The Princess’ Shadow Guard – Chapter 23
by Little PandaYanyan, I’m Sorry (Phantom Pain)
On a cool night during the transition from summer to autumn, Ming Qin finally made her way back to the Capital.
After so much time, she had long since forgotten her inner conflicts. The moment she finished reporting to her Master, she changed her clothes and, ignoring her shixiong’s shouts, leapt into the night, flying toward Cangyue Tower.
“I’m back!”
Vaulting nimbly through the window into the room, Ming Qin eagerly searched for Murong Yan.
“…Ah Qin? Is that you, Ah Qin?”
A soft call and a rustle of fabric came from the bed. Murong Yan anxiously parted the bed curtains, eager to get up and find her, but she had already detached her prosthetic limb. Lacking balance, her body tilted forward. Before she could even register the fall, she was caught in an embrace she had yearned for day and night.
Ming Qin happily held the woman in her arms, but just as she was about to speak, she realized Murong Yan’s forehead was slick with sweat. Her body trembled from time to time, her hands wrapping around Ming Qin’s waist, clinging tightly, her forehead pressed hard against Ming Qin’s shoulder as if she wanted to melt herself into her.
“Are you in pain again?” Ming Qin’s expression changed. She sat on the bed, gently patting the woman’s back to ease her breathing.
“Mmh.”
Murong Yan replied in a muffled voice.
Ever since spring, the episodes had rarely occurred. Yet over the past few days—almost as if the phantom pain knew Ming Qin was away from the Capital and she was utterly alone—the illusory torment chose this exact moment to relentlessly return. She could only grit her teeth and endure the bone-deep agony on her own, just as she had in the past.
She had thought she was merely imagining things, hearing Ming Qin’s voice because she had grown sick with longing from the agonizing pain. It was only when she truly held the person before her and felt the warmth coming from her body that Murong Yan realized she was not dreaming.
“Ah Qin.”
Murong Yan looked up, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. They were so close that their breaths mingled. “It hurts so much… I want Ah Qin to soothe me.”
“Alright.”
Ming Qin, who could never deny the woman before her, felt her heart ache with tenderness. Settling Murong Yan in her lap, she murmured softly in her ear, “Yanyan, don’t be afraid. It’ll stop hurting soon.”
With one arm wrapped securely around her waist, she used her other hand to gently pat the woman’s back, trying to distract her. “My sweet Yanyan, don’t be afraid. I’m here.”
Murong Yan let out a muffled groan of endurance in Ming Qin’s arms, her entire body trembling all over in agony.
This bout of phantom pain was far more severe than those before. Her fingers dug hard into Ming Qin’s shoulders, leaving tiny pinpricks of blood wherever they pressed.
“Ah… Qin… Ah Qin…” Murong Yan could not bear it and wanted to cry out, but her voice was fractured by the pain, leaving her unable to do anything but call out in broken fragments.
Murong Yan’s white danyi1 was completely soaked through with sweat, dampening the Shadow Guard’s clean uniform. But Ming Qin did not care about that. She only fretted over what she could do for the woman in her arms, desperate to do something other than sit by idly, watching Murong Yan suffer alone.
Why? Why did she have to suffer this kind of pain?
By what right did she have to bear all this torment alone, while the culprit lived a life of carefree leisure?
This was not fair!
Ming Qin shifted her hand from the woman’s waist down to her thighs, lifting her high in her arms as she stood.
As if coaxing a child, she paced back and forth across the room to distract her, her other hand continuing to gently pat her back.
“Yanyan, I’m sorry.”
Looking down at the agonizing woman in her arms, Ming Qin’s heart surged with guilt and despair at her own powerlessness to help.
“I can’t share this with you… I’m sorry. I can’t help you. Yanyan, I’m sorry.”
Perhaps her efforts had some effect; though Murong Yan’s breath remained ragged, she found enough strength to lift her head and gaze down at her.
Meeting Murong Yan’s tear-filled eyes, a lump formed in Ming Qin’s throat, and her lips trembled. “This is too unfair… Yanyan. All of this is too cruel to you… I’m sorry… Yanyan.”
“I’m so—mmph…”
This time, Ming Qin watched as Murong Yan lowered her head and pressed their lips together, silencing the apology born of her helplessness.
Unlike the tentative touch of their first kiss, this was somewhat possessive and deeply affectionate, lingering for a long, breathless moment.
Even when she began to suffocate from the lack of air, Murong Yan held the kiss until the absolute last second.
Eyes brimming with tears, she panted as she gazed at the dazed Ming Qin. Once she caught her breath a little, she spoke with a trembling cry, “Even if the entire world owes me an apology… Ah Qin, you do not.
You’re the last person… who should ever say ‘I’m sorry’ to me.”
With that, Murong Yan pressed herself against her once more.
Unlike her previous gentle restraint, this kiss was fierce and desperate, as though the end of the world were upon them. She seemed intent on completely swallowing her own agonizing whimpers and painful groans.
Ming Qin complied submissively, allowing the woman to nip and bite at her lips.
Amidst the sweetness, she tasted a hint of bitter saltiness.
Yet she could not tell if the saltiness came from the tears spilling down Murong Yan’s face or from her own long-suppressed indignation finally breaching its banks. She simply swallowed it all obediently, as if doing so could absorb a fraction of the other woman’s pain.
After a long while, sensing that the woman in her arms was desperate for air, Ming Qin pulled her head back slightly, and their lips parted.
Murong Yan’s face, covered in tear tracks, held a trace of confusion, and she let out a soft whine between her ragged breaths.
“Ah… Qin… do you find me repulsive…?”
Ming Qin smiled, the fragrance of peonies filling her lips and teeth. “How could I ever?”
“…Then… Ah Qin, kiss me…” she whimpered softly. It felt as if a single word of rejection would cause the tear trembling at the corner of her eye to spill over.
Coquettish yet demanding all at once.
Ming Qin hefted her arms to lift the woman in her embrace a little higher, tilting her head to devoutly kiss away her tears.
She gently took Murong Yan’s slightly parted lips into her own mouth, keeping her touch incredibly light so the woman still had room to breathe. Her movements were so tender, as if she were handling fragile colored glass.
This feather-light, restrained kiss made Murong Yan’s heart itch intolerably. She wanted to shrink back but could not bear to, wishing only that the person before her would be more forceful, crushing and devouring everything of her.
“Ah Qin…” Murong Yan managed to gasp out, her cheeks flushed crimson. “Like last time.”
As always, she granted her every wish.
Tilting her head, Ming Qin kissed Murong Yan’s lips in the way she had once seen. Her tongue slipped past the woman’s unresisting teeth, gently licking every soft spot she reached.
Murong Yan parted her lips, her arms wrapping tightly around Ming Qin’s neck to permit her unpracticed exploration. She clung tightly to the Shadow Guard’s firm waist, but her residual right leg lacked the strength to secure her grip.
Ming Qin’s hand, which had been resting on her back, considerately slid down to support the woman’s residual right leg, securing her against her own body so she would have a leverage point to adjust herself as she pleased without effort.
With that support, Murong Yan seemed dissatisfied with her invader’s excessive gentleness. She squeezed her legs around the other in silent protest, her pearly teeth even mischievously nipping at the soft flesh inside Ming Qin’s mouth.
Yet no matter how much mischief she worked, the powerful Shadow Guard never resisted, accepting it all with absolute devotion.
A long time passed. When they finally parted, both of their lips glistened with a damp, rosy sheen.
“Do you like it?” Ming Qin asked, looking up, unsure of her own performance.
“I do.”
Murong Yan licked her lips, affectionately gathering her sleeve to wipe the tear tracks from the other’s cheeks and the moisture from her lips. “But Ah Qin is too gentle.”
So gentle that she would even cry over her plight.
“I was afraid of hurting you.” Ming Qin comfortably narrowed her eyes, then looked down at her leg with concern. “Does your leg feel any better?”
Murong Yan checked her own sensations, then nodded. “It doesn’t hurt anymore.”
It was rather surprising. She did not know if she had been so engrossed that she simply hadn’t noticed when the pain faded, or if her sheer focus had chased the agony away.
After confirming this several times and seeing that she was indeed alright, Ming Qin finally felt at ease and set Murong Yan down. Then, turning her eyes away with a touch of embarrassment, she asked, “I’ll step out for a bit. Why don’t you call your maidservants to help you change?”
Murong Yan looked down at herself. The white inner robe, damp with sweat, had become somewhat translucent, faintly revealing the red fabric across her chest—a sight far more stirring than complete exposure.
Though her face flushed, Murong Yan felt a sudden desire to be mischievous. She said with deliberate petulance, “Ah Qin, help me change, alright?”
“I… I…” Ming Qin stammered, only managing a complete sentence after a brief struggle. “I’ve never helped anyone change before.”
“Shall I teach you?”
Murong Yan watched the panic in her eyes, her voice soft and coaxing. “Okay, Ah Qin?”
Ming Qin reluctantly nodded and, under her direction, fetched a fresh inner robe.
She wanted to close her eyes while undressing Murong Yan, but she was afraid of hurting her. Thus, her gaze kept flitting back to her hands. It was not as if she had never gone to the bathhouse naked with a crowd of fellow Shadow Guards, but at this very moment, Ming Qin simply could not remain calm.
Holding a cloth to wipe the sweat from the woman lying on the bed, she took comfort in the flickering oil lamp, which left the figure beneath her mostly in shadow. Yet when she met Murong Yan’s gaze, which was fixed intently upon her, she panicked and hastily looked away.
Though nervous, Ming Qin’s movements remained gentle, wiping her down meticulously as if she were handling a rare and precious treasure.
Perhaps she was too focused, for she missed the tender affection in the eyes of the woman beneath her as she looked at her.
But as she helped Murong Yan dress, whenever her fingers brushed against the woman’s skin, they could not stop trembling.
After struggling to tie the sashes several times without success, sweat began to bead on her own forehead, and her mouth pouted aggrievedly.
Murong Yan let out a helpless, fond sigh. “Let me do it.”
Reaching behind herself to tie the red sash, her back was turned to Ming Qin, exposing her prominent butterfly shoulder blades2. Against her snowy-white spine, they resembled a butterfly spreading its wings, a sight Ming Qin could not tear her eyes away from.
“There.” Not wishing to embarrass Ming Qin any further, Murong Yan quickly slipped on her white inner robe. When she turned back, she saw the other girl standing there, her head tilted up as she quietly counted the grain on the wooden ceiling beams.
“Ah Qin?” the woman called out.
“Ah! Oh?” Ming Qin snapped out of it, offering a sheepish smile. “Are you finished?”
Murong Yan nodded, saying with reluctance, “You have to leave.”
“Yes.” Ming Qin looked at the faintly dawning sky, blew out the oil lamp, and pulled the blanket over the woman. “I’ll be back very soon.”
“I know,” the weary woman murmured, tugging on Ming Qin’s arm to pull her down.
Gently, a perfect goodnight kiss.
That escalated quickly. I’m not complaining though
Dayumn 😭
Dayumn 😭
So many kisses Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ
Ming Qin is such a comforting presence for Murong Yan ♡♥♡(´꒳`)♥♡♥
That escalated quickly. I’m not complaining though
lessss gooooo
So many kisses O(≧▽≦)O
Ming Qin is such a comforting presence for Murong Yan ♡♥♡(´꒳`)♥♡♥
lessss gooooo