A Willing Mistake, My Lady – Chapter 29
by Little PandaA Dream of the Black Horse
A Perilous Road of Yellow Sand, and an Encounter
“You should rest first. While it’s not yet dark, I’ll go bring back my luggage and Big Long Face.” Shen Hetang figured she ought to move back in for now; otherwise, she might truly lose her home. Besides, she probably needed to get out and clear her head.
“Mm… go quickly and come back quickly… I’ll be waiting for you at home.” The young woman’s sweet, clear voice, tinged with a soft lilt, came from beneath the quilt. She was too abashed to lift her head and watch him leave.
“Well now, Shen-xiongdi, has your wife forgiven you? Are you allowed back in the house?” Old Wang from the yamen teased.
“Just as I said, when a couple quarrels, there’s no grudge that lasts overnight. It’s always a fight at the head of the bed and making up at the foot of the bed. And here you were, stubbornly sleeping on a hard plank for a month. If you didn’t go back soon, wouldn’t that celestial fairy of a wife of yours have been snatched away by someone else?”
Old Wang’s mouth was looser than the waistband on Old Madam Liu’s cotton trousers next door. Shen Hetang hadn’t said a single word about her situation; everything he said was pure speculation born from her own vague deflections. And yet, somehow, she had still been shot while lying down1.
“You’re right. He who does not listen to the old will suffer in the end. I’ll head back right now.” Shen Hetang loaded her luggage onto the horse’s back and, leading it by the reins, fled the scene of the brainwashing.
The moon struggled to peel back the clouds and show its face. The streets were quiet, the wind cold and sharp. A lone figure and a horse ambled slowly along the rutted, uneven path. For some reason, she often preferred to lead Big Long Face by the reins rather than ride it. The horse, for its part, showed no self-awareness. Shen Hetang had discovered it was quite headstrong, with a bit of a temper. Ever since it had been deprived of its fine meals, it hadn’t seemed to give him a pleasant look.
“Tell me, what should I do?” she asked, stroking the long-faced horse’s mane.
Big Long Face paid no mind to its master’s mood. It recognized the road home, however, and began to swish its tail, nudging its head against Shen Hetang’s shoulder, trying to get him to mount up so they could gallop home together.
“Asking you is useless. You’re nothing but a glutton.” She gave its ear a tug as if to vent, and was then left dumbfounded as Big Long Face, luggage and all, bolted, leaving her behind.
From the back, it looked like a crazed horse, bucking and kicking as it galloped home in a frenzy. Shen Hetang regretted her earlier theatrics. The wind was biting; she had better walk faster.
When Jiang Chenyu heard the horse was back but the person wasn’t, she grew worried. She threw on a long, lined jacket with a center-front opening and stepped out of her room to check. Indeed, only the Black Horse had returned, its back laden with luggage. But this time, the horse actually nuzzled its face against her neck, a gentle, tentative touch. Before it had left with Shen Hetang, she had had to toss its food to it from a distance. Now, upon seeing her again, it was even wagging its tail like a dog. Truly, both humans and horses knew that life on the outside was hard.
“Where’s Ah Tang? Why did you come back alone?” The horse was usually stuck to his side. Why would it return by itself?
Big Long Face cocked its head, bared its teeth, and craned its neck back. The look of utter disdain was fascinating.
Seeing it so mischievous, Jiang Chenyu figured nothing serious could have happened.
“Miss, you should go back inside. Be careful you don’t catch a chill,” Chuntao advised.
“Mm, alright then. Remember to light the lanterns in the courtyard.” After a moment’s thought, Jiang Chenyu decided to go take a bath.
“I know, Miss, don’t you worry. I won’t let the Young Master trip.”
“You and your smart mouth… Hmph… Careful, or no one will want you.”
“If no one wants me, I’ll just cling to you for a lifetime, Miss,” Chuntao said without the slightest hesitation.
When Shen Hetang finally reached the front gate, she saw the lanterns in the courtyard were already lit. The anxious and complicated feelings that had churned within her all the way home calmed in their hazy, warm glow.
She returned to the bedroom to find it empty. She changed into a set of white sleeping clothes made of a soft, thick cotton that was warm and comfortable. The cuffs were embroidered with silver bamboo leaves, adding a touch of elegance to the simple garment.
Jiang Chenyu, fresh from her bath, had a towel wrapped around her long hair as she hurried back to the bedroom. Winter had just begun, and the trees in the courtyard had lost even their last withered leaves, their branches stark and bare. Fortunately, a few colorful lanterns had been hung from them, lending a multi-hued halo to the boughs that had lost their green coats.
Shen Hetang noticed she was wearing a matching nightgown, only the pattern on her cuffs was a pair of peach blossom clusters. The sight was pleasing to the eye.
“Why didn’t you wrap your hair properly? It’s still dripping!” Seeing her dabbing at her hair, Shen Hetang went over, took a larger towel, and had her sit in the rosewood chair. With her head tilted slightly back, Shen Hetang used the cotton cloth to wrap all of her damp tresses up inside it.
Jiang Chenyu had never had her hair wrapped like this before. She glanced in the bronze mirror by the light of the lamp. It was strange, but not ugly. She turned back to look at Shen Hetang, her eyes filled with little stars.
It was still too early in the season to light the charcoal brazier, but not lighting it left one’s hands and feet to freeze. Jiang Chenyu, however, had no plans to light it just yet. At night, she could hide under the covers and use Shen Hetang as a furnace. If the room was too warm, how could she press up against her?
A steaming clay pot sat on the round table. Shen Hetang peered inside to see a savory and fragrant soup of radish and old duck. Goji berries, jujubes, codonopsis root, and slivers of bamboo shoot floated in the milky-white broth, garnished with a sprinkle of green scallions. It looked wonderfully nourishing.
“Well? Which is better, the yamen’s cornbread and pickles, or the food at home?” Shen Hetang had been gone for a month, and the yamen’s fare was surely terrible. The flesh on his face had thinned, and his chin had grown sharp.
“The food at home is more fragrant, of course. Is that even a question?” Shen Hetang’s childhood dream had been to never worry about food and drink, to have someone take care of her. Jiang Chenyu had fulfilled her fantasy of a home, which was why, for a time, she was unwilling to give her up to someone else. Of course, that wasn’t the whole reason.
“It’s cold now that winter is setting in. I stewed this old duck soup for you for a long time. Drink it before you bathe; it will warm you up.” With that, Jiang Chenyu turned and walked toward the canopy bed. Inside the bed’s antechamber hung the newly fashionable glass lanterns2, adorned with painted patterns and beaded tassels. The satin quilt on the bed itself was even more exquisite, embroidered with a beautiful scene of fish swimming among lotus leaves. Every detail exuded a hazy, graceful beauty.
“Aren’t you having any?” she asked, turning her head to watch that willowy, elegant back. As Jiang Chenyu unwound the towel, her hair cascaded down, swaying once or twice before completely covering her palm-sized waist and coming to rest over her perky backside.
“I’ve already eaten. I want to rest a little. It’s just rather cold, so you should be quick.” She refused to eat after nightfall.
Shen Hetang’s mind was still in a mess as she lay down in bed. How had things developed to this point? Just then, the sleeping person beside her snuggled into her arms, smooth, pale feet fidgeting restlessly as if searching for a warm spot. Jiang Chenyu pressed close against her like a small animal. Shen Hetang quickly turned her over and held her from behind. Having her plastered to her front felt far too precarious; it made her feel guilty.
Today had indeed been impulsive, but she still hadn’t figured out what to do next. This wasn’t just her problem; it concerned Jiang Chenyu’s entire life. She didn’t know what to do. The path forward was a dead end, yet she couldn’t bear to let go.
Forget it. This is too much trouble. I won’t think about it anymore. Her fingers hooked the collar of the nightgown before her, and she pressed her lips to the tender skin. In the pitch-black night, the ambiguous mark was invisible, and the faint, stinging sensation did not disturb the fair maiden’s dreams.
A gust of sandy wind blew past. This was a necessary road to Xixing Pass, passing through a village that had been plundered, its houses empty and its people gone. Three youths, fifteen or sixteen years old, trudged along the road, their faces caked with dust.
“What kind of place is this? There’s not even a drop of water,” said a handsome youth, frowning at the desolate village before them. His once fair skin had been roughened by days of wind, and his crimson lips were chapped and stiff. It looked as if speaking another word might split them open and draw blood.
“Master, I will go look for a household nearby shortly,” said a youth with thick brows and large eyes.
“Alright. Let’s walk a little further.” He looked at the desolate village and continued on, dejected.
Just a few days ago, their party had been traveling with a carriage and guards. But when a band of fierce Xiongnu marauders broke through the border defenses to pillage and kill, the General Yan leading them had taken his troops to reinforce the local Commandery Governor.
The small detachment left behind was scattered in the ensuing chaos. Now, only the three of them remained, pressing on toward their destination.
This village had likely been looted. Most border villagers were experienced in evading the Xiongnu. There was no one here, but there were also no signs of burning, killing, or plunder. They had probably evacuated beforehand and would return once the officials’ troops drove the Xiongnu away.
“There’s half a bag of sweet potatoes here. We can roast them tonight, shall we?” The shy youth, who had gone to look for fresh water, returned holding a grimy flour sack.
“Huaiqing, you’re the capable one. We searched a dozen houses and found them all empty!”
“Naturally, I didn’t find these in someone’s kitchen, but dug them up from the fields.” Anything that couldn’t be carried away would surely be hidden. He had deliberately left an ingot of silver, lest the old villagers return to find their food gone and be left disheartened.
“My biaoge has never been one to take advantage of others. You must have left silver again, haven’t you?” the youth teased. He didn’t know how his shy and scholarly cousin would adapt once they reached the frontier.
The scholarly youth just smiled and said nothing.
After finally finding water, they continued their trek. They weren’t far from Yanmen Pass now. They just had to persevere for a few more days to reach his father’s military camp.
From the foot of a barren hill not far away, a series of whinnies suddenly drifted over, though they sounded faint and pained.
The three followed the sound and found a pure black mare struggling to give birth. The mare’s body spasmed, and she clearly had little strength left. Only two of the foal’s hooves were out. The situation looked extremely dangerous.
Worst of all, the mare seemed to have a blade wound on her body. It was not small, and the bleeding wouldn’t stop. Between the difficult labor and the wound, she was certainly not going to survive. Seeing the black mare on the verge of collapsing from exhaustion, the three youths, having no experience in delivering a foal and no medicine to help, could only watch, helpless.
After a long moment, the mare seemed to sense her end. She had used all her strength but still couldn’t push the foal out. Her eyes, which seemed to hold a human-like intelligence, fixed upon the youth in the middle, as if asking for his help. The fur around her eyes was soaked.
The youth looked at the black mare, who possessed both an animal’s spirit and a mother’s great love. Though his heart ached, he squatted down and said, “You can go in peace. I will look after your child.”
The mare seemed to understand his promise. She closed her eyes peacefully.
“Chen Lan, pull the foal out!” Seeing that the mare was barely breathing, the youth knew the foal would be in danger if it wasn’t born soon.
“Yes!” The tall, sturdy youth approached the mare and used a knife to pull the foal out. But the foal seemed premature. A whole night passed, and it still couldn’t stand. It looked very weak. The three of them gave the mare a simple burial in a shallow pit.
Once out of its amniotic sac, the little foal lay limply beside the youth. It was so frail it was only a little larger than a lamb. Its natal coat, which should have been licked clean by its mother, remained stuck to its body.
“Biaodi, are you going to bring it with us? We still have over half a month before we reach Zhao Family Fort. Won’t it be a burden?” Ye Huaiqing said disapprovingly.
“Believe it or not, in two months, you’ll be more trouble than it is. And yet, am I not still bringing you along?” the youth retorted, raising an eyebrow.
“…Fair point. You can bring it,” the scholarly youth said, waving his hand, speechless.
Talk was easy, but action was hard. The horse couldn’t walk, and Chen Lan couldn’t just carry it. And though they had silver, they had no food. Their own rations were a problem, let alone knowing what to feed a foal.
In the end, they fashioned a simple cart from scavenged branches, wood, and torn clothes, which looked rather like a large chicken coop. They used strips of cloth for ropes and padded it with dry grass. The three of them took turns pulling it.
The little foal wasn’t faring much better. Already weak, it had only fresh water and sweet potatoes to eat, but it didn’t seem to like sweet potatoes, or perhaps couldn’t eat them. After two days, it grew even more listless. Ye Huaiqing couldn’t even bear to look at it.
Whenever he shot the foal a disdainful glance, it would always let out a low whinny at the handsome youth, as if tattling.
Finally, on the third day, Chen Lan saved the little horse’s life. He had shot a wild chicken. The three of them ate the meat, broke the sweet potatoes into small pieces, and cooked them in the chicken broth to feed the foal. One dared to feed it, the other dared to eat!
After that, the foal was slowly able to stand. They also reached an inhabited area.
On a wide dirt road, two sturdy red horses pulled a sizable carriage. Inside the spacious carriage sat three youths, still dusty and travel-worn, each holding a meat-pie and a water skin filled with hot water.
On the footboard outside the carriage, a small foal lay sunbathing. It was too slow to keep up, so it had to ride. Its long legs, dangling in the air, twitched playfully. Only, this little horse refused to drink goat’s milk and instead tried to snatch the meat-pie from the youth’s hand, making the other two burst into laughter.
“Biaodi, it’s all your fault for giving it chicken soup. Now you’ve raised it to be like a dog, wanting a taste of everything, hahahaha,” Ye Huaiqing teased.
The youth shot him a sidelong glance. Perhaps he had been overthinking things. Now that this person was out of the capital, he didn’t seem so shy anymore!
The carriage continued its rhythmic, creaking journey forward, leaving two clear, distinct tracks from its wheels on the rutted official road.
Shen Hetang, who had dreamt all night, rose before dawn and, throwing on a robe, went to the stables. She slowly approached the Black Horse, reaching out to touch the small patch of white on its forehead. The horse stood obediently and let her pet it. It had the same intelligent eyes as the mare from her dream, but they were also bright and resolute.
“So that’s why I took such a liking to you. Turns out the original owner was your nanny. You really are a lucky one.” Thinking of the youth from her dream, she felt no sense of strangeness, but rather a kind of familiarity. That youth was more uninhibited than she was; one look and you could tell he had been well-raised by his family, unlike her, whose teenage years had been filled with immense pressure.
So where was that youth—no, that young woman—now? Was she okay? Shen Hetang stood in the stables in the cold for a long time.
“I’ll have someone bring you some carrots later,” she told the Black Horse before she left. There were things she couldn’t do, but she wouldn’t let a horse’s standard of living decline.
The more Zhang Qiming looked at his wife after returning home, the more he found her displeasing. If she hadn’t deliberately approached him back then, how could he have let such a peerless beauty slip through his fingers? It was a classic case of chasing a petty gain only to suffer a huge loss. If he had married Jiang Chenyu, how would he be the laughingstock of his classmates today for marrying a fishmonger’s daughter?
The more he thought about it, the more his heart ached. But to say the blame lay entirely with Zhang Qiming’s wife would be twisting the facts. Wasn’t he the one who, seeing the young girl’s fresh beauty and frustrated by the Jiang family’s constant delays, couldn’t help but flirt with her? One thing led to another, and they ended up rolling around together. Afterward, the girl showed up at his door with a swollen belly. His Zhang family tried to settle the matter with silver, but this girl’s family was no pushover. Forget silver; they wouldn’t even accept the position of a concubine, saying a concubine was no different from a servant. If the Zhang family refused to marry their daughter, they would report him to the yamen and ruin his chances at the imperial examinations. With that, his parents’ hands were tied. The fisher-girl’s family was not without connections, and they were not easily bullied. In the end, they had to compromise.
Now the child was born, and the woman had become an eyesore. In just a year, they had become a couple full of resentment, finding the mere sight of each other grating. In the beginning, the woman had also been deceived by Zhang Qiming’s sweet talk and had stubbornly insisted on marrying him. After the marriage, they couldn’t even share a bed to foster affection, and Zhang Qiming couldn’t be bothered to pretend anymore, shedding his initial gentleness. Because the marriage had been forced, his mother-in-law bad-mouthed her daughter-in-law daily, and he, in turn, treated his wife with nothing but coldness.
This time, a classmate had invited him to Qingyuan County for a wedding banquet. After the feast, he suddenly remembered that he once had a fiancée. He had only seen her twice as a child, but he remembered her as a budding beauty. Later, he heard she was in poor health and that her stepfather, who disliked her, rarely let her out. Then her mother passed away, and she was in mourning at home. He had never once seen the grown-up Jiang Chenyu. And after that, he had gotten involved with the fisher-girl and cast Jiang Chenyu to the back of his mind.
That day, drunk and watching the lively wedding celebration, he had suddenly wanted to see that little sister from his childhood. Had his breaking of the engagement affected her marriage prospects? Was her life even more difficult, given her frailty? At that moment, a sense of guilt washed over him. He even imagined various reunion scenarios, and went so far as to think that if no one else wanted her, it wouldn’t be out of the question for him to marry her as a wife of equal status3.
With that thought, he got up, asked for directions to the Jiang family residence, and stood for a long time before the large tree outside the gate. He hadn’t expected to see her, but just then, the main gate suddenly opened, and a little maid with willow-leaf brows and apricot eyes came out. He seized the chance and hurried forward. “Miss, may I ask if your young lady is at home?”
Chuntao’s eyes glinted when she saw him. She asked hesitantly, “And who might you be, Young Master? What business do you have at the Jiang Manor?”
“This one is Zhang Qiming. I have come to this esteemed residence to pay a visit to Miss Jiang.” Zhang Qiming bowed somewhat awkwardly, likely aware that he was not welcome.
“Oh? So it’s Young Master Zhang?” Chuntao’s tone and expression shifted the instant she heard his name. Her willow-leaf brows arched as she looked at him with a cool expression.
“Miss, please don’t misunderstand. This one has only come to see if Miss Jiang is well. After all, I am the one who wronged her in the past. If… if Chenyu-meimei is now suffering because our engagement was broken, I am willing to compensate her.” The more Zhang Qiming spoke, the more feasible it seemed. His tipsy face was flushed with excitement.
Chuntao couldn’t even be bothered to scold such a person. Though she despised him, she still had to ask her mistress for her opinion.
“Young Master Zhang, please wait a moment. I will go and inform my mistress.”
“Thank you, Miss.” His heart began to race with excitement. In that moment, he completely forgot he was a married man with a family.
Jiang Chenyu was already in a foul mood, and hearing that Zhang Qiming was at her door, she would normally have refused to see him. But lately, her temper had been short, and she was curious what he wanted. Not wanting him to set foot in her courtyard and dirty the place, she decided to go out and meet him.
Who knew that the moment the man surnamed Zhang saw her, his eyes went wide. He immediately started calling out “Chenyu-meimei, Chenyu-meimei,” clearly well-practiced in charming women. She had intended to tell him to state his business, and if he had none, to have Zhuzi send him away. But then, her eyes flickered to the side, and she caught sight of Shen Hetang.
At that, she no longer cared that the man surnamed Zhang was gripping her hand. He was still babbling about something, but Jiang Chenyu didn’t hear a word of it. Her peripheral vision was fixed on the approaching figure.
And that Zhang fellow, seemingly drunk, was staring at her infatuatedly and trying to get closer. Sure enough, the next second, he went flying. As events unfolded to this point, Jiang Chenyu finally felt that this man surnamed Zhang had some use after all.
After being kicked, Young Master Zhang returned home and took his frustrations out on his wife. Comparing the two women, who were worlds apart, made him regret his choices all the more. He started drinking sullenly all day, claiming that if his wife hadn’t forced his hand back then, he would never have lost his original fiancée. Now his guts were truly green with regret.
“What use are you? You can’t even hold onto your husband’s heart. You’re not as good at pleasing people as Xiangchun. Find a time to have Xiangchun raised up for your husband,” Madam Zhang said, sipping her tea with an air of superiority.
“Mother?” The fisher-girl stared at Madam Zhang in disbelief.
“Address me as Mother,” Madam Zhang corrected. She didn’t like this daughter-in-law one bit. Though she hadn’t been particularly fond of that sickly girl from the Jiang family either, at least Miss Jiang was a young lady from a good family who never stepped out of the house. How could she compare to this ill-mannered girl from a lowly household? She had no idea what her son had been thinking.
“Mother, was raising a concubine my husband’s idea?” the fisher-girl asked, refusing to give up.
“What does it matter if it was his idea or not? Haven’t you seen that he’s lost all interest in his studies lately? If you hadn’t seduced him back then, my son would have married that Miss Jiang. You are also at fault for his current state. Taking in Xiangchun to win back his heart is for your own good.”
“Mother, it has always taken two to tango. My husband and I were at fault back then, but we have a child now. Isn’t it a bit late for him to have regrets? I’ve made inquiries. That Miss Jiang didn’t wait for him; she married long ago. He’s the only one who still thinks he’s such a prize, as if everyone is like me, with their heart clouded by lard!” The fisher-girl was fundamentally a fiery spirit. It was only because she had been deceived by Zhang Qiming’s flowery words that she had always acted sweet and understanding in front of the man she loved. Later, after she had a daughter and her figure changed, with her mother-in-law’s dislike and her husband’s indifference, she had simply given up and couldn’t be bothered to play the part of the good, understanding wife anymore.
“You… you… you…!” The mother-in-law was so angered by her words that she clutched her forehead and began to groan.
This mother-in-law of mine certainly knows how to feign illness. And she has the nerve to criticize others for poor health? Who’s more frail than you? Honestly. Despite her internal grumbling, she still went to support her. No matter what, she was the child’s grandmother, wasn’t she? But she knew that when her husband returned, she would surely be in for another lecture.
Back then, she had truly loved her husband, which was why she had insisted on marrying Zhang Qiming. Besides, she was pregnant. Who else could she marry?
She had thought that once she was with child, his family would agree to the marriage. She never expected them to try and renege on their responsibility. If it weren’t for a distant relative who asked a kinsman working in the yamen to stand up for her, the Zhang family might never have acknowledged her.
Now, watching Zhang Qiming act like a madman, losing his appetite over another woman, she felt more and more wronged. A thought even began to form in her mind: she wanted to go and see for herself just what kind of celestial immortal this woman was, to be able to make her husband so utterly captivated by her…
Footnotes
- A modern Chinese internet slang term (tǎngzhe zhòng qiāng) for being implicated or blamed for something one is not involved in.
- Liúlí dēng (琉璃灯) were a luxury item, made from colored and sometimes painted glass, a material that was relatively rare and expensive compared to paper or silk for lanterns.
- A píngqī (平妻) was a secondary wife who held a status theoretically equal to the first wife, a practice that was socially recognized in some periods but often legally ambiguous. It was a way for a man to have two 'main' wives, especially if the second wife also came from a good family.
0 Comments