The Alley Was Always This Long – Chapter 71
by Little PandaBreaking the Precept
“You can do everything, to me.”
[Too late to wait for time to urge her to sprout.
I look at her, catalyzing her entire beauty with my gaze.]
Actually, Cheng Xiang was also nervous—extremely so.
The moment Tao Tianran asked that “distracting” question, she became even more nervous.
She bit her lower lip and was about to speak when her eyelashes fluttered. She saw Qin Ziqiao walking slowly toward them, hands stuffed into her hoodie pockets, looking thoroughly sour-faced. She didn’t even raise her eyelids to look at them.
Cheng Xiang quietly gave Tao Tianran a tug, and Tao Tianran turned her gaze back to look.
Actually, Cheng Xiang understood Qin Ziqiao’s feelings, which was why she hadn’t insisted on going with Tao Tianran to pick her up, nor had she asked Tao Tianran to pick her up.
Cheng Xiang curled her lips into a smile. “Hi.”
Qin Ziqiao kept her eyelids half-dropped. “Mm.”
“Aren’t you hot?”
“Why would I be hot?”
“Hasn’t the weather been getting warmer lately? And you’re still wearing a hoodie.” Cheng Xiang raised a hand, fanning herself next to her cheek.
Only then did Qin Ziqiao finally lift her eyelids.
Fine, fine, she got it. These two were both wearing shirts. Granted, one was a sharp, professional-looking button-down, while the other was a soft, artsy cotton-linen shirt.
“I’m not hot,” Qin Ziqiao said expressionlessly. “My heart is cold.”
“Pfft.” Cheng Xiang couldn’t hold it in and burst out laughing.
Qin Ziqiao finally pulled her hands out of her hoodie pockets and gave her elbow a nudge.
Tao Tianran lowered her eyes and cast a brief glance.
“Let’s go, let’s go, inside for some meat. A table’s already booked.” Cheng Xiang draped an arm over Qin Ziqiao’s shoulder, steering her inward.
Tao Tianran looked up and cast another glance.
Indeed. The little intimate gestures between these two were quite numerous.
The table was one Tao Tianran had booked early on. The three of them walked over, and Cheng Xiang waved Qin Ziqiao over. “Sit down.”
“What are you so busy hosting for?”
“Huh?”
“It’s not like you’re paying,” Qin Ziqiao mumbled. “What are you running around hosting for?”
“Pfft.” Cheng Xiang was amused again. “Qiaozi, your love for me is a bit too profound.”
After saying that, Qin Ziqiao felt she was being a bit petty, so she picked up the teapot and took the initiative to pour tea for Cheng Xiang and Tao Tianran.
Cheng Xiang shot Tao Tianran a look, then linked arms with Qin Ziqiao and sat down on one side with her.
Tao Tianran cast yet another glance.
“Come on, come on.” Cheng Xiang pulled out her phone and scanned the QR code on the table. “Let’s order. Don’t be polite with Teacher Tao.”
Qin Ziqiao mumbled, “I didn’t plan on being polite in the first place.”
As she lowered her head to look at the menu, Cheng Xiang looked at Tao Tianran with curved, smiling eyes, mouthing, “I’m going to order like crazy.”
Tao Tianran nodded gently.
Despite her words, Qin Ziqiao only ordered the signature lamb rolls, lamb belly, and snowflake tender mutton, along with a plate of beef chuck eye and a mixed vegetable platter. Cheng Xiang wanted to add more, but she said it was enough and not to let it go to waste.
“What about the Door-Nail Meat Pies1? We have to get at least one order of those.” Cheng Xiang took it upon herself to check the box next to that snack.
She set her phone down and asked Tao Tianran, “Have you ever eaten Door-Nail Meat Pies before?”
“I have.”
“Do you know why they have that name? You’ve seen the gates at the Palace Museum, right? Red-lacquered wooden gates with golden door studs protruding out, each about the size of a fist.” Cheng Xiang balled her hand into a fist and waved it. “Door-Nail Meat Pies look just like those, which is why they’re called that. You should try this place’s version in a bit—the crust is best when fried a little crisp. The skin is thin and the meat filling is generous; one bite and the juice just spills right out.”
Cheng Xiang licked her lips as she spoke. “Absolutely delicious!”
Since Cheng Xiang was a chatterbox, as long as she was around, the conversation would never fall flat.
The problem arose after Cheng Xiang left for the restroom.
Tao Tianran had just habitually picked up her phone when she glanced across the table—
The exact same scene as before played out once more: the two of them sat guarded on their respective sides of the table, both staring down at their own phones.
We can’t do this, Tao Tianran thought.
She set her phone down, pursed her lips slightly, and asked Qin Ziqiao, “What are you looking at?”
Qin Ziqiao looked up, glancing left, then right.
Pointing at her own nose, she asked Tao Tianran, “Are you talking to me?”
Tao Tianran: …
Although she wasn’t very familiar with Qin Ziqiao, she didn’t know any of the other people around them at all. If she didn’t speak to Qin Ziqiao, who else would she talk to?
As she looked at Qin Ziqiao, the other girl replied, “Oh, you know I keep capybaras at the zoo, right?”
Tao Tianran nodded.
“Sometimes I film some capybara videos and post them on the zoo’s social media accounts. They are quite therapeutic to watch.” Qin Ziqiao handed her phone to Tao Tianran. “Do you want to take a look?”
Tao Tianran took the phone.
Qin Ziqiao said, “Swipe back, there are several of them.”
Thank goodness for the capybaras; otherwise, she really wouldn’t have known what to say to Tao Tianran.
Qin Ziqiao was quite surprised that Tao Tianran had initiated a conversation with her. With Tao Tianran’s cold appearance and powerful aura, Qin Ziqiao had initially felt that the woman was simply dating Cheng Xiang and didn’t care about anything or anyone else in Cheng Xiang’s life.
Because of that, Qin Ziqiao hadn’t felt particularly great about her.
Just before the meal, when she and Cheng Xiang went to wash their hands, Cheng Xiang had whispered, “Doesn’t Teacher Tao look beautiful today?”
Wiping the soap suds on her hands, Qin Ziqiao had replied, “Stop showing off, stop showing off.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. I’m saying, didn’t you notice she dressed up especially for this?”
“No.”
“Hmph.” Cheng Xiang had deliberately leaned her face right in front of Qin Ziqiao’s. “You clearly noticed.”
Qin Ziqiao didn’t need Tao Tianran to treat her well to prove anything. However, the level of importance given to Cheng Xiang’s friends indirectly reflected Tao Tianran’s attitude toward Cheng Xiang.
Tao Tianran was also grateful to the capybaras; otherwise, she wouldn’t have known what to chat with Qin Ziqiao about either.
She lowered her head to watch the videos seriously one by one, then kept swiping back.
How is this person so funny? Qin Ziqiao thought.
Those in the know would say she was watching capybaras; those who didn’t would think she was reviewing an academic paper.
As Qin Ziqiao watched Tao Tianran’s slender finger swipe again, a realization struck her like a bolt of lightning.
“Wait—” Before a complete word could even leave her mouth—
Tao Tianran had already swiped to the next video. The capybara was gone, replaced by Tao Tianran’s Big Boss, Yi Yu. Usually dressed with pristine elegance and a striking artistic flair, she was currently wearing Qin Ziqiao’s cartoon onesie pajamas, shaking her hips and dancing for the camera.
The background music was none other than that incredibly infectious 《Capybara Song》.
Tao Tianran: …
Qin Ziqiao: …
Tao Tianran handed the phone back to Qin Ziqiao and said softly, “I didn’t see anything.”
Qin Ziqiao buried her head. “…Thank you.”
When Cheng Xiang returned from the restroom, she noticed the atmosphere at their table was inexplicably bizarre.
As she sat down, she asked, “What were you guys talking about?”
Qin Ziqiao shot her a glare.
“What?” Cheng Xiang asked. “Did you speak ill of me?”
“…No,” Qin Ziqiao muttered, burying her head again.
After finishing the meal, Tao Tianran went to pay the bill, while Cheng Xiang asked the server to pack up the leftover Door-Nail Meat Pies. As the three of them walked out of the hotpot restaurant, Tao Tianran asked if they wanted a ride home.
Cheng Xiang waved the bag of meat pies and shook her head. “No need, no need. It just so happens that Ziqiao’s green onions are fully grown. I’m going to pull some fresh ones to bring back for my mom.”
Tao Tianran understood her intention, so she said her goodbyes and drove off first.
The two of them took the bus back to Qin Ziqiao’s place, getting off one stop early to take a slow stroll along the riverbank to digest their food.
Cheng Xiang asked, “What do you think of her?”
Qin Ziqiao glanced at her.
“Tell me. Be honest.”
“If I say she’s no good, are you going to stop dating her?”
“Hey.” Cheng Xiang gave the bag in her hand a little shake. “That’s not what I mean. But you’re a very important friend to me, so I still hope you’ll like her.”
“My opinion is that important?”
“Extremely important.” Cheng Xiang nodded seriously.
“At least she’s not a bad person,” Qin Ziqiao said, recalling Tao Tianran’s cooperative “performance” just now.
“Really?” Cheng Xiang was incredibly easy to please; her smiling eyes curved instantly. “But you said before that she would make me sad…”
“It was just a feeling.” Qin Ziqiao paused. The night breeze by the river rustled the ends of her hime-cut hair as she murmured, “I can’t say for sure either. Maybe I was just… jealous.”
Cheng Xiang thought of Qin Ziqiao’s family and fell silent for a long moment.
“Sigh.” She knew comforting her would be useless, and that sharing secrets with each other was the best solace. “What’s there to be jealous of? There’s absolutely nothing to be jealous of. Let me tell you the truth.”
She let out a long sigh, leaned in, and lowered her voice surreptitiously. “She might… well, she might have been rendered impotent2 by me.”
Qin Ziqiao didn’t quite catch on. “What do you mean?”
“Just that, you know, impotent.” Cheng Xiang sounded a bit anxious. “Do you know how long it’s been since she touched me? She hasn’t even kissed my lips. I’m telling you, before you arrived, I was super calculating. I even seduced her.”
“…How did you seduce her?”
“I just gave her wrist a tiny stroke. You know there’s a pulse in the wrist, right? It goes straight to the heart! It’s incredibly sensitive!”
“…And her?”
Cheng Xiang sighed again. “She didn’t have much of a reaction. After dinner, I said I was leaving with you, and I thought she’d be a little disappointed. But look at this.”
Cheng Xiang flashed her phone screen to Qin Ziqiao. “Not a single WeChat message up until now.”
“…How exactly did you render her impotent?”
Cheng Xiang choked. “Let’s not bring that up. Just help me brainstorm. What should I do now?”
“Well…” Qin Ziqiao pinched her thumb and index finger together to support her chin. “You’re asking me, but the main thing is, I’ve never run into this kind of problem either.”
Cheng Xiang blinked. It took her two full seconds to realize what Qin Ziqiao was implying.
She threw a playful kick in her direction, which Qin Ziqiao dodged with a laugh.
By the riverbank near Qin Ziqiao’s home, there was also a bridge shaped like a rainbow.
Cheng Xiang leaned over the semi-faded stone bridge, her left arm stretching far down over the edge. Her fingers swept through the air unconsciously, as if scooping up a handful of the night breeze.
“What should I do?”
“Seduce her some more,” Qin Ziqiao said, leaning beside her.
“Pfft.” Cheng Xiang said, “I’m not talking about that. I mean… I like her so much. I like her to the point where I don’t know what to do with myself.”
To like her so much that it felt like being swept by a warm afternoon breeze under the sun.
To like her so much that while holding onto the bus hand strap, she would stare at the swaying neon lights outside.
To like her so much that even now, she stared down at the shimmering ripples on the river’s surface.
She wanted to laugh, yet she also wanted to cry. She wondered if everything so blindingly beautiful and radiant at its peak would suddenly plummet like fading fireworks.
Cheng Xiang rested her cheek on the back of her hand, rubbing her nose slightly. She turned her gaze to Qin Ziqiao. “What about you?”
Qin Ziqiao gazed out at the distant high-rises. Within each square frame of window light lay a warm home.
“I don’t ever want to fall for anyone,” Qin Ziqiao said. “It’s a hassle, it’s boring. Both a hassle and boring.”
Cheng Xiang rested her chin on the back of her hand again, letting out a soft sigh.
Ah, life… everyone had their own troubles.
The moment Cheng Xiang got home, Director Ma called out across the courtyard, “Xiao Xiang! Cheng Xiang!”
“What!”
“Stuff your clothes into the washing machine! You smell so strongly of hotpot after eating it.”
“What smell? It all blew away while I was walking back.”
Even so, Cheng Xiang still grabbed a bath towel to take a shower, then stuffed her dirty clothes into the washing machine.
She checked her phone again. Tao Tianran still hadn’t sent a message.
She messaged Tao Tianran: 【Beep, beep, beep.】
Tao Tianran immediately called her back.
Ha. Cheng Xiang leaped onto the bed. Her soft skin smelled sweet from the bath, her hair was blown half-dry, and she lay flat on her back, her toes wiggling lightly.
Only then did she answer the phone. “Hello.”
There was a two-second pause on Tao Tianran’s end.
Cheng Xiang surely didn’t realize that her voice, just like her skin and hair, was soaked with moisture, sounding sweet and soft.
Tao Tianran rubbed her fingertip against her thigh and asked, “What does beep, beep, beep mean?”
“Brainwaves.” Oh heavens, why did that sound so incredibly juvenile? Cheng Xiang began to reflect on why she had sent 「beep, beep, beep」 in the first place.
“Hm?”
Tao Tianran’s voice was crisp and clear. Cheng Xiang asked, “Have you showered too?”
She had said “too.”
This time, Tao Tianran lowered her tone, turning it into an assertion. “Mm.”
Neither of them spoke for a moment. An atmosphere akin to bathroom steam seemed to envelop their ears pressed against their phones, turning everything hazy.
Cheng Xiang raised her hand to rub her other earlobe.
Until Tao Tianran asked softly once more, “So what were your brainwaves broadcasting?”
“Guess.”
Tao Tianran thought for a moment. “That the Door-Nail Meat Pies you packed to take home are delicious.”
Cheng Xiang laughed. “Hey, I didn’t eat them tonight, okay? I already had so much hotpot. It’s not like I’m a little pig.”
Wow, people in love were so cheesy! A pig was a pig, yet she had to say “little pig.” Cheng Xiang felt a shiver of goosebumps from her own cheesiness.
“Mm, not a little pig,” Tao Tianran agreed.
Why did it sound so heart-melting when she said “little pig”! Cheng Xiang lightly bit her fingernail.
Tao Tianran murmured softly, “silly girl3.”
She truly rarely spoke Cantonese; Cheng Xiang felt it was related to her distant relationship with her family, serving as a form of detachment and rejection. Only very occasionally would she call Cheng Xiang that in her low, cool voice.
Cheng Xiang’s heart felt bound by her voice. Lying flat on the bed, she called out, “Tao Tianran.”
“Mm.”
“I wanted to say…”
“Mm.”
“Spring is almost over, and summer is almost here. The phoenix tree over my bedroom roof has grown so many leaves.” Cheng Xiang bit her lower lip and said softly, “You can come take a look now. Do you… want to come?”
Silence stretched for a long moment on Tao Tianran’s end.
Then, in a voice as soft as Cheng Xiang’s, she replied, “Alright.”
Cheng Xiang instantly bolted upright, sitting cross-legged—
Th-They had actually made a date just like that!
For a conversation like this between adults, everyone knew what it implied, right?
This, this, this, this… Cheng Xiang hung up the phone, scrambled off the bed, and paced around her room three times.
On Sunday afternoon, Cheng Xiang went to a shopping mall near her office.
She had originally wanted to ask Qin Ziqiao to join her, but she felt far too embarrassed.
Wringing the strap of her canvas bag with her fingers, she walked toward the lingerie counter.
Why didn’t she buy it online? Because she was afraid it wouldn’t arrive in time, of course!
Two days later, on Tuesday evening, Director Ma and Deputy Director Cheng would be going to a friend’s house to play mahjong. That was when Tao Tianran would be coming over to her house.
Cheng Xiang put on a show of browsing around the counter, her eyes darting toward the sexy lace out of the corner of her eye.
Tao Tianran’s lingerie wasn’t in this style.
Tao Tianran’s was sleek and minimalist—either pitch-black or pale moon-white, wrapping around her pale, snowy skin, emphasizing deep curves.
The woman had great natural gifts! Of course she didn’t need extra embellishments. Cheng Xiang, however, had her own little schemes. Since she wasn’t as naturally gifted, she had to rely on the design to make up for it, right?
The sales assistant approached her with a smile. “Miss, is this a gift?”
“Ah, no, no, no.” Shopping-wise, Cheng Xiang feared overzealous sales assistants the most.
“For yourself?”
“Mm.” Cheng Xiang fiddled with her earlobe.
The assistant scanned her up and down. “Alright, follow me. We have styles over here that are much more suitable for you.”
“Ah, really?” Cheng Xiang was somewhat skeptical.
The assistant led her to a shelf displaying teenage-styled items—pure white cotton, which couldn’t even be called lingerie, but were basically just a row of training camisoles.
“My daughter is in middle school and wears this kind. Pure cotton, very comfortable.”
!!!
Cheng Xiang suffered ten thousand points of critical damage. Clinging to her canvas bag, she fled the counter.
She dashed all the way to an ice cream parlor. Why was mall ice cream so expensive?! Forty-five yuan for a single scoop, but she absolutely needed one to soothe her wounded soul!
The clerk holding the scoop asked enthusiastically, “We have a newly released papaya flavor! Would you like to try it?”
Cheng Xiang gripped her canvas bag strap tightly.
A sly dig! This was definitely a dig at her!
Even buying ice cream had to involve a sly dig!
She sighed. “Sigh, alright. Give me the papaya flavor, and add plenty of real papaya chunks.”
As closing time neared on Tuesday, Director Ma sent Cheng Xiang a voice message: “Xiao Xiang, your dad and I are about to head out. We’ve already had dinner. The leftovers are on the table for you, so heat them up yourself when you get back.”
“No, no, no, don’t.” Cheng Xiang immediately called Director Ma back, covering her mouth with her hand as she whispered in the office, “Clear the leftovers away first!”
“Clear them away for what? Aren’t you going to eat when you get back?” Director Ma’s voice boomed like a brass bell. “Don’t you love those braised pork trotters?”
“Just clear them first,” Cheng Xiang muttered, cupping her mouth even tighter. “I’ll explain when I get home.”
“Heh, look at this kid, getting all fancy now.”
After hanging up, Cheng Xiang let out a sigh of relief.
Her home’s leftovers were truly “leftovers.” Director Ma’s home-braised pork trotters had been reheated for two days. While they were indeed softer and stickier, the remaining scraps had turned into a dark, gelatinous mess. Accompanied by a plate of stir-fried shredded pumpkin that Director Ma had made for lunch, they sat served on a classic national-brand porcelain plate with peony patterns.
It was far too domestic, far too unsuited for tonight’s atmosphere.
After work, Cheng Xiang drained her entire mug of water before picking up her bag and going downstairs.
Tao Tianran’s eye-catching Bentley was parked by the roadside. As Cheng Xiang drew near, she had already unlocked the doors.
Cheng Xiang pulled open the car door and got in, fanning herself with her hand. “The weather is really starting to heat up, huh?”
Tao Tianran offered a silent, subtle smile.
Cheng Xiang placed both hands on her pressed-together knees and fell silent.
As the car merged into traffic, Cheng Xiang asked, “You didn’t work overtime today?”
“I was supposed to have a meeting.”
“Oh.” There was no breeze inside the car, but Cheng Xiang smoothed down her bangs anyway.
Hey, Cheng Xiang asked herself, aren’t you a chatterbox? What is up with this near-total loss of words?
Her fingertips tapped gently against her canvas bag. Tao Tianran cast a downward glance at her hand. Still driving with one hand, she tapped her own slender fingers lightly against the steering wheel.
The two of them were in perfect sync.
Just hold my hand already, otherwise why are you driving with one hand? Cheng Xiang grumbled inwardly.
But as the red light turned green, Tao Tianran withdrew her gaze and continued driving.
Once they reached the alleyway entrance, Tao Tianran parked the car and walked with Cheng Xiang into the lane.
“Oh, Xiangzi, off work?”
“Ah, Grandfather Gao.”
“Going home, Xiangzi? What delicious food did your mother cook tonight?”
“Auntie Zhao.” Cheng Xiang looked cheerful as always. “My mom and dad went out to play mahjong with one of my dad’s old classmates.”
In reality, she was nervous to death.
Tao Tianran’s appearance and height were far too striking, and the neighbors who had known Cheng Xiang since childhood all stared in her direction. She didn’t even know how she should introduce her, nor did she know if these neighbors would ask her mother later: “Who was that exceptionally good-looking, tall girl your daughter brought home?”
Just then, Tao Tianran asked softly beside her, “Your parents aren’t home?”
Cheng Xiang was already tense, and Tao Tianran’s sudden words made her shoulders flinch. “Huh? You didn’t actually think they’d be home, did you?”
Tao Tianran smiled silently once more.
“Hmph, teasing me.”
Cheng Xiang pushed open the creaking wooden door, leading Tao Tianran into the siheyuan.
“Last time you came by, it was already late into the night, so you probably couldn’t see much, right?” Cheng Xiang gave her a tour. “Right now, there are several families living in this courtyard. The Wang family’s daughter is in middle school, so they’re renting a small, rundown apartment in the city to stay with her during school days, only coming back on weekends. Grandfather Sun has had high blood pressure lately, so Grandmother is staying with him at the hospital for treatment.”
“Oh.” Tao Tianran understood. “So, there are only the two of us in this courtyard.”
“Uh-huh.” Cheng Xiang fiddled with her earlobe again.
That was true, but why did it sound so laden with meaning when it came out of Tao Tianran’s mouth?
She led Tao Tianran under the eaves, where a row of pigeon coops stood. “When you come to the alleys, don’t you often see pigeons flying overhead? Grandfather Sun keeps pigeons in our yard, and quite a few of the elderly neighbors do too.”
“Mm.” In response, Tao Tianran stood before the coops with her hands clasped behind her back, lowering her lashes to look.
“When pigeons fly over your head, do you ever hear a sharp whistling sound? Those are pigeon whistles4. They’re attached to the pigeons’ tails—look, right here.” Cheng Xiang pointed them out to Tao Tianran.
“Why do they wear pigeon whistles?”
“Because it sounds beautiful. You know, back in the day, the descendants of the Eight Banners5 were incredibly particular. Back then, some pigeon whistles were even made of ivory. No one uses that now, though; mostly they’re made of bamboo or gourds…”
The setting sun cast its slanted rays down from the horizon, blocked partly by the roof eaves to create a light gradient like shimmering water, warming the back of Cheng Xiang’s neck.
She stood very close to Tao Tianran, close enough to breathe in the fragrance rising from the other woman’s skin, which was like a cold mountain spring nestled in cedar wood. Standing with her hands behind her back beside Tao Tianran, she was slightly shorter, well within the distance where Tao Tianran could easily pull her in with a simple opening of her arms.
Yet Tao Tianran made no move.
It was as if they were going to stand here looking at pigeons and talking about pigeons until the entire evening had slipped away.
Cheng Xiang bit her lower lip. “Tao Tianran.”
“Mm?” Tao Tianran was still looking at the pigeons.
“Do you want to come take a look inside my bedroom?”
When Tao Tianran raised her eyelids, Cheng Xiang’s gaze had already dropped to a worn-out flowerpot nearby. “Sure.”
As Cheng Xiang led Tao Tianran into her room, she felt a little like a thief with a guilty conscience.
So she picked up her phone in a bid to look casual. “Uh, so… you haven’t eaten dinner yet, right?”
“No.”
“Should we order takeout then?” Although she wanted Tao Tianran to try Director Ma’s home-braised pork trotters, they really, truly didn’t fit tonight’s atmosphere.
“What are we eating?”
“Let me check…” The orange app’s recommendations were based on Cheng Xiang’s usual ordering habits—mostly stir-fried pancakes, braised meat buns, and the like.
Ugh, scroll past, scroll past.
She finally stumbled upon a sushi place, and her eyes lit up, only to suddenly recall her previous experience with a stomachache.
Forget it, better not eat raw or cold food.
As Tao Tianran watched Cheng Xiang scrolling through her phone, Cheng Xiang’s fingertips suddenly paused, and she looked up. “Have you lost interest in me?”
A zero-frame startup6, Xiangzi!
But she had realized that she couldn’t let this matter simmer. The moment the words came to her lips, she had to ask them immediately, otherwise she would lose the courage to ask at all.
Tao Tianran asked, “What did you say?”
“Just… ever since that time at your place when we had the Kaiseki takeout… you haven’t kissed me, hugged me, or even held my hand.” Cheng Xiang continued, “Did I leave you with some sort of psychological shadow?”
Tao Tianran stood there with restraint for a brief moment.
She raised her hand, brushing aside the stray hairs at Cheng Xiang’s temple. It tickled, and Cheng Xiang closed her eyes instinctively.
Tao Tianran’s hand slid downward, cradling her chin. “Can’t you tell… that I’m trying very hard to hold back?”
Cheng Xiang’s heart skipped a beat. “Why hold back?”
Tao Tianran’s fingertip stroked Cheng Xiang’s chin, eliciting another tickling sensation. “Because I was afraid that if you thought of that night, you’d feel embarrassed and reject me.”
“I won’t reject you,” Cheng Xiang said, her breathing growing shallow.
“Really?” Tao Tianran leaned down, resting her forehead against Cheng Xiang’s, their breaths intertwining. “Even like this, you won’t reject me?”
“Mm.”
Tao Tianran rubbed the tip of her elegant nose against Cheng Xiang’s. “Even like this?”
“Mm.” Cheng Xiang opened her eyes slightly, her gaze sweeping over Tao Tianran’s eyelashes which were so close to her, before closing them again.
Tao Tianran softly grazed the bead of Cheng Xiang’s upper lip with her lower lip. “Even like this, you won’t reject me?”
Cheng Xiang suddenly wrapped her arms tightly around Tao Tianran’s waist and kissed her directly.
Her phone was still clutched in her hand, its edge pressing against Tao Tianran’s slender lower back.
Cheng Xiang knew they would kiss today, they would embrace, and skin would rub against skin without any barriers, just like what they were doing now as they tumbled onto Cheng Xiang’s bed. Lying on her back against the pillow, her hands cradled Tao Tianran’s cheeks.
It wasn’t exactly an impulse, because she still spent a quiet moment gazing intently at Tao Tianran.
Her fingertips brushed over Tao Tianran’s long eyelashes.
Then she traced the straight bridge of Tao Tianran’s nose.
And traced her thin lips.
She ran her hand over the faint, elegant lines of the tendons on Tao Tianran’s neck, feeling the sudden, brief catch in her breath.
And then she reached further down.
She hadn’t expected the slick moisture awaiting her. Tao Tianran kept her eyes closed. Cheng Xiang recalled the line she had spoken just moments ago: I’m trying very hard to hold back.
“Teacher Tao.”
Tao Tianran murmured with restraint, “Mm.”
Cheng Xiang’s voice brushed lightly against her eardrums. “You want to, badly?”
Still maintaining her restraint, Tao Tianran replied, “Mm.”
Cheng Xiang didn’t even know how she managed to fish that small box out of her bedside drawer; she had hidden it there for a very long time. Outside, the sound of pigeon whistles echoed as the last flock of pigeons in the alley returned to their coops.
She asked Tao Tianran, “Can I really?” as her fine, soft hair hung loosely around her face.
Tao Tianran offered her right hand to her.
She held Tao Tianran’s fingertips, gently squeezing them. As if compelled to beat around the bush at this moment when her heart was on the verge of exploding, her gaze fell upon the plain band on Tao Tianran’s pinky finger.
“Why do you wear a pinky ring? At first, I thought you wanted to stay single.”
“No.”
“Then where did this pinky ring come from? It wasn’t given to you by someone else, was it?”
“No, I bought it myself.”
“Does it have any special meaning?” Cheng Xiang’s position had already shifted; now, Tao Tianran was the one sinking into her pillow.
“I bought it from a small stall during a trip to Yun Province.”
“Was it expensive?”
“Very cheap. Seventy-six yuan.”
“And yet you’ve kept wearing it?” Shoulder rubbed against shoulder.
“Wearing a ring on the pinky is meant to signify ‘jie zhi’—to abstain.”
“Abstain from what?”
“To abstain from greed, from anger, and from impatience, so I could wait for someone.”
“Wait for whom?” Cheng Xiang felt her heart rate hovering on the brink of explosion.
“For you.” Tao Tianran opened her eyes.
“How did you know you were waiting for me? Have you known me for a very long time?”
“I feel as though I’ve known you for a very long time.” Tao Tianran raised her right hand, her pinky ring lightly brushing against Cheng Xiang’s collarbone. “Do you want to kiss it?”
Cheng Xiang took Tao Tianran’s slender fingers in her hand, rubbing her thumb and index finger back and forth against the other woman’s pinky. She couldn’t explain why, but this movement elicited a much stronger reaction from her than everything else before, making her lips and tongue grow dry.
With one final movement, she bent her head slightly and kissed the pinky ring. Its texture, which had originally been cool and untouchable, was now warmed by Cheng Xiang’s breath and slicked with Tao Tianran’s perspiration.
“What does this… mean?” Cheng Xiang breathed, knowing she was asking a question she already had the answer to.
“It means… I can finally break the precept7.”
“…For me?”
“Mm, only for you.” Tao Tianran closed her eyes, her throat bobbing slightly. “Now, you can do everything you want, to me.”
Footnotes
- Měndīng ròubǐng, a traditional Beijing pan-fried beef pie. Its thick, cylindrical shape resembles the large golden door studs (mending) on ancient Chinese palace gates.
- Chinese slang meaning 'incapable' or 'impotent,' used here in a humorous, anxious sexual context.
- 'Shǎ nǚ,' an intimate Cantonese endearment meaning 'silly girl.'
- Small, light whistles traditionally made of bamboo or gourd attached to a pigeon's tail feathers, which generate a distinct ringing whistle as they fly.
- Historically, descendants of the Qing Dynasty military administrative divisions who were known for pursuing leisure activities, including pigeon rearing and cricket fighting.
- A gaming term denoting an action initiated instantly with no startup frames or preparation; used here to describe her unhesitating directness.
- Literally meaning to break a vow, precept, or religious discipline.
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