Forgetting this matter, she is very skilled
On the fifth day of the lunar month, with two days remaining until the spring break, Wen Tong said she had been transferred at work, so she returned to Anjiang City, spanning over half the country, ahead of time. As usual, Xiao Wanqing drove to the airport to pick her up.
Every year, when Wen Tong returned home or came back, it was Xiao Wanqing who acted as the driver to pick her up. Compared to the times when she saw Wen Tong off, when Wen Tong would hesitate to speak, with a heavy and low mood, Xiao Wanqing preferred the moments when she went to pick her up upon her return, when Wen Tong’s expression was gentle and her smile was radiant. Usually, on the way back, they would talk the most and look most pleasing to each other, without any sense of crowding or conflict.
However, today, Wen Tong had something on her mind. When she got off the plane, her face was cold and stern, without a trace of a smile. Upon seeing Xiao Wanqing, she still keenly perceived that Xiao Wanqing seemed to be not feeling well. Wen Tong was too familiar with her state of mind. Despite Xiao Wanqing’s exquisite makeup and good concealment, she could still see her fatigue from her eyes.
“I’ve only been away for a few days, it’s just after the New Year, why do you look so listless? Do you miss me that much?” Wen Tong evaded Xiao Wanqing’s hand that wanted to help her with the luggage, furrowed her brows, and lifted her spirits, teasing Xiao Wanqing half seriously and half jokingly.
Hearing her close friend’s familiar banter, the heavy sense of exhaustion that had been weighing on Xiao Wanqing’s heart for days lightened slightly. Her brows and eyes relaxed a bit, a faint smile appeared on her lips. Walking side by side with Wen Tong, she glanced at her helplessly and said, “Look at you, so beautiful. Do you think your complexion is so good?”
When they reached the car, Xiao Wanqing helped Wen Tong open the trunk and watched as Wen Tong placed her luggage inside. Afraid that Wen Tong might worry, she explained, “Maybe it’s because these past few nights, there have been occasional firecrackers and fireworks, and I haven’t been sleeping well.”
Wen Tong closed the trunk, her eyebrows furrowed tightly, and she replied with skepticism, “Isn’t the use of fireworks and firecrackers prohibited in the urban areas of Anjiang City?”
Xiao Wanqing paused for a moment, her gaze becoming restrained, and her smile gradually faded. After a moment of silence, she softly said, “But I can still hear them at times. Perhaps some people aren’t following the regulations.”
In the urban areas of Anjiang City, it was forbidden to set off fireworks and firecrackers. Apart from the sounds of firecrackers heard on New Year’s Eve, it had actually been quite quiet afterwards.
However, it was just too quiet.
As night fell, in the empty bedroom, she looked at the small Teddy bear left by Lin Xian on her bedside, and could always hear, within her own heart, the sound of fireworks blooming.
After each second of dazzling brilliance, what remained for a long time were the scattered fragments and shattered flesh within her heart, in a state of chaotic disarray.
Hard to fall asleep…
On the way, Wen Tong casually inquired with Xiao Wanqing, “Is Xianxian not staying in the dormitory this semester, just like the previous semester?” She still remembered the peculiar sense of crisis and provocation that Lin Xian had given her on New Year’s Eve.
Xiao Wanqing’s five fingers, gripping the steering wheel, tightened imperceptibly. After a moment, she calmly replied to Wen Tong, her voice as usual, “Yeah, I think so. Sister Zhou Qin told me before the new year that Lin Xian will start school two days before the Lantern Festival, so she might come around the 11th or 12th.”
Wen Tong pondered for a moment, intending to inquire further, but suddenly heard Xiao Wanqing hesitatingly call her name and ask, “Wen Tong… I… I have a question for you.” She paused for a moment and added, “I’m asking on behalf of my friend.”
Wen Tong’s sharp eyebrows slightly furrowed, and a sense of crisis arose in her already heavy heart. She nervously asked, “What friend? Do I know them?” Xiao Wanqing had friends that she didn’t know or recognize?
Xiao Wanqing paused for a moment, bit her lip, and glanced at Wen Tong with some dissatisfaction. “That’s not the point.”
Her appearance was too gentle, to the point that even such a cutting gaze lacked any imposing aura. Wen Tong hadn’t seen Xiao Wanqing for about ten days, and upon suddenly seeing such an adorable and petulant look from the person she liked, her heart couldn’t help but soften. She had been somewhat tense due to the upcoming decision, but at this moment, she relaxed all at once and unconsciously adopted a soothing tone in response to Xiao Wanqing, saying, “Okay, okay, I was wrong. Please go ahead and ask on behalf of your friend. I’ll listen attentively.”
Deep down, Xiao Wanqing still carried the burden of her feelings for Lin Xian, unable to put on a smiling face. Wen Tong was one of the people she trusted the most, and she couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by her inner worries. She wanted to use the guise of a friend to tactfully ask Wen Tong: If someone falls in love with someone they shouldn’t, someone who is similar to her good friend’s son, is that considered abnormal…
However, with Wen Tong’s interruption, Xiao Wanqing’s somewhat confused thoughts suddenly became clear. How could someone as astute as Wen Tong not hear or associate what she was saying?
What’s there to ask? Detaching herself from the perspective of the person involved and adopting the viewpoint of an observer, she asked herself: Xiao Wanqing, even without considering the issue of homosexuality, if a man in his thirties harbors feelings of love or even perverse fantasies towards his good friend’s naive teenage daughter, is that abnormal?
She mentally slapped herself hard.
Not only abnormal but also vulgar and shameless.
If Lin Xian knew her thoughts, she would probably feel so disgusted that she’d vomit even her last night’s dinner.
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If, if Wen Tong knew, how would she look at me?
Xiao Wanqing’s body suddenly trembled, her throat tightened, and she fiercely bit her lower lip, suppressing the words she was about to say. “I suddenly don’t want to ask anymore,” she anxiously changed the topic. “What did you mean by the job transfer you mentioned on the phone?”
Normally, Wen Tong would have pursued the unasked question from Xiao Wanqing. But upon hearing Xiao Wanqing ask about her work, her heart grew heavy once again, causing her to miss the well-concealed abnormality in Xiao Wanqing’s demeanor.
Her profound eyes gazed deeply at Xiao Wanqing for a long time, as if with a resolute determination that came after breaking the last ties, she said to Xiao Wanqing, “The company may have learned about my intention to resign, so they promoted me and transferred me to the Chengze City Branch in the neighboring province to manage and develop the market. I accepted it, and I’ll leave in a couple of days.”
Xiao Wanqing couldn’t help but look at Wen Tong with surprise when she heard this, tilting her head to the side. “It’s so sudden, you never mentioned it before? How long will you be gone? And, will you have to be stationed there permanently?” For a moment, she forgot about her own troubles, and her heart was filled with new-found anxiety and unease.
From graduate school until now, it has been over ten years since Xiao Wanqing met Wen Tong. People around her came and went, with only Wen Tong remaining steadfast, always stationed in her life, not too close yet not too far. During the most difficult and embarrassing times, it was Wen Tong who never abandoned her, dragging her out of the quagmire. If it weren’t for Wen Tong, she might not be in this world after that incident of accidentally consuming an overdose of sleeping pills. In daily life, although she and Wen Tong were accustomed to teasing and mocking each other, deep down, she regarded Wen Tong as family, a confidant, and even a benefactor.
Wen Tong, finally, is also leaving…
Will she truly be left alone in this vast Anjiang City? She felt a sense of disbelief.
But soon, she understood and felt relieved.
In the first place, who can accompany someone forever? All good things must come to an end. Wasn’t she already used to it?
Wen Tong noticed a slight change in Xiao Wanqing’s expression, and a hint of panic flickered in her watery eyes. Warmth and delight surged through her heart.
She calmly replied to Xiao Wanqing, “I was still hesitant and hadn’t made up my mind before the new year. If I go, I should at least stay for two or three years. Of course, I’ll come back during holidays.” Seeing Xiao Wanqing becoming increasingly downcast, a mischievous glint flashed in her eyes, and she added, “Actually, I’ve been hesitating between job-hopping and staying. At the end of the year, a headhunter contacted me about a position as the general manager of a newly established small media company under the Xing Group. They said Shen Jinglan, the CEO of Xing Group, had learned about some of the cases I handled and admired my abilities, and personally recommended me.”
Xiao Wanqing suppressed her reluctant feelings with rationality. She asked her friend with a warm voice, “Then… why didn’t you choose Xing Group?”
“Xing Group’s main business has always been real estate, and they only started venturing into the cultural market in recent years. They have opened and merged many subsidiary companies in the past. The newly established company seems very attractive, but the current business appears to be quite chaotic. I can’t be sure if it’s indispensable in Xing Group’s business landscape and can be withdrawn at any time. Comparatively, going to Chengze City seems a bit more secure.”
After speaking, she lifted her gaze and looked closely at Xiao Wanqing, carefully assessing her friend’s expression. She hoped to see a trace of reluctance surpassing that of a regular friend on Xiao Wanqing’s face, a glimpse of hope. Perhaps, she hoped that Xiao Wanqing would speak up and ask her to stay, saying, “I can’t bear to see you leave.” With just a little bit, she could convince herself to stay.
However, that wasn’t the case. Xiao Wanqing smiled and said, “That’s fine too. Weren’t you just saying there’s no room for development here?”
For a moment, Wen Tong even felt that Xiao Wanqing might be overly composed. Did she really not feel reluctant at all? Throughout these years, did she truly never warm Xiao Wanqing’s heart?
Wen Tong exhausted the last traces of hope in her heart and looked at Xiao Wanqing with a mixture of suppressed tenderness and anguish as she revealed, “Actually, the most important thing is that there’s someone here in Anjiang City, someone whom I’ve secretly loved for many years but couldn’t have. I feel like I need to create some distance between us, to give each other more space for contemplation.”
Would she notice? Even just a little?
However, Xiao Wanqing simply looked at her in shock, displaying the typical expression of a close friend. She exclaimed, “Huh? You… have someone you’ve secretly loved for a long time? Is it… someone I know?” After a moment, she cautiously probed, “So, you haven’t had a long-lasting relationship these past few years because of this?”
The light in Wen Tong’s eyes gradually dimmed…
In these past few years, where did she have any relationships? Xiao Wanqing hadn’t even noticed that each and every one of her changing boyfriends was never actually real.
There was a period of time when Xiao Wanqing nervously and anxiously avoided getting close to anyone who might develop feelings for her. So, in order to put her at ease and show that she was safe, Wen Tong fabricated one boyfriend after another, gradually wearing down her defenses.
Perhaps Xiao Wanqing had simply grown too accustomed to having her around. She had become used to Wen Tong always being in the safe position of a good friend, which is why she had never realized that they could potentially be something more.
Wen Tong lowered her saddened gaze and said in a melancholic tone, “You don’t know her. She has never realized that I liked her. Perhaps it’s just my unwarranted wishful thinking.”
She had waited for too long.
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From the moment she saw Xiao Wanqing drowning her sorrows in alcohol after a breakup, realizing her own feelings for Xiao Wanqing, it had been seven years.
From the time she couldn’t bear the pressure from her parents to get married, and came out to them, confessing that she liked women, enduring a beating, it had been four years.
But now, during this Chinese New Year, her parents had finally compromised. They only hoped that she would find someone, regardless of gender, to live a good life together. Yet, she still hadn’t waited for Xiao Wanqing.
She blamed herself for being too timid.
She had witnessed many people bravely confessing their feelings to Xiao Wanqing, only to be rejected and subsequently cut off from her as friends.
Xiao Wanqing said that if they couldn’t be lovers, then there was no need to be friends either. If she allowed someone to be her friend, it would only give them false hope. Even if that person eventually stopped liking her and found a romantic partner, knowing that this friend had once been someone she loved would inevitably breed resentment and cause unnecessary trouble. So, it was better to end things quickly rather than prolong the pain.
As a result, she took it as a lesson and became even more cautious about making impulsive moves.
She had once naively believed that slowly simmering in warm water could cook a frog, that she could develop feelings for Xiao Wanqing through the guise of being a close friend. But today, after many years, she finally realized that…
It seemed that by strictly adhering to her role as a good friend, they could truly only remain as good friends.
“I think perhaps creating distance between us is the best choice,” Wen Tong gently said. This was the suggestion her mother gave her after she opened up and had a heartfelt conversation with her mother following her acceptance of Wen Tong’s orientation.
Her mother said, “Wen Tong, you’re thirty-one years old. How many more years can you wait? How many more years can you go on like this?”
In truth, she didn’t mind waiting indefinitely.
She was simply afraid of waiting endlessly with no hope.
However, Xiao Wanqing completely failed to pick up on the implied meaning behind Wen Tong’s words, nor did she remotely associate the person mentioned with herself. As she listened to Wen Tong’s words and the hoarse “unwarranted wishful thinking,” her mind suddenly connected it to her own delusions about Lin Xian. She felt a pang in her heart, empathizing and understanding, and involuntarily fell into a state of despondent silence.
After a moment of silence, Xiao Wanqing asked Wen Tong in a muffled voice, “Can we truly forget by creating distance?”
Wen Tong turned her gaze back, and in her profound eyes was utter disappointment. She murmured, “How would we know if we don’t try?”
It was unclear whether she was saying it for Xiao Wanqing to hear or for herself.
“Well, after all, there is really nothing that time cannot accomplish, is there?”
Every unique and unforgettable moment, after a long time, is salvaged from the river of time, but only blurry impressions remain.
Falling in love with someone may only take a second.
Forgetting someone, perhaps, takes a bit more than a second.
But ultimately, it can still be achieved.
Just like how she had once loved Yan Jia with all her heart.
In the present, after a long time has passed, she can’t even recall the moment when she fell in love with Yan Jia, that fleeting feeling of excitement.
What remains are not the feelings, but merely impressions.
In her impressions, she loved someone, hated someone, and eventually forgot about that person.
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Just that.
Living up to this point, she was quite experienced, quite skilled in the art of forgetting, wasn’t she? Xiao Wanqing asked herself.
She held the small teddy bear, gently rubbing its soft fur against her cheek, from the break of dawn until the deep night.
Finally, she reached for her phone, a smile playing on her lips as she carefully scrolled from the first message to the last. Then, pursing her lips, she deleted every single message Lin Xian had sent her, from the first to the last.
Lastly, she affectionately kissed the shiny eyes of the little teddy bear.
Xiao Wanqing lightly touched the entry for Zhou Qin in her contacts, pressed the dial button, and made a call to Zhou Qin.
The author has something to say:
Next, please enjoy Aunt Xiao’s fully mastered divine technique –
Lin Xian: I want to take back that teddy bear. (Sharpening knives)
LP: That’s rough, the age gap is concerning so I hope they get together when Lin Xian is much more older.
Monka, what is that woman doing
Monka, what is that woman doing