The End of Memories (1)
“Not long after the beginning of spring, I didn’t expect Lin Jueshui to come back. That day, Song Yiwu and I coordinated with the inside to destroy a drug den…”
Lin Youyuan remembered that day’s events clearly.
After the people were caught and locked up, Song Yiwu found his superior and handed him a cigarette.
“Captain Li, you see, Xiaolin has been an informant for so long, it’s quite dangerous, following the brothers in life and death situations. Why not bring him in officially? We are short-handed anyway.”
The superior glanced at the low-quality cigarette and pushed it back with a fake smile.
“It’s not that I don’t want to bring him in, you know his background is special, his family’s social standing is poor. Let me advise you, it’s fine to use him as an informant, but don’t get too close to him.”
Zhao Junfeng, who was listening nearby, clenched the documents in his hand and suddenly spoke up.
“How long has it been? Besides, his father…”
Before he could finish, he was smacked on the head with the file folder, the metal clip leaving a red mark on his forehead.
“Is it your place to interrupt when the superior is speaking? Don’t forget who brought you in as a special recruit. Now get back to work!”
Zhao Junfeng picked up the scattered papers from the ground, his eyes red as he left.
Lin Youyuan waited outside the police station for a long time before he finally saw them coming out. He threw away his cigarette: “How did it go?”
Song Yiwu was silent for a moment, then patted him on the shoulder: “I’ll think of another way, see if I can arrange for you to see your dad and brother.”
Lin Youyuan knew that his chances of joining the police force were slim. He wiped his face and turned away to calm his emotions.
“Dayuan…” Song Yiwu called his name.
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Lin Youyuan waved his hand to indicate he was fine. When he turned back, he noticed the mark on Zhao Junfeng’s face.
“What happened to you?”
Zhao Junfeng stepped back two steps, touched his face, and stammered: “N-nothing…”
Their superior’s habit of bullying lower-ranked officers wasn’t new.
Lin Youyuan flew into a rage and was about to charge in: “I’ll beat the crap out of him!”
Zhao Junfeng grabbed him by the waist: “Brother Xiaolin, don’t go, don’t go. He doesn’t like me, it’s none of your business!”
Song Yiwu also came to pull him back: “Enough, enough. If it doesn’t work this time, we’ll try again. I’ll find a way to help you. There’s no use making a scene here. Come on, today we got paid, let’s call Yueyue and go to a restaurant!”
“Before we even finished that meal, Lin Jueshui came back with my father’s body. Because he was still a criminal, the funeral couldn’t be grand, and he was buried in a mass grave with my mother…”
At that time, Lin Youyuan watched as he shoveled a scoop of dirt onto the coffin, his eyes red as he angrily punched him.
“Why did you come back?! Didn’t you say… didn’t you say it wouldn’t be more than three months, and you would take me and mom to Shanghai? Didn’t you say you would take good care of dad inside? Huh?!”
Lin Jueshui, dressed in all black, with his hair cut shorter, looked thinner than before, turned his head away after being hit.
Su Yue quickly held him up: “Dayuan, talk it out, don’t hit him…”
Lin Jueshui glanced at the girl, his dark eyes more striking under the rain.
Unlike Lin Youyuan’s unruly temperament, Lin Jueshui’s pale lips and rain-soaked hair made him look fragile, easily arousing protective instincts.
Su Yue was taken aback by the dead look in his eyes.
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Lin Jueshui regained his composure and forced a smile: “It’s fine, thank you. Your name is…”
“I’m Su Yue.”
At that time, immersed in grief, Lin Youyuan didn’t realize that he had been with Su Yue for a long time, and she had never told him her name. She and Lin Jueshui had just met for the first time.
Song Yiwu also stepped forward to pull him: “Dayuan, the priority now is to lay your father to rest.”
Zhao Junfeng had already picked up the fallen shovel and started filling the grave, silently shoveling dirt into the pit.
The rain fell harder, and Lin Youyuan knelt in the mud, calling out his father’s name one last time.
The sound was so heart-wrenching that even Su Yue couldn’t help but turn away to wipe her tears.
That night, Lin Jueshui took him to a new place to stay.
Lin Youyuan clutched his tattered quilt.
Lin Jueshui made his bed and dusted off the dirt with a feather duster: “I checked your basement, it leaks everywhere when it rains, you can’t live there. Stay here for the night, we’ll head to Shanghai in the morning.”
Lin Youyuan looked around at the ornate windows: “Is this your house?”
Lin Jueshui paused in his tidying, not turning back: “A classmate’s, borrowing it for a few days. Don’t just stand there, there’s food on the table for you, and some new clothes. Try them on, see if they fit…”
Lin Youyuan quietly watched him: “Brother, I’m not a child anymore.”
Lin Jueshui still didn’t turn around, continuing to fix the pillow: “Of course I know that. If the clothes don’t fit, we’ll alter them.”
Lin Youyuan threw his quilt aside and grabbed his collar: “You know what I mean. Don’t play dumb. Where have you been all this time? How did dad die? After you were imprisoned, I went to your classmates for help. They avoided me like the plague. Who was so kind to lend you this house? Huh?!”
Lin Jueshui hung his head, letting him vent without responding.
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Lin Youyuan shoved him away, grabbed his bag on the table, and threw it on the ground. The contents scattered, and a few pieces of cake rolled out of an oiled paper bag.
“And these things, where does a just-released prisoner get the money? Tell me! Explain it to me!”
Lin Youyuan knew his temper; if he didn’t want to speak, beating him to death wouldn’t make a difference.
After a long standoff, he picked up his dirty quilt, turned around, and slammed the door as he left: “I don’t want anything tainted.”
After he left, Lin Jueshui slowly squatted down, picked up the scattered pastries from the floor, and gently put one into his mouth, tasting it.
After a while, he shook his head and smiled.
“Heh, he really has grown up, but that temper of his hasn’t changed a bit.”
The next day, the four of them met by the river.
Song Yiwu handed him a jar of cheap liquor: “So, you’re going to Shanghai?”
Lin Youyuan took a sip and was so choked up he couldn’t speak. He turned his head to see them all looking at him in unison.
He couldn’t stand their gazes and waved his hand repeatedly: “Hey, hey, hey, what’s with that? Haven’t you all had enough of my bad temper? Besides, what am I going to do in Shanghai? There’s no…”
As he spoke, his voice lowered. He glanced at Su Yue and then looked away, taking another sip of the liquor before passing the bottle to Zhao Junfeng.
They were all poor, unable to afford even a jar of cheap liquor each.
Zhao Junfeng, being the youngest, usually drank the most, but this time he waved it off: “No, I’m injured. I won’t drink. Give it to Brother Yiwu.”
Lin Youyuan squinted: “Did that bastard boss of yours hit you again?”
Song Yiwu took a swig and handed the bottle back to him.
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“Relying on his relatives in the city, he only bullies the newbies.”
Zhao Junfeng’s eyes reddened with grievance, but he wiped his face and forced a smile: “Forget it, after all, he’s the one who promoted me. I’ll endure until I get permanent status.”
Often, the principles we live by are just “forget it” and “endure it,” thinking that retreating will bring peace, but fate never gives you the chance to retreat.
Not long after, Lin Jueshui found him again.
“Really not going to Shanghai with me?”
Lin Youyuan was busy unloading drinks from a truck, a white towel hanging around his neck: “No.”
“Then if you stay here, are you planning to do odd jobs all your life?”
Lin Youyuan was so exasperated he laughed, throwing the box he was holding heavily into the truck bed: “Our parents’ bodies aren’t even cold yet, and you’re in such a hurry to leave them?”
Lin Jueshui licked his lips and defended himself: “Of course not. Jiangcheng is our home; we will come back eventually.”
Lin Youyuan turned back to unloading, gritting his teeth: “You finally said something human. It’s not eventually, it’s forever. Dad died unjustly, and Mom died of a broken heart. I have to stay and seek justice for them.”
Lin Jueshui followed him, his lips almost dry from talking.
“You can stay, I won’t force you to go with me. The problem is, how long are you going to live this hand-to-mouth life? I found you a job at the commune…”
Lin Youyuan shoved him aside with the crate: “I like it. Working one day and resting the next, is there anything easier?”
Lin Jueshui stepped aside, watching him busy: “Is it because of your friends?”
Lin Youyuan’s movements paused. He placed the crate in the truck bed, wiped his sweat with the towel, and finally called him “Brother” for the first time.
“Don’t worry about me. I’m not the little tail that used to follow you around begging for candy anymore. If you want to go to Shanghai, go. I’m staying in Jiangcheng.”
In the end, Lin Jueshui couldn’t return to Shanghai. He couldn’t go back because of their father’s matter; the university made a decision to expel him.
Because of this, Lin Youyuan always felt a twinge of guilt towards him. It wasn’t until much later that he realized that Lin Jueshui’s decision to stay wasn’t because he couldn’t continue his studies or to accompany his only brother, but for another unspeakable reason.