STT – Chapter 38
by Little PandaNo One Can Truly Accompany Anyone Forever
Mother Lu finally made it out of the emergency room, but this time, the doctor could no longer even shake his head. As Lu Zizheng grabbed his hand and frantically asked about her condition, he could only sigh heavily, at a loss for how to break the cruel truth to her in the gentlest way possible. In the end, he said weakly, “We’ve done all we can…”
Lu Zizheng’s grip on his white sleeve went limp, her face ashen…
When Mother Lu woke in the middle of the night, Lu Zizheng was sitting beside her bed, red, swollen eyes wide open, watching her without blinking.
Seeing Mother Lu awake, Lu Zizheng hurriedly poured a glass of water and handed it to her, helping her sit up halfway to drink.
After a sip of water, Mother Lu’s dry, painful throat felt a little better. Her voice was hoarse and weak, but she managed a faint, teasing smile as she joked to Lu Zizheng, “Why do you keep staring at Mom? Can you see a flower on my face?”
Lu Zizheng blinked, answering with a bitter smile, “I’m afraid that if I close my eyes, when I open them again, you’ll be gone…”
Mother Lu’s smile slowly froze at her lips. After a long while, she let out a low sigh: “Silly child…”
Lu Zizheng suddenly slumped forward, burying herself against Mother Lu’s body, crying like a child—powerless and desperate, her shoulders trembling ceaselessly. She choked out her plea: “Mom, I’m begging you, don’t go, please don’t leave me…”
Tears rolled down Mother Lu’s cheeks too. She raised a feeble hand and gently patted Lu Zizheng’s shoulder, comforting her in silence. This time, she didn’t dare promise her daughter again, “Don’t be afraid, Mom is here.”
Lu Zizheng’s crying gradually subsided. Mother Lu kept patting her back, one gentle stroke at a time. After a long silence, she spoke to Lu Zizheng in a consulting tone: “Zhengzheng, can we check out of the hospital tomorrow? Mom wants to go back to Juzhou City. I miss your father, I miss your uncle and the others.”
Lu Zizheng raised her heavy head, looking at Mother Lu through tear-blurred eyes, shaking her head like waves. She knew what leaving the hospital meant.
But Mother Lu’s eyes carried a sincere plea: “Be a good girl, Zhengzheng. Let Mom go home, okay…?”
Lu Zizheng covered her face with both hands, sobbing for a long time, before choking out in broken fragments: “Mom, okay, let’s go home.”
Mother Lu reached out, weakly wiping away the tears that kept spilling from Lu Zizheng’s eyes, and murmured softly, “Good child, Mom’s good child…”
The next morning, at Lu Zizheng’s request, Jiang Huaixi completed the discharge procedures for Mother Lu, then—despite Lu Zizheng’s polite refusal—drove to pick up Mother Lu and accompanied them both back to Juzhou City.
Lu Zizheng’s uncle’s family also rushed to Lu Zizheng’s home upon hearing the news. Her uncle, a grown man, burst into tears the moment he saw Mother Lu lying in bed, too weak to sit up.
Mother Lu had Lu Zizheng help her sit up, then forced a smile and teased: “Ge1, real men don’t cry easily—you must have gotten dust in your eyes, right?”
Lu Zizheng’s uncle wiped his tears, eyes red, and sat silently at Mother Lu’s bedside, his face flushed from holding back sobs.
Mother Lu turned her head, took the hand of Jiang Huaixi standing to one side, and introduced her to her brother: “Ge, this is my goddaughter. Her name is Jiang Huaixi. She’s a very, very good child.”
Lu Zizheng’s uncle looked at Jiang Huaixi with confusion, then followed Mother Lu’s gaze to Lu Zizheng, whose eyes were likewise locked on Jiang Huaixi. In an instant, he understood. He cleared his throat and replied to Mother Lu in a deep, steady voice: “Don’t worry. I’ll take good care of them.”
Mother Lu nodded, a relieved smile on her face.
On the third day back in Juzhou City, the sky had been overcast since morning, and by afternoon, a fine drizzle had begun. Mother Lu watched the misty rain outside the window, and in her reverie, it was as if she saw Father Lu walking toward her, his smile as radiant as when they first met, holding a dark umbrella, smiling warmly: “Ah Yu, I’ve come to take you home. I’m sorry for making you wait so long…”
She turned her head, looked at Lu Zizheng and Jiang Huaixi sitting close together at her bedside, a smile gradually climbing onto her face. She reached out and took the large hands that Father Lu extended to her…
The moment Mother Lu passed away, Lu Zizheng wept uncontrollably, clutching Mother Lu tight, unwilling to let go, until the sheer intensity of her emotions drained her strength and she fainted. When she woke again, she was unnaturally calm—no more tears, no more outbursts. She followed her uncle and Jiang Huaixi, methodically handling the arrangements for Mother Lu’s funeral.
Only Jiang Huaixi, staying at Lu Zizheng’s home, knew that beneath her calm exterior, her heart was already riddled with wounds. By day, Lu Zizheng moved like a puppet on strings, expressionless; by night, Jiang Huaixi could hear the faint sound of crying drifting from Lu Zizheng’s bedroom, every single night.
The day after Mother Lu’s funeral, Lu Zizheng sat alone in the empty living room, staring blankly at the memorial photos of Mother Lu and Father Lu hanging on the wall.
Jiang Huaixi had cooked a meal. She came out of the kitchen with an apple in hand, sat down beside Lu Zizheng, and began peeling it, bit by bit.
Lu Zizheng turned to look at Jiang Huaixi. Over the past two or three weeks, Jiang Huaixi had lost weight too. Bitterness and heartache swelled in her chest. She shook her head and said quietly, as if seeing off a guest: “Huaixi, I’m fine now. Go back to Linzhou. Thank you for everything you’ve done these past few weeks. Once I’ve sorted everything out, I’ll thank you properly.”
Jiang Huaixi’s hands stilled. She shook her head and said in a low voice, “I’m not leaving.”
Lu Zizheng asked her quietly, “Are you going to stay here with me?”
Jiang Huaixi didn’t answer.
Lu Zizheng gave a bitter laugh and pressed her: “Huaixi, how long can you stay with me, anyway? A day, two days? A week, two weeks?” Her gaze locked onto Jiang Huaixi, her eyes holding a hope she herself hadn’t noticed.
Jiang Huaixi gazed at Lu Zizheng, saw the bright expectation in her eyes, opened her mouth, hesitated—and in the end, simply handed the peeled apple to Lu Zizheng in silence.
She watched the hope in Lu Zizheng’s eyes gradually dim, heard her murmur as if answering her own question: “Right… No one can truly accompany anyone forever…”
She reached out and took the apple from Jiang Huaixi, took a gentle bite, her eyes still locked on the photos of Father Lu and Mother Lu on the wall, lost in thought. Then she suddenly said, “Huaixi, I’m a little hungry…”
Jiang Huaixi was seized by a moment of wild joy. These past few days, Lu Zizheng had barely managed a few sips of rice porridge at each meal—Jiang Huaixi had no idea how she was sustaining herself. She stood up at once and said, “I’ve got your favorite century egg2 and lean pork porridge simmering in the kitchen. Let me check if it’s ready.”
But Lu Zizheng shook her head, her voice low: “I want to eat something that tastes like Mom’s cooking…”
Jiang Huaixi’s steps halted. Her nose stung.
Lu Zizheng looked up at her, eyes bright: “There’s a shop on Chenghuang Street that makes authentic century egg porridge. I’ve had it once—the taste is just like Mom’s. Could you go buy me a bowl?”
Jiang Huaixi couldn’t bear to hesitate for even a second. She didn’t even grab her coat—just turned and headed out, saying as she walked, “Okay, wait, I’ll be right back.”
But Lu Zizheng’s eyes stayed locked on Jiang Huaixi’s retreating back, filled with boundless longing and sorrow.
Huaixi, I’m sorry. I love you.
She was so afraid of being a lone orphan in this world. She missed her father’s broad shoulders, her mother’s warm embrace.
In this world, her only remaining tether and longing was Jiang Huaixi. But someday, Huaixi would leave too.
Was it only through extinction3 that eternity could be achieved? If time stopped at this very moment, would Jiang Huaixi never turn her back and walk away, forever remaining as she was in that moment, gentle and kind to her?
Lu Zizheng thought seriously—probably so.
A smile gradually appeared at the corners of her lips…
Chenghuang Street was over a dozen blocks from Lu Zizheng’s home, so Jiang Huaixi drove. The moment she left, a faint unease crept into her heart, gnawing at her. She kept replaying the look Lu Zizheng had given her as she walked out the door—over and over again—and the unease grew stronger, the panic deeper.
She turned the car around in a hurry, dialing Xu Bohan’s number while driving. When Xu Bohan had come for Mother Lu’s funeral, she had left her number with Jiang Huaixi, telling her to call if she ever needed anything. The moment the call connected, Jiang Huaixi blurted out: “Xu-jie, can you get your father’s hospital to send an ambulance to Zizheng’s house right now? I’m worried she’s going to do something foolish. I’m heading back now.”
Xu Bohan’s heart lurched. Without a second word, she agreed.
The drive there had been clear, but on the way back, the road ahead was damned and at a standstill. Jiang Huaixi didn’t waste a second thinking—she jumped out, slammed the door, and ran the rest of the way to Lu Zizheng’s home on foot.
In her entire life, Jiang Huaixi had only run twice. The first time was because Lu Zizheng had fainted during PE class; the second time was now. She could feel her heart pounding so hard it seemed ready to leap from her chest, but she didn’t dare stop for even a moment.
Jiang Huaixi practically kicked open the door to Lu Zizheng’s home. She didn’t even have time to close it behind her before she burst into the living room. In that moment, an unprecedented panic and terror flooded her heart.
She saw Lu Zizheng, trembling as she stood up on the balcony ledge…
Jiang Huaixi nearly shrieked Lu Zizheng’s name: “Zizheng, get down…”
Lu Zizheng heard her, turned her head, and gave her a faint smile. Her bloodless lips moved silently, opening and closing…
Jiang Huaixi could barely make out the words: “I love you, I’m sorry…”
She was frantic but didn’t dare rush forward recklessly. In her peripheral vision, she caught sight of the fruit knife she had just used to peel the apple. Without a second thought, she grabbed it and pressed it against her own left wrist. Her voice was cold as she said to Lu Zizheng: “Zizheng, if you’re really determined to leave, then I’m going with you.”
She saw the smile on Lu Zizheng’s face falter for the briefest moment—then she still began to turn back. In that instant, Jiang Huaixi didn’t hesitate anymore. Her right hand pressed down hard, slicing through the vein in her wrist. Blood sprayed out before Lu Zizheng’s eyes…
Lu Zizheng’s breath seemed to stop for an instant. The next moment, she threw herself off the balcony—stumbling, rolling, crawling—rushing to Jiang Huaixi’s side, frantically trying to stanch the bleeding from her wrist. But the blood kept flowing through the gaps between her pressing fingers. Lu Zizheng wept in panic, asking Jiang Huaixi: “What do I do, Huaixi, what do I do? Are you crazy? How could you be so stupid…”
But Jiang Huaixi weakly raised her bloodied hand, gently stroked Lu Zizheng’s cheek, and coaxed her tenderly: “Zizheng, don’t do anything foolish…”
She said, “Zizheng, I was already crazy…” From the very first moment she saw Lu Zizheng on that stage, from the moment she fell in love with her, she had known—she was crazy…
When Xu Bohan arrived at Lu Zizheng’s home with the ambulance, the scene before her was harrowing. Her legs gave out in an instant.
Jiang Huaixi lay in a pool of blood, motionless. Lu Zizheng was pressing down on Jiang Huaixi’s arm, which had been tightly bound with a strip of cloth, her face and body covered in crimson blood. Seeing the doctors in white coats enter, Lu Zizheng dropped to her knees, as if her soul had left her, pulling at their coats and begging them over and over: “Please, you have to save her, you have to save her…” As she murmured these words, Lu Zizheng collapsed too…
Jiang Wang, worried about Jiang Huaixi’s health and at Mother Jiang’s request, called Jiang Huaixi right after work to ask whether she had recovered from her cold and when she might be back.
But the phone rang for a long time with no answer. Just as she was about to hang up and redial, the call was suddenly picked up.
A gentle, pleasant female voice came from the other end, slightly flustered and apologetic: “Hello, I’m Xu Bohan. Huaixi has been in an accident in Juzhou City. She’s in the emergency room right now. Are you her family…?”
Whatever Xu Bohan said after that, Jiang Wang didn’t hear any of it. She stood there, gripping her phone, leaning against the wall. A long while later, she hung up.
Xu Bohan…
She thought she had really forgotten…
So it turned out that even a dream of self-deception would, in the end, have its day of waking…
Footnotes
- 'Ge' is a Chinese kinship term for one's older brother, used here as an affectionate direct address.
- Century egg (pídàn), also called preserved egg, is a Chinese delicacy made by curing eggs in alkaline clay and ash until the whites turn dark and gelatinous with a rich, distinctive flavor.
- 'Extinction' (jìmiè) is a Buddhist concept denoting the cessation of suffering and desire—the extinguishing of the self. Here it frames death as the only way to preserve love eternally.
No way, Dr Jiang is Xu Bo?
I am thoroughly convinced that reading this novel is a form of masochism. 💔💔💔
My heart omggg
My heart omggg
Danggggghh. How about everyone calm the fuck down! My heart is beating and I do NOT want to accompany anyone!! Shessh😂
Danggggghh. How about everyone calm the fuck down! My heart is beating and I do NOT want to accompany anyone!! Shessh😂
……
I can’t even say anything.
……
I can’t even say anything.