Volume One: First Scroll
Despair
I swear on this police uniform I wear, you are no longer fighting alone.
Lin Yan had just reached the ground floor when she looked back at the pitch-black stairwell. Her usually sharp intuition made her heart jump.
Those people seemed to be following Song Yuhang on the surface, but could they also be following her?
A feeling that made her hair stand on end1 crawled up her spine. Lin Yan quickly turned and ran back. The short distance of just over ten meters felt incredibly long.
Every second felt like a race against death.
Her hand had just touched the doorframe when she heard a gunshot—bang! Lin Yan kicked the door open. Two figures were grappling inside. One was slightly taller, his gun hand forced upwards by the other. Two holes pierced the ceiling, showering down dust and debris.
Lin Yan charged forward with her dagger, aiming straight for his throat. The other familiar figure desperately clung to the black-clothed man’s waist, pushing him backward to create an opportunity for Lin Yan.
Seeing the situation turn against him, the black-clothed man, his gun hand firmly restrained, slammed his left elbow hard into her back.
Song Yuhang saw stars, doubling over from the blow. Lin Yan’s gleaming blade was already closing in on his face. The black-clothed man gritted his teeth and drove a knee into her abdomen. Song Yuhang’s fingers lost their strength; she was thrown aside, right into the path of Lin Yan’s knife.
Lin Yan couldn’t stop her momentum; she could only watch helplessly as Song Yuhang crashed towards her blade.
As Song Yuhang stumbled back, she drew her pistol from the holster on her lower back. Bang, bang—two shots sent sparks flying from the window frame. The black-clothed man clutched his shoulder and vaulted out the window.
She wanted to pursue, but heard the sound of a metal weapon clattering to the ground behind her. Song Yuhang spun around hastily, catching the swaying Lin Yan.
“Lin Yan?!”
Intense pain caused beads of sweat the size of soybeans to break out on her forehead. Lin Yan’s face was pale as she clutched her left hand, blood streaming freely.
At the critical moment, she had actually used her own hand to block the fatal blow meant for Song Yuhang.
“I’m fine… fine… Quick… go after him.” Lin Yan gasped, her hand, mangled and bloody from the blade, gripping Song Yuhang’s wrist. She was breathing heavily.
“You…” Song Yuhang’s eyes reddened slightly.
“Hurry!” Lin Yan growled, shoving her away with one palm. Song Yuhang staggered back two steps, bumping into the table.
She gave Lin Yan a resolute look, bit her lower lip hard, and vaulted over the windowsill.
“Stop! Or I’ll shoot!” Song Yuhang scrambled up from the bushes and trees, firing a warning shot into the air without a word.
The black-clothed man ran stumbling, leaving a trail of bloodstains along the path until he burst out of the main gate.
Song Yuhang aimed her gun at his head as she ran, her palm sweaty. She tightened her finger on the trigger.
After a moment, she gritted her teeth and shifted her aim to his leg. She needed him alive; a dead man was useless.
A black car with no license plate rushed over, headlights blazing and horn blaring. Its tires screeched sharply against the gravel road as it executed a perfect drift, stopping at the sanatorium gate.
The car door opened, the black-clothed man got in. Bullets immediately slammed into the car body with loud thwacks.
Using that brief delay, Song Yuhang took three strides in two, leaping off the ground to grab the car door.
An automatic rifle barrel emerged from the shattered car window, the dark muzzle aimed directly between her eyebrows.
Song Yuhang’s pupils contracted, the hair all over her body standing on end. She instinctively let go, swept aside by the powerful gust of wind as the car accelerated. A bullet grazed her scalp, and the smell of gunpowder mixed with the scent of burnt hair filled her nostrils.
Song Yuhang felt a warmth on her face; blood was already streaming down, smearing her originally sharp features beyond recognition.
Gritting her teeth, she mustered her last ounce of strength, trying to vault through the car window. Her entire body dangled from the car door, her hand gripping the handle, already purple and white from the wind. Her long legs dragged on the ground, skin split and flesh gaped2, a bloody mess.
Inside the car, the black-clothed man leaned against the seatback, clutching his bleeding shoulder wound, and cursed under his breath, “Damn.”
He picked up the gun he had placed on the seat, stuck his head out the window, and used the gun butt to smash at her hand.
A sharp curve lay ahead, just before the road exited the small town. Beside it was a turbulent river. The driver began to accelerate, the engine roaring angrily. A beautiful fishtail maneuver flung her into the air.
Song Yuhang crashed heavily onto the road surface, rolled several times, and tumbled down the cliff.
Everything fell silent.
A long while later, a blood-drenched arm clawed its way onto the road. Song Yuhang gritted her teeth, using every ounce of strength to slowly haul herself up until she finally rolled completely onto the pavement.
She lay on the cold gravel road, gasping for breath, her vision starting to blur.
Jiangcheng City Bureau.
Zhang Jinhai stood before the large screen in the training room, holding his breath nervously.
Three days ago, an informant—the bald man who owned that illegal workshop—had reported that the buyer had arranged to pick up the goods at the entrance of Beidou Industrial Park in the early hours of today.
The police team was poised and ready3.
A drone hidden in the woods had already taken off. Hidden cameras were installed in the guard booth. Heavy reinforcements were positioned around the perimeter.
This was the plan Song Yuhang had laid out before she left: divide forces into two groups, wait passively for an opportunity4. It was time to close the net.
Zhang Jinhai checked his watch. The appointed time had arrived.
The bald man’s car arrived at the gate on schedule. This was an abandoned industrial park, unguarded.
He and an undercover officer got out of the car, lifted several barrels of Butyrolactone5 from the trunk, and placed them one by one inside the guard booth.
The camera transmitted the footage back in real-time.
Zhang Jinhai picked up his teacup and took a sip, then picked up the walkie-talkie: “Inform the men to get ready. Stay alert. As soon as the buyer appears, execute the arrest immediately.”
A clear, unified “Roger” came back through his earpiece.
He put the teacup down again, a trace of smugness in his heart. Song Yuhang had made the plan, but he was the one implementing it. With such heavy defenses, it should be foolproof6. Reporting this to the Provincial Department would be another major accomplishment.
His year-end evaluation was looking promising.
While joy showed on his face7, the undercover officer at the scene reported back: “Report 02, I have successfully completed my task and am preparing to return. The suspect will arrive in approximately ten minutes. I will cooperate with the arrest from the perimeter.”
“Good. Stay safe.”
The radio channel went silent, and the screen returned to calm.
Soon after, the drone was the first to capture footage of a car approaching. The alarm sounded.
Zhang Jinhai picked up the walkie-talkie: “All units, prepare for arrest.”
It was a black Santana. It turned the corner, headlights on. The special police hidden in the jungle quietly raised their guns.
“Sh%t, what kind of dump is this?” The driver slapped the steering wheel twice, parked slightly behind, fumbled for a pack of cigarettes on the center console, lit one, and only then pushed open the door and got out.
Before he could reach the guard booth, he was tackled to the ground by the swarming criminal police officers. Cold handcuffs snapped onto his wrists, gun muzzles pointed at his head.
“Don’t move, don’t move, police!”
The man had never experienced such a scene. His knees went weak, and his pants grew wet. “Officer, Officer, what did I do… I just took some money to pick something up for someone else…”
On a nearby rooftop, a man watched everything through binoculars.
He quickly packed his things and went back inside the building.
“We can’t stay here anymore. We have to go.”
The person in the wheelchair was shrouded in a black robe, their face obscured. Their voice, however, sounded rather young: “Hide again?”
The man put his things down, walked over to the wheelchair, and squatted down beside it. “That’s right. We can’t let the cops8 find us.”
“But…” the person under the black robe bit their lip.
“Don’t worry.” The man patted their head, almost lovingly.
“You’ll get better soon, I swear.”
Song Yuhang’s first words upon waking were: “Where’s Lin Yan?!”
Everyone’s lips moved, but no one spoke.
Song Yuhang pushed herself up in bed. Her head still throbbed. She reached up to rub it and felt gauze.
“Where’s Li Bin?”
A shadow crossed Fang Xin’s face. “Dead.”
Song Yuhang threw off the covers, got out of bed, pulled out her own IV needle, and ran outside.
Behind iron bars.
Lin Yan sat slumped, head down, motionless. No matter what they asked, she neither retorted fiercely as she used to, nor uttered a single word.
“Why did you come looking for Li Bin?”
“Why did you sneak into his room late at night?”
“Did you abuse Li Bin?”
“Did you kill Li Bin?”
…
Lin Yan just sat there quietly, not looking up, not speaking, her hair falling to cover her face. The spirited energy she once had was gone, replaced by an aura of someone nearing death’s door9.
Heart like dead ashes.
That was Song Yuhang’s first impression upon seeing her. Her chest instantly felt tight and sore, a dull ache spreading within.
“Open the door,” she spat out coldly.
“Captain Song, this is against regulations. We found a large number of her fingerprints and footprints at the scene, and fibers matching Li Bin’s clothes were found in the rope on the floor…”
Song Yuhang grabbed his collar, rarely using her authority to pressure people: “I said open it. Obey your superior’s command.”
She deliberately emphasized the word “superior.” The young officer was angry but didn’t dare speak, meekly pulling out the keys to unlock the iron door for her.
Song Yuhang pulled the door open and rushed forward in a single stride, gripping Lin Yan’s shoulders. “Lin Yan, Lin Yan, are you okay? Look at me…”
Lin Yan lifted her head, following her movement without resistance. Her eyes were completely devoid of spirit, utterly dead, as if the joys and sorrows of the outside world could no longer affect her in the slightest.
Song Yuhang’s gaze fell on the handcuffs around her wrists. An unknown fire surged straight to her heart. “Who the f%ck decided you can handcuff someone before the case is even investigated?! Is this how your grassroots departments operate?!”
The young officer was thoroughly chewed out10. He scrambled over to unlock Lin Yan’s handcuffs. The station chief also arrived, trying to smooth things over.
“A misunderstanding, a misunderstanding! It’s a misunderstanding among allies11, we’re all on the same side12! So it’s Forensic Doctor Lin from the City Bureau, and Captain Song’s friend…”
Song Yuhang helped Lin Yan up, tossing the handcuffs aside. They clanged against the iron door.
She looked up and said, word by word13: “Lin Yan is not the murderer. I was also at the scene last night. When I entered, the culprit was committing the crime. Forensic Doctor Lin arrived afterwards. If anyone is suspicious, I am the most suspicious. You can report this truthfully. I am willing to bear legal responsibility for every word I say.”
The chief’s expression froze. Reporting it like this would ruin her promising career?
Before he could think too much, Song Yuhang was already helping Lin Yan turn to leave.
Her injured hand was wrapped tightly in gauze, faint bloodstains seeping through. Song Yuhang’s heart ached terribly.
“Didn’t you say your hands were delicate? Why did you block for me? I’m tough, a hit wouldn’t have killed me.”
Lin Yan didn’t speak, her hair loose, her throat moving slightly.
“Are you hungry? What do you want to eat? I’ll go buy it for you.”
“Then… what do you want to drink? There might only be beer here…”
“Or should I catch a pheasant and roast it for you? The free-range chicken yesterday was pretty good… You probably don’t get to eat authentic farmhouse game like this often.”
She didn’t ask why Lin Yan was here, nor did she press her about why she went to see Li Bin late at night. She just carefully inquired after her well-being, considerate of her difficulties and mood.
But precisely because of this, Lin Yan felt even worse. Fourteen years chasing the killer, this was the closest she had ever been to the truth, yet it had slipped through her fingers14 forever.
Li Bin was dead.
How many more fourteen years did she have to waste?
She even felt a sliver of regret. If she hadn’t cared about Song Yuhang’s life last night, if she had let the knife go in white, come out red15, if she hadn’t wasted those few seconds but had instead lunged to catch the killer, wouldn’t she be closer to the truth, just a little closer?
She hated it so much.
Hated her own weakness and incompetence, hated her momentary kindness. Saving Song Yuhang meant she ultimately failed to find the truth for Chunan.
How could she face those six years of classmateship? How could she face Mother Chen’s wholehearted protection when others’ fists and feet rained down on her?
She was an animal, not human.
Two drops of water landed on the ground.
Lin Yan stopped walking. Song Yuhang also stopped talking, a hint of expectation in her eyes as she tilted her head slightly towards her.
“You should have died.”
“What?” Song Yuhang thought she had misheard.
But Lin Yan lifted her head again, her eyes bloodshot, staring at her and enunciating word by word: “You. Should. Have. Died.”
Song Yuhang clearly heard the gritted teeth behind the declarative tone. The blood ran cold in her veins.
Duan Cheng couldn’t stand it anymore and rushed over, yelling, “Captain Song barely escaped with her life! When we found her last night, she was lying alone on the roadside, barely breathing, her head covered in blood! The doctor said if that bullet had been just one centimeter off, it would have gone straight into her skull, killing her instantly! How can you stand here and curse her?! Huh?!”
A sarcastic smile touched Lin Yan’s lips. “Heh.”
Duan Cheng wanted to say more, but Fang Xin pulled him back. “Stop talking.”
Song Yuhang’s hand was still supporting Lin Yan’s arm, not letting go. Lin Yan pulled her sleeve out of her grasp.
She called her Officer Song, not Captain Song, nor Song Yuhang.
“Officer Song, now you see clearly. This is the kind of heartless and cruel16, repay kindness with enmity17 person I am. I beg you to stay far away from me in the future. I don’t need colleagues, I don’t need friends, and I certainly don’t need your presumptuous18 concern.”
After speaking, Lin Yan seemed unable to bear looking at her expression any longer. She turned and walked down the steps. Before she had taken two steps, her eyes burned hot.
She forced it back, holding on until she was sure no one was following, until she was sure Song Yuhang could no longer see her. Only then did she allow her emotions an outlet, covering her mouth with her hand, squatting down, and sobbing quietly.
The wind on the rooftop gradually picked up. Lin Yan sat with her hair loose, her clothes fluttering noisily in the wind. A pile of beer cans lay scattered about19 beside her hand, and the ground beneath her feet was littered with cigarette butts.
When Song Yuhang went up to find her, she was sitting on the railing, her feet dangling in the void. Her back looked thin and desolate, as if she might ride the wind and vanish at any moment.
Song Yuhang’s heart tightened. She forced a smile. “You wouldn’t be thinking of doing something drastic, would you?”
Lin Yan’s smoking hand paused. A cold smile touched her lips as she slowly blew out a smoke ring.
Of course she wouldn’t. Her vengeance was not yet complete. If she had to die, she would die after the killer.
Even though Lin Yan had just hurled vicious words at her that afternoon, Song Yuhang still couldn’t help worrying. “Come down. Come here to me. You haven’t slept in a day and a night, and you’re injured.”
Lin Yan stubbed out her cigarette on a can. “Are you deaf or blind?”
“Remember the nickname you gave me?”
Lin Yan froze.
“Song Hanhan.”20 Song Yuhang had already said it for her. “I don’t have many virtues, but I do have tenacity.”
“The fact that you can talk to me, curse at me, means you’re doing a little better than this afternoon. Lin Yan…”
Before she could finish, Lin Yan grabbed a can and threw it at her. “Get lost!”
Song Yuhang raised a hand to block it. The can rolled away, clattering against the corner wall.
“Fine, you don’t want to hear that. Then I’ll talk about something you’re interested in. 1994, you were eighteen, just graduated high school. That year, a case shocked the entire nation in Jiangcheng: the ‘Fenyang Pier Dismemberment Case.’ Because the killer’s methods were brutal and the case bizarrely complex, leaving no trace at the scene, it frequently made newspaper headlines, becoming a hot topic of idle chatter21. I was still at the police academy then, but I heard about it. I knew it was a key case supervised by the Ministry of Public Security.”
“Solving major cases like this is an honor for every police officer, myself included. While still in school, I even tried to reconstruct it, but unfortunately came up with nothing. Back then, technical capabilities were limited. The criminal police responsible for investigating the case were completely stumped22; they couldn’t even find all the body parts…”
Song Yuhang spoke methodically, but Lin Yan gradually clenched her jaw.
“Later, many people were arrested one after another. Jiangcheng was practically turned upside down23 at the time. Almost every male of the right age who fit the killer’s profile underwent blood type testing, including public officials. My father and older brother were among them.”
“Lin Yan.” She took a step forward, calling her name. “It’s not that the police didn’t try. Fourteen years ago, there was no internal police network, no surveillance cameras, no trace evidence analysis, no DNA testing… The only suspect apprehended died of illness in the detention center. And so, the case was shelved, becoming a cold case24 spanning fourteen years.”
“I believe no police officer with conscience and integrity wants to see such an outcome…” Song Yuhang said, her expression filled with unconcealed pain. She reached out, seeming to want to touch her.
“I never expected that fourteen years later, I would be standing together with someone involved in this case. Believe me,” she swore on the police uniform she wore, “I will solve this case within my lifetime. I will give you, give the deceased from back then, and the deceased’s family a satisfactory resolution.”
“Lin Yan, you are no longer fighting alone.”
In the distance, mountains overlapped, dotted with occasional sparks of light. The wind blowing through the open country whistled through the mountains, sounding very much like someone crying.
Just as those hands were about to touch her, Lin Yan slapped them away. Song Yuhang tried to step forward again, but Lin Yan covered her face, a cigarette still pinched between her fingers, gesturing for her to stay back.
Lin Yan sniffled intermittently, large tears rolling down her face. She covered her lips, choking back silent sobs, struggling to regulate her breathing. She fumbled tremblingly for a beer can but knocked over several in the process.
She tried to lift the cigarette to smoke but found it had gone out. Trembling, she fumbled along the rooftop edge for her lighter, pressing it desperately, only to find her hand was shaking too much to even light it.
Song Yuhang watched her panic, watched her break down, watched her vulnerability, her heart aching beyond measure.
She took a lighter from her own pocket, wanting to light the cigarette for her. Lin Yan turned her head slightly, and was suddenly pulled down from the railing into an embrace.
It was as if a fuse had ignited all the bitterness and hardships25, grievances, pain, hatred, and unwillingness she had endured for fourteen years.
Lin Yan shoved her away, tears streaming as she screamed, “What do you understand?! What the hell do you know?!26 Technical limitations, the suspect dying—they’re all excuses! Fourteen years, it’s been fourteen years…”
She pointed at her own heart, fist clenched, tears streaming down her face. “Do you know how I’ve lived through this? How Mother Chen has lived through this?! We haven’t had a single good day, not one night of peaceful sleep!”
“As soon as I close my eyes, Chunan’s face appears before me. One moment she’s smiling at me, the next she’s turned into a pile of minced flesh on the mortuary slab27. I want to dream of her, but I’m afraid to dream of her. I’ve been torn back and forth like this for fourteen years, fourteen years!”
“Why do you think I studied medicine, why…” Lin Yan choked, covering her lips, bending over, tears spilling through her fingers.
“All I wanted was the truth, just the truth… The one who wanted to be a forensic doctor, the one who should be standing here, it wasn’t me, it wasn’t me!”
Lin Yan’s strength gave out. Her hands hit the ground as she knelt, only to be pulled into an embrace.
Song Yuhang stroked her soft hair, again and again, tears falling into her hair. Sniffling herself, she murmured, “I know, I know everything. Go ahead and cry, you’ll feel better after crying. It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here with you, I’m here with you. We’ll investigate together, together…”
Lin Yan pushed her away again and again; Song Yuhang came back again and again, until finally, Lin Yan grabbed her clothes, hitting and tearing at her, telling her to get lost, but Song Yuhang remained unmoved.
Lin Yan collapsed against her, gradually losing strength. Song Yuhang held her tightly; unable to break free, Lin Yan bit down hard on her shoulder.
Song Yuhang winced, her body stiffening, her throat bobbing, but she still held Lin Yan’s head against her chest, letting her bite.
She knew that if this pain wasn’t vented, Lin Yan would eventually break down—either driven mad or ending her own life after the truth came out.
All these years, the only thing keeping her alive was probably the thought of finding the truth.
Song Yuhang looked up into the void. She knew it was wrong, terribly wrong, but she felt a sliver of envy—envy for that stranger named Chen Chunan.
Did you know? She hasn’t forgotten you.
After you left, she lived her life as you.
LP: Re-translated on May 01, 2025
✨ Unlock Early Access to Chapters! ✨
Choose your perfect membership at bamboopandatl.net:
📚 Full Access ($4.99)
• Advanced chapters of ALL ongoing novels
• Access to complete finished novels
• Ad-free reading experience
📖 Single Novel Access ($1.49)
• Advanced chapters of ONE specific novel
• Ad-free reading for chosen novel
PayPal is the only current payment option!
😭😭😭😭
😭😭😭😭
Li Bin 😭😭 A step further to finding out what happened to Chu Nan 😢 Also I’m not excited to see what would happen to Bai Ling 😭 Poor girl
Li Bin 😭😭 A step further to finding out what happened to Chu Nan 😢 Also I’m not excited to see what would happen to Bai Ling 😭 Poor girl
not again…