Doubt
“Happy Qixi1.”
It was only then that she realized, oh, it had been such a long time.
Seeing the roses, she was reminded of Lin Yan and her words: “Give a little color, and it becomes a dyeing workshop. Do you know roses have thorns?”
Everything that happened that night, her brows, her eyes, her body temperature, for Song Yuhang, it was a dream that had not yet finished but had already woken up. But precisely because of this, she held onto enough anticipation for their next meeting.
They rarely contacted each other; Lin Yan had truly achieved the state of “I won’t look for you, and you shouldn’t look for me.” But almost every day, when Song Yuhang passed by the bulletin board, she would glance at her photo and quietly ask in her heart: Are you feeling better today?
She never sent that message, and Lin Yan didn’t reply to her initial text. Song Yuhang took out her phone, intending to say something when Captain Zhang Jinhai approached from behind.
“Hey, Captain Song, getting to work?”
Song Yuhang had no choice but to put her phone away and walked with him. “Yes, Captain Zhang, good morning.”
During lunch break, a few detectives who were in relationships quietly discussed their evening plans, and the single ones made arrangements to hang out with friends. Song Yuhang sat alone in her office chair. Her position and age made it somewhat awkward for her; she didn’t quite fit in with the older officers, and the ones in their twenties might view her presence as an attempt to curry favor.
Song Yuhang was always tactful and never attended gatherings with her subordinates.
She was thinking about something else: if she had a day off tomorrow, right at the tail end of summer, she wanted to go see her.
Without waiting for her to think for too long, Lin Ge arrived in the afternoon. His car was parked at the gate, and he held a bouquet of flowers.
He was indeed a considerate and attentive man. Knowing that Song Yuhang didn’t like extravagance, his car was understated, his attire was modest, and the flowers he held were simple—sunflowers, daisies, and baby’s breath, along with a few other embellishments that Song Yuhang couldn’t name.
As she approached, he handed her the flowers. “Happy Qixi. Do you have time tonight? Let’s have dinner together?”
It was precisely the end of the workday, and there was a constant flow of people at the entrance of the municipal bureau. Director Feng’s driver had just opened the car door for him, but the old director stopped in his tracks and looked in their direction. The driver also glanced over.
Wow! What a guy! Captain Song has someone pursuing her too! Tsk tsk tsk, impressive! It looks like it’s not just Director Feng; even Director Zhao can resolve his worries.
Song Yuhang showed no signs of embarrassment on her face, as if she had just received a gift from a friend, with a calm expression.
“Thank you, and I wish you a happy Qixi too.”
As the car carrying Song Yuhang disappeared from the entrance of the municipal bureau, Feng Jianguo finally shifted his gaze away and returned to his seat in the car, instructing the driver to start driving.
* * *
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The dates with Lin Ge were far from dull. They dined at mid-range to high-end restaurants and even enjoyed street food at crowded stalls. Song Yuhang insisted on splitting the bill with him, so they often went Dutch, taking turns treating each other.
After dinner, if she had free time, they might go bowling, archery, or play table tennis and other sports. However, they never did the usual couple activities like watching movies or shopping for clothes, and she couldn’t quite put her finger on why that was.
Perhaps it was because of this that Song Yuhang increasingly felt that he was a good person to be with, and they got along comfortably, but there was still something missing. What that something was, she couldn’t say.
It was too difficult for someone with a blank emotional history to contemplate these questions. She’d find it easier to go for a five-kilometer cross-country run with a heavy load.
Song Yuhang raised her hand and shot an arrow right into the bullseye, while Lin Ge, panting heavily, sat down and said, “I can’t go on, let’s take a break.”
“Sure.”
“Here, wipe your sweat.”
Accompanying the bottle of mineral water was a handkerchief; he really was an attentive person.
“Thank you.”
The bottle cap had already been loosened, and Song Yuhang took a sip. Just as she was about to use the handkerchief to wipe her sweat, her movement froze.
A rush of masculine, unique hormones filled the air, and she suddenly found herself a little nostalgic for the refreshing cologne scent that used to emanate from Lin Yan. From a distance, it was faint, but up close, it was sweet.
Song Yuhang neatly folded the handkerchief and handed it back to him, then checked her watch. “It’s getting late; I should head home.”
Lin Ge stood up. “Alright, I’ll escort you.”
“No need, really. I’ll just take a taxi.”
“I have my car here; why spend the money on a taxi? Come on, it’s just a short walk anyway.”
His hospitality was hard to resist.
He had almost achieved the best a man could do—well-mannered, humorous, tactful in conversation, humble about his knowledge, not flaunting his background, devoid of arrogance, modest and respectful towards women and all vulnerable groups.
He dropped Song Yuhang off at the corner, personally opening the car door for her. Song Yuhang moved her lips as if to say something, but he smiled and spoke first, “Miss Song, don’t overthink it. Both ethically and logically, you are Lin Yan’s friend and colleague. You saved her, and we are all very grateful. My show of goodwill towards you has elements of gratitude as well as personal feelings.”
He paused, “Miss Song is very special.”
If it were an ordinary person, facing such a refined and handsome guy expressing his feelings would have likely caused embarrassment. But Song Yuhang hadn’t quite figured out what her emotions truly were, and she felt like she had glimpsed something while still being far from understanding it.
She only knew that when Lin Ge spoke these words to her, her inner state was very calm, without a hint of disturbance. The only ripple she felt was related to Lin Yan.
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When she heard that name, she would subconsciously think of her, to the point of momentarily losing focus.
Seeing that she was absent-minded, Lin Ge didn’t say more. “Today was just a meal with a friend who happened to be available on this somewhat special day, Miss Song. Please don’t take it to heart. Forgive my abruptness.”
Song Yuhang smiled and bid him farewell. “No worries. Thanks to you, I’m not on duty right now. I’ll consider formal dating matters. Thank you.”
Lin Ge smiled again with that familiar and hearty smile. “Great, I’ll keep working on it too.”
After bidding farewell to Lin Ge, she walked home alone. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a young girl selling flowers on the roadside. In front of her was a basket with a few bare roses, unnoticed by passersby.
“Flowers for sale, flowers for sale, two yuan each…” The girl, upon seeing someone approaching, raised her voice a bit, and her hoarse voice carried by the wind traveled quite far.
For some reason, as soon as she saw the roses, she thought of Lin Yan. She felt like these few rose flowers were just like her—lonely, overlooked, incomplete, yet singularly beautiful.
Before she knew it, she was already crouching in front of the flower-selling girl. “I’ll take all of these.”
The young girl was delighted and counted them—there were a total of five. It wasn’t even an auspicious number. She felt a bit embarrassed and wanted to wrap them up for her.
Song Yuhang had already handed over ten yuan. “No need, I’ll just take them like this.”
She held the thorny stems of the roses and began walking home. After a few steps, she turned back, placed a beautifully wrapped bouquet of flowers in front of the girl, and said,
“Take this too. Hurry home; it’s not safe to be out this late.”
The fourteen or fifteen-year-old girl had completed her task for the day, pocketed a handful of change, and received an unexpected bouquet of flowers. It was truly a pleasant surprise.
“Th… thank you.”
Before she could finish speaking, the tall woman had waved and disappeared into the darkness, walking through the dim light of the streetlamp and vanishing into the night.
* * *
Back at home, after Song Yuhang had taken a shower, she found a vase for those few roses, trimmed the stems a bit, and decided they looked decent. She took out her phone, snapped a picture for keepsake, not sure who to send it to. She scrolled through her phone until she came across the name “Lin Yan” and swiped her finger.
Song Yuhang covered her face.
“Ding dong.” The phone on the table rang.
Lin Yan turned on the table lamp, reached for her phone, and saw a message from Song Yuhang. She didn’t reply with words, just a single image: a bouquet of vivid and alluring roses.
Lin Yan seemed to understand something, her eyelashes flickering. She gradually tightened her lips.
Just as she was about to press the number to call back—
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The sender had already retracted the message.
At the same time, Lin Ge’s social media post appeared on the screen: “An unforgettable Qixi.”
The accompanying image showed a dining table set with a candlelit dinner, fine wine, and delicious food. Though the person sitting across from him didn’t reveal their face, they exposed a portion of their wrist, and she recognized whose wristwatch it was.
Lin Yan put down her phone, turned off the bedside lamp, rolled over, and went back to sleep.
As she waited patiently for a response that never came, she watched Lin Yan’s profile picture gradually turn grey. Song Yuhang sighed with a mixture of relief and regret.
For some reason, when she spoke to herself with a teasing tone around Lin Yan, she could handle the banter and even flirt back.
But expressing genuine concern seemed much more difficult.
Song Yuhang couldn’t quite understand it, so she decided not to dwell on it. She poured herself a glass of tap water and headed back to her room, closing the door behind her to continue tinkering with her cherished mechanical rod.
Footnotes
- Qixi, also known as the Qixi Festival or Chinese Valentine’s Day, is a traditional Chinese festival celebrated on the seventh day of the seventh month of the lunar calendar. It usually falls in August, and it is a day that celebrates the romantic legend of the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl.
Be gay song yuhang BE GAY
Be gay song yuhang BE GAY