So I Had No Choice But to Stop Being the White Moonlight – Chapter 110
by Little PandaI’m Not Going to Be the White Moonlight
The Beginning of the Beginning
Under Chi Qian’s gaze, Shi Jinlan’s lips came up to kiss her.
Chi Qian reflected that some encounters made her feel that coming into this world had been worth it.
It had been that way on the night she was abandoned on the island by her own mother more than twenty years ago, and it had been that way not long ago when she had chased Thirteen to the beach ahead of a storm.
Because of the first, she had met Chi Qingyan.
Because of the second, she had met Shi Jinlan.
The night was lit bright by fireworks of every color, their ever-changing patterns filling the entire sky.
It was a grand, dazzling display that lasted a full twenty minutes before it finally seemed to be winding down.
The fireworks had come without warning, causing pedestrians to stop in their tracks and watch.
People held their phones as high as they could, trying to capture the scene of such inhuman extravagance.1 The fireworks, launched high into the air before exploding, made everyone crane their necks. No one would have guessed that the best viewing spot for this display would be the city’s central hospital.
In that single moment, the thoughts of both Chi Qians—the one experiencing and the one observing—were identical.
She loved these fireworks.
And she loved the person who had sent them to her.
Shi Jinlan.
Love filled her, palpable and ready to burst forth.
But neither of them spoke first. Like a pair of fools, neither could see the love that had long since filled the other’s eyes.
After Shi Jinlan’s surgery, time seemed to have been put on fast-forward; it passed so quickly.
In the third week, under Chi Qian’s care, Shi Jinlan began to try standing up. Her tense hand gripped Chi Qian’s wrist as she took one halting step after another on the tiled floor. As she trembled, cold sweat traced a line down her skin like a cardiogram signal.
The countless canes Madam Yu had sent her were no match for this person. The expensive, precious gems embedded in the canes were cold to the touch, never possessing the warmth of skin.
People would still occasionally sigh in admiration when they brought up the magnificent, anonymous fireworks display from a month ago, thanking the kind, rich woman for the feast for their eyes.
A breeze blew past the window, and the last leaf hanging on the tree fell. Shi Jinlan watched the pile of fallen leaves in the garden below; unexpectedly, winter had arrived in a flash.
By now, Shi Jinlan could stand, though her walking was still somewhat clumsy.
Things were also progressing with the Shi family. Under Shi Jinlan’s direction, Ah Ning had wrested back a great deal of business from Shi Cheng’s hands. With the end of the year approaching, Shi Cheng was in a terrible mess.2
Given the circumstances, Shi Jinlan decided to return to the island to recuperate. The climate there was pleasant and suitable for her recovery.
Besides, the most dangerous place was also the safest. Shi Cheng would never imagine that Shi Jinlan had gone back there.
Ah Ning was in full agreement with this plan and secretly arranged for Shi Jinlan’s return to the island, finding an inconspicuous private yacht.
But while the yacht was inconspicuous in Shi Jinlan and Ah Ning’s eyes, for Chi Qian and the others, it was an eye-opener.
The yacht was modeled after the boats commonly seen by the island’s shore, but it was magnified more than a few times over. It had a dining room, recreational rooms, and a deck that could accommodate three or four people at once.
As if to avoid detection, the weather forecast for the day of their departure predicted light snow.
Chi Qian was still on the deck watching the fiery sunset clouds. The sun held on in the sky for a brief moment before sinking below the sea’s horizon in the blink of an eye.
Immediately after, specks of white snow began to drift down.
At first, they were sparse, floating past Chi Qian’s eyes before she even had time to register them.
The temperature at sea was lower than on land, and soon the snow began to fall more heavily.
The flurry of white snowflakes dotted the pitch-black night sky, illuminated by the yacht’s lights like stars falling from above.
Chi Qian had never seen such a sight. Neither had Yuan Ming or Shi Jinlan.
They looked up at the rare spectacle, then, in unspoken agreement, turned to the person beside them.
“Ah…”
“Ah Lan!”
But it was Yuan Ming who looked at Chi Qian.
And Chi Qian who looked at Shi Jinlan, their eyes meeting.
Their gazes crossed. At her side, Yuan Ming’s hand tightened into a fist.
Though the scene was like colored glass, with a myriad of starlight falling around them, at that moment, she found it exceptionally jarring.
“Yuan Ming.”
Just then, Chi Qingyan walked out from the cabin and called her name.
“Teacher.” Yuan Ming looked over and saw Chi Qingyan beckoning her over, as if he had something to discuss.
This was the perfect excuse for Yuan Ming, who wanted nothing more than to leave.
The voice in her head was mechanical and merciless, issuing a warning, admonishing her that her jealousy had exceeded the threshold and that she should eliminate it once more.
Eliminate.
Eliminate.
Her emotions had no outlet. Schooled by the System again and again, elimination was merely a pretense of calm.
After waving goodbye to Yuan Ming, only Chi Qian and Shi Jinlan were left on the deck.
Dotted with snowflakes, the boundless dark of the night was no longer so frightening.
Chi Qian leaned against the railing, gazing at the sea’s surface, then looked at Shi Jinlan through the flowing light and shadows. “It’s so beautiful. Have you ever seen a sight like this?”
The night was deep, and under the bright lights, the snowflakes gathered and danced.
Chi Qian turned to look at Shi Jinlan. Her long hair flowed over her shoulders like a cascade of golden light, making her pupils seem to glow.
Shi Jinlan thought that this person seemed to have no idea how beautiful she was, which was why she could be so unreserved.
She simply gazed at Chi Qian, and under the drifting shadows of the snow, she shook her head. “No.”
“Me neither.” Chi Qian was so focused on the snowflakes that she didn’t notice Shi Jinlan’s gaze on her at all, only sighing in wonder. “I think this scene is just as beautiful as your fireworks that day.”
“Should we make it even more beautiful?” Shi Jinlan asked.
As her words fell, the shadow on the deck shortened the distance between them.
Hearing this, Chi Qian’s eyes were filled with bewilderment. “How?”
“Look at me,” Shi Jinlan said.
Her voice was very soft, her warm breath forming a cloud of white mist in the snowy night. It drifted ambiguously toward Chi Qian, lingering in her hair for a long moment before floating into the air to be dissipated by the cold.
Their eyes met. As if moved by some ghost or god, Chi Qian’s gaze fell to Shi Jinlan’s lips.
She thought she understood.
But she wouldn’t take the initiative.
She needed Shi Jinlan to give her an answer.
“…”
The sound of breathing brushed past her ear as a clean fragrance pressed down.
Under Chi Qian’s gaze, Shi Jinlan’s lips came up to kiss her.
Their cool lips slowly took on each other’s warmth as they brushed together. The winter chill infinitely magnified their body heat. Though it was merely a tentative, exploratory touch,3 Chi Qian’s breathing grew heavy.
“How does it feel?” Shi Jinlan lightly grazed Chi Qian’s lips, her low voice like an old vinyl record, pressing against Chi Qian’s ear with a subtle tremor.
Chi Qian only felt the back of her head go numb. As if unwilling to leave it at that, she hooked an arm around Shi Jinlan’s waist and kissed her again, using her actions to tell her:
“I’m not quite sure.”
Because of the snow, the boat took longer than usual to cross the sea. The group didn’t get home until the latter half of the night.
Chi Qingyan was worried about Yuan Ming going back alone, so he had her come home with them.
The mountain slope was difficult to walk on, so Chi Qian and Shi Jinlan followed behind, slowly making their way home.
The moment Shi Jinlan stepped into the courtyard, Thirteen, who had just been turning a blind eye to Chi Qingyan and Yuan Ming’s return, opened its eyes.
It uncurled its body, which had been coiled up for some time, and trotted over with its tail wagging. It circled around Shi Jinlan’s feet and let out a long, coquettish meow. “Meow—”
The scene was incredibly familiar to Chi Qian.
And back then, upon seeing Thirteen act this way, a familiar dissatisfaction had risen in her heart. “Thirteen, Grandfather and Ah Yuan are back too. How can you only greet Ah Lan?”
“Meow~” Thirteen ignored Chi Qian’s complaint, flicking her outstretched hand perfunctorily with its tail while its body remained wrapped around Shi Jinlan.
It is said that all living things have a spirit.
Chi Qian felt that Thirteen had more than just a spirit; it could accurately judge who held the highest status in this house and precisely direct its fawning.
Looking at the little cat before her, Chi Qian finally understood. Thirteen’s habit of sticking close to Shi Jinlan had started all the way back then.
When it was still just a cat.
When it wasn’t yet a System.
But how did it become a System?
At this thought, Chi Qian’s single-minded condemnation of Thirteen paused.
In her earliest memories, it was, without a doubt, the genuine article: a cat.
Did the System forcibly occupy Thirteen’s body?
Or did Thirteen later become the System?
Chi Qian couldn’t figure it out.
A shadow loomed in her heart, a suspicion without proof, hovering insubstantially in her mind.
At noon the next day, the sun shone brightly on the ground. It was a rare sunny day in the middle of winter.
Chi Qingyan told Shi Jinlan to get more sun, and Chi Qian immediately prepared a soft rattan chair for her.
A soft blanket was draped over Shi Jinlan’s arms, and Chi Qian’s fingertips brushed against it, a barely-there touch.
Shi Jinlan froze for a second. When she looked up, she saw a sly smile in Chi Qian’s eyes. A classic flirt-and-run.
Seeing this, Shi Jinlan was about to reach out and grab Chi Qian’s hand.
But Thirteen beat her to it, leaping nimbly onto her lap. Its fluffy white paws kneaded Shi Jinlan’s legs, purring all the while.4
It was hard to tell if it was protecting its master or simply being a sycophant.
The aroma of herbs began to diffuse with the heat. Chi Qian squatted in front of her medicine pot, brewing the concoction unhurriedly.
She truly despised Thirteen’s fawning behavior, but what she wanted more was for Thirteen to get down so she could take its place.
But on second thought, Chi Qian decided against it. Shi Jinlan’s legs had just healed. She’d better not climb on, lest she cause some complication. It would be too late for regrets then.
The sun effortlessly bypassed the branches of the tree in front of the courtyard, casting its light down.
Yesterday’s snow lay in a shallow layer across the yard, and the warm-toned whiteness enveloped Shi Jinlan as she held the cat.
The rocking chair swayed back and forth. Thirteen was curled up in Shi Jinlan’s arms, perfectly at ease.
Watching from behind, Chi Qian truly wished she could preserve this moment forever.
Many days passed just like this, and Shi Jinlan’s legs grew stronger.
One morning, as Chi Qian was brewing medicine in the courtyard, Yuan Ming knocked and came in.
“Ah Yuan, what brings you here?” Chi Qian was a little surprised to see Yuan Ming so early.
“The first snow just fell. I was thinking of going up the mountain to gather some medicinal herbs and wanted to ask you to come along,” Yuan Ming said gently.
“Sure. When?”
Chi Qian and Yuan Ming often did this together, so she wouldn’t refuse.
“This afternoon, perhaps.” Yuan Ming’s voice was soft. Her lightly pressed lips parted again as she continued, “Let’s ask Miss Shi to come with us. The air on the mountain is good.”
“I’ll ask her then. Wait a moment.” Chi Qian also wanted to go up the mountain with Shi Jinlan. She patted Yuan Ming’s shoulder as she spoke.
But just then, Chi Qian suddenly heard a cold, mechanical voice: 【Do not delude yourself into thinking you can change anything. This is merely what you, as the future Main System, must experience. She does not belong to you, nor will she die for you.】
For a moment, Chi Qian froze.
But her past self hadn’t heard those words. She was still cheerfully calling into the house for Shi Jinlan.
“Ah Lan!”
“What is it?”
After the placid reply, Chi Qian saw Shi Jinlan walk out of the house unhurriedly.
The bright sunlight shone before her, making the sparrow-blue color of Shi Jinlan’s long dress seem exceptionally vibrant.
Footnotes
- An internet slang term, háo wú rénxìng, literally means ‘so rich it’s inhuman.’ It is used to describe an extravagant, almost unbelievable display of wealth.
- The idiom jiāotóulàn’é literally means ‘scorched head, battered forehead,’ and is used to describe someone in a terrible mess or under great pressure.
- The idiom qiǎnchángzhézhǐ literally means ‘to taste lightly and then stop.’ It describes doing something superficially or tentatively.
- The term cǎi nǎi, literally ‘stepping on milk,’ is the Chinese term for the kneading behavior cats exhibit when they are content, reminiscent of kittens kneading for milk.
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