shirt printed with a cluster of colorful paint handprints on the back. But right before stepping out, she dashed back into her bedroom, kicking off her jeans while simultaneously pulling off the shirt.
Standing in just her underwear, she fished a white button-down and a pair of semi-formal charcoal-black trousers out from the depths of her wardrobe.
She had bought them back when she was working, misled by her boss’s grand promises of “frequent formal exhibitions.” Later, the company went completely under, and Cheng Xiang, finding the outfit a bit too stiff and corporate, had left it hanging unused in her closet.
Slipping into her canvas shoes and running out the door, Cheng Xiang thought to herself that she should have decided on this outfit sooner. At least then she could have ironed out the fold creases from the shirt.
By the time she arrived at the venue, the award ceremony was about to begin.
The names of the invited guests were printed on the backs of the seats—fancy. Cheng Xiang hunched her shoulders and slipped into her seat. Yu Yusheng, sitting right next to her, smiled and greeted her, “Hi.”
“…Hi.” Cheng Xiang lowered her eyes, not daring to let her gaze linger on the other woman’s face for too long.
If her fashionable person anxiety1 kicked in and she passed out in a place like this, it would be so incredibly embarrassing.
When Tao Tianran took the stage, Cheng Xiang sat in the audience, looking up at her.
Today, Tao Tianran was dressed in pristine white. The fabric of her blouse was slightly softer than usual, paired with satin tapered trousers and stiletto heels of a matching shade. The award winners who had taken the stage before her had all worn pearls or diamonds to accentuate their status as designers.
Tao Tianran did not. Even for an occasion like this, she wore only light makeup. Her face was as cold as frost and snow, her frame elegantly slender, with only a plain band ring on the pinky finger of her right hand.
Nearby in the audience, someone whispered, “Is there some special meaning to that ring? Or is it made of some unique material?”
Cheng Xiang gazed at Tao Tianran on the stage, thinking to herself that it was just an ordinary silver ring worth seventy-six yuan. Every time before she and Tao Tianran did that, she would always kiss it, watching as the eyes of that usually cold and elegant woman pool with desire—it had almost become a ritual.
Cheng Xiang reached up and pinched her own earlobe.
The crystal trophy looked exceptionally precious in Tao Tianran’s hands. Cheng Xiang quietly leaned over to ask Yu Yusheng, “Are we allowed to take photos?”
Yu Yusheng replied with a question of her own, “Why wouldn’t we be?”
Well, she had never attended an event of this caliber before, so she had to make sure. Cheng Xiang pulled out her phone, took a few quick snaps—click-click—and looked down at the screen, thoroughly pleased with the result. She immediately sent one over to Qin Ziqiao.
At the same time, she buzzed her: 【Qiaozi Qiaozi Qiaozi.】
Qin Ziqiao did not reply at all.
Standing on the stage, Tao Tianran looked toward Cheng Xiang in the middle of the audience, who was holding her phone sideways with a broad grin on her face. Tao Tianran felt a slight urge to smile herself: How can she find so many things to be happy about? Yet she did not particularly want to show her smile in front of everyone.
So she kept a tiny, restrained curve on her lips, temporarily pulling her gaze away from Cheng Xiang.
Her eyes fell upon Qiao Zhiji, who was sitting a few rows back.
She had assumed Qiao Zhiji would not show up, but there she was, looking up at the stage along with everyone else, clapping with a calm expression.
Tao Tianran was the grand finale award winner of the night. Once she accepted her trophy, the ceremony wrapped up quickly without dragging on. Sitting in the audience, Cheng Xiang received a WeChat message from Tao Tianran: 【Where are you?】
【I’m already heading out.】 Cheng Xiang typed back as she shuffled along with the crowd. 【How about we meet at the entrance? It might be hard to find each other with so many people.】
【Okay.】
Tao Tianran walked out from the backstage area. Because of the crowd, she wore a mask. Arriving near the entrance of the venue, she did not spot Cheng Xiang immediately amid the bustling crowd, but she did see Qiao Zhiji, who was on her way out.
Tao Tianran hurried after her.
“President Qiao.”
Qiao Zhiji turned back.
“Did you see Yu Yusheng?”
Qiao Zhiji paused for a moment. “I did.”
Someone from behind accidentally bumped into Tao Tianran’s shoulder, apologizing profusely. Steadying herself in her heels, Tao Tianran looked at Qiao Zhiji and asked, “Aren’t you going to find her?”
A faint sense of unease stirred in her chest as she asked.
The streetlights hung overhead like eyes looking down upon the world. The last of the autumn insects fluttered and crackled as they threw themselves against the glass lamp covers. Nearby, people chatted about the awards and the latest gossip. Cheng Xiang, her eyes curved with a sweet smile, had told her that she, too, wanted to live a very, very good life.
Qiao Zhiji replied, “I’m not in a hurry.”
Tao Tianran pursed her lips.
Qiao Zhiji had already walked away.
Tao Tianran stood in place for a brief moment. Turning her gaze, she spotted Cheng Xiang waiting near the side exit of the venue.
Cheng Xiang was hopping on one foot, lifting her other ankle to scratch at her ankle bone. The moment she caught sight of Tao Tianran, she waved her hand and quickly lowered her foot to stand properly.
Tao Tianran walked over to her.
Cheng Xiang gave a sheepish chuckle. “Mosquitoes.”
Then she asked, “Where’s the trophy?”
“In my bag,” Tao Tianran replied. “Do you want to see it?”
“No, no, don’t take it out here. Hehe, I actually thought…” Cheng Xiang glanced left and right. “…that there would be a huge crowd surrounding you for photos and autographs when you came out. Don’t look at how much of a chatterbox I am; I actually have social anxiety too, so I stood a bit further away.”
“They won’t. Designers are just the people hidden behind the work.”
Her ankle was still itchy, so Cheng Xiang lifted it and rubbed it against her other leg.
“Shall we get some dinner?” Tao Tianran asked.
“Sure.”
Too lazy to move the car, they just picked a western restaurant nearby. Tao Tianran scanned the QR code on the table and ordered a sirloin steak and a salad, along with a soufflé for Cheng Xiang’s dessert. Cheng Xiang sat opposite her, a warm smile on her face.
Putting down her phone, Tao Tianran said, “Wait here for a moment.”
“Huh?”
Before Cheng Xiang could say more, Tao Tianran was already walking out.
The table they had chosen was right by the window. Cheng Xiang looked out through the massive floor-to-ceiling glass. The neon lights spilled across the dark grey asphalt, making the night city resemble a shimmering river.
Cheng Xiang watched as Tao Tianran entered a pharmacy across the street, the corners of her lips curving upward.
Resting her cheek in one hand, she used her other hand to aimlessly toy with a small sugar bowl on the checkered tablecloth. She watched Tao Tianran step out of the pharmacy and stand by the crosswalk, waiting for the traffic light to count down.
Cheng Xiang could not see the traffic lights from where she sat, but she counted down in a tiny whisper in her mind: Three, two, one.
Just as she reached one, Tao Tianran indeed raised her eyes and stepped forward, walking toward her across the street.
Cheng Xiang chuckled, her legs swinging gently hidden beneath the tablecloth.
When Tao Tianran entered the restaurant, she saw Cheng Xiang propping her cheek up with a slender hand, smiling warmly at her.
Tao Tianran sat down. “What are you smiling at?”
“Nothing.” Cheng Xiang rubbed her chin against her wrist and could not help but laugh. “I just think this is really nice.”
“Hmm?”
“Just… sitting here, knowing that no matter where you go, you’ll always come back to me. It’s a really nice feeling.”
Tao Tianran’s eyelashes fluttered. She handed the freshly purchased gromwell root ointment2 to Cheng Xiang.
Cheng Xiang took it, unscrewed the cap, and dabbed some onto her ankle. After wiping her hands clean, she said, “Let me tell you, I took so many amazing photos of you.”
“They probably had professional photographers there, right? But sometimes those pros are great at wide landscape shots but not as good at capturing people. I took such beautiful pictures of you, you don’t even need any editing.”
She handed her phone to Tao Tianran. “Swipe left to see.”
Craning her neck to look at the screen along with her, her eyes curved as she watched Tao Tianran’s reaction. “They look good, right? Yes, yes, that one’s my absolute favorite! Your expression is absolutely killer, let me tell you.”
Tao Tianran handed the phone back to her.
“The stage lighting was great too.” Cheng Xiang looked down at her phone again. “The vibe is so cinematic, don’t you think? I almost want to set it as my lock screen.”
Tao Tianran raised her eyebrows slightly. “You aren’t going to?”
“It’s a bit too high-profile, don’t you think?” Cheng Xiang’s soft eyelashes fluttered. “Like I’m shamelessly showing off.”
Although, truth be told, she really wanted to. Hehe.
Tao Tianran looked at her. “You’re that happy?”
“Aren’t you? This is the IAI Award, for goodness’ sake! Have you won so many awards that you’ve grown completely numb? You’re going to make people jealous.” Cheng Xiang could not resist looking up the Baidu Baike entry and reading it aloud from her phone:
“‘The IAI Design Award is an authoritative international competition organized by the Asia-Pacific Designers Federation, and is one of the most influential design competitions globally. The winner of the latest IAI Jewelry Design Award is the Chinese designer Tao Tianran.'”
“Whoa!” Cheng Xiang’s mouth formed a perfect ‘O’. “Talk about efficiency! They’ve already updated the encyclopedia entry.”
Tao Tianran looked at Cheng Xiang.
Truthfully, when she stood on the stage amidst all the glaring lights, her heart had remained relatively still. It was not because winning too many awards had desensitized her, but perhaps simply because she felt everything would eventually pass.
But seeing Cheng Xiang’s joy so vivid and full of life, her own lips curved up in response.
It seemed like this was, indeed, something worth being happy about.
“See, you are happy!” Seeing her smile, Cheng Xiang chuckled along with her. “I told you, how could anyone not be happy about winning an award? Were you worried that if you looked too happy, people would think you’re showing off?”
In a conspiratorial whisper, she added, “Don’t worry, it’s just the two of us right now. We can celebrate in secret.”
A genuine smile flooded Tao Tianran’s face.
The salad and sirloin steak were served. Once the waiter left, Cheng Xiang said, “Let’s make one thing clear first: tonight’s dinner is my treat.”
“Why?” If they had agreed beforehand that Cheng Xiang would pay, Tao Tianran would not have chosen such an expensive restaurant.
Tao Tianran was about to say something.
“And another thing,” Cheng Xiang said with a bright smile, looking slightly self-conscious as she pushed the small sugar bowl on the table with her fingertip. “I gained followers, and my illustrations got selected by a public WeChat account. They’re going to pay me a small fee!”
Her lips curved in a small, proud smile. “So treating you to a meal is absolutely within my budget.”
Sometimes Tao Tianran wondered: Why are there so many things in this world that can make Cheng Xiang so happy?
She extended her finger, gently touching the tip of Cheng Xiang’s finger resting on the sugar bowl.
Cheng Xiang felt a tickle. “What?”
“You’re amazing.”
Cheng Xiang hooked her finger around hers. “If you keep praising me like that, I might actually start believing you. Though I have to admit, even though it’s nothing compared to your award, I’m still feeling a little proud of myself.”
Cheng Xiang felt the world was exceptionally lovely tonight.
For instance, the sirloin was delicious. The soufflé was soft and sweet. And Tao Tianran’s fingers would occasionally reach across the table to nudge the back of her hand.
“Tao Tianran.”
“Hmm?”
“I feel like you’re being a little clingy tonight.” She burst out laughing before she could even finish. “Ha, is it even possible for someone like you to be clingy with me?”
After dinner, Tao Tianran drove Cheng Xiang home.
Only then did Cheng Xiang pull the crystal trophy out of Tao Tianran’s bag, turning it over to inspect and pet it. “Hehe, let me absorb some of your good luck.”
As the car pulled up to the alley entrance, Cheng Xiang got out. “I’m going back in then.”
Tao Tianran got out of the car right after her.
“You don’t need to get out. You must be tired today, so go home and rest.”
Tao Tianran hummed in response but locked the car and followed Cheng Xiang deeper into the alleyway anyway.
Pfft. Cheng Xiang secretly smiled.
Not bad, Tianran-jie. Quite romantic, actually.
She said nothing more, clasping her hands behind her back as she strolled. Tao Tianran did not reach out to hold her hand either. The moonlight spilled down, softening the edges of their overlapping shadows until they looked warm and fuzzy.
When they reached the entrance of the siheyuan, Cheng Xiang said, “I’m heading in.”
Tao Tianran spoke up, “Could I…”
“What?”
“…Sleep in your room tonight?”
Huh? Cheng Xiang was stunned for a second.
“Didn’t you say I was being a little clingy tonight?” Tao Tianran asked.
She reached out with her fingers and gently tugged on the hem of Cheng Xiang’s button-down.
Wearing such a formal outfit today had actually made Cheng Xiang feel quite self-conscious; she had never dressed so formally before. But at this moment, the somewhat stiff fabric of the shirt seemed to softened between the moonlight and the lines of Tao Tianran’s palm.
Oh boy, Cheng Xiang was completely defenseless.
She thought about it for a moment. “My parents should be asleep by now. Let’s… be careful.”
Tao Tianran pressed a slender index finger to her lips. “Shh.”
The two quietly slipped into the siheyuan. Tao Tianran slipped off her high heels and carried them in her hand. A thin layer of moss grew over the ancient blue bricks, feeling velvety underfoot.
Once they were inside Cheng Xiang’s room, Cheng Xiang began rummaging through her wardrobe. “Why don’t you take a shower first? You probably won’t fit into my pajamas, so let me find you a T-shirt and some sweatpants.”
She then guided Tao Tianran toward the bathroom. “Um, our bathroom and toilet are in the same room, and it’s a bit small. Turn it to the left for hot water. The faucet is a little finicky, so you’ll have to use some force.”
“The door doesn’t lock, but don’t worry. Just take your shower, I’ll be right out here.”
Cheng Xiang was incredibly nervous, staring down at a cracked flowerpot sitting in the corner.
Please, let’s not run into Director Ma getting up in the middle of the night.
The sound of running water drifted from behind her, and Cheng Xiang swallowed hard. From the slightly ajar door, the scent of drugstore-brand shampoo wafted out—the large family-sized bottle bought from the supermarket. Its simple fragrance was vastly different from the water lily scent of Tao Tianran’s imported shampoo.
Cheng Xiang sniffed, swallowing once more.
A wet finger slid through the crack in the door, pressing lightly against Cheng Xiang’s shoulder blade.
“What is it?” Cheng Xiang whispered.
“Just checking if you’re still there,” Tao Tianran murmured in a low voice.
Cheng Xiang grinned. “Where else could I possibly go?”
Throughout this exchange, she kept her back completely turned to the door, staring toward Director Ma’s bedroom. Tao Tianran’s mist-veiled voice drifted out along with the warm steam. The spot on her white shirt where Tao Tianran’s wet finger had touched was damp, the moisture slowly spreading inward toward her heart.
The dry thirst of the summer night was stirred by the evening breeze, and the sound of Tao Tianran brushing her teeth came from behind her.
Once Tao Tianran stepped out of the bathroom, Cheng Xiang whispered, “Go wait in the bedroom.”
She slipped inside to wash up herself.
The scent of Tao Tianran’s skin lingered in the warm, rising steam, refusing to dissipate.
When Cheng Xiang crept back into her bedroom, she discovered that Tao Tianran had already fallen asleep.
Really, Cheng Xiang couldn’t help but chuckle.
Gently lifting the blanket, she climbed into bed and lay down on her side next to Tao Tianran. The curtains in her bedroom had been made slightly too short by Director Ma, allowing a sliver of moonlight to filter through the glass. It cast a slanted line across the pillow, dividing the space between her cheek and Tao Tianran’s.
Cheng Xiang nudged herself a bit closer to Tao Tianran.
That way, both she and Tao Tianran belonged to the same realm carved out by the moonlight.
Gazing at Tao Tianran’s long, resting eyelashes, Cheng Xiang reached out to touch them with feather-light fingers, mouthing: Goodnight, Tao Tianran.
They didn’t do it tonight, yet she didn’t feel any regret in her heart. Instead, she was filled with a soft, comforting warmth.
The next day, Cheng Xiang woke up early.
Director Ma’s resonant voice boomed from the courtyard: “Xiao Xiang!”
She immediately scrambled out of bed, pushed the door open to step outside, and quickly closed it behind her.
“Why are you closing the door?” Director Ma asked, already reaching to push it open. “Leave it open to air out the room.”
“Mom!” Cheng Xiang grabbed Director Ma’s wrist. “I have a cold.”
“You need ventilation even more when you have a cold! Open the windows too, or your room will be crawling with viruses.”
“I’m sensitive to drafts. Cold air can’t get inside.”
“Are you running a fever, child?” Director Ma reached out to feel her forehead. “The autumn tiger3 is in full swing. It’s easily thirty-six degrees out today.”
“…Then I’m sensitive to hot drafts. I have wind-heat.”
After finally managing to fool Director Ma, Cheng Xiang waited until she had left for work. Then, holding a bowl of soy milk in both hands, with a sugar fried dough pastry hanging from a single chopstick, she gently nudged her bedroom door open with her foot.
Her round eyes curved into a smile again—Tao Tianran was actually still asleep.
Placing the breakfast on her desk, she walked over to the side of the bed. Resting her palms on her knees, she studied Tao Tianran’s sleeping face and whispered, “The sun’s already shining on your butt!”
Tao Tianran, expectedly, did not wake up.
Cheng Xiang straightened her posture and went back to her desk. Today was Saturday, but Director Ma and Deputy Director Cheng had to attend an anti-fraud training seminar and would not be back until evening. With only her and Tao Tianran left in the siheyuan, she felt completely relaxed.
She picked up her drawing tablet and resumed working on her webcomic, occasionally turning her head to steal a glance at Tao Tianran.
Tao Tianran rolled over and continued sleeping.
By noon, Cheng Xiang walked back to the bed, looked at her, and whispered, “Tao Tianran.”
Tao Tianran remained turned toward the wall, her slender back rising and falling with her breathing.
Cheng Xiang stepped out of her room alone. In the kitchen, Director Ma had left some food for her. Scooping some into a porcelain bowl, Cheng Xiang put it in the microwave to heat up. While waiting, she spotted some fried dough leaves Director Ma had freshly fried sitting on the stove. She pinched off a piece, popped it into her mouth, and chewed it with a satisfying crunch-crunch, licking her fingers afterward.
Carrying the bowl of food back to her room, she found Tao Tianran was still fast asleep.
Had she not looked so peaceful, Cheng Xiang would have suspected she had slipped into a coma.
Cheng Xiang simply left her door wide open. Honestly, the scene was rather amusing—shuffling in her slippers, leaning against the doorframe with a porcelain bowl in hand, eating the sautéed pork caps and scrambled eggs with tomatoes Director Ma had made while staring at the sleeping silhouette of Tao Tianran on the bed.
A pigeon waddled over, letting out soft coo-coo-coo sounds near her feet. Wearing her open-toed slippers and revealing her fair, slender ankles, Cheng Xiang looked down and whispered to the pigeon, “Shh.”
After finishing her meal, Cheng Xiang quickly rinsed her bowl and sat back down at her desk to continue drawing.
It was not until past two in the afternoon that she finally heard movement behind her.
Cheng Xiang turned around with a smile. “You’re awake? Do you know what time it is?”
Tao Tianran lay flat on the pillow, one arm draped over her forehead, several strands of black hair falling across her face. “Eleven.”
“Two in the afternoon!” Cheng Xiang set down her stylus, walked over to sit at the edge of the bed, and rested her hand on Tao Tianran’s waist through the blanket. “My mom was shouting at the top of her lungs in the courtyard early this morning, and it didn’t even wake you.”
Tao Tianran let out a raspy, half-awake “Mmh.”
“How did you manage to sleep so much?” Cheng Xiang gave her a gentle pat. “Working overtime?”
“There was a project.”
Yet, Tao Tianran’s lack of sleep had not been because of work. While she no longer suffered from absolute insomnia as before, her sleep was always fitful. Unwilling to rely too heavily on alcohol, she would drift in and out of sleep, waking up in bursts.
Sometimes she thought: All of this was like flowers in a mirror, a moon in the water.
As if she were walking on clouds, never knowing when her footing might give way.
She had been operating on so little sleep, but last night, breathing in the scent of Cheng Xiang from the blanket—so familiar, so soft and warm—drowsiness had suddenly crashed over her like an overwhelming wave.
Feeling limp and warm from sleep, she watched as Cheng Xiang stood up to draw back the bedside curtains before sitting down again. Cheng Xiang took hold of her wrist beneath the blanket and shook it gently. “Hungry? Get up and eat. My mom made some dishes; I’ll heat them up for you.”
Tao Tianran hummed lazily but made no move to get up.
Cheng Xiang laughed and patted her waist again.
In a sleepy voice, Tao Tianran asked, “What are you doing?”
“Drawing.”
“Show me.”
“Ah, no way!”
“Why not?”
“I’m not ready yet. It’s a bit embarrassing.”
“I want to see.”
Cheng Xiang thought about it. “Alright, I’ll show you an old one.”
She squatted down and pulled out a camphorwood chest from under the bed.
As she opened it, she craned her neck back to look at Tao Tianran. “You’d never guess, but this chest was actually my dad’s ‘dowry’. It’s hilarious—he was the one who ‘married’ from Haicheng into our family in Beicheng.”
She fished a drawing out from the chest. “First of all, promise you won’t laugh.”
“I won’t.”
Only after a moment of hesitation did Cheng Xiang hand the drawing over. “I drew this back in middle school. It looks so childish to me now, and the caption next to it is so cringy.”
The drawing depicted the silhouette of Cheng Xiang from behind.
Written next to it was the phrase: 「I want to embrace this world to my heart’s content」.
“Look at how I’m running—doesn’t it look like I’m trying to catch a chicken? Pfft. Actually, it was based on a photo Ziqiao took. I completely forgot why I was running like that, but I thought it was funny, so I drew it.”
Tao Tianran leaned against the headboard, staring at the drawing, when suddenly—
Cheng Xiang immediately panicked. “Why are you crying? My drawing can’t possibly be that bad… Hey, I told you I drew this in middle school, I’ve gotten way better since then!”
Tao Tianran lowered her eyes, her long hair spilling over her shoulders, obscuring her expression from Cheng Xiang.
In a soft voice, she called out, “Hey Tao Tianran.”
Tao Tianran pulled a tissue from the bedside box. When she raised her head, her expression appeared calm again, making the tear that had just fallen onto the blanket seem like a mere trick of Cheng Xiang’s imagination.
Tao Tianran patted the space beside her. “Come up.”
Cheng Xiang climbed onto the bed and wrapped her arms around Tao Tianran. “What’s wrong?”
Holding the drawing in one hand, Tao Tianran slipped her other hand under the blanket, gently caressing the side of Cheng Xiang’s leg.
A sudden jolt of electricity shot up the back of Cheng Xiang’s neck.
Tao Tianran turned over and leaned over her, carefully placing the drawing on the nightstand. The sunlight streamed through the windowpanes, catching tiny dust motes dancing lazily in the afternoon air.
Suddenly, Tao Tianran leaned down and kissed her.
Only then did Cheng Xiang realize that not having brushed her teeth yet was no obstacle to kissing, as Tao Tianran’s lips held a languid fragrance. Closing her eyes, she returned the kiss, the back of her neck growing hot under the sunlight.
Tao Tianran’s sweatpants, soft and worn from washing, had been tossed at the head of the bed before she fell asleep. Now, her bare legs gleamed pale and radiant.
The white T-shirt, which had cost only a few dozen yuan on Taobao, had a collar that had long since stretched out from repeated washings, and it now slipped down over one of Tao Tianran’s shoulders. Cheng Xiang reached out a finger, hesitating whether to pull it back up.
Ultimately, she abandoned this transparent cover-up, and simply slipped her hand inside.
The afternoon sun was soft, the dust motes were soft, and the sensation of her fingers was soft. Cheng Xiang felt a little dizzy.
Resting her head against Cheng Xiang’s shoulder, Tao Tianran’s breath came in uneven gasps. Surprised by the intensity of her reaction, Cheng Xiang murmured softly, “I’ll go wash my hands.”
“I don’t want you to.”
“Then…”
Cheng Xiang slid open the nightstand drawer. “Use this?”
“Yes.”
Wrapping one arm around Tao Tianran’s lower back, Cheng Xiang stole a quick glance down to guide her actions before closing her eyes. The familiar snug envelopment was a distinct sensation; Tao Tianran, seemingly unsatisfied with her pace, actively moved her hips.
“Teacher Tao, you…”
Cheng Xiang was caught off guard by this side of Tao Tianran. But Tao Tianran pressed close to her ear and whispered, “Fill me.”
“Mmh…?”
Beads of sweat broke out on Tao Tianran’s forehead and slid down her cheek, reminding her of the sudden tear she had shed moments ago.
Tao Tianran held her tightly, her heavy breaths fanning against her ear.
For some reason, Cheng Xiang felt her heart swelling so full it was about to burst. Helping Tao Tianran lie back down, she tucked a pillow under her lower back.
Once it was over, Cheng Xiang whispered softly, “Why so active, Teacher Tao?”
Her eyes still closed, Tao Tianran placed a hand over Cheng Xiang’s lips to quiet her.
The wind slipped through the gap in the window frame; Cheng Xiang’s drawing lay on the nightstand.
Lying on her side next to Tao Tianran, Cheng Xiang wrapped her arm around her shoulder and closed her eyes. “Tao Tianran, I want to be like this forever.”
“We will.”
“No, what I mean by wanting this forever… is that I want it to be like this every single time.”
Tao Tianran opened her eyes.
Cheng Xiang’s thick, dark eyelashes drooped softly. A sudden gust of wind swept through the window frame, blowing the drawing of Cheng Xiang off the nightstand and onto the floor. The dappled sunlight filtering through the curtains fell across the paper, bleeding into the yellow of passing time.
It was like mirror flowers and a water moon, ending in nothingness4.
Footnotes
- Cháo rén kǒngjù zhèng. A humorous modern Chinese internet slang term referring to the social anxiety triggered by being surrounded by extremely stylish, trendy, or fashionable people.
- Zǐcǎogāo. A traditional Chinese herbal ointment made from gromwell root, commonly used to soothe skin irritations, insect bites, and minor burns.
- Qiū lǎohǔ. A Chinese colloquial term referring to a spell of hot, humid weather that occurs in late summer or early autumn, typically in August or September.
- Jìng huā shuǐ yuè yī cháng kōng. Literally 'flowers in a mirror, moon in water, ending in nothingness,' a classic Chinese idiom representing beautiful, elusive illusions that ultimately vanish into nothing.
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