STT – Chapter 13
by Little PandaWho Said I Have a Date with Her Tonight?
On December 24, Christmas Eve, the streets seemed much more crowded than usual. Images of Santa Claus were everywhere, and the apples1 in the supermarkets were piled up like mountains.
Single people had no special feelings or expectations for such holidays. Ever since Lu Zizheng had walked into the translation agency early this morning, she had watched her female colleagues receive one bouquet of fresh flowers after another, their smiles blooming brighter than the blossoms.
Those who received flowers basked in the envious looks and teasing of their coworkers, seemingly offhandedly revealing their dates and plans for the evening. Lu Zizheng never joined in on such excitement, turning a blind eye and focusing on her own work. She didn’t feel envious; as for putting on an act of envy just to blend inโshe was sorry, but she couldn’t do that either.
Yet even though she kept extremely quiet to show she had no interest in the topic, there were still those who wouldn’t let her be.
Once her colleague Zhang Li had finished gossiping and marveling, she passed by Lu Zizheng’s desk on her way back to her own. With a plaintive sigh, she asked, “Zizheng, look at us. It seems we’re the only ones here without flowers or dates, completely abandoned. Some of my friends are hosting a dinner party tonight. Are you interested in coming along?”
Lu Zizheng didn’t interact with her much on a regular basis, but she knew that Zhang Li had frequently gossiped about her behind her back.
She gave a polite smile and declined. “No, thank you, Zhang-jie. I’ve already made plans with my mom tonight.”
No sooner had the words left her mouth than a courier walked in carrying a massive bouquet of red roses. Spotting the nameplate on Lu Zizheng’s desk, he walked straight over and asked her to sign for them.
Frowning, Lu Zizheng signed for the flowers. There was no card attached. The large, dew-kissed bouquet of red roses was arranged in the shape of an apple, quite fitting for Christmas Eve.
Zhang Li scoffed, her voice laced with envy. “Oh, looks like I worried for nothing. Zizheng, how could you possibly spend the holiday alone?” She swayed as she walked away, pretending to mutter to herself, “I think President Wang came back todayโฆ” Though she pretended to be muttering to herself, her voice was loud enough for everyone in the office to hear. Instantly, the chatter about Lu Zizheng’s roses vanished, and a heavy silence fell over the room.
Lu Zizheng stared at Zhang Li’s retreating back with furrowed brows, taking a deep breath to keep herself from stooping to her level. She’d known for a long time that Zhang Li and several other gossip-mongering colleagues whispered behind her back, claiming she had an improper relationship with the translation agency’s general manager, which was why the good assignments always fell to her.
Over the years, rumors and slander had never left her for a single moment. Lu Zizheng had long known that you couldn’t stop people from talking. She’d accepted it, choosing neither to argue nor defend herself, simply acting as though she’d never heard a thing.
For some things, it was enough as long as she knew the truth herself. For those who believed in her, no words were necessary; for those who didn’t, there was even less need to say anything.
Still, as for who had sent these flowers, she really couldn’t figure it out for the moment.
At any rate, it certainly wasn’t Jiang Huaixi. In all the years they’d known each other, Jiang Huaixi had given her many things, but never flowers. Even if she did give flowers, based on Lu Zizheng’s understanding of her, she’d absolutely never send red roses.
The list of potential senders was far too long, so Lu Zizheng let it drop. Her curiosity had always been limited anyway. She casually set the flowers aside and went back to her work.
During her lunch break, however, she received a call from Jiang Huaixi.
Seeing the name “Huaixi” flashing on her phone screen, Lu Zizheng inexplicably felt a bit of nervousness and an indescribable anticipation. But she quickly and rationally calmed herself down.
Jiang Huaixi invited her to dinner tomorrow evening. Even though the invitation was for a special day like Christmas, she didn’t offer any reason or engage in any polite small talkโit was just like an ordinary meal.
Lu Zizheng naturally didn’t ask her about the flowers and accepted. The gift was already prepared, and she had to give it to her eventually, didn’t she?
She’d just hung up and put her phone in her bag when it rang again.
Lu Zizheng’s heart gave a sudden, rapid thump.
But when she took out her phone, the caller ID showed Xu Bohan instead. She secretly mocked herselfโwhat exactly was she inexplicably anticipating?
Xu Bohan said it had been a long time since they’d last met, and asked when she’d return to Juzhou to meet up.
Lu Zizheng was in a bit of a bind; she didn’t have any plans to return for now. Ever since her mother had also moved from Juzhou to Linzhou, she hadn’t set foot in Juzhou again. Rather than saying she was unwilling to return, it was more accurate to say she didn’t dare. She feared seeing familiar people there, feared remembering the disgrace of her past, and feared being unable to escape those nightmares once more.
Sensing her hesitation, Xu Bohan, who was always considerate, didn’t press or force her. Changing the subject, she sighed softly and said, “The new year is coming again. Time really flies so fast.”
Lu Zizheng stood by the window, looking down at the endless stream of traffic and the hurried pedestrians on the streets below. “So fast,” she murmured with a trace of melancholy, “that there hasn’t even been time to leave anything behind.”
Xu Bohan let out a gentle laugh on the other end of the line, offering words of comfort. “Zizheng, you always like to look back. What’s past is past. What you should focus on is how to grasp this new beginning.” She paused, then added, “As long as there’s still time, it means there’s still hope, isn’t that right?”
The warm winter sun finally shifted in front of Lu Zizheng, streaming through the clear glass window to envelop her in its glow, bringing a comforting warmth.
“As long as there’s still time, there’s still hope.” That year, Xu Bohan had also told her that.
After transferring schools in eleventh grade, Lu Zizheng had sunk back into the familiar gloom of her past years. As a transfer student, she sat alone in the very last row of the classroom. Unless absolutely necessary, she never took the initiative to speak to her classmates, retreating once more into a world of her own.
During free-activity time in physical education class, she sat alone on the sports field bleachers, watching her classmates playing in groups of twos and threes. As she watched figures walking off into the distance hand in hand, chatting and laughing, she couldn’t help but feel a deep sorrow welling up within her.
Lian Xuan had vanished from her sight so easily, but how was she, trapped in her memories, supposed to extricate herself with such grace?
Lost and dazed, she walked off the sports field by herself. In such a vast space, she felt her own loneliness and insignificance all the more acutely, unable to find even a single shred of her own presence.
Not far from the sports field, right by the edge of the lawn, lay a clear lake. Its waters shimmered brilliantly under the sunlight, drawing her gaze.
Walking onto the lawn, Lu Zizheng took step after step forward. She looked down and saw her lifeless face clearly reflected in the sparkling water. She tried to smile at herself, but she seemed to have forgotten how to move those muscles. No matter how she smiled, it only looked sorrowful.
Her shoes were already soaked by the lake water, bringing a trace of pleasant coolness that eased her aching nerves. Numbly, Lu Zizheng thought, Would it feel even better if I submerge my calves too? And so, she took a few more steps forward.
Suddenly, a gentle female voice came from behind, jolting Lu Zizheng awake: “If your pants get wet, it won’t feel very comfortable.”
As if waking from a great dream, Lu Zizheng looked down at her already wet pant cuffs, then glanced back at the shore, which was now quite a distance away. For a moment, she couldn’t even remember how she’d ended up in the middle of the lake.
She was also startled by herself, her heart pounding wildly. She hurriedly turned around and went back to the shore.
Sitting on the grassy shore was a girl about her own age. Her features were delicate, her face gentle, and she possessed a calm composure rare for a youth. She looked at Lu Zizheng with a warmth and concern that Lu Zizheng hadn’t received from a stranger in a very long time.
She wheeled her wheelchair over to Lu Zizheng’s side, looking up to gaze at her gently.
Her voice was soft and gentle, her smile heartwarming, yet her words carried an involuntary, chilling edge: “Sometimes, I also want to try and see if being in the water feels comfortable.”
Lu Zizheng bit her lip and stared at her, her feet unable to budge even an inch.
Xu Bohan reached out and took Lu Zizheng’s hand, placing it on her own limp, powerless legs resting in the wheelchair. With a light chuckle, she said, “But in the end, I still can’t bear to. I can’t bear to leave, and I can’t bear to give up.”
Lu Zizheng’s hand resting on Xu Bohan’s legs trembled involuntarily. It was a kind of panic, a kind of shame.
Xu Bohan said, “I don’t know what happened to you or how unhappy you are. But think about itโwhile you can still use your legs to trudge through the mud, there are people who don’t have legs, yet they crawl forward without ever giving up. What right do you have to be even more fragile, even more cowardly than them?”
Lu Zizheng crouched down, burying her face in her knees.
Xu Bohan reached out, gently patting Lu Zizheng’s shoulder and then touching her head. Her movements were gentle and warm, her voice soft and pleasant to the ear: “As long as there’s still time, there’s still hope. As long as life still gives you a glimmer of hope, you shouldn’t despair so easily.”
She gently lifted Lu Zizheng’s head, looking at her with a warm gaze, and smiled. “Xu Bohan. My name is Xu Bohan. Let’s be friends.”
Lu Zizheng stared blankly at Xu Bohan for a long while before replying in a low voice, “Lu Zizheng. My name is Lu Zizheng.”
Xu Bohan smiled brilliantly, addressing her warmly. “Zizhengโฆ what a beautiful name.” She blinked, then made a request: “Zizheng, the grass is too high here, so the wheelchair is a bit hard to move. Can you help push me onto the path ahead?”
Lu Zizheng naturally didn’t refuse. Without a word, she pushed Xu Bohan away from the lakeside.
Later on, Xu Bohan became the only close friend in Lu Zizheng’s lifeโof course, that was before Jiang Huaixi had achieved the status of a qualified friend.
Lu Zizheng also kept remembering that line Xu Bohan said to her: “As long as there’s still time, there’s still hope.” In the second half of eleventh grade, Xu Bohan accompanied her through most of her free time after class. Whenever she saw Xu Bohan’s fearless smile toward life, Lu Zizheng would feel ashamed, thereby forcing herself to face things bravely. To some extent, Xu Bohan was her spiritual mentor.
They’d never discussed their pasts, but Lu Zizheng could faintly detect the sorrow in Xu Bohan, while Xu Bohan always remained understanding of her pessimism. During her most difficult times, Xu Bohan had given her the most precious kindness, rekindling in her a trace of anticipation for this malice-filled world.
So, Lu Zizheng had always been grateful to Xu Bohan.
Sensing her own heart soften, Lu Zizheng made a promise to Xu Bohan. “If I go back to see you during spring break, will you give me a big red envelope2?”
Xu Bohan burst into hearty laughter and promised, “I’ll definitely wrap an extra-large red envelope for you, and I’ll throw in a super-value story pack as a bonus.”
Lu Zizheng was puzzled. “What story pack?”
But Xu Bohan played coy. “If you want to know, just remember to come find me.”
Inexplicably, Lu Zizheng felt a bit of unease in her heart.
Xu Bohan seemed to be in high spirits. As she prepared to hang up, she didn’t forget to tease Lu Zizheng one last time. “When you have your date tonight, say hello to Huaixi for me. Tell her to keep it up in the new year, and wish her early success.”
Lu Zizheng protested, “Who said I have a date with her tonight?!”
Xu Bohan replied knowingly, “So, are you telling me you won’t be seeing Huaixi tonight?”
Lu Zizheng couldn’t lie, so she fell silent.
Xu Bohan sighed. “Sometimes I don’t know what you two are being so awkward about. Every inch of time is worth an inch of gold. Remember to cherish it.”
Lu Zizheng gave a faint, self-deprecating smile.
How could she not know that time was precious and years were cruel? It was probably because they both knew it all too well.
Footnotes
- In China, it is popular to gift apples on Christmas Eve (pรญng'ฤn yรจ) because the word for apple (pรญngguว) sounds like 'peace' (pรญng'ฤn). These apples are often called 'peace apples' (pรญng'ฤnguว).
- A red envelope (hรณngbฤo) is a traditional Chinese monetary gift given during holidays, weddings, or special occasions as a symbol of good luck and blessing.
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