I have already gone far, and you should not stay in the same place
At half-past three in the morning, Liang Xuan was abruptly awakened from her slumber by crying. Cold sweat covered her forehead, and a solitary teardrop hung suspended from her long eyelashes.
In her dream, she saw her childhood self and her long-unseen mother. Her mother in the dream still appeared frail, confined to her sickbed. Liang Xuan held a glass of water and handed it to her mother, who needed it to take her medication. Then, she knelt by her side, watching her mother take the medicine. Her mother reached out and gently caressed her head, filled with love, and firmly reassured her, “Little Xuan, don’t be afraid. Even if I’m not here, I won’t allow them to do as they please. I will protect you. They’ve already taken away the most precious thing from me, and I won’t let them take away your precious things too!” In her dream, she seemed to understand vaguely, but still nodded obediently.
However, the scene suddenly shifted, with her mother still appearing sickly, but Liang Xuan had suddenly grown up. She still held the glass of water and offered it to her mother, but her mother’s previously gentle face turned resentful. She didn’t take the water Liang Xuan offered but instead angrily knocked it over. Despite her weakness, she struggled to sit up and grabbed Liang Xuan’s shoulder fiercely, shaking her vigorously, and through gritted teeth, she demanded, “Liang Xuan, can you justify your actions to my painstaking efforts? Who gave you permission to demean yourself like this? Are you just going to hand everything over to that wretched mother and son?!”
Liang Xuan was dazed and tried to break free from her mother’s grip, but she found her dream mother surprisingly strong, leaving her unable to resist. She was in intense pain and could only cry out, “Mom, it hurts so much…”
Her mother’s face gradually turned pale and ashen, her eyes bulging, and she roared at her, “Liang Xuan, have you forgotten what I told you? Have you forgotten what you promised me? Are you going to let me die with regrets? Liang Xuan, have you forgotten how they treated me, how they treated you, how they humiliated us?!” Her grip tightened even more, and Liang Xuan felt the pain intensify, as if her bones were about to shatter.
She could only struggle incessantly, crying out, “Mom, I’m sorry, I’m sorry… But Mom, that’s not what I wanted, I’m unhappy, I’m living unhappily… Mom, I don’t want those things, Mom, it hurts, Mom…”
But her mother seemed indifferent, her grip growing stronger, her eyes widening. Just as Liang Xuan felt like her body was about to be crushed, her mother’s eyeballs suddenly burst, spraying a mist of blood onto Liang Xuan’s face, making it wet and sticky…
Overwhelmed by the intense fright, Liang Xuan screamed in horror for a moment, shaking uncontrollably as if she were in a frenzy. Her mind was like mush, and just as she was about to lose consciousness, she suddenly snapped her eyes open, jolting awake from the dream.
She stared motionlessly at the ceiling, eyes wide open, her emotions still immersed in the lingering terror of the dream. After a while, she finally switched on the bedside lamp, slowly sat up, reached for her bag hanging on the coat rack, and took out her wallet. From the wallet’s compartment, she extracted a small, thin one-inch photo. In the photo, there was the graceful and beautiful face of Lu Zizheng. It was a photo Liang Xuan had secretly taken from Lu Zizheng’s job application.
Her brows were furrowed with sorrow, her expression heavy. Her thumb gently caressed Lu Zizheng’s face with affection, her heart still trembling from her mother’s stern interrogation in the dream.
After a while, Liang Xuan threw back the air-conditioned blanket, revealing two slender and clean legs, and she rolled out of bed. She walked out of the bedroom, turned on the light in the study, and sat down at the desk.
She picked up the comic manuscript placed beside the desk, pulled out a pen from the holder, lowered her head, and began to concentrate on drawing where she had previously left off.
In the comic, it was portraying the moment when the protagonist, a girl, confessed to her grandfather that she wanted to cancel her engagement because she had fallen in love with someone else, a girl. Then, the girl and her grandfather argued vehemently, and in the end, the grandfather, in anger, declared that he would sever ties with her and forced her out of the house…
(Originally translated on littlepandatranslations.com, let's go!)
Liang Xuan felt a faint pain resurfacing in her body, a blend of the pain of her mother’s fierce grip on her shoulder in the dream and the soreness from the cane her grandfather had angrily struck her back with on that day. She couldn’t discern exactly where the pain was coming from.
Even in the midst of waiting, the days seemed exceptionally long and unbearable, but Lu Zizheng finally awaited the weekend. After having dinner early, Lu Zizheng, as usual, called Jiang Huaixi. In the phone call, she seemed a bit more excited, eagerly discussing with Jiang Huaixi where they should go next week when she visited, and what additional things they should prepare for her apartment.
In contrast, Jiang Huaixi was unusually quiet and somewhat reserved. She listened quietly for a long time before finally, in a low and somewhat hesitant voice, she told Lu Zizheng that she might not be able to come next week.
Lu Zizheng felt as though she had been hit on the head with a heavy blow, and her joyful mood was instantly doused with a bucket of cold water. She remained stunned for a while, considering her words. Unable to hold back any longer, with a slightly anxious tone that she couldn’t conceal, she asked Jiang Huaixi, “Huaixi, have you encountered any problems or is something happening at home? Tell me, maybe I can help.”
However, Jiang Huaixi still avoided answering directly and reassured her, “Everything is fine at home, no issues. Just take care of yourself, don’t worry about me too much, even if you’ve already done me a huge favor.”
Lu Zizheng was filled with questions and unease, but facing Jiang Huaixi, who was unwilling to say more, she could only feel helpless.
As they were about to hang up the phone, Jiang Huaixi suddenly stopped Lu Zizheng, smiled gently, and, in an unusual and straightforward manner, said, “Zizheng, I love you.”
Lu Zizheng’s heart suddenly sank again.
After hanging up the phone, she held her phone in one hand and placed the other on her knee, sitting motionless for a long time. Then, as if she had made a decision, she slightly tightened her fingers, raised the phone, and dialed Jiang Huaichuan’s number.
However, the phone rang for a long time, and in the end, Jiang Huaichuan didn’t answer the call.
Lu Zizheng furrowed her brow in frustration, unwilling to give up. She remembered the day she left, with Mother Jiang hesitating to speak. She changed direction and called Mother Jiang. However, like with Jiang Huaichuan, the phone kept ringing until it was automatically disconnected, and Mother Jiang didn’t answer the call either.
Was it a coincidence or was she being overly suspicious?
She dialed Jiang Huaichuan and Mother Jiang’s phone numbers again, but the result was the same…
Lu Zizheng bit her lip, suddenly feeling a surge of bitterness, helplessness, and insecurity welling up inside her. Deceivers, all of them. Weren’t they supposed to be intimate lovers, relying on each other like family, a close-knit and loving family? Why were they conspiring together to keep her in the dark, excluding her? Deceiver, Jiang Huaixi, you deceiver…
She stood up, her hands on the desk, gradually closing her fingers into a tight fist. After a while, she suddenly sprang into action, racing to her study, turning on her computer, and quickly searching for flights. She needed to go to Linzhou, back to Jiang Huaixi! As a married couple, regardless of the difficulties, she had the right to face them together with Jiang Huaixi. Jiang Huaixi couldn’t just strip her of that right.
After booking a flight for the next afternoon to return to Linzhou, Lu Zizheng suddenly felt drained, slumping weakly in her chair. After a while, she gathered her emotions and began packing her luggage. She hadn’t brought much with her when she came, just some clothes, simple and straightforward. In no time, she had almost finished packing.
Even in the air-conditioned room, Lu Zizheng was sweating from the rush. She stood in front of her suitcase, looking at it thoughtfully, absentmindedly pushing her bangs back, wondering if she had forgotten anything. Just as she was racking her brain and preparing to go to the living room for a glass of water, the doorbell suddenly rang.
Lu Zizheng opened the door and saw Liang Xuan standing there, whom she hadn’t seen for several days. Ever since they returned from X University together that day, Lu Zizheng had deliberately distanced herself from Liang Xuan. She politely declined Liang Xuan’s invitations to have meals or chat over fruit after dinner, and she didn’t agree to any of them. After a couple of times, Liang Xuan seemed to have sensed something and became quieter. Several days passed, and Lu Zizheng hadn’t seen her since.
At this moment, Liang Xuan stood at the door with a smile, noticing that Lu Zizheng’s nose was slightly sweaty as she opened the door. She asked in slight surprise, “Are you doing indoor exercises?”
Lu Zizheng shook her head, blocking the doorway, and straightforwardly asked, “What’s up? Is there something you need?” Clearly, she adopted a posture of not wanting to be disturbed.
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Liang Xuan detected her distant attitude, and a hint of loneliness briefly flashed in her expression. Then, she smiled gently and warmly invited her, saying, “I heard that the sand sculpture park across from Xuhai Park has opened a sand sculpture exhibition these days, along with a week-long food street event. They’ve also invited some musicians for an evening concert. I wanted to ask if you’re available and if we could go together.”
Upon hearing this, Lu Zizheng offered a slightly apologetic smile and informed Liang Xuan, “Liang Xuan, I’m actually heading back to Linzhou tomorrow afternoon, so I won’t be able to go see it with you.”
Liang Xuan clearly hadn’t expected this, and her expression showed some visible astonishment. She paused for a moment and asked Lu Zizheng, “Why are you suddenly going back? Weren’t you planning to study here?”
Lu Zizheng lowered her eyelids, sighed, and casually explained, “Well, something came up, so I’ve decided to go back for a bit.”
Liang Xuan couldn’t help but blurt out, her voice slightly louder in her pursuit of answers, “Is it related to Jiang Huaixi?”
Lu Zizheng subtly furrowed her brow and responded calmly, “Yes.”
Liang Xuan knew she had overreacted. It seemed like she wanted to say something to justify herself but ended up just opening her mouth and falling silent. She lowered her head slightly, appearing somewhat remorseful and hesitant. Her grip on the hem of her dress tightened gradually, and she seemed enveloped by a cloud of gloom.
After a moment of silence, Liang Xuan finally spoke again, changing her tone and asking Lu Zizheng, “Why not seize the day? How about we go together tonight?” As she spoke, her gaze was fixed directly on Lu Zizheng, filled with a plea.
Lu Zizheng avoided her gaze and politely declined, saying, “I’m leaving tomorrow, and I want to pack some things in the evening and get some rest…”
However, Liang Xuan, in contrast to her usual considerate self, suddenly became unusually persistent. She pleaded again, “It’s just across the street, not far at all, and it won’t take much time.” She lowered her head, her tone subdued, filled with loneliness. “Zizheng, the next time we meet, I don’t know what circumstances we’ll be in. I guess maybe this is the last time… So, please, just accompany me one more time. Fulfill my dream…”
Lu Zizheng stared at her for a long time, feeling a sense of nostalgia. Liang Xuan was still as sharp and decisive as ever. Without this opportunity, there might not be a next time. She had come to understand that former lovers were unlikely to become friends.
In the end, Lu Zizheng sighed and asked her, “Can you be back before 9 o’clock?” This was her final compromise to Liang Xuan. Lu Zizheng thought that if it worked out, they wouldn’t need to see each other again in the future, which might be better for both of them.
A delighted smile broke through Liang Xuan’s despondent face, and she nodded repeatedly, saying, “Sure, can you wait for me? I’ll go get my bag and keys, and then we can leave right away, okay?”
Lu Zizheng nodded and watched her hurriedly walk away. In her heart, she sighed deeply.
Surprisingly, the sand sculpture exhibition was much livelier than Lu Zizheng had imagined. The food street was filled with enticing aromas of various snacks, and the evening concert seemed to be just beginning, with cheers echoing constantly. Lu Zizheng and Liang Xuan purchased two tickets and entered the sand sculpture park. Liang Xuan was excited and asked Lu Zizheng if she wanted to try some special snacks, but Lu Zizheng was rather indifferent, responding, “I’m okay…” The sand sculpture park was dimly lit, colorful and flashing; the music from the concert was deafening, and the noise was giving Lu Zizheng a slight headache.
Liang Xuan noticed Lu Zizheng’s reluctance and just smiled, leading her towards the direction of the sand sculptures. She explained, “This area is closest to the stage, so it might be a bit noisy. If we walk over here, it might be better, and we can see the largest sand sculpture at this sand sculpture festival.” As they walked further away, the music became quieter, and Lu Zizheng indeed felt more comfortable.
Sure enough, after passing several small sand sculptures with different styles along the way, a huge sand sculpture of a ship appeared before Lu Zizheng’s eyes.
The ship sculpture was about three meters tall, grand in scale, with a high cabin. Looking up, one could see the realistic structures and tall chimneys on the deck, meticulously crafted. People were bustling on the deck, many of them leaning against the railing with cameras in hand, clearly taking photos as souvenirs.
Liang Xuan asked Lu Zizheng, “Do you want to go up and take a look?”
Lu Zizheng was impressed by its size and somewhat curious, so she nodded.
Liang Xuan walked ahead, and Lu Zizheng followed behind. Unexpectedly, there was an additional fee to go on the deck. By the time Lu Zizheng realized it, Liang Xuan had already purchased the tickets. Lu Zizheng felt a bit embarrassed, but seeing that Liang Xuan had already paid, she had no choice but to follow along.
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As Liang Xuan ascended while making a phone call, the noisy surroundings made it impossible for Lu Zizheng to hear any of the conversation. When they reached the deck, Liang Xuan had already finished her call and put her phone away.
Lu Zizheng held her phone and, together with Liang Xuan, walked around the deck, entered some open interior areas, and used the flash to take many photos. After about ten minutes, Liang Xuan pulled Lu Zizheng to the railing of the deck, suggesting that she look into the distance and feel the cool breeze.
As Lu Zizheng was trying to peer into the distance through the dense night, she heard Liang Xuan gently say, “Zizheng, do you know that this ship is the Titanic…”
Lu Zizheng was slightly stunned and shook her head, indicating that she didn’t know.
Liang Xuan smiled, looking at Lu Zizheng with a smile that was only a shallow ripple away from sadness. Her phone suddenly vibrated in her hand, and her smile widened as she pointed excitedly at the night sky, saying, “Zizheng, look quickly…”
Upon hearing this, Lu Zizheng reflexively raised her head in surprise, looking in the direction that Liang Xuan was pointing. The very next moment, she saw a streak of light rapidly shooting up into the dark blue night sky. Then, with a “boom,” it burst in the air, displaying a dazzling array of colors, one after another, breathtakingly beautiful.
It was fireworks.
Lu Zizheng gazed at the beautiful bursts of fireworks, lost in thought for a long time.
Liang Xuan’s voice sounded in her ears, gentle and affectionate. She said, “Zizheng, I’m sorry. This fireworks display has been owed to you for a long time.”
Lu Zizheng lowered her head, turned her face slightly, and saw Liang Xuan’s face, exceptionally beautiful in the hazy night, with eyes that shone brightly and sincerely.
Liang Xuan had a faint smile on her face, but her tone was filled with melancholy. “It’s a pity there’s no snow like back in our high school years here, and we can’t go back to that time either.”
Lu Zizheng, through the misty light, looked at Liang Xuan, whose smile carried a bitter sweetness at the corners of her lips. She recalled that year when she secretly stole glances at Liang Xuan, feeling her heart beating like a drum. She remembered that year when she desperately chased after a car in a pouring rain. She remembered that year when Liang Xuan, full of youthful spirit, had promised to take her to see a magnificent fireworks display. And she also remembered the Jiang Huaixi who had held her and made her heart race with excitement, fulfilling her long-cherished desire. Lu Zizheng couldn’t help but feel a pang of emotion.
“I’m sorry, Liang Xuan, I’ve really waited for you for a long, long time…”
But now, it’s really too late…
So, all she could respond to Liang Xuan with was that one sentence, carried away by the night breeze: “Liang Xuan, I’ve already gone very far, and you shouldn’t stay in the same place. You’ll find happiness…”