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    Header Background Image
    Chapter Index

    Are You Sad? Will You Hate Me?

    Inside the Imperial Study of Quzhao Palace, stacks of memorials were being tossed into a basket. Though Qu Yu didn’t participate in state affairs, Qu Sheng had called him over to help screen these documents. Any that pertained to persuading her on her marriage were to be sent back immediately.

    The brother and sister reviewed the memorials while discussing administrative matters.

    By nightfall, Qu Sheng and Lin Xizhao escorted Qu Yu out of the palace. Afterward, Lin Xizhao and Qu Sheng also had dinner in Nanting Courtyard.

    Jin Mingyi had already been brought back. As for Aunt Jin, Zhu Ming’an had personally negotiated with Feng Sugao. By invoking the memory of the deceased Jin Yunyou and leveraging their connection as in-laws of the Quzhao Dynasty, she had pressured Feng Sugao into quietly releasing Aunt Jin from the palace and placing her among the wedding convoy.

    Once a year or six months had passed, they’d simply announce that she had died of an illness.

    Now that Aunt Jin had been brought back, Grand Princess Jin Yunfei chose to let bygones be bygones. Remembering that her own brother had sacrificed his life in an attempt to rescue Qu Sheng, she wished to ask Physician Liu Wuxiang to treat Aunt Jin, but Jin Mingyi refused to allow it.

    It was enough that her mother was alive. Jin Mingjun’s death had dealt a devastating blow to her; when Jin Yunyou died, she hadn’t seemed particularly grief-stricken, meaning this son must have been her entire life. If she were to regain her sanity, her life would likely be harder to bear than it was now.

    Aunt Jin was now settled at the Zhu Residence. Out of her deep affection for Jin Mingyi, Zhu Ming’an extended her care to the mother as well. No longer bound by the heavy chains of the Jin palace, she was now meticulously cared for by a large staff of servants.

    Jin Mingyi sat at the dining table, enjoying her meal. Having finally found a moment of free time, Zhu Ming’an had dropped by to join her. Since Jin Mingyi would be wed from Nanting Courtyard, the Qu family would serve as her maternal home from now on.

    “I had someone look into the dates, and requested the Imperial Astronomical Observatory1 to match your birth charts2. The sixth day of next month is an auspicious day. Ming’an, what do you think?” Jin Yunfei asked Zhu Ming’an with a smile.

    Upon hearing this, Zhu Ming’an quickly replied, “Ming’an will defer to whatever Her Majesty and the Empress Dowager decide.” After all, if Qu Sheng didn’t approve, she’d never be able to marry Jin Mingyi.

    Jin Yunfei smiled as she looked at Jin Mingyi. Seeing her ducking her head in embarrassment, Jin Yunfei smiled at Zhu Ming’an and said, “Then we’ll set it for the sixth of next month. I’ll have someone deliver the date to your father and mother tomorrow.”

    “Very well,” Zhu Ming’an replied with a smile.

    There was less than half a month left until the sixth. The Zhu family had actually begun preparing for the wedding long before she set off for the Jin Kingdom, purchasing everything that was needed. They were simply waiting for her and Jin Mingyi to return for their grand wedding.

    Observing that Jin Mingyi wasn’t as cheerful as she’d been during her last visit, Lin Xizhao began to wonder what was on her mind. Just then, Qu Sheng picked up the soup bowl in front of Lin Xizhao and ladled some soup into it—not too much, not too little, but the exact portion she usually drank.

    Qu Sheng placed the soup bowl back in front of Lin Xizhao. Her movements were practiced and familiar, yet she sought no praise, simply returning to her own meal.

    Jin Mingyi stole another glance at Qu Sheng before looking over at Lin Xizhao. Watching Lin Xizhao sip her soup with a faint smile gracing her lips, Jin Mingyi suddenly realized she had heard nothing of Qu Sheng appointing an Empress.

    After dinner, Jin Mingyi returned to her room to rest. Zhu Ming’an, however, showed no intention of leaving. Following behind Jin Mingyi like a little tail, she accompanied her all the way to her bedchamber.

    A courtyard of her own had already been set aside for Jin Mingyi within Nanting Courtyard.

    Jin Mingyi had lost both her father and her brother, and though she could see her mother from time to time, her mother was no longer in her right mind. Within a single year, she’d become an orphan. She had originally wanted to look after her two young nephews, but Feng Sugao had sent her here instead.

    However, she didn’t worry anymore. Her two nephews had the Feng family to care for them, and as long as Qu Sheng was around, the Feng family wouldn’t dare to replace them. Her two nephews would be in no danger of losing their lives.

    Once back in her bedchamber, Jin Mingyi sat down. As she watched Zhu Ming’an pour and hand her a cup of tea, she looked up and asked, “Have you heard anything about my cousin appointing an Empress?”

    Zhu Ming’an was taken aback for a moment, but quickly smiled. “Appointing an Empress isn’t that easy.”

    “Then is Xizhao-jiejie just going to follow my cousin like this forever, without any official title or status?” Jin Mingyi was astonished. Lin Xizhao was not the daughter of some minor, ordinary family. Besides, how could Qu Sheng bear to let her suffer such treatment?

    Zhu Ming’an shook her head. “No, Her Majesty is waiting for the right opportunity.”

    Although Zhu Ming’an didn’t hold an active administrative post in the court, she was still well aware of the political currents and public opinion among the officials.

    Qu Sheng ascending the throne as a woman had already drawn the dissatisfaction of many court officials. If she were to announce the appointment of an Empress and marry Lin Xizhao now, it would inevitably provoke even greater conflict.

    Furthermore, her own upcoming marriage to Jin Mingyi was merely Qu Sheng’s opening move. Though they were being used as chess pieces, the arrangement brought her immense benefits, so why wouldn’t she be glad to do so?

    Jin Mingyi pondered this for a moment but couldn’t quite make sense of it. She shifted her gaze to Zhu Ming’an, who was standing beside her, gave her a measuring look, and asked, “Aren’t you going back yet?”

    Hearing this, Zhu Ming’an furrowed her brow, her face instantly turning into a picture of feigned grievance. “You’re about to marry me anyway. Can’t I stay here with you tonight?”

    Jin Mingyi’s lips parted, but no words came out. Catching sight of a maid standing nearby out of the corner of her eye, she turned her head and raised her voice slightly. “Is the hot water ready?”

    “Reporting to Princess Wanyi, the hot water has been prepared,” the maid replied, curtsying. “Would Your Highness like to bathe now?”

    “Ah, I’ll bathe now.” Having said this, Jin Mingyi stood up, bypassed Zhu Ming’an, and practically bolted out of the room as if fleeing.

    Zhu Ming’an turned to follow Jin Mingyi with her eyes. Seeing how deliberately Jin Mingyi was avoiding her, she slowly lowered her gaze.

    An hour later, Jin Mingyi returned from the bathhouse. As the maid pushed open the door, Jin Mingyi hesitated for a brief moment before stepping inside.

    “That was fast.”

    Jin Mingyi had barely taken her second step into the room when Zhu Ming’an’s voice rang out, startling her.

    She looked up, only to find Zhu Ming’an already dressed in loose nightclothes.

    “Y-You… why haven’t you left yet?” Jin Mingyi stammered slightly.

    Wearing a gentle, pleasant expression, Zhu Ming’an smiled and exposed her. “You knew I wouldn’t leave.”

    Over the past few days, to avoid any idle gossip, Zhu Ming’an had kept her distance—whether escorting Jin Mingyi or bringing her back, she had never stayed in the same room.

    Since their return, Zhu Ming’an had been run off her feet, running around constantly. Now that she’d finally found a moment of free time today, how could she leave?

    Jin Mingyi stood by the entrance, pursing her lips. Zhu Ming’an stared at her for a moment before turning to the maids on the side. “You may all leave.”

    The maids glanced at Jin Mingyi, who stood there in silence, waiting for her confirmation. However, Jin Mingyi didn’t turn around or speak to them.

    After a moment, the maids quietly pulled the door shut and withdrew.

    Zhu Ming’an looked at Jin Mingyi, who remained rooted to the spot. She took a few steps forward until she was standing right in front of her.

    “I only want to talk to you. I won’t do anything else,” Zhu Ming’an said, sensing her tension.

    Jin Mingyi looked up at her words. Sure enough, she didn’t seem quite as tense as before. “What do you want to talk about?” she asked in a soft voice.

    Zhu Ming’an reached out, gently took Jin Mingyi by the fingers, and led her into the inner chamber.

    As Jin Mingyi stood by the bed, Zhu Ming’an poured a cup of warm tea and handed it to her. “The temperature is just right.”

    Jin Mingyi glanced at her, then reached out to take the cup.

    Jin Mingyi cradled the teacup and sipped slowly. Zhu Ming’an watched from the side with a soft smile, taking the empty cup back once she had finished.

    While Zhu Ming’an turned to set the cup down, Jin Mingyi watched her back. Pursing her lips for a brief moment, she asked again, “What do you want to say?”

    Zhu Ming’an turned back around, her expression gentle. “Let’s talk about us.”

    Jin Mingyi lowered her head. Zhu Ming’an took a few steps forward and guided her to sit on the edge of the bed.

    “Aren’t we supposed to talk about us?” Jin Mingyi asked in confusion as she sat.

    “Yes,” Zhu Ming’an replied. “We…”

    She paused for a moment to gather her thoughts before continuing, “Once I tell you, please don’t be hasty. You can hit me or scold me as much as you like, as long as you aren’t truly angry with me.”

    Hearing this, Jin Mingyi subconsciously furrowed her brow, waiting for her to continue.

    Zhu Ming’an met Jin Mingyi’s gaze but quickly surrendered under the pressure. Lowering her head, she murmured, “Last year, in Xizhao-jiejie’s courtyard… although we weren’t entirely innocent, I didn’t actually…” She trailed off. Hearing no response from Jin Mingyi, she slowly raised her head. Seeing that Jin Mingyi was staring at her unblinkingly, she steadied her hurried breathing and confessed, “We didn’t go all the way. You misunderstood back then, and I deliberately chose not to clarify.”

    At first, Jin Mingyi was merely confused by her words, but within moments, her eyes widened. Her explicitly saying she liked Zhu Ming’an and wanting to be with her—that matter had played a decisive role. Yet Zhu Ming’an was now telling her that nothing had actually happened between them.

    Her expression underwent several rapid shifts—from annoyance to anger, and finally back to a calm composure, all in the span of a few heartbeats.

    Even if they hadn’t gone all the way, the physical intimacy they had shared was real. She had been wide awake at the time; even without that final act, they were far from innocent.

    “Yi’er, if you want to strike or curse at me, I’ll take it. I won’t argue back, and I certainly won’t raise a hand against you.” Seeing how calm Jin Mingyi had become, Zhu Ming’an felt even more uneasy.

    Looking at Zhu Ming’an’s anxious state, Jin Mingyi let out a soft sigh. “Can we really be considered innocent of each other? Even if we were back then, what about after our grand wedding?”

    Hearing this response, which was entirely different from what she had anticipated, Zhu Ming’an sat dazed for a brief moment. Soon, a wide smile spread across her face. “You’re not angry?”

    Jin Mingyi shook her head. Seeing how happy Zhu Ming’an was, she suddenly felt a pang of guilt as she recalled how she’d used her before.

    Regarding the imperial marriage decree, she had been kept completely in the dark. Had she truly refused to comply, she only needed to speak to Qu Sheng and Jin Yunfei. Instead, she had used her reluctance to marry Zhu Ming’an as leverage, forcing her to find a way to bring her mother along.

    How could the Grand Empress Dowager of a nation be so easily escorted away? Even Jin Mingyi herself was terrified of speaking to Feng Sugao, knowing full well that he harbored a bone-deep hatred for her mother. Under her deliberate obstruction and demands, how had a fragile woman like Zhu Ming’an managed to snatch the prey right out of the tiger’s mouth3?

    “I used you to force you to bring my mother along. Were you sad? Will you hate me?”

    She would feel sad and hate me, wouldn’t she? To be calculated against like that by the one she liked.

    Caught off guard by Jin Mingyi’s sudden, out-of-the-blue remark, Zhu Ming’an’s smile froze for a split second. But soon, her smile returned, warmer than before. “You relied on me to achieve what you wanted. Why would I ever feel hurt, let alone hate you?”

    She couldn’t be happier. She was Jin Mingyi’s reliance; for all the days to come, she was willing to be Jin Mingyi’s greatest support.

    Whatever Jin Mingyi wished to do, she would accompany her. Whatever Jin Mingyi desired, she would deliver it straight to her.

    Seeing the guilt on Jin Mingyi’s face, Zhu Ming’an raised her hand, gently cupping her cheek. Caressing her skin with absolute sincerity in her eyes, she whispered softly, “Yi’er, let me be your support. Let me love you properly, alright?”

    Jin Mingyi gazed at her as tears slowly welled up in her eyes. Feeling a sharp prick of emotion in her nose, she nodded, leaned forward of her own accord, and threw herself into Zhu Ming’an’s embrace.

    Zhu Ming’an readily wrapped her arms around her. Holding Jin Mingyi close after so long set her heart pounding wildly in her chest; she’d fully expected to be driven out of the room tonight.


    Meanwhile, Qu Sheng and Lin Xizhao remained in Nanting Courtyard after dinner. No longer practicing abstinence, Qu Sheng demanded and received everything she desired, while Lin Xizhao indulged her completely, allowing her to claim whatever she pleased.

    As Qu Sheng possessed her, the wet sounds of her sucking rose continuously in the quiet room. Tears pooled in Lin Xizhao’s fractured, misty eyes.

    Qu Sheng lifted her head, the fiery heat rushing through her veins surging in wave after wave to the very tips of her limbs with every soft hum from Lin Xizhao. In the next instant, she leaned down to kiss her, tangling her tongue with Lin Xizhao’s. The gentle moans dissolved into muffled whimpers, yet Qu Sheng didn’t slow her pace.

    Lin Xizhao’s body felt as if it were caught in a blaze. The gathering embers caused her muscles to tighten gradually, until under Qu Sheng’s deliberate and practiced touch, she reached her first peak.

    Qu Sheng looked down. Her palm and wrist were slick and glistening. As the lingering tremors of Lin Xizhao’s climax subsided, Qu Sheng slowly raised her arm, turning her hand over to look at it before her eyes for a moment.

    When Qu Sheng looked back at Lin Xizhao, she saw that Lin Xizhao was flushed with a rosy glow all over. Lin Xizhao had already turned her face away, too embarrassed to look at her.

    Qu Sheng let out a low chuckle and pressed a soft kiss against Lin Xizhao’s fair skin, causing Lin Xizhao to shiver slightly.

    Highly satisfied with her wife’s response, Qu Sheng tucked her under the quilt. She then called the servants to change the bedsheets and bring some warm water. Once the two of them had washed themselves, Qu Sheng eagerly initiated a second round4.

    “Your Majesty, your humble subject Feng Qi has matters to report,” Feng Qi’s voice rang out from outside the door.

    Qu Sheng heard the voice, but at this moment, she was still burying her head. Hearing the intrusion, Lin Xizhao reached out with both hands to cup Qu Sheng’s face. Looking down at her, she said breathlessly, “Sheng’er, Feng Qi is here… surely he must have some urgent matter…”

    Qu Sheng lifted her head, her throat bobbing as she swallowed. Glancing toward the window, she called out in a raised voice, “Wait a moment!”

    Hearing this, Feng Qi didn’t need to think twice; he immediately stepped further away, waiting for Qu Sheng to come out.

    After speaking, Qu Sheng was about to continue, but Lin Xizhao helplessly pulled her up. Meeting Qu Sheng’s unsatisfied gaze, she kissed her and, unexpectedly, dominantly pinned Qu Sheng beneath herself.

    By the time Qu Sheng finally stepped out, thirty minutes had passed. Though it wasn’t a long time, Qu Sheng felt that Lin Xizhao’s ‘technique’ was indeed much more ‘exquisite’ than before. Her face, still carrying a flush, slowly returned to normal shortly after she left the room.

    Standing beneath a tree in a far corner of the courtyard, Feng Qi hurried forward when he saw the door open. “Your Majesty.”

    “What is it?” Qu Sheng asked, adjusting her cuffs.

    Feng Qi lowered his head. “Lord Gong hosted several military commanders tonight under the Left Chancellor’s name, sneaking them through the back door of a restaurant.”


    The author has something to say:

    Qu Sheng: “My wife is absolutely amazing.”

    Lin Xizhao: “Amazing in what way?”

    Qu Sheng: “Of course, she sounds even sweeter.”

    Lin Xizhao: “…”

    Two hundred red envelopes!


    Footnotes

    1. The Imperial Astronomical Observatory (Qintianjian) was the state bureau responsible for astronomy, astrology, and calculating auspicious dates for key events like weddings.
    2. Bāzì, literally 'eight characters,' refers to the four pillars of destiny based on a person's birth year, month, day, and hour. In traditional Chinese marriage customs, matching the couple's birth charts was essential to ensure compatibility and choose an auspicious wedding date.
    3. The idiom hǔkǒu duóshí literally means 'to snatch food from a tiger's mouth.' It is used as a metaphor for performing an extremely dangerous or daring act.
    4. Méikāi èrdù, literally 'the plum tree blossoms a second time,' is a classic literary idiom used as a euphemism for having a second round of intimacy or repeating a pleasurable act.

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