Volume One: First Scroll
Refuse
Song Yuhang was the first person to ever ask her if it hurt.
“Captain Song, we found it. Shuren High School’s1 dinner menu for today didn’t include beef. Also, we asked Wu Wei’s homeroom teacher; he didn’t eat at the school cafeteria. He asked for leave right after school ended and left.”
An investigating officer ran over and handed her a sheet of paper—Shuren High School’s menu for the day. Indeed, there was no beef dish listed. So, who did he eat with?
Song Yuhang glanced at it, then passed it to Lin Yan and stood up, walking over to the Cyber Security Team member. “Check the surveillance footage around Shuren High School.”
The time Wu Wei left was exactly when school let out in the afternoon. The school entrance was bustling with traffic and crowds2, a throng of people moving to and fro.
Everyone’s eyes were starting to blur from staring. Someone said, “Captain Song, could he have climbed over the wall?”
Song Yuhang refuted decisively3, “Since he asked for leave, he could just walk out openly4. Why climb a wall?”
Lin Yan let out a soft scoff, making the person who spoke flush with embarrassment.
Song Yuhang shot her a subtle glare5, signaling her not to speak carelessly.
Lin Yan shrugged, also squeezing into the crowd. Still draped in Song Yuhang’s jacket, she sidled up next to her. “If you can’t find the person, look for the car. Shuren High School isn’t close to the crime scene by the Hucheng River6. Without transportation, he couldn’t have gotten there quickly.”
Just as she finished speaking, Song Yuhang’s finger tapped the screen. “Zoom in. Look at that car.”
An inconspicuous Santana7 was parked by the roadside, its door open. A boy in a school uniform was about to get in. Although it was only a view from the back, Song Yuhang recognized him as Wu Wei from his backpack.
Due to the angle, the front part of the license plate was obscured, but the last two digits, 8 and 7, were barely recognizable.
“Check the surveillance videos at major intersections in all city districts. Look for a black Santana with a license plate ending in 8 and 7. Simultaneously, contact the Traffic Management Bureau and ask them to compile information on all local black Santana owners for us.”
With the order given, the operations room burst into activity. Some posted online trying to lure information8, some checked surveillance footage, and others called counterpart departments.
Song Yuhang tucked her pistol into its holster on her lower back. “Field team9, follow me. We’re going to the crime scene to find eyewitnesses.”
Lin Yan mingled with the crowd heading out, only to be grabbed and pulled back.
Song Yuhang lowered her voice. “I’m going on a mission. What are you doing?”
Lin Yan clung to her arm, smiling warmly, her eyes burning hot. “I’ll follow you. Three rules: no arguing, no fussing, no losing my temper.”
There were too many people around; Song Yuhang couldn’t just push her away publicly and embarrass her. Besides, looking at that beautiful face10, she really couldn’t bring herself to do it. She chuckled in exasperation.
“You’re here one moment, there the next. With so many people, I don’t have the energy to spare watching over you.”
This remark ignited Lin Yan’s temper again. She flung Song Yuhang’s hand away. “Do you think I’m a burden?”
“No, I didn’t mean…” Before Song Yuhang could finish, Lin Yan turned and walked away, heading straight for a police car and getting in.
“What bullsh%t11 rules? This old lady12 is going! Could you even find clues without me?!”
She seemed particularly concerned about this case. Was it related to that Chunan?
Song Yuhang watched her retreating figure, lost in thought, but didn’t stop her this time, a hint of helplessness in her expression.
“Duan Cheng, you go too. Follow your Lin-jie.”
The group went door-to-door along the street, inquiring at each shop.
“Have you seen this person?”
“No, haven’t seen him.”
“No, don’t remember.”
“Who is it?”
“Police. Have you seen this person?”
“No, haven’t seen him,” the shopkeeper said, slamming the door shut with a bang and muttering, “In the middle of the night, disturbing people’s sleep13.”
Song Yuhang gave a wry smile and walked towards the next shop, photo in hand.
“Didn’t you say you wouldn’t kill anymore? Why again—” The woman pointed at the newspaper on the table, her voice sharp.
—Nameless Male Body Discovered by Hucheng River, Suspected High School Senior Committed Suicide Due to Excessive Pressure by Jumping into River.
The headline was incredibly eye-catching14, but the content was unremarkable.
At the bottom, a latest update mentioned that the police had begun to file cases for investigation into the series of suicides.
The woman being interviewed in the newspaper had shoulder-length hair, sharp eyebrows and starry eyes, well-defined features, and two bars on her shoulder insignia.
The person speaking was shrouded in a black robe, their face and expression hidden. They reached out and took the newspaper. “He wanted to die himself. I just gave him an opportunity. Can’t blame anyone.”
“It’s been too frequent these past two years. The police have already started investigating. Stop it!” The woman’s voice carried a hint of pleading.
The person sitting opposite snorted coldly. “Stop? Absolutely impossible. I’m already selecting the next candidate—”
A look of terror appeared on the woman’s face. She pointed at him, backing away. “You… you want to again…”
The person in the black robe smiled, revealing half of a gaunt chin. “Yes, that’s right. A very cute little girl. I’ve already obtained her blood type. It meets the requirements perfectly.”
“No! You can’t! This time… this time I definitely won’t… won’t help you again!” The woman gasped for breath, retreating. As soon as she finished speaking, a hand clamped around her neck.
A mountain-like figure pressed down. The man exuded a rotten stench of someone long deprived of sunlight. The hand gripping her neck had wrinkled, chicken-like skin, covered in brown spots.
The woman struggled, coughed, and beat at his hand. A crazed look appeared in the man’s eyes.
He enjoyed watching people struggle on the verge of death—it was so much more sincere than those false facades of smiles.
The hand around her neck gradually tightened. The woman’s feet kicked wildly in the air; her eyes rolled back.
“Creak—” The door to the inner room made a sound.
The man seemed startled awake. He turned to look. Through the crack in the door, a pair of dark, emotionless eyes were revealed.
Bai Ling finished her night shift, locked the shop door, and was preparing to walk home when footsteps echoed from the street far behind her.
She lowered her head and quickened her pace. Just another hundred meters, around the street corner, and there would be a police patrol car.
The person behind her also sped up. The streetlight cast a shadow revealing a man’s sturdy build.
Bai Ling’s heart leaped into her throat. She started running. The person behind her quickened their pace too. Just as a scream caught in her throat, the person stumbled past her, brushing against her shoulder.
It was a drunkard.
Bai Ling breathed a sigh of relief. But before she could feel happy for long, a dark figure darted out from the alley entrance beside her, clamped a hand over her mouth, and dragged her into the darkness.
“Mmph…” Bai Ling struggled, only to be slapped hard several times.
“F%cking b%tch15! I was wondering why you rejected me. So you found yourself a sugar daddy, huh.”
The man spoke in a strange, sarcastic tone16. He had a small ponytail—it was the same man who had danced with Lin Yan at Lin Ge’s birthday party.
“What are you standing around for?! Help! Hold her down…” The man unbuckled his belt. “Can’t get the big one, getting the small one is fine too. Hehe, still a…”
The final words were drowned out by stifled, weak cries.
“Someone’s coming! Let’s go, go, go.” After finishing, the young men pulled up their pants and scattered in chaos.
Bai Ling lay on the cold pavement, staring blankly at the dark sky, tears streaming down unconsciously, utterly lifeless.
Until a drop of water landed on her forehead. She moved her stiff fingers slightly.
It was raining.
A shadow fell over her. Someone held an umbrella for her. A man knelt down and gently pulled her torn clothes together.
Bai Ling looked at the familiar face, seeming to regain some sensation, and choked out, “Uncle17…”
The man didn’t speak, just helped her up from the ground.
Upon contact with this warmth, Bai Ling threw herself into his arms like a weary bird returning to its nest, sobbing uncontrollably.
A cryptic smile touched the corners of the man’s unseen lips. “Sleep. It will be better when you sleep. The White Whale will give you happiness.”
Whether she was truly exhausted or for some other reason, as the man’s hand gently patted her back, an unprecedented wave of drowsiness washed over her.
Bai Ling’s head tilted to the side. She wanted to say something more but had already collapsed into his arms.
The car was parked by the roadside. Rain began to fall outside, drumming noisily on the roof.
Lin Yan had her feet propped up on the center console, shelling edamame beans, humming an unknown English song.
Duan Cheng, under orders to watch her, kept an eye on her while busy replying to various posts on online forums.
Lin Yan glanced over. “Is this entrapment18 of yours useful?”
“Who knows? Like a blind cat bumping into a dead mouse19, maybe.” Duan Cheng watched her eating with relish and swallowed. “You know, I wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t looked, but turns out so many people want to commit suicide every day.”
Lin Yan moved her late-night snack further away. “If others post, maybe there’s a chance of finding the killer. But someone like you? Forget it.”
He was used to her sarcasm and ridicule, so it didn’t bother him much.
Duan Cheng gave a wry smile. “Actually, I wasn’t really expecting to find the killer. I was just purely curious…”
Lin Yan, her back to him, paused her shelling. She heard him ask.
“During the meeting that day, Forensic Examiner Lin seemed to know a lot about this stuff. Why not give it a try?”
Lin Yan didn’t turn around. Her eyes lowered slightly, then her usual nonchalant expression returned.
“Me? Let’s forget it. These trivial chores are best left to you underlings20.”
As they spoke, Duan Cheng, seizing a moment when she wasn’t looking, grabbed a handful of edamame from the plastic bag in her hand, grinning. “Hehe.”
“Captain Song bought them. Share with those who see them.”
Lin Yan turned around, pretending to hit him, but inadvertently glanced at his phone screen, still lit up beside him. A flash of inspiration struck her.
“Since the deceased and the suspect communicated solely through the internet, why wasn’t his phone found at the crime scene?”
Duan Cheng was baffled by her question. Lin Yan had already pushed open the car door and gotten out.
This spot wasn’t far from the crime scene. The Hucheng River water had risen sharply due to the heavy rain, nearly reaching the bank.
Lin Yan descended the embankment.
Duan Cheng pushed aside the willow branches brushing his face and followed her through the rain, stumbling21.
“Forensic Examiner Lin! Lin-jie! Come back quickly!”
Lin Yan pushed aside the grass on the bank, searched back and forth again, but still found nothing.
She bit her lip, looking towards the dark, unfathomable surface of the water.
Just as Duan Cheng finished shouting, a splash echoed. “Plop!”
“Holy sh%t!” By the time he stumbled forward, there was no one left on the bank.
The rain intensified. Autumn rain felt bone-chillingly cold against the skin.
Duan Cheng yelled a few more times, “Lin-jie! Forensic Examiner Lin…”
His voice echoed far into the pitch-black night where you couldn’t see your hand in front of your face.
Duan Cheng felt ice-cold, his hands and feet trembling. He shakily pulled out his phone, wiped the rain from his face, and started calling Song Yuhang. “Hello, Captain Song—”
Song Yuhang arrived on a police motorcycle. She hung her helmet on the handlebar, vaulted over the guardrail quickly and efficiently22, grabbed Duan Cheng, and demanded, “Where is she?! Didn’t I tell you to watch her?!”
Duan Cheng, soaked from the rain and terrified first by Lin Yan and then by Song Yuhang, felt completely limp. Trembling, he pointed at the water. “Jumped… jumped in… I couldn’t stop her in time…”
Song Yuhang whipped her head around to look. Raindrops rippled the water’s surface, and waves occasionally slapped against the bank.
People had drowned in the Hucheng River before; no one knew what lay beneath. It looked calm but was fraught with hidden dangers23.
She felt as if all the heat in her body had been extinguished by the rain. Amidst the chaos in her mind, she heard her own teeth chattering.
Grinding her teeth inwardly, hating Lin Yan’s recklessness and impulsivity, she couldn’t stop worrying about her safety.
“How long has she been down?”
Duan Cheng glanced at his watch, almost crying. “Five… five minutes.”
A normal person would be remarkable to hold their breath for two minutes in unfamiliar waters. More than five minutes meant mortal danger.
Song Yuhang quickly removed her sidearm, placed it on the ground, took off her jacket, and prepared to jump in. Even though her swimming skills weren’t great, she couldn’t just let Lin Yan…
The thought made a place deep in her chest ache faintly.
Song Yuhang bit her lower lip hard. Just as she reached the edge of the bank, a head emerged from the calm surface of the river.
Lin Yan flung her wet hair back, coughed a few times, and held up the phone in her hand. “Found it!”
Before her excitement could last, Song Yuhang was already in the water, furiously dragging her ashore and snatching the object from her hand, tossing it to Duan Cheng.
“Take it back! Have Fang Xin and Zheng Chengrui thoroughly check what’s inside!”
Lin Yan, having just surfaced, her ears ringing, hadn’t yet recovered when Song Yuhang practically manhandled her—half dragging, half carrying—into the car, slamming the door shut with a bang.
Lin Yan was thrown off balance, dizzy and confused24. Her arm hit the car door painfully, and she instantly flared up in anger25. “Song Yuhang, are you crazy?!”
Song Yuhang threw a clean piece of clothing over her head. “Who’s crazy? I thought you were crazy enough to want to die!”
“I—” Lin Yan choked, but then she saw Song Yuhang panting, her eyes slightly red, strands of waterweed clinging to her hair tips. She had pulled her all the way from the water to the car; there was definitely a hint of worry and urgency in her actions.
Miss Lin turned her face away slightly, feeling a bit awkward. “Who asked for your concern? I got my international free-diving certification ages ago. Unlike you, getting breathless after swimming just over ten meters.”
Stung by her words, Song Yuhang couldn’t retort. She grabbed the clothes Lin Yan had tossed aside and threw them back over her head, rubbing her curly hair almost vengefully.
“You’re so capable! So amazing! Will you die if you don’t cause trouble for one day?!”
In the cramped car, two tall, long-legged young women instantly locked in a struggle. Lin Yan couldn’t match Song Yuhang’s strength, but in terms of technique, she instinctively applied a Kimura lock26, wrapping her legs around Song Yuhang’s waist and straightening her arm.
“Song Yuhang, you lunatic27!!!”
After she yelled, the world fell into complete silence28, save for the pattering of rain against the car windows and their heavy breathing.
Song Yuhang stopped moving. Water dripped down her chin. Her hand was pinned by Lin Yan; they were locked in a stalemate.
The faint light from the streetlamps outside filtered into the car. She watched as a drop of water slid down… into Lin Yan’s collar.
Lin Yan had taken off her jacket when she entered the water and was still wearing the black, form-fitting camisole and hot pants.
Her slender legs were wrapped around Song Yuhang’s waist. This fighting posture was truly indecent.
Both were soaked, dripping wet. A certain hidden emotion fermented and heated up in the stuffy car.
The heat could be felt even through the layers of clothing.
Song Yuhang’s face was burning. She didn’t dare move, nor did she want to blink and miss this moment—Lin Yan, full of allure, her entire being radiating desire.
Lin Yan panted slightly, staring intently at her. She unconsciously tilted her head back, exposing her neck to Song Yuhang’s gaze again.
Right, the neck.
She seemed to have found the core reason for her long-standing focus on her.
Amidst the rustling of clothes, whatever Lin Yan said now sounded like she was playing hard to get29. “What… what are you doing?”
Song Yuhang pressed down on her hand, gently brushing the hair away from her ear. “Let me see your injury.”
“Crazy, lunatic…” Lin Yan started speaking recklessly again when agitated. Finding her noisy, Song Yuhang simply covered her mouth.
Duan Cheng stood under a nearby tree, sheltering from the rain. He watched as the car began to shake, his expression complicated, feeling heartbroken for his lonely and fragile self.
After a short while, the car door opened. Song Yuhang got out, holding an umbrella. Seeing him still getting wet, she walked over and handed him one too.
Duan Cheng looked closely at her expression. Although her face was calm, her eyes and the corners of her brows clearly revealed a hint of satisfaction.
The young forensic examiner, having witnessed everything, was still shaken. “Is… is it okay now?”
He was about to go open the car door, but Song Yuhang stopped him again. “Wait a moment. Forensic Examiner Lin is still changing.”
“Oh, okay, okay.” Duan Cheng squatted back down. For some reason, he felt that ever since Captain Song got out of confinement, she had developed a strange possessiveness and protectiveness towards Forensic Examiner Lin.
This feeling startled him immensely, sending an inexplicable shiver down his spine.
Lin Yan climbed up from the seat, wiped her neck, and tossed the tissue onto the floor. “Damn it, does she think she’s a dog30?!”
On the way back, the two sat in silence, one behind the other.
Song Yuhang occasionally glanced back at her, licking her lips, seeming to want to speak but feeling embarrassed.
Lin Yan leaned back against the seat, eyes closed, resting. Half her face was cast in shadow, her lips pressed tightly together. The usually noisy person was uncharacteristically quiet today.
By the time they reached the city bureau, she, the head of this special task force, was immediately busy running around in circles the moment she got out of the car, naturally having no chance to talk further with Lin Yan.
Lin Yan lagged behind, turned, and went to the duty room to change. She pulled Song Yuhang’s jacket off her shoulders, tossed it onto the bed, and faced the mirror, tilting her head up slightly.
The scar from stabbing herself with the syringe last time had mostly healed, leaving only a tiny pinprick.
Lin Yan caressed it with her hand, examining herself in the mirror, as if she could still hear Song Yuhang’s hoarse voice asking in her ear, “Does it still hurt?”
Hurt?
What was that?
She hadn’t felt that kind of pain for many years. Except for Chunan—but that wasn’t hurt, that was pain so unbearable she wished for death.
But when Song Yuhang asked her that, it felt like soft cotton hiding needles inside her heart, pricking her again and again, making her feel sour and ‘sè’31.
The men and women she had dated only ever asked her: Was it big? Did it feel good?
Song Yuhang was the first person to ask her if it hurt.
Lin Yan curled her lip into a sneer, looking at the near-perfect face in the mirror, thinking: Lin Yan, are you worthy? Stop ruining other people, okay?
You’re just an animal, trash, worse than pigs and dogs, a maggot in the gutter.
What right do you have to stand in the sunlight, openly accepting others’ kindness and affection?
You don’t deserve it.
As she thought this, she closed her eyes slightly, as if having made a decision, her throat bobbing.
“How’s the license plate check going?” As soon as Song Yuhang walked into the operations room, she went straight to the visual investigation team member.
“According to the information sent by our brothers32 at the Traffic Management Bureau, there are over ten thousand black Santanas in the city. There are over four thousand owners with plates ending in 7 and 8. We are checking them one by one.”
Sometimes there really were no shortcuts in solving cases. Song Yuhang patted his shoulder. “Thanks for your hard work.”
On the other side, the Cyber Security Team members were also rubbing their eyes, checking surveillance footage.
Zheng Chengrui had disassembled the phone Lin Yan retrieved, was repairing the circuit board, and had connected it to his laptop, attempting data recovery.
After tidying herself up, Lin Yan plunged into the lab. She hadn’t expected Fang Xin to be there too; the entire criminal investigation team had been working nonstop for two days and nights.
“Lin-jie, come take a look. Isn’t this a bit strange?” Fang Xin moved aside from the microscope. A test tube lay before it.
“This is…” Lin Yan put on gloves and walked over, picking up the test tube. She held it up to the UV light, then raised it again, observing the deep blue glow it reflected.
“Purified from Wu Wei and Fan Lin’s blood.”
“Are the samples from He Miao kept last time still here?” Lin Yan bent over, adjusting the microscope parameters.
Fang Xin went to rummage through the cabinet. “Should still be here. According to regulations, samples are kept for three months before being destroyed.”
Three test tubes were placed side by side: He Miao’s, Fan Lin’s, and Wu Wei’s, from left to right.
“He Miao’s sample is slightly lighter in color because we couldn’t extract fresh blood from the scene,” Lin Yan mused, touching her chin.
“Fan Lin’s and Wu Wei’s show a progressive increase in color intensity. Normal human blood doesn’t contain this stuff. This indicates they all came into contact with or ingested a certain substance.”
“Is it poison?”
Lin Yan shook her head. “No matter what poison it is, once it enters the body, it inevitably causes morphological changes, either corroding the digestive tract or leaving a residual taste in the mouth. I wouldn’t have missed it during the autopsy.”
“Then… then what is it?” Fang Xin looked utterly bewildered.
Lin Yan considered for a moment. “It should be some kind of neurological drug. As for what exactly, our small, shabby lab can’t figure it out. Send it to the Provincial Public Security Department Forensic Science Center.”
After she finished speaking, she noticed the person who had been listening intently nudging her arm.
“What? Did you hear me?!” Lin Yan dodged, her gaze inadvertently shifting towards the glass door. A figure slipped past in the corridor.
Fang Xin pursed her lips, smiling at her. “Heard you. I’ll contact the provincial department right away. Forensic Examiner Lin, someone’s looking for you. Go on~”
There was only one way in and out of the lab. Song Yuhang leaned against the corridor wall, waiting for her, holding a disposable paper cup. Seeing her emerge, she immediately stood straight and handed it to her. “Here, brown sugar ginger tea. To warm you up.”
Lin Yan didn’t take it. Hands stuffed in her pockets, she looked up at her. Song Yuhang sensed something different in her expression, discerning the same coldness from their first meeting on that face.
Her heart skipped a beat. She remained silent.
Lin Yan didn’t beat around the bush33. She simply said, “Song Yuhang, what do you take me for?”
“A colleague…” Song Yuhang blurted out instinctively, then felt it wasn’t quite right. Looking into her eyes, she added, “A friend… who I can go through life and death with.”
“In this police station, everyone is a colleague. If someone else were in danger, you, Song Yuhang, wouldn’t just sit by and watch either, right?”
Song Yuhang didn’t quite understand what she was trying to say, but she was right. She nodded, almost with difficulty.
“Mm, that’s right.”
A sarcastic smile touched Lin Yan’s lips. “But no pair of ordinary friends constantly inquires solicitously about each other’s well-being34, remembers each other’s preferences, hugs in the morgue, gets drunk and says they want to be good to them, or even uncontrollably bites the other’s neck…”
She deliberately emphasized the word “neck.” Song Yuhang flushed crimson, like a cat whose tail had been stepped on.
“I’m sorry, I…”
“No need to apologize. You were just following your heart. You think there’s a chasm between law enforcers and criminals, but actually, it’s not even a ditch.”
These words made Song Yuhang feel utterly ashamed.
Lin Yan looked at her with a hint of pity in her eyes. “It’s such a pity. A pity that the person you met is me.”
Someone as passionate and true to their feelings as Song Yuhang, even without a beautiful first love, shouldn’t have their first stirring of affection be for someone like her.
She carried a deep-seated hatred35 and didn’t want to drag anyone down.
Especially someone like Song Yuhang. This was perhaps the last shred of conscience she hadn’t yet completely extinguished.
After she finished speaking, Song Yuhang didn’t respond for a long time. Just when Lin Yan thought she had given up, that person stubbornly took a step forward, handing her the paper cup again.
“These things you said, these questions you asked… I’m sorry, I can’t quite process them right now. My brain is also a complete mess36, filled with this case.”
Song Yuhang gave a wry smile. “Give me some time. Let me think it over properly and then tell you the answer. However, I can confirm right now that what I said when I was drunk still counts.”
“You also said I’m someone who follows my heart. So whether it was disliking you at first, or developing feelings for you later, I was always following my heart. Being good to you is the same; it doesn’t need a reason.”
She shrugged, a hint of playful helplessness in her expression. “If there is one, it’s probably because I grew up being carefree and boyish. The girls around me were relatively gentle, so I naturally developed a bit of a heroic spirit, wanting to protect them. Choosing to be a police officer was the same—wanting to protect my mom, my family, and more vulnerable groups.”
She paused, observing Lin Yan’s expression. “But you are special…”
Lin Yan turned slightly to look at her, the corner of her lip curving slightly before quickly returning to that cold, detached expression.
Song Yuhang continued, “Special because sometimes you’re my equal, evenly matched, meeting my match37, and other times you’re fragile and cute like a normal girl… That’s what deeply attracted me.”
Lin Yan hadn’t expected her rejection to elicit such a lengthy self-analysis from the other party. Shock, helplessness, and mixed feelings38 were written all over her face; her expression finally crumbled.
“Song Yuhang, you should change your name.”
“To what?”
“Song Hanhan.”39
“…”
She had never met someone so simple-minded, so naturally naive. Couldn’t she tell she was rejecting her? Or was her rejection not obvious enough?
Lin Yan took a deep breath, about to speak again, when someone ran out of the criminal investigation office shouting, “Captain Song, Forensic Examiner Lin, there’s a new clue!”
LP: Re-translated on April 23, 2025
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i feel angry and helpless
i feel angry and helpless