STT – Chapter 3

Zizheng, Don’t Cry.

It was late into the night, and all around was pitch-black and silent. Mother Lu asked Lu Zizheng and Jiang Huaixi to stay the night. Seeing Lu Zizheng’s obvious hesitation, Jiang Huaixi lightly urged, “You haven’t spent time with Auntie in a long while. Why don’t we skip going back tonight? Tomorrow morning, I can bring you back early to change your clothes and then drop you off at work. We’ll have enough time.”

Lu Zizheng heard this, hesitated a moment, and gently shook her head.

            

Jiang Huaixi raised an eyebrow. “Is there a problem?”

Lu Zizheng licked her lips and asked, “Do you have any plans tonight?”

Jiang Huaixi was concise. “No.”

            

“Um, then you… should stay too.” This was the first time she had actively invited Jiang Huaixi to stay over. Clearly, Jiang Huaixi was a little surprised; she froze slightly, unable to hide her reaction in time. Feigning nonchalance, Lu Zizheng added, “Otherwise, it’ll be too much trouble for you to go back and forth. I… I’d feel bad about it.”

Jiang Huaixi’s lips curved into a bright smile. “It’s truly rare to hear you say you feel bad. It’s such a novel experience, I actually feel my ears getting a bit hot.” Feigning a gesture, she tilted her head toward Mother Lu and teased, “Auntie, could you check if they’ve turned red?”

Mother Lu’s eyes curved into smiling crescents as she watched the two of them.

            

Flustered and embarrassed, Lu Zizheng glared at Jiang Huaixi. “Mom, I’m going to take a shower,” she said to Mother Lu. Ignoring them, she retreated to her room to grab her pajamas.

In the living room, only Jiang Huaixi and Mother Lu were left watching television.

Mother Lu speared a slice of apple from the coffee table with a fork and handed it to Jiang Huaixi, sighing with emotion. “Huaixi, I still remember the first time Zhengzheng brought you home. In the blink of an eye, so many years have passed.”

            

Jiang Huaixi took a small bite and smiled. “Yes. You didn’t know this, Auntie, but Zizheng was completely unwilling to bring me home that time. Seeing how warmly you treated me, she was practically furious.” Remembering Lu Zizheng’s stubborn look back then, a deep, heavy tenderness surfaced in Jiang Huaixi’s ink-dark eyes. She truly missed those days.

Mother Lu smiled knowingly. “How could I not know? But, Huaixi, the first time I laid eyes on you, I knew you harbored no ill will toward Zhengzheng. I knew you were a good child who wanted to treat Zhengzheng well.”

Jiang Huaixi felt a bit bashful. She finished the apple and lowered her head, remaining silent.

            

Mother Lu continued, “Over the years, Zhengzheng has been so much happier thanks to your companionship. You don’t know how she used to be…” Before she could finish, she let out a heavy sigh. “Anyway, Auntie wants to thank you for treating Zhengzheng so well all these years. Sometimes she is too awkward and doesn’t know how to express herself. If she’s ever been unreasonable or unintentionally hurt you during these years, Auntie apologizes to you on her behalf.”

Jiang Huaixi quickly shook her head. “Not at all, Auntie. I should be thanking Zizheng as well; she has brought me a lot of happiness too.”

Mother Lu said, “Huaixi, Auntie truly likes you. It’s just a pity…” She left the sentence unfinished, but the regret in her tone was unmistakably clear to Jiang Huaixi.

            

Jiang Huaixi could vaguely guess what Mother Lu wanted to say. She felt the same regret, but she smiled to comfort her anyway. “Good friends can walk together for a much longer time.”

Mother Lu gave Jiang Huaixi a thoughtful look, smiled, and said no more.

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It was late. By the time Jiang Huaixi emerged from the shower, Mother Lu had already arranged everything, adding an extra blanket and pillow to Lu Zizheng’s bed. Lu Zizheng was leaning lazily against the headboard, head bowed as she read a book.

            

For a moment, Jiang Huaixi was in a trance. Her footsteps gradually slowed until she came to a halt, leaning against the doorframe, quietly watching Lu Zizheng.

Having unexpectedly stayed over at Lu Zizheng’s mother’s house for the very first time, she had discovered something in Lu Zizheng’s en-suite bathroom: a couple’s set of cups, toothbrushes, and towels. In her wardrobe were brand-new underwear and nightgowns in exactly Jiang Huaixi’s size.

It seemed that, after so many years, she had finally managed to warm up a piece of Lu Zizheng’s stone heart.

            

Jiang Huaixi narrowed her eyes, feeling an immense sense of accomplishment.

Mother Lu knocked on the door and brought in two glasses of milk. Jiang Huaixi had always maintained a healthy routine; after drinking her milk and seeing the clock point to ten, she pulled back the covers and lay down to sleep.

After finishing her milk, Lu Zizheng saw that Jiang Huaixi was already settled in for the night. She closed her book, turned off the light, and lay down as well. This wasn’t her usual bedtime. With her eyes closed, she found that sleep eluded her for a long time.

            

Much later, Lu Zizheng surrendered. She opened her eyes, turned her head, and looked at Jiang Huaixi beside her. She found her looking completely peaceful, seemingly already fast asleep. Lu Zizheng just quietly watched her for a long time before finally offering a faint smile. Then, she closed her eyes, and at some unknown point, drifted into dreamland.

However, she did not sleep peacefully.

She dreamed of the very first time Lian Xuan had spoken to her.

            

It was shortly after they had started high school. A transfer student had joined their class. Rumor had it she had returned from England—she had an exceptional family background, outstanding grades, and, more remarkably, extraordinary beauty. She was as stunning as a princess walking out of a fairytale castle. For a time, her popularity was unparalleled. Lu Zizheng was in the same class, sitting right at the desk next to hers. Naturally, she paid some attention to her, but only as a bystander. Back then, Lu Zizheng only wished to live quietly and unobtrusively in her own world. She didn’t want to bother anyone, nor did she wish to be bothered by anyone.

Lian Xuan was an unexpected intruder into her world.

At the time, Lu Zizheng was the only person in the whole class sitting alone at a single desk. The homeroom teacher forbade boys and girls from sharing desks¹, and none of the girls were willing to sit with Lu Zizheng.

            

During an English pop quiz, the teacher asked them to take out their subject test papers. But on that particular day, the usually well-prepared Lu Zizheng had forgotten to bring her English test paper.

Everyone had their paper and pen ready, and the teacher was about to begin the quiz. Lu Zizheng bit her lip, out of options. Just as she was about to use a blank sheet of paper, a lined English test paper was suddenly passed over from the neighboring desk.

Lu Zizheng was momentarily stunned. The rest of the class was equally surprised, letting out low murmurs of “Oh?” in astonishment.

            

But the paper’s owner, Lian Xuan, merely remained perfectly composed. She offered Lu Zizheng a friendly smile, then turned her head back to concentrate on waiting for the teacher’s dictation.

Lian Xuan had no idea that her unintentional gesture, her casual smile, had illuminated Lu Zizheng’s dreary first year of high school. It brought a few drops of moist vitality to her nearly dried-up heart.

Just like that, Lu Zizheng cautiously initiated her friendship with Lian Xuan. She guarded their bond with painstaking care, exhausting almost all her emotional energy.

            

Whenever Lian Xuan drew a little closer, Lu Zizheng’s heart would sing with joy and surge with emotion. She knew that her prayers regarding her feelings for Lian Xuan had already crossed the line.

It didn’t matter if Lian Xuan didn’t know. She could endure it; she could wait. She was willing. She lowered herself into the dust, hoping only that one day Lian Xuan would look past her insignificance and be willing to accept her sincere heart.

But one day, Lian Xuan pushed her away anyway. Using the exact same contemptuous, disdainful tone as those other people, she told her: “Lu Zizheng, you are truly disgusting. They were right. You are just like all those social climbers—trying every trick in the book to wring some benefit out of me. I misjudged you. Get away from me.”

            

In that moment, her heart went cold. It turned to dead ashes. Yet she still struggled, pleading with her: “Lian Xuan, it’s not what you think. That matter—can we just pretend I never brought it up?” Forgetting she was still holding an umbrella, she reached out with both hands to grab Lian Xuan’s left arm.

But Lian Xuan forcefully used her right hand to pry off Zizheng’s gripping fingers, one by one. Finally, she gave her a complicated look, got into the car waiting nearby to pick her up, and drove off into the distance. As the car started, it ruthlessly splashed dirty water all over Lu Zizheng. It was Lian Xuan’s final gift to her—a coat of dirty water, leaving her utterly wretched.

In her despair, she abandoned all her dignity. Screaming Lian Xuan’s name, she chased after the car for a very, very long time, until she could no longer keep up, until the car’s silhouette vanished from sight…

            

“Lian Xuan, you clearly said that you believed me…”

She collapsed weakly onto the ground, soaked to the bone and utterly miserable. She knew that many passing classmates were staring at her, laughing at her. She also knew that this incident would become just another piece of gossip they used to mock and humiliate her. But she no longer had the strength to stand up and defend whatever little dignity she had left.

She couldn’t remember how she got home that day. In her memory, there seemed to be nothing left but an overwhelming flood of tears…

            

That night, she developed a high fever. She took three days off, which, combined with the two-day weekend, meant she hid at home for a total of five days. When she returned to school on Monday, she was still naively thinking she could just explain things to Lian Xuan again. Maybe there was a turning point. Maybe Lian Xuan would believe her.

But upon arriving at the school, amidst the pointing, eye-rolling, and whispering of others, she learned that Lian Xuan had transferred schools.

She clearly heard the sound of her own heart breaking.

            

She had vanished.

She would never come back.

Taking with her Lu Zizheng’s battered, broken, yet remarkably sincere heart.

            

Lu Zizheng buried her face in her desk and cried for an entire morning.

She knew all her classmates were saying it was her fault for driving Lian Xuan away. They said Lu Zizheng was a disgusting lesbian, and that Lian Xuan had left because she was terrified of her harassment. They said Lu Zizheng didn’t have a father and was terrified of being poor, so she only knew how to cling to the thighs of the rich²—”look, she got tossed aside, didn’t she?” They said Lu Zizheng was a slut, relying on her halfway-decent looks, liking women but still trying to seduce men. They said Lu Zizheng…

Lu Zizheng also forgot how she managed to walk home after school ended at noon that day.

            

After that, she never went back to that high school.

Like Lian Xuan, she vanished, leaving her schoolmates with nothing but fodder for idle gossip³.

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When she woke from the dream, Lian Xuan’s icy voice still echoed in Lu Zizheng’s ears: “You are truly disgusting. Get away from me.” Her eyes had been so full of disdain, piercing straight into her heart like a sharp sword. Lu Zizheng opened her eyes in a panic. She felt the dampness at the corners of her eyes. Several strands of hair were plastered to her face, and one corner of the pillow was already soaked.

            

She turned her head and looked at Jiang Huaixi beside her. Thank goodness she hadn’t woken her.

Jiang Huaixi was sleeping so quietly. Her long, dense eyelashes curled naturally, and her breathing was calm and serene. Suddenly, Lu Zizheng felt a rare sense of peace.

She slipped her hands out from under the covers, turned her body, and gently hugged Jiang Huaixi from behind, over the blanket, resting her head softly against Jiang Huaixi’s back. The blanket was too thick; she couldn’t hear Jiang Huaixi’s heartbeat. But she could feel the steady rise and fall of her chest with each breath—in, and out…

            

The feeling of fullness in her arms filled the hollow emptiness left behind by the nightmare. Lu Zizheng felt nothing but a deep, lingering affection. Burying her face in the covers, she smiled faintly and whispered silently in her heart: I love you…

She had no idea that, as they embraced, Jiang Huaixi, whose eyes were firmly shut, was repeating a single phrase in her heart over and over again: Zizheng, don’t cry…

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