Volume Two: Second Scroll
The End of a Memory (1)
They… none of them should have ended up like this.
“Not long after spring began, I never expected Lin Jueshui to come back. That day, Song Yiwu and the others and I were working together, coordinating from the inside and out to bust a drug trafficking den…”
Lin Youyuan remembered the events of that day with perfect clarity.
After the men were caught and locked up in the station, Song Yiwu found his direct superior at the time and offered him a cigarette.
“Captain Li, look, Xiao Lin has been an informant1 for so long now. It’s pretty dangerous, and he’s gone through life and death with the brothers. Why not just bring him into the fold? We happen to be short-staffed anyway.”
The superior officer glanced at the cheap cigarette, didn’t take it, and pushed it back with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.
“It’s not that I don’t want to, but you know his situation is special. His family background2 is no good. Let me give you a piece of advice, too. It’s fine for him to be an informant, but don’t get too close to him.”
Zhao Junfeng, listening from the side, tightened his grip on the file in his hands and interjected abruptly.
“That was so long ago. Besides, his father…”
Before he could finish, someone smacked him on the head with a folder. The metal clip on it struck his forehead, leaving a bright red mark.
“What right do you have to interrupt when a superior is speaking? Don’t forget who specially recruited you! Now get back to work!”
Zhao Junfeng picked up the papers that had fallen to the floor one by one, gathered them neatly, and walked away with red-rimmed eyes, clutching the file.
Lin Youyuan waited at the entrance of the Public Security Bureau for a long time before he finally saw them come out. He threw his cigarette down. “How’d it go?”
Song Yiwu was silent for a moment, then patted his shoulder. “I’ll think of another way. See if I can arrange for you to see your dad and your brother.”
Lin Youyuan knew then that his chances of joining the police force were pretty much shot. The young man wiped his face and turned away to compose himself.
“Da Yuan…” Song Yiwu called his name.
Lin Youyuan waved a hand to show he was fine, but when he turned back, he noticed the mark on Zhao Junfeng’s face.
“How’d you get that?”
Zhao Junfeng took two steps back and touched his forehead, stammering, “It’s… it’s nothing…”
It wasn’t the first or second day their superior had been bullying the low-ranking cops.
Lin Youyuan flew into a rage and was about to charge inside. “Fuck his mother!”
Zhao Junfeng wrapped his arms around his waist to hold him back. “Xiao Lin-ge, don’t! Don’t go! He doesn’t like me, it has nothing to do with you!”
Song Yiwu came over to pull him back too. “Alright, alright, if it didn’t work out this time, there’s always a next time. I’ll definitely find a way to help you. It’s no use causing a scene here. Let’s go, let’s go. We just got paid today. Call Yueyue, let’s go out for a meal!”
“We hadn’t even finished that meal when Lin Jueshui returned with my father’s body. Because he was still a convict, we couldn’t hold a grand funeral. He was buried with my mom in the paupers’ graveyard…”
At that moment, Lin Youyuan watched him shovel a spadeful of dirt onto the coffin, his eyes red as he lunged forward and punched him viciously.
“What are you doing back?! Didn’t you say… didn’t you say it would be three months at most, and that you’d take me and Mom to Shanghai? Didn’t you say you’d take good care of Dad inside? Huh?!”
Lin Jueshui wore a pure black Zhongshan suit3. His hair was cut shorter, and he looked thinner than before. The punch knocked his head to the side.
IMAGE HERE: Zhongshan Suit
Su Yue rushed to steady him. “Da Yuan, talk things out, don’t hit him…”
Lin Jueshui turned to look at the girl, his jet-black pupils made all the more startlingly intense by the rain.
Unlike Lin Youyuan’s wild and unrestrained temperament, Lin Jueshui’s lips were pale and his hair was soaked, giving him a scholarly fragility that easily aroused one’s protective instincts.
Su Yue was taken aback by the deadness in his eyes.
Lin Jueshui came back to his senses and forced a smile. “It’s fine, thank you. You… your name is…”
“My name is Su Yue.”
At the time, Lin Youyuan was so consumed by grief that he didn’t realize—he had pestered Su Yue for a long time, and she had never told him her name. And yet, this was the very first time she and Lin Jueshui had ever met.
Song Yiwu also came forward to pull him away. “Da Yuan, the most important thing right now is to let Uncle rest in peace.”
Zhao Junfeng had already picked up the fallen shovel and started working, silently filling the grave with dirt.
The rain fell harder and harder. Lin Youyuan knelt in the mud and called out “Dad” one last time.
The sound was so heart-wrenching that even Su Yue couldn’t help but turn away to wipe her tears.
That night, Lin Jueshui took him back to a new place.
Lin Youyuan held his own tattered quilt.
Lin Jueshui made the bed for him, then dusted it off with a feather duster. “I saw that basement you were living in. It leaks everywhere when it’s overcast or rainy. It’s unlivable. You can make do here for one night. We’ll leave for Shanghai tomorrow morning.”
Lin Youyuan looked around at the carved doors and windows. “Is this your house?”
Lin Jueshui’s hands, busy tidying up, paused. He didn’t turn around. “It belongs to a classmate. I’m just borrowing it for a few days. Don’t just stand there. There’s food I bought for you on the table, and some new clothes. Try them on and see if they fit…”
Lin Youyuan watched him quietly. “Ge, I’m not a kid anymore.”
Lin Jueshui still didn’t turn around, arranging a pillow for him. “Of course I know that. If they don’t fit, we can get them altered.”
Lin Youyuan threw the quilt down and grabbed him by the collar. “You know what I’m talking about. Don’t play dumb with me. Where have you been all this time?! And how did Dad die?! After you went to prison, I went to your classmates for help, and they avoided me like the plague. Who would be so kind as to lend you a house? Huh?!”
Lin Jueshui hung his head, letting him vent without answering.
Lin Youyuan shoved him away, grabbed the bundle he had placed on the table, and threw it on the floor. Its contents scattered everywhere, and a few pastries rolled out of an oil-paper bag.
“And this stuff! You just got out of prison, where did you get the money? Talk! Explain yourself to me!”
Lin Youyuan knew his brother’s temper. If he didn’t want to talk, you could beat him to death and it would be useless.
After a long standoff, he picked up his own dirty quilt, turned, and slammed the door on his way out. “I don’t want your filthy things.”
After he left, Lin Jueshui slowly squatted down, picked up a fallen pastry from the floor, and gently put it in his mouth, taking a bite.
After a moment, he shook his head and smiled.
“Heh, he really has grown up. It’s just that temper of his… it hasn’t changed one bit.”
The next day, the group of four met by the river.
Song Yiwu handed him a jug of cheap baijiu. “So, you’re going to Shanghai?”
Lin Youyuan took a sip and choked, unable to speak. He turned his head and saw them all staring at him.
He couldn’t stand their gazes and waved his hands dismissively. “Hey, hey, hey, what’s with that? Weren’t you all sick of my rotten temper long ago? Besides, what would I even do in Shanghai? Shanghai doesn’t have…”
As he spoke, his voice trailed off. He glanced at Su Yue, then quickly looked away, took another sip of the harsh liquor, and passed the bottle to Zhao Junfeng.
They were all poor. Even cheap baijiu that cost a few mao4 or one kuai5 was too expensive for each of them to have their own jug.
Zhao Junfeng, being the youngest, always drank the most, but this time he waved it away. “No thanks, I’m injured. Not drinking. Give it to Yiwu-ge.”
Lin Youyuan narrowed his eyes. “Did that bastard superior of yours hit you again?”
Song Yiwu took the jug, took a swig, and handed it back to him.
“He just bullies the new guys because he has relatives in the city government.”
Zhao Junfeng’s eyes reddened with grievance, but he wiped his face and forced a smile. “Forget it. He’s the one who promoted me, after all. I’ll just endure it until my position becomes permanent.”
Much of the time, the rules we live by are simply “forget it” and “endure it.” We think that if we take a step back, we’ll find a boundless sea and sky6, but fate never gives you the chance to retreat.
Not long after that, Lin Jueshui found him again.
“Are you really not coming to Shanghai with me?”
Lin Youyuan was busy unloading drinks from a truck, a white towel draped around his neck. “I’m not going.”
“Then are you planning to stay here and work odd jobs for the rest of your life?”
Lin Youyuan was so angry he laughed. He slammed the crate in his hands down in the truck bed. “Mom and Dad’s bones are barely cold, and you’re in such a hurry to leave them?”
Lin Jueshui licked his lips and tried to explain, “Of course not. Jiangcheng is our home. We’ll come back sooner or later.”
Lin Youyuan turned back to unloading the cargo, gritting his teeth. “You finally said something human. It’s not sooner or later, it’s forever. Dad died under suspicious circumstances, and Mom died from the shock. I have to stay and get justice for them.”
Lin Jueshui followed him, talking until his lips were nearly dry.
“You can stay, I won’t force you to come with me. The problem is, how long are you going to live like this, not knowing where your next meal is coming from? I found a job for you, in the commune7…”
Lin Youyuan bumped him aside with a crate. “I like it this way. This Master8 works one day and rests the next. Is there anything more relaxing than that?”
Lin Jueshui stood to the side, watching him work. “Is it because of those friends of yours?”
Lin Youyuan froze, then placed the crate in the truck bed. He wiped the sweat from his face with the towel and, for the first time, finally called him “Ge.”
“Just leave me alone. I’m not that little tag-along who used to follow you around begging for candy anymore. If you want to go to Shanghai, then go. I’m staying in Jiangcheng.”
In the end, Lin Jueshui couldn’t return to Shanghai either. He couldn’t go back. Because of his father’s case, the academy had issued a decision on his status: his student registration was revoked.
At the time, Lin Youyuan felt a trace of guilt towards him because of this. It wasn’t until much later that he understood. Lin Jueshui had chosen to stay not because he couldn’t continue his studies, nor to accompany his only brother, but for another, unspeakable reason.
Not long after Lin Jueshui was imprisoned, that wealthy classmate of his found him.
“A formula for a life. Worth it, don’t you think? You can always do more research, but once a person is gone, they’re really gone.”
As a chemical engineering major, Lin Jueshui of course knew what he was talking about. It was his life’s blood, his graduation project. If the drug was developed successfully, it could save lives, an act better than building a seven-story pagoda9. Conversely, it could also harm countless people.
He gritted his teeth. “In your dreams.”
The classmate patted his shoulder through the bars and turned to leave. “No matter. I have plenty of time to wait for you to think it over. I just don’t know if your elderly father, and your mother and brother living on the streets, can afford to wait.”
The normally gentle and refined man’s eyes turned red as he lunged at the bars like a madman, stretching his arms through them and roaring.
The guards who rushed over smashed him back with the butt of a rifle.
Just as the classmate had said, his elderly parents truly didn’t live to see the day he returned.
By the time Lin Jueshui rushed out of the prison, it was already too late.
“The prisoner was accidentally hit on the head by a rock that rolled down the mountain during labor reform. He passed away after rescue efforts failed.”
The doctor’s mouth opened and closed.
An old man with graying temples, already in his sixties, had been assigned the heavy labor of mining and quarrying on a mountain in the middle of winter. This wasn’t labor reform; this was murder.
Lin Jueshui held his father’s emaciated, already cold body and wailed.
“You may leave,” his classmate instructed the doctor.
“Yes, sir.” The doctor bowed respectfully, turned, and closed the door behind him.
The man handed over a set of keys. “The house is at Number Three, East Gate Street. The money has already been given to the driver; he’ll transfer it to you in a bit. Go see your brother.”
Lin Jueshui whipped his head around, his teeth clenched.
“What… what do you want that formula for?”
“You don’t need to worry about that. In any case, it’s a profitable business. Oh, right, I’ll send people to ‘protect’ you. If any special situations arise during the preparation process, I’ll have to ask for your guidance.”
“Of course, at the time I didn’t know that he had already made a deal with the drug traffickers. As my only remaining family in this world, I was naturally very happy that he chose to stay in Jiangcheng.”
After a brief period of grief and indignation, Lin Jueshui’s presence even gave him a sense of home.
The two brothers drank and played finger-guessing games just like they used to, their relationship so good they could sleep under the same quilt.
Figuring that neither of the two young masters, who had been raised in comfort, knew how to cook, Su Yue often came by to bring them food. Later, slowly, the house on East Gate Street also became the gathering spot for get-togethers with Song Yiwu and the others.
The dead were gone, but the living still had to live.
Lin Jueshui was learning to cook, with Su Yue acting as the master chef in the kitchen, watching as he chopped chili peppers with a practiced air.
“I didn’t expect you to learn so fast.”
Lin Jueshui put the chopped peppers into a bowl. “If I learn, you’ll have to make fewer trips, and Da Yuan can have a hot meal when he gets off work at night.”
Su Yue smiled. “You’re certainly good to him.”
Lin Jueshui gave a wry smile and picked up the thin-spouted oil bottle to pour oil into the wok.
“Is this much okay? Can’t be helped, he’s my little brother. With Mom and Dad gone, I have to take on more…”
Su Yue stood up after adding firewood to the stove. “Hey, wait—”
Before she could finish, the wok, which still had some water in it, hissed and let out a puff of white smoke.
Lin Jueshui flinched back, a red patch appearing on the back of his hand. “Hiss…”
“Aiya!” Su Yue knew this was bad. She darted over in a single step, grabbed his hand, and used a water ladle to pour cool water over it.
Although Lin Jueshui was older than him, he never frequented debaucherous places. This was the first time a girl had ever held his hand.
Su Yue hadn’t thought much of it, being naturally warm-hearted, until their eyes met and blushes rose on both their faces. Only then did she let go of his hand like she’d been struck by lightning.
“S… sorry…”
Lin Jueshui smiled. The spot she had just touched was still burning hot.
“It’s fine. Let’s continue.”
While they were cooking in the kitchen, Song Yiwu was looking around the house, tapping on the beams and pillars.
“Yo, not bad. This house must have cost a pretty penny to get, huh? What does your brother do?”
Lin Youyuan broke the clay seal on a wine jug and poured him a bowl.
“Hah, he studied chemical engineering in college. Said some company in Jiangcheng City hired him as a technician, willing to overlook his past. This house isn’t his, either. He borrowed it from a classmate.”
Song Yiwu made another circuit of the room before sitting back down at the table.
“That’s good. You two brothers can look out for each other living together.”
Lin Youyuan raised his ceramic bowl and clinked it against his. “Where’s Xiao Zhao? Why didn’t he come today?”
The strong liquor went down his throat. Song Yiwu smacked his lips. “We got a report from the public about suspicious people coming and going from a residence in our jurisdiction. They’re also emitting a pungent smell pretty often. We suspect someone’s making drugs. Xiao Zhao and some other comrades went to stake it out.”
Lin Youyuan’s brow furrowed. Before he could speak, Su Yue and Lin Jueshui came in with the dishes.
Song Yiwu put down his wine bowl, ready to leave.
Su Yue said, “Yiwu-ge, have a bite before you go.”
Song Yiwu smiled. “No, I can’t. I still have a mission. I have to hurry over and relieve Xiao Zhao.”
Lin Jueshui also said, “Exactly. No matter how busy you are with work, you still have to eat. You guys took such good care of Da Yuan while I was away. Come on, try my cooking.”
Instead, it was Lin Youyuan who slung an arm around his shoulder and walked him out. “Alright, Ge, you guys eat first. I’ll see Yiwu-ge out.”
Summers in the southwest were rainy.
As the two of them stepped outside, a light, drizzling rain began to fall again.
Lin Youyuan grabbed an umbrella for him from the shadows of the gatehouse.
Song Yiwu stood under it in the rain, looking at him. The man’s features were rendered even sharper and more defined by the rain.
He smiled. “I’d say you’ve got a place to live now, all you’re missing is a proper job. Why don’t you go back and test into a university? And hurry up about it. A great girl like Yueyue, don’t…”
Lin Youyuan spat at him. “Enough, enough. How can a big guy of one-eighty-something be more long-winded than a matchmaker? Scram.”
Song Yiwu waved and left. That night, it was lucky he got there in time. Zhao Junfeng and the two other comrades on the stakeout had their cover blown and were viciously retaliated against by the criminals. They were seriously injured.
The next time Lin Youyuan saw Zhao Junfeng was in the hospital.
Su Yue was giving him an IV. When he saw Lin Youyuan arrive, Zhao Junfeng struggled to sit up. “Xiao… Xiao Lin-ge.”
Lin Youyuan pushed him back down. “Fuck, don’t move. Who beat you this badly? I’ll…”
Song Yiwu pulled him up. “Let’s talk outside. Let Xiao Feng get some rest.”
The two of them walked to a quiet corridor.
Song Yiwu lit a cigarette, his brow furrowed.
“Only me and a few key leaders in the squad knew he was going on that stakeout.”
Lin Youyuan’s eyes instantly turned red, his fists cracking. “Which motherfucker is so depraved?”
Song Yiwu shook his head. “This isn’t about being depraved. This is serious. Xiao Feng risked his life to bring back a bag of white powder10 from the scene. The purity is very high. I have to catch this group with my own hands and send them to prison.”
Lin Youyuan thought of Zhao Junfeng’s miserable state, lying in bed unable to move, and gritted his teeth. “I’ll go scout for information these next few days.”
Song Yiwu patted his shoulder. “Thanks for your hard work. After this is over, I’ll definitely apply to my superiors to officially let you…”
Lin Youyuan smiled, shrugging his hand off his shoulder.
“Forget it. I don’t care about that stuff. I just want to get revenge for my good brother. He can’t have been injured so badly for nothing.”
After everyone else had left, Su Yue finished setting up his IV and was also preparing to leave. She gently tucked his hand back under the covers.
“You’re so seriously injured, yet you won’t let us tell your parents. I’ll make some chicken soup tonight and bring it over to help you get your strength back.”
Su Yue was a good person, a genuinely good person. She was kind-hearted, cheerful, and lively. Although Zhao Junfeng called her Yueyue, he had always seen her as an older sister.
His eyes grew hot, and he nodded lightly.
Su Yue tucked him in and left.
But Zhao Junfeng couldn’t sleep. He stared up at the ceiling, the words echoing in his ears.
The man had kicked him hard in the ribs.
“Don’t you know your own place? You dare to investigate us? Yo, still dare to glare at me? Get him!”
They had the numbers. A flurry of punches and kicks followed.
The leader ground his foot hard on his knuckles, twisting his toe into the floor.
“You know why they sent you and not someone else? Because you’re a worthless piece of trash, cannon fodder to block a bullet.”
“Are you wondering why a top-secret operation was leaked? Go on, guess. Who do you think told us? Was it your good big brother, or your good brother?”
The bright blade of a knife patted his cheek.
“Kid, I’ll kill the entire family of anyone who cuts off my source of wealth. You’d better be smart about this. And don’t look at me like that. You’re angry, right? Uneasy? Full of hatred? Only by becoming stronger can you kill everyone who stands in your way.”
“This is a lesson for you today…” The man drew a line on his face with the knife, then pulled his foot back.
“Don’t just run ahead whenever someone gives you an order. Think about whether they’re helping you or trying to harm you. If you fall into my hands again, it won’t be this easy.”
—Only by becoming stronger can you kill everyone who stands in your way.
Zhao Junfeng chewed on that sentence, his gaze sweeping across the room. The IV tube Su Yue had just inserted was connected to the back of his hand. On the bedside table were things Lin Youyuan and Song Yiwu had bought for him.
That liquor was so expensive they used to only dare to look at it in the store.
The young man’s lips curved into a smile. He knew it wasn’t them.
He didn’t know the criminal’s true identity, nor who had leaked the information, but the man had been right about one thing: to protect the people he loved, he had to become stronger than his enemies.
Xiao Lin-ge, despite his many merits, couldn’t get fair treatment because of his father’s case.
Yiwu-ge had been on the force for so many years, starting as a patrol officer, and was still just a team leader. His name was never on the promotion list.
His parents and relatives back home, who were eagerly hoping he would make something of himself.
Ordinary, kind-hearted people like Yueyue-jie.
They… none of them should have ended up like this.
…
The young man’s throat bobbed. His bandaged hand wrinkled the bedsheet, staining it with spots of blood.
Who could have imagined that decades later, Zhao Junfeng—the man reviled by media across the internet as a “bloodsucker,” a “corrupt official,” a “scourge among public servants,” a man whose evil deeds were overflowing—at this very moment, had an initial thought that was simply to protect his friends.
“Lin Jueshui would travel back and forth to Shanghai a few times every month. He said it was for work, and I never suspected a thing. It wasn’t until later that I found out he had been forced to marry his classmate’s sister. Her family was wealthy; her father was in the import-export business and had connections, as well as some murky ties to overseas criminal organizations.”
“They valued his brilliant mind and his skills. The best way to pull someone into your group isn’t through threats or bribes, but by making them a true member of the family.”
“They used his freedom, the safety of our father, mother, and me, to trade for a set of shackles that Lin Jueshui could never escape for the rest of his life.”
As Lin Youyuan spoke, his brow twitched, as if he were gritting his teeth, a spark of hatred flashing in his eyes.
“Even with things developing to this point, it was still my fault. If I had been the one to go to prison back then, he might not have faced such a difficult choice. But of a thousand and ten thousand shouldn’ts11, he had to fall in love with Su Yue…”
Some people say that siblings share a strange connection. His and Lin Jueshui’s rapport wasn’t just evident in their daily lives; even their taste in people was so perfectly matched.
But then again, who wouldn’t like a girl like Su Yue?
As tranquil as still water, yet she moves like an escaped rabbit12. She was also understanding, gentle, and kind. The best part was that she and Lin Jueshui shared a kind of mutual appreciation between intellectuals.
After all, she was the child of a teacher’s family. Though the Su family was poor, they would never skimp on education.
Su Yue had been well-read since childhood and had a powerful memory. If she said to Lin Youyuan, “One li, two, three li away, four or five homes in a village of haze,” he would probably just reply, “Five is the head! Six six six13! Seven are the clever! Eight Immortals’ longevity…”
But with Lin Jueshui, it was different.
He had the scholarly air she yearned for. They could discuss lofty subjects, or they could talk of small bridges, flowing water, and riverside homes.
At that time, looking at his refined and gentle face, Su Yue had the illusion of a meeting of souls, a feeling that made her heart pound.
When she turned and ran out, she happened to bump right into Lin Youyuan. The man quickly hid a bolt of floral fabric he was holding behind his back.
“Hey, what are you running so fast for? In a hurry to get reincarnated?”
Su Yue stomped her foot in annoyance, her face a little red.
“If you don’t know how to talk, then shut your mouth! I made some braised pork for you guys this afternoon and brought it over. You take a good heart for a donkey’s liver and lungs14!”
With that, she scurried away and vanished.
Lin Youyuan watched her retreating back, scratching his head and smiling. “That damn girl. She never used to come by this often.”
Lin Jueshui heard the commotion and came out of the house. Seeing the floral fabric in his hand, a slight smile touched his lips.
“Is that for Su Yue? Are you…”
Lin Youyuan’s mouth formed an exaggerated O. “Me? Her? Ge, don’t joke around. I could like anyone, but I’d never fall for her. She’s a fierce shrew.”
“Fierce?” Lin Jueshui recalled her every frown and smile, her every move. “She seems like a very gentle girl.”
Lin Youyuan tossed the fabric into his arms. “This is just a thank-you gift for her taking care of me when I was injured. If she comes by next time and I’m not home, you can give it to her for me. I don’t want to owe anyone any favors.”
Love comes quickly and is always inexplicable. Even though Lin Jueshui warned himself time and time again to stay away from Su Yue, he still inevitably fell into the web of love, especially after hearing his brother’s response.
He felt a sense of relief, thinking that after he helped that group in Shanghai with one last batch of goods, he would wash his hands in a golden basin15, divorce that woman, and come back to pursue Su Yue openly, and while he was at it, help his brother find a good match too.
At that time, Lin Jueshui had not yet lost his last shred of hope for the world. He firmly believed that as long as he worked hard enough, he could break through the darkness and head towards the light.
But before that, he needed time.
Three or five years passed in the flick of a finger and wave of a hand16. Song Yiwu, following his family elders’ arrangements, got married. His wife’s family wasn’t wealthy, her background being poor and lower-middle peasant17, but she was very cute, with a cheerful and lively personality.
Lin Youyuan asked him while cracking melon seeds, “What exactly do you like about her?”
The usually simple and honest man blushed. “Just… just… haih… I don’t know either!”
Zhao Junfeng shouted, “I know, I know! Before they got together, Saozi18 would make lunch every day and go to the Public Security Bureau entrance…”
Song Yiwu, dressed as the groom, lunged over to cover his mouth. “You’re the one who knows everything!”
Su Yue pushed the made-up bride in. “Time to perform the wedding ceremony19! Make way, make way!”
Everyone was a bit drunk at the wedding banquet that night.
Lin Youyuan was leaning on the balcony of their home, getting some air. Song Yiwu came in with another jug of wine and handed him a ceramic bowl.
The man looked up, then waved his hand weakly. “Hic… not drinking anymore, really…”
As the best man, Lin Youyuan had blocked a lot of drinks for him at the banquet. Song Yiwu smiled slightly and poured some soup from the jug for him.
“Your saozi knew you drank a lot and specially brewed some sobering soup. The guest room is ready for you. Drink up and get to bed early.”
“Saozi still dotes on me the most.” Lin Youyuan squinted his eyes and smiled. Though he was holding sobering soup, he still clinked his bowl against Song Yiwu’s for a full toast.
Song Yiwu also took a sip of the sobering soup his wife had made and leaned against the railing, enjoying the breeze. “I’m telling you, Xiao Zhao has someone he likes now, too. What about you? You and Su Yue are still…”
Lin Youyuan rolled over, propping his elbows on the railing and looking at a distant streetlight. “Haih, you know. It’s not like I haven’t brought it up.”
Song Yiwu: “What I mean is, you should formally express your feelings to her…”
He didn’t get to finish.
Lin Youyuan’s gaze shifted to the halo of light under the streetlight.
Two people were standing quietly in the long alley.
Su Yue pressed an envelope into Lin Jueshui’s hand, then mustered up her courage to stand on her tiptoes and kiss his cheek.
Lin Jueshui froze for a second. She had already turned and run off.
Song Yiwu tilted his head to look at him. “What’s wrong?”
Lin Youyuan pulled his gaze back, turned, and drained the sobering soup from his ceramic bowl in one gulp. It tasted a little bitter. He handed the bowl back.
“Full of food and drink. Time to go home.”
“After that, Lin Jueshui and I had the most violent argument we’d ever had in our lives. I wanted him to marry Su Yue, but he refused and wouldn’t tell me why. In a fit of rage, I hit him. It just so happened that Su Yue saw it as she was passing by on her way home from work…”
“Lin Youyuan, stop it! Are you crazy?!” The moment the woman threw herself forward, the stick he had raised in his hand froze.
Lin Youyuan was panting heavily. “Get out of the way. I’m going to beat him to death today, I…”
Su Yue glanced at Lin Jueshui, who was lying on the ground covered in blood, and lunged over to grab his arm. “Why? What did your brother do to you that you’d beat him like this? He’s so good to you!”
Lin Youyuan shoved her away. “Get lost! It’s none of your business! If you try to stop me again, I’ll hit you too!”
Su Yue’s eyes were red with anger. “Lin Youyuan, you’re a fucking psycho!!!”
Lin Youyuan roared back, “I’m a psycho? Only a psycho would fall for you! Ptooey! Open your eyes and take a good look! What’s so great about him? He flirts with you, acts all lovey-dovey, but he won’t marry you! Su Yue, is your brain full of water?!”
Su Yue froze, her face turning shades of green and white. Tears fell before she could speak.
Lin Jueshui climbed up from the ground and pulled her behind him. “Yueyue, stay out of this. This is between him and me.”
Lin Youyuan looked at his blood-covered face, then at Su Yue, who was weeping silently but still stood firmly by his side.
He clenched his jaw, threw the stick down, and turned to leave.
Lin Jueshui stumbled after him for two steps. “Da Yuan, where are you going? Listen to me…”
Lin Youyuan looked back at him, and through him, at Su Yue.
“None of your business. Take care of her. Or else you and I aren’t finished.”
“After that, I was completely disheartened and decided to leave Jiangcheng. Before I left, I went to say goodbye to Song Yiwu and asked him to look after Su Yue and make sure no one bullied her.”
Song Yiwu smoked his cigarette, his face troubled. “What a mess!”
Zhao Junfeng walked up, wiping his tears. “Xiao Lin-ge, don’t go. We’ll help you win Yueyue-jie back.”
Lin Youyuan let out a derisive laugh. “What are you thinking? That’s my brother.”
If he could, he still hoped he could be happy, that they could be happy. If Lin Jueshui was unwilling to marry Su Yue because he was worried about him, then he would just leave.
Song Yiwu stubbed out his cigarette on the reef. “It’s good for you to head south. There are more opportunities to get rich. Maybe you’ll get lucky. There’s just one thing…”
Lin Youyuan was exceptionally smart and quick-witted; he guessed it at once.
“It’s about that last case, right?”
“Yeah, we’ve got a lead. We followed their transport vehicle to Qiongzhou City. It’s close to Southeast Asia over there. This is a major case. The higher-ups’ intention is to not beat the grass and startle the snake20 for now. We need an informant to pass messages back and forth, but I think…”
As Song Yiwu spoke, his brow furrowed, as if he didn’t want him to go. But instead, Lin Youyuan readily agreed.
“I’ll go. It’s an opportunity to get rich. Can’t let it go to waste.”
Zhao Junfeng: “Yiwu-ge means it’s not safe over there. You’d be all alone. It’s better if you don’t…”
Lin Youyuan picked up the wine jug from the reef and took a swig, wiping his lips. “Not safe is good. You can only grope for fish in muddy water21 and make a name for yourself when things aren’t safe.”
Song Yiwu smiled slightly and also took a swig.
“I knew I couldn’t talk you out of it. And you’re the only one who can handle this job. But Da Yuan…” The man used his nickname, speaking earnestly as he patted his shoulder.
“We brothers have been together for so long. What can be done, what can’t be done, what money can be taken, and what money can’t… you know it all as clearly as if you were looking in a mirror.”
“If you run into trouble, think of me, think of Xiao Feng, think of Yueyue, think of your brother. If you’re a man, you grit your teeth and bear it. There’s more to life than just money. You have to have other pursuits. What do you think?”
Lin Youyuan knew he was afraid he would go astray.
It was strange. Song Yiwu should have been the type of person he disliked the most, but later, he saved him from danger time and again, and as they spent more time together, their relationship developed a quality of being both teacher and friend.
Much later, when he had achieved success and fame and possessed a vast fortune, and Song Yiwu had long passed away, as the years went by, even his face became a blur.
But Lin Youyuan would still, from time to time, recall their first meeting, how he had stood up to power and gently wiped the dust from the national emblem. And he would recall these unforgettable words, which had pulled him back from the brink at countless crossroads.
He was different from Zhao Junfeng. Even when he was mired in the mud, he still kept a faint spark of fire alive in his heart.
At the time, Lin Youyuan thought that as soon as he earned enough money, he would come back, live with his good brothers, and continue their days of shouting fives and calling sixes22 and shooting the breeze. And if he performed meritorious service, maybe his father’s case would be overturned.
When he was young, his father would slap his palm just for taking a string of tanghulu from a street vendor.
Even though so many years had passed, he still firmly believed that his father was not the kind of person who would take bribes.
He just never expected that by the time he returned, everything would have changed. It was as if the sky and earth were overturned23.
“I was undercover in Qiongzhou for five years, occasionally returning to Jiangcheng to visit. Through various signs, it became clear that Lin Jueshui had innumerable ties to that drug manufacturing and trafficking organization. Although I was unwilling to accept this reality, I had no choice but to stand on the opposite side from him.”
As Lin Youyuan said this, he fiddled with the green thumb ring on his thumb, his expression somewhat grim.
“Lin Yan, you must find it strange. A person like me, so greedy for money, why didn’t I get into drug trafficking or manufacturing, or other illegal businesses? That’s clearly the fastest way to get rich.”
“It’s good that you can think that way. It means you’ve never seen what a real drug addict is like, nor have you seen what true darkness is like. Those who do drugs don’t even deserve to be called human. They’ll do anything for a bag of white powder—sell their sons and daughters, steal their parents’ life savings, sell their own bodies… it’s all common.”
“I once personally witnessed a father in a small village cripple his own daughter and send her out to beg to earn money for his drug habit.”
“A young couple in their early twenties came to the city to work. The husband got addicted to drugs and passed it on to his wife. Because they shared needles with multiple people, they both contracted AIDS. Even more unfortunately, the woman got pregnant. They had no money for an abortion or for blocking transmission, and certainly no money to buy formula for the baby, so she had to breastfeed. As a result, the child was born an AIDS patient and a drug addict. When we went to rescue the child, he was clinging to his mother’s already cold body and wouldn’t let go. We couldn’t even feed him normal formula…”
“If you had witnessed such a human hell, you wouldn’t want to become that kind of person either…”
At this, Lin Youyuan looked up, the wrinkles on his face smoothing out as he smiled at the camera.
“Of course, I hope you never have to witness any of this, and that you never become that kind of person.”
Lin Yan’s shoulders trembled slightly, her hands gripping the bedsheets tightly. Song Yuhang held her head and pressed her into her embrace.
“If it’s too upsetting, we can stop watching.”
Lin Yan sniffled and looked up again, her eyes red.
“I couldn’t understand him when he was alive. Now that he’s gone, I find myself thinking about it.”
What Lin Yan wanted to understand was how he and Lin Jueshui had their falling out, how he ended up in his current state, and the answer to the question she had asked him when she was eighteen: Dad, do you even love me?
Song Yuhang thought that the answer she was looking for was hidden in this video, and that her own father was also connected to this past.
She simply couldn’t remain indifferent; she even felt the same empathy.
Song Yuhang kissed the top of her head, her voice a little hoarse.
“It’s strange, isn’t it? But it’s okay. As long as you want to, I’ll be with you.”
When their attention returned to the video, perhaps because he had been sitting for too long, Lin Youyuan began to cough and slightly quickened his pace, skipping over some of the minor details.
What he wanted to tell Lin Yan was what happened later, about her mother, which was also the biggest regret of his life.
“Zhao Junfeng got married. I saw her at the wedding banquet. She had lost a lot of weight, looked haggard, and the bright smile of the past was gone from her face. I demanded to know how she had become like this, but she wouldn’t tell me. Out of options, I found Song Yiwu. After I pressed him again and again, he reluctantly told me that about half a year earlier, his wife had taken their child for a check-up and happened to see her coming out of the obstetrics and gynecology department alone. That day, she had gone for an abortion.”
How did Song Yiwu know so clearly? Because in that era, getting pregnant out of wedlock was impossible to hide. She was disciplined by the hospital for it and lost her job.
When Zhao Junfeng found out, his rage made his hair push up his hat24, and he was about to go settle scores with Lin Jueshui. Su Yue cried as she threw herself from the bed to hug his legs.
“I’m begging you, don’t go… don’t go… I did it willingly… and don’t tell Da Yuan…”
“But I found out in the end. Jealousy, anger, a heart full of hatred, and alcohol went to my head. I grabbed a knife and was going to Shanghai to find Lin Jueshui. Su Yue chased after me, crying and holding me tightly from behind. That night…”
Lin Youyuan paused, a slightly unnatural expression on his face, a mix of regret and sorrow in his frown.
Lin Yan understood. That was likely when she came into this world as a fertilized egg. No wonder her mother had taken her away as soon as she was born, preferring to wander from place to place rather than return to the Lin family.
Even though it was just a video, she couldn’t stop herself from blurting out, “That old bastard…”
The old bastard on the screen started coughing again. It took him a while to recover before he said, “And it was around this time that I discovered some blue crystalline material in Lin Jueshui’s home. I was all too familiar with that stuff; I’d seen people smoke it when I was undercover in Qiongzhou. Yes, you guessed it. The composition of that stuff was seventy to eighty percent similar to the blue liquid in the test tube you had your men analyze. So I have reason to suspect that he was the one who created it.”
“I once thought that Lin Jueshui and I would be good brothers for life. No, we were. But it wasn’t until that moment, when I discovered that the girl I loved had been deceived by him, and that he had been doing illegal things behind my back all along, that I wavered. Before the police made their move, I went to find him.”
“Lin Jueshui returned to Jiangcheng the next day. He seemed surprised by my sudden return, and very happy, but at the same time, there was a trace of nervousness. He only relaxed and greeted me after scanning the room.”
He took things out of the bag he was carrying, his face full of happiness. “Why are you back so suddenly? You’ve gotten darker after a few years. Have you found a girl you like? Oh, right, I brought back some lotus flower crisps from Shanghai. I originally bought them for Su Yue. She’s just like you, she likes sweets.”
The name stung Lin Youyuan. He watched him coldly. “Why won’t you marry her?”
Lin Jueshui froze, then continued taking things out. “Haih, Yueyue is a good girl. I’m not good enough for her.”
Lin Youyuan rushed over and grabbed him by the collar, his eyes splitting with rage. “Do you know? Do you know that she…”
Only then did Lin Jueshui look him in the eye and say, “I know.”
Lin Youyuan swung a fist into his face, roaring hoarsely, “You animal! What else are you hiding from me?!”
Lin Jueshui couldn’t answer, nor could he answer. He could only meet his hoarse cries with silence.
Where Lin Youyuan couldn’t see, his brother’s back was ramrod straight, but his fists were clenched so tightly they trembled slightly, until Lin Youyuan slammed the door and left.
Only then did Lin Jueshui collapse into a chair, covering his face with his hands, his shoulders shaking violently.
He couldn’t say it.
He couldn’t say that he was already married and had a child.
He couldn’t say that he was actually colluding with a drug trafficking syndicate, making drugs for them for years to amass wealth overseas.
He used this money to buy houses and cars, to live in a large villa, and to give Su Yue the life she wanted. When he found out she was pregnant, Lin Jueshui had also thought about washing his hands of it all and never doing it again, and divorcing that woman he had no feelings for.
The woman’s brother had stomped on him, pressing a gun to his head and saying, “You want to quit? Fine. The last batch of goods hasn’t been tested yet, right? Let’s just use that woman.”
Lin Jueshui looked at the photo of Su Yue in his hand and roared hysterically, “Don’t you touch her!!!”
Just as Lin Youyuan never expected him to make drugs, Lin Jueshui never expected his own brother to sell him out.
“They had factories in Shanghai, Jiangcheng, Qiongzhou, and many other places. Lin Jueshui thought I had gone back to Qiongzhou, but actually, I was tailing him that whole time and figured out the locations of most of their factories. And just like that, I sold him to the police.”
Lin Youyuan’s face was expressionless as he said this, but Lin Yan could still hear a trace of pain and struggle in his slightly stiff tone.
“Unfortunately, heaven did not grant my wish. While I was wary of Lin Jueshui, the other side was also wary of him. After they noticed someone was following them, they quietly captured Su Yue and made him choose between me and this woman.”
“If he killed me, they would let them go, and he could also divorce his sister. Right, at that time, his classmate was also called Ding Ye.”
“Otherwise, he could either watch Su Yue be tortured to death, and that kind of humiliation wasn’t just mental, but also…”
As Lin Youyuan spoke, the muscles in his face twitched, his teeth clenched.
“What man could bear to have the woman he loves be… in front of him… Lin Jueshui went insane. He even wanted to kill himself. Of course, those people wouldn’t let him get his wish. So they started beating me. My leg was broken, beaten clean off, at that time.”
Lin Youyuan’s face was almost devoid of expression as he said this, but Lin Yan believed he was just numb.
“He was a coward. He couldn’t save the woman he loved, nor could he save his own brother. But at the time, there was one thing I found very strange. The police had clearly sent people to follow me, but they never showed up. I knew then that there was a problem internally. The team leaders in charge at the time were Song Yiwu and Zhao Junfeng. Zhao Junfeng had been promoted very quickly over those few years, and I didn’t think much of it, until…”
Outside the screen, Song Yuhang swallowed lightly. She had been young when her father sacrificed his life. It was a painful subject for her mother, so naturally it wasn’t mentioned much. Later, she had looked it up on the police intranet, but all that remained were a few brief words:
Song Yiwu (1940-1973), male, Han ethnicity, Second-Class Police Sergeant of the Jiangcheng City Public Security Bureau Criminal Investigation Detachment, Binhai Province. Heroically sacrificed his life during a major operation in December 1973, at the age of 33.
Like his other colleagues, he had been reduced to a gray photograph, floating in the vast, boundless sea of information. All that the era left him were the cold words “sacrificed his life.” Besides Lin Youyuan, no one knew what really happened that day.
Zhao Junfeng knew, too, but he had to forget. Because his later rising higher with every step25 was built upon a mountain of bones.
The author has something to say:
Thank you for reading. Sorry for the long wait. Another chapter will be up shortly~
LP: Re-translated on October 21, 2025
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