STT – Chapter 5

From Now On, If It Isn’t You Saying It, I Won’t Believe It

Jiang Huaixi disappeared for another five days, but Lu Zizheng was not surprised in the slightest.

Over the years, Lu Zizheng had long since figured out her habits. There were always times when Jiang Huaixi would suddenly vanish—no phone calls, no text messages.

            

Though Lu Zizheng was curious, she had never once taken the initiative to ask. She was accustomed to keeping her distance from others, rarely volunteering details about her own life, and she never once pried into other people’s business.

The night grew progressively deeper. Lu Zizheng remained seated at the desk in her study, holding a book and flipping through it half-heartedly.

Her mind was not entirely on the pages, clouded instead by a restless agitation. Tomorrow, she was leaving on a business trip to Jiangbei City with Lian Xuan. Only three people were going: the two of them and Lian Xuan’s male assistant.

            

Her phone suddenly vibrated; Jiang Huaixi had finally appeared.

She said, “A new restaurant just opened in Houxi. Do you have time to check it out tomorrow?”

Lu Zizheng replied, “I’m going on a business trip to Jiangbei with my boss tomorrow.”

            

On the other end of the line, Jiang Huaixi was silent for a moment before asking, “When will you be back then?”

Lu Zizheng flipped through the desk calendar. “It’s expected to take a week. It will be the beginning of next month.”

Jiang Huaixi sighed, sounding rather regretful. “In that case, it seems you won’t be able to receive my birthday gift to you this year. Since you’re not here, I won’t give it to you.”

            

Lu Zizheng glanced at the calendar. It was true; she would be spending her birthday far from home in Jiangbei. She knit her brows and scoffed softly. “I’ve only given your stinginess a convenient excuse.”

Jiang Huaixi let out a soft chuckle over the phone, then asked, “What time tomorrow? Do you need me to take you to the airport?”

Lu Zizheng declined. “The company is sending a car to pick me up.”

            

Jiang Huaixi gave a quiet “Oh” and said no more.

The clock hands already pointed to twelve. Lu Zizheng lay in bed, still entirely sleepless. Sitting up, she finally surrendered, pulled open her drawer, and took two sleeping pills.

Before drifting off, her mind wandered in a hazy muddle. Jiang Huaixi’s face kept drifting across her thoughts—her quiet look, her haughty look, her slightly displeased look with knit brows…

            

Back then, when she had refused to respond to her, her face had looked exactly like that—brows slightly knit, lips pressed together, her expression dark with displeasure.

The second time Lu Zizheng saw Jiang Huaixi, it was right next to her usual seat. Class was about to start, and she was walking toward the front row as she always did. Normally, no one sat in the first row. Looking ahead from the back of the lecture hall, Lu Zizheng could see there was only one seat left in the front—her usual spot.

Yet, as she reached the first row and prepared to sit down, she realized the person sitting next to her was none other than that inexplicable woman from the library—Jiang Huaixi! Jiang Huaixi sat upright in her seat, pen in one hand and flipping through a book with the other, looking for all the world like a model student.

            

Lu Zizheng looked toward the back of the classroom. Dammit. With class about to start, the only empty seats left were in the very back rows, where she wouldn’t be able to see the blackboard or the slides clearly.

The class bell rang right on cue; the teacher was about to start class.

With no other choice, Lu Zizheng sat down with a quiet spark of resentment. For the entire lecture, she kept her head turned slightly away, refusing to spare Jiang Huaixi even a single glance. She feared that if she looked one more time, she wouldn’t be able to bear staying in her seat and would slam her hand on the desk and stand up.

            

As she was trying her hardest to focus on the lecture, a note appeared before her eyes. The black ink was still wet, written in an elegant, refined hand: “I apologize for what happened before. Please forgive me.”

Lu Zizheng read the paper and smiled mockingly to herself. Just because you say you’re sorry doesn’t mean I have to say it’s fine, does it?

She did not respond, raising her head to continue listening to the lecture.

            

Another note was slipped over: “From now on, if it isn’t you saying it, I won’t believe it. Be friends?”

She noticed that at the words “Be friends?”, Jiang Huaixi seemed to have hesitated for a long time. The fountain pen’s ink had seeped deeply into the paper, bleeding outward at the edges.

She thought, It’s not as if other people are obligated to graciously grant every single one of your wishes, either, is it?

            

Lu Zizheng stacked the two pieces of paper together, carefully folded them in half once, then in half again, before crushing them into a ball and tossing them into the desk drawer. She shot Jiang Huaixi a cold, defiant look. In response, she saw Jiang Huaixi knit her brows slightly, staring back at her with burning eyes, her expression dark.

The moment the bell rang to end the class, before the professor could even dismiss them, Lu Zizheng grabbed her books and was the first to leave her seat, marching out of the classroom with swift strides.

She knew Jiang Huaixi’s gaze had followed her all the way. She figured a favored daughter of heaven like Jiang Huaixi had likely never tasted the bitterness of being slighted or rejected. In that case, she could thank Lu Zizheng for giving her the opportunity to experience it.

            

The very last sliver of Lu Zizheng’s consciousness before sleep took her was a thought: See, Lu Zizheng? You always remember these things so clearly…

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The next morning, when Lu Zizheng carried her light suitcase downstairs, she found the driver already waiting for her. He informed her that she was to head directly to the airport to meet up with Lian Xuan.

Before boarding, she sent a text to her mother: “Mom, I’m boarding now. I’ll call you when I land.”

            

Mother Lu’s reply came almost instantly: “Mhm, don’t worry about me. Huaixi is here anyway.”

Lu Zizheng smiled and powered down her phone, thinking, Mom, you really don’t treat her like an outsider at all.

On the plane, Lian Xuan sat right beside her.

            

Lu Zizheng had brought along a magazine and flipped through it casually, while Lian Xuan diligently reviewed documents, occasionally asking her a question or two. They passed the flight in peaceful coexistence.

Fengshang had a branch in Jiangbei, and the airport pickup had already been arranged. After disembarking, Lu Zizheng merely followed leisurely behind Lian Xuan and her assistant; her only duty was to follow instructions.

When Lian Xuan introduced them, Lu Zizheng realized that the branch manager sent to pick them up was Ji Yao, a high school classmate of hers and Lian Xuan’s from their freshman year.

            

Ji Yao was visibly surprised upon seeing her. However, she clearly had no intention of catching up, offering only a businesslike handshake and a nod.

Lu Zizheng was not surprised. Even back in high school when she and Lian Xuan had been close, Ji Yao had rarely shown her any warmth.

Lian Xuan and Ji Yao had plans for the evening, while Lu Zizheng’s primary duties wouldn’t begin until the following afternoon and night. Consequently, for their first night in Jiangbei, Lian Xuan told her, “There’s nothing planned tonight, so you can do as you please.”

            

With nothing to do and exhausted from her poor sleep the night before, Lu Zizheng fell asleep on her hotel bed without even eating dinner. She remained asleep until Lian Xuan returned to the hotel and called her.

By the time Lian Xuan’s dinner meeting concluded, it was already past nine o’clock. She had drunk a bit too much and her head throbbed. Ji Yao, who was heading back with her, held back for a long time before finally asking, “What is Lu Zizheng doing here?”

Without breaking her stride, Lian Xuan replied flatly, “Work requirements…” The words had barely left her mouth when she froze, staring motionlessly at a girl seated at a piano in the hotel lobby.

            

The girl wore a white dress, her long, chestnut hair falling in soft curls. From the side, only her long eyelashes, small and pretty nose, rosy lips, and pointed chin were visible. Her profile bore an uncanny resemblance to Lu Zizheng’s.

Lian Xuan stared unblinkingly at the girl’s long fingers dancing across the keys. As the keys descended, the notes began to ring out.

It was Pachelbel’s Canon. Once, Lu Zizheng had played this very piece at her house. She had said she hadn’t prepared anything, so she would give her this song as a birthday present.

            

Lu Zizheng had told her she once read an analysis of this song: it was joy in sadness, happiness in tranquility, sunshine in darkness, and hope in frustration. It just so happened that, to her, she was exactly that kind of presence, and giving her this piece was where her heart lay.①¹

Memories surged toward her like a sudden, roaring tide. The moment they hit her, Lian Xuan nearly lost her footing. Back then, Lu Zizheng’s eyes would curve, her lips arching into a shy yet brilliant smile—a radiant warmth that was rarely, if ever, seen on her face today.

Lian Xuan finally found her feet again and hurried outside, ignoring Ji Yao’s bewildered expression. Right now, only a single thought clamored wildly in her heart: Zizheng, Lu Zizheng—she wanted to see her.

            

Upon arriving at the hotel, Lian Xuan practically ran to Lu Zizheng’s door in her eagerness. Yet, when she raised her hand, she hesitated, unable to bring herself to knock. She stood outside Lu Zizheng’s room for a long time. An inexplicable draft swept through the corridor, leaving her cold, but it gradually cleared her alcohol-addled mind. Slowly, her raised hand clenched into a fist, then dropped to her side. She turned and walked away.

Back in her own room, Lian Xuan opened a bottle of red wine and leaned back against the sofa, drinking, lost in thought.

Ultimately, she set her glass down and picked up her phone, dialing Lu Zizheng’s number. “Come to my room for a moment,” she said.

            

Lu Zizheng was still half-asleep when she answered. After hanging up, she scrambled out of bed in a panic, threw on some clothes, ran a brush through her hair, and rushed straight to Lian Xuan’s room. It was already ten o’clock. Was there some sort of emergency?

Yet to her surprise, after opening the door to let her in, Lian Xuan simply returned to the sofa and resumed drinking on her own. Lu Zizheng stood by the coffee table for a long time without receiving any instructions, leaving her increasingly bewildered.

Just as Lu Zizheng was about to speak, Lian Xuan abruptly set her glass down, rubbed her temples, and looked up at her. “I’ve had a bit too much to drink, and my head hurts,” she said softly. “Could you rub it for me?”

            

Lu Zizheng froze, unsure how to react.

“Zizheng?”

She watched Lian Xuan slightly furrow her brows and bite her lip, her watery eyes fixed upon her. It was that familiar, spoiled look Lian Xuan used to make whenever she acted spoiled.

            

Lu Zizheng surrendered. With heavy steps, she walked behind Lian Xuan and placed her hands on her temples, gently massaging them. Gradually, she felt Lian Xuan’s body begin to relax.

Even now, after all these years, she still could not bear to refuse when she saw that look of expectation in Lian Xuan’s eyes. She did not know if it was because Lian Xuan’s performance was too convincing, or because her own past love for Lian Xuan had been too real.

Lu Zizheng looked down at Lian Xuan’s fine, thick hair, thinking with self-mockery.

            

Feeling Lu Zizheng’s cool fingers gently pressing against her temples, Lian Xuan couldn’t help but recall a time during free activity in physical education class. They had slipped away from all their classmates to rest, sitting side by side beneath a large banyan tree. Lian Xuan had complained that her head was spinning after a full day of classes, and Lu Zizheng had looked at her with a sweet smile, saying, “Let me rub it for you. You’ll feel better in a bit.”

Lian Xuan had said, “Liar. How could it be that magical?”

Instead of arguing, Lu Zizheng had stretched out her legs, patting her thighs. “Lie down and try it, and you’ll see.”

            

Skeptical but intrigued, Lian Xuan had ignored the dirty grass and laid down, resting her head on Lu Zizheng’s lap. Closing her eyes, she let herself feel the movement of Lu Zizheng’s hands.

Lu Zizheng’s voice had been softened by the breeze: “Does that feel any better?…”

I remember when we were young,²
You loved to chat and I to laugh.
We sat side by side beneath the peach tree,
The wind in the treetops, birds calling out.
Somehow we drifted off to sleep,
Who knows how many flowers fell in our dreams…②

            

Lian Xuan suddenly raised her hand, resting it lightly over Lu Zizheng’s massaging fingers. Before she could apply any pressure, Lu Zizheng recoiled as if startled, abruptly pulling her hands back.

Her voice shook slightly as she excused herself. “President Lian, it’s late. If there’s nothing else, I will go back now so as not to disturb your rest.”

Lian Xuan bit her lip and squeezed out a sound from her throat. “Mhm, all right. Thank you.”

            

Afterward, she watched Lu Zizheng bolt out the door, leaving her to cover her face and smile bitterly.

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Annotations:
① “Joy in sadness, happiness in tranquility, sunshine in darkness, hope in frustration” is quoted from 《Encountering Classical Music (4) Pachelbel: Canon》.
② “I remember when we were young, you loved to chat and I to laugh, we sat side by side beneath the peach tree, the wind in the branches, birds calling out, somehow we drifted off to sleep, who knows how many flowers fell in our dreams…” is quoted from a short poem written by Mr. Lu Qian (Lu Jiye) in 1934.

            

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