The Princess’ Shadow Guard – Chapter 23
by Little PandaYanyan, I’m Sorry (Phantom Pain)
On a cool night at the cusp of summer and autumn, Ming Qin finally rushed back to the capital.
It had been so long that she had long forgotten the turmoil in her mind. As soon as she finished her report with her Shifu, she immediately changed her clothes and, ignoring her Senior Brother’s calls, flew towards Cangyue Tower.
“I’m back!”
Nimbly flipping through the window into the room, Ming Qin excitedly searched the room for Murong Yan’s figure.
“…Ah Qin? Is that you, Ah Qin?”
A soft call and a rustle came from the bed. Murong Yan anxiously pulled back the bed curtain, wanting to get out of bed to find her, but her body, having already removed its prosthesis, lost its balance and she tumbled forward. Before she could even react, she was caught in an embrace she had yearned for day and night.
Ming Qin was about to speak, happily holding the woman in her arms, when she noticed that Murong Yan’s forehead was beaded with sweat. Her body trembled from time to time, and her hands climbed up to cling tightly to Ming Qin’s waist, her forehead pressed firmly against her shoulder as if trying to meld their bodies together.
“Is it hurting again?” Ming Qin’s expression changed. She then sat on the bed, stroking the woman’s back to soothe her breathing.
“Mhm.”
Murong Yan’s voice was muffled.
It had rarely flared up since the beginning of spring, but for some reason, it had been acting up these past few days. It was as if the phantom pain1, knowing Ming Qin wasn’t in the capital and that she was all alone, deliberately chose this time to torment her. The pain, which seeped deep into her bones, could only be endured by gritting her teeth and bearing it, just like in the old days.
At first, she thought the pain was so unbearable that her longing had manifested as an illness, making her think she heard Ming Qin’s voice. It wasn’t until she was truly embracing the person before her, feeling the warmth radiating from her body, that Murong Yan knew this was not a dream.
“Ah Qin.”
Murong Yan looked up, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears as she gazed at Ming Qin. Their faces were so close their breaths mingled. “It hurts so much. I want Ah Qin to comfort me.”
“Okay.”
Ming Qin, who could never refuse the person before her, felt her heart soften and ache. She had Murong Yan sit in front of her and whispered softly in her ear, “Yanyan, don’t be afraid. The pain will be gone soon.”
One arm hugged her tightly, while the other gently patted the woman’s back, trying to distract her. “My good Yanyan, don’t be afraid. I’m here.”
Murong Yan let out a muffled groan of endurance in Ming Qin’s arms, her whole body trembling in agony.
This phantom pain was more severe than ever before. Her fingers dug tightly into Ming Qin’s shoulder, leaving behind a series of red, bloody dots where they pressed.
“Ah… Qin… Ah Qin…” Murong Yan couldn’t bear it and wanted to cry out, but the pain shattered her voice, allowing her to only call out her name intermittently.
Murong Yan’s white inner robe looked as if it had been soaked in sweat, dampening the Shadow Guard’s clean clothes. But Ming Qin didn’t care in the slightest. She was just anxiously thinking about what she could do for the person in her arms, rather than just standing by idly, powerlessly watching Murong Yan suffer alone.
Why? Why does she have to endure this kind of suffering?
On what grounds must she alone bear all this torment, while the main culprit lives a carefree and unfettered life?
This is unfair!
Ming Qin moved her hand from Murong Yan’s waist downwards, lifting the woman high into her arms before standing up.
As if coaxing a child, she walked back and forth in the room, trying to distract Murong Yan, her other hand still gently patting her back.
“Yanyan, I’m sorry.”
Ming Qin looked at the person suffering before her, her heart surging with guilt and despair born from her powerlessness and inability to help.
“I can’t share your burden, I’m sorry. I can’t help you. Yanyan, I’m sorry.”
Perhaps her method was working. Although Murong Yan was still panting, she now had the strength to straighten her neck and look down at her slightly.
Meeting Murong Yan’s glistening eyes, a lump formed in Ming Qin’s throat. Her lips trembled as she said, “This is too unfair… Yanyan. All of this is too cruel to you… I’m sorry… Yanyan.”
“I’m sorr—mmph…”
This time, Ming Qin watched with her own eyes as Murong Yan lowered her head and pressed her lips against hers, silencing the apology born from her helplessness.
It was not a light, cautious touch like their first time, but a somewhat domineering and affectionate kiss that lingered for a long time.
Even though she felt breathless, Murong Yan stayed on Ming Qin’s lips until the very last moment before pulling away.
With tears in her eyes, she panted as she looked at the stunned Ming Qin. After catching her breath slightly, she said with a trembling, tear-filled voice, “Even if the entire world owes me an apology… Ah Qin, you do not.”
“You are the one… who least needs to say sorry to me.”
With that said, Murong Yan pressed herself against Ming Qin again.
Unlike the previous gentleness and restraint, this kiss was fierce, as if the apocalypse was nigh and there was no tomorrow. It seemed she wanted to swallow all of her own vexing whimpers and painful moans.
Ming Qin complied obediently, tolerating the woman’s nibbling and biting.
Amidst the sweetness, she tasted a bitter, salty flavor mixed in.
But she couldn’t tell if it was the hot tears streaming from Murong Yan’s eyes or her own indignation that had finally broken its banks. She just obediently swallowed everything, as if doing so could share a sliver of the pain for the person before her.
After a long while, sensing the person in her arms needed to breathe, Ming Qin pulled her neck back slightly, and their lips parted.
Murong Yan’s tear-streaked face showed a hint of confusion. She whimpered as she panted incessantly.
“Ah… Qin… do you dislike me…?”
Ming Qin smiled, the fragrance of peonies2 filling her lips and teeth. “How could I?”
“…Then… Ah Qin, kiss me…” A soft whimper, as if the teardrop lingering at the corner of her eye would fall if she were rejected.
So delicate, yet so domineering.
Ming Qin adjusted her grip, lifting the woman in her arms a little higher, and tilted her head up to piously kiss away her tears.
She gently held Murong Yan’s still slightly parted lips, being extremely tender to leave the woman space to breathe, her movements as gentle as if she were handling a piece of fragile liuli3.
This feather-light, restrained kiss made Murong Yan’s heart itch. She wanted to shy away but couldn’t bear to, only wishing that the person before her could be more forceful, to crush every part of her and swallow it down.
“Ah Qin…” Murong Yan caught her breath, her cheeks flushed. “Like last time.”
As always, her every request was granted.
Tilting her head, Ming Qin mimicked a kiss she had seen before and pressed her lips to Murong Yan’s. Her tongue slipped into her mouth, prying past her already undefended teeth, and gently licked the softness within.
Murong Yan’s mouth was open, her hands wrapped tightly around Ming Qin’s neck, permitting her clumsy exploration. She clung tightly to the Shadow Guard’s firm waist, but her right leg, of which only the upper part remained, was somewhat lacking in strength.
Ming Qin’s hand, which had been stroking her back, thoughtfully moved down to clamp the woman’s right leg, securing her to her own body so she would have a point of support and could adjust her position as she pleased without effort.
With the support, Murong Yan seemed dissatisfied with her invader’s excessive gentleness. She squeezed the person beneath her with her legs in a silent protest, her pearly teeth even mischievously nibbling at the softness in her mouth.
But no matter how mischievous she was, the powerful Shadow Guard never retaliated.
A long time passed. When the two separated, both of their lips were glistening and moist.
“Did you like it?” Ming Qin tilted her head up and asked, unsure if she had done a good job.
“I liked it.”
Murong Yan licked her lips, lovingly taking her sleeve to wipe away the tear stains from Ming Qin’s cheeks and the moisture she had left on the corner of her lips. “But Ah Qin is too gentle.”
So gentle that you would even cry over my misfortune.
“I was afraid of hurting you.” Ming Qin squinted her eyes comfortably, then looked at her leg and asked with concern, “Is your leg feeling better?”
Murong Yan lowered her head to feel it for a moment, then nodded. “It doesn’t hurt anymore.”
It’s truly surprising. I don’t know if it’s because I was so engrossed that I didn’t notice when the pain dissipated, or if the pain disappeared because of my intense focus.
After repeatedly confirming that her expression was indeed fine, Ming Qin finally felt relieved and set Murong Yan down. Then, she looked away, seemingly embarrassed, and asked, “I’ll leave for a moment. Can you call a maid to help you change?”
Murong Yan looked down at herself. Her white inner robe, soaked with sweat, had become somewhat transparent, faintly revealing the red cloth underneath. It was even more heart-stirring than seeing everything at once.
Though her face was red, a mischievous thought arose in Murong Yan’s heart. She said wilfully, “Ah Qin, you help me, okay?”
“I… I-I,” Ming Qin stammered. Only after a moment could she spit out a complete sentence. “I’ve never helped anyone change before.”
“I can teach you?”
Murong Yan observed the other’s flustered state, her tone soft. “Okay, Ah Qin?”
Ming Qin reluctantly nodded in agreement and, under the woman’s direction, helped her fetch a clean inner robe.
She wanted to close her eyes while taking off Murong Yan’s clothes, but she was afraid of hurting her, so she kept glancing at her own hands’ movements. Even though she had been to the bathhouse naked with a group of other Shadow Guards, at this moment, Ming Qin just couldn’t calm down.
Taking a handkerchief to wipe the sweat from the person lying on the bed, she felt a wave of relief that the flickering light of the oil lamp was not bright enough to illuminate the body beneath her. But then she met Murong Yan’s intense gaze and panicked, quickly averting her eyes.
Despite her nervousness, Ming Qin’s actions remained gentle, wiping her down meticulously as if handling a priceless treasure.
Perhaps she was too focused, thus missing the lingering affection in the eyes of the woman beneath her as she looked at her.
But when she was dressing Murong Yan, Ming Qin’s fingers couldn’t stop trembling whenever they touched the woman’s skin.
After trying to tie the sash several times without success, she grew so anxious that sweat beaded on her forehead, and her lips puckered in a frustrated pout.
Murong Yan sighed with a mix of helplessness and indulgence. “Let me do it.”
Reaching behind her back to tie the red sash, her figure, with its back to Ming Qin, revealed the distinct lines of her shoulder blades. Against her snow-white back, they looked like a butterfly spreading its wings, and Ming Qin couldn’t tear her eyes away.
“All done.” Unwilling to trouble Ming Qin any further, Murong Yan deftly put on the white inner robe as well. When she turned back, she saw the person standing there, head tilted up, softly counting the grain on the ceiling beams.
“Ah Qin?” the woman called out.
“Ah! Hm?” Ming Qin snapped back to reality, a guilty smile on her face. “You’re done?”
Murong Yan nodded and said reluctantly, “You have to go.”
“Yeah.” Ming Qin looked at the faintly brightening sky, blew out the oil lamp, and tucked the person on the pillow in. “I’ll be back again soon.”
“I know.” The somewhat weary person said, then pulled on Ming Qin’s arm, making her lean down.
Gently, a perfect goodnight kiss.
LP: Re-translated on June 24, 2025
Footnotes
- A medical condition where a person experiences sensation or pain in a limb that is no longer there.
- 牡丹花 | mǔdān huā | Known as the “king of flowers” in Chinese culture, the peony is a symbol of riches, honor, and high social status. It is also associated with female beauty and love.
- 琉璃 | liúlí | A type of ancient Chinese colored glaze, often used metaphorically to describe something beautiful yet fragile.
lessss gooooo
So many kisses O(≧▽≦)O
Ming Qin is such a comforting presence for Murong Yan ♡♥♡(´꒳`)♥♡♥
lessss gooooo
So many kisses Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ
Ming Qin is such a comforting presence for Murong Yan ♡♥♡(´꒳`)♥♡♥
That escalated quickly. I’m not complaining though
Dayumn 😭
Dayumn 😭
That escalated quickly. I’m not complaining though