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    It had been hard enough to get Qiao Chunyi to stop crying. Tuoba Yan knew she could not keep hiding the truth any longer. She sighed.

    “Mom, you keep everything bottled up inside and won’t say a word, but did you really think your daughter couldn’t see it?”

    Qiao Chunyi’s hand, still wiping tears, paused. She looked at Tuoba Yan.

    Tuoba Yan said, “Our savings are nearly gone, aren’t they? Mom, you work yourself to the bone at that supermarket, earning just a few dozen yuan a day. And lately—my dropping out, buying all those specialized books and magazines, registration and training fees, then going to the hospital for medication and psychiatric drugs, plus the hospitalization costs recently—which of those wasn’t a major expense?”

    Qiao Chunyi’s heart ached, tears threatening to fall again. Tuoba Yan grasped her hand. “Mom, I want to share your burden. My birthday is in May—I’m turning eighteen this year. I’ve grown up. I don’t want Mom to live like this anymore, always on edge, splitting every penny in two.”

    “Yanyan…” Qiao Chunyi was both moved and filled with self-reproach. Truth be told, over the years she had thought more than once: if she hadn’t insisted on taking Tuoba Yan with her when she divorced, if she had let her daughter stay with the Tuoba family, wouldn’t that have been better for the girl? She would have been a proper young lady, raised in luxury and fine clothes. She wouldn’t be suffering like this with a useless mother.

    Tuoba Yan had followed her to Yuchuan City at the age of four, drifting until she grew into the graceful young woman she was today. Looking back, her daughter had never once uttered a word of complaint. Apart from buying expensive specialized books during her episodes of mental instability, she had never made any unreasonable demands of Qiao Chunyi.

    At this thought, Qiao Chunyi’s guilt deepened. All the tears she had swallowed over the years seemed to pour out at once, and the spine that life had failed to break was no longer stubbornly straight.

    Tuoba Yan truly dreaded women crying—especially her mother, the person closest to her in this life who loved her most. She had no other recourse but to pull Qiao Chunyi into her arms and comfort her.

    “Mom, don’t worry. I’m not trying to go down some shady path. I’ve been reflecting carefully during my time at home these past weeks. I was truly possessed back then, insisting on fighting against that family. I caused you so much worry. I swear I’ll never do anything foolish again, alright?”

    Qiao Chunyi held her daughter tightly and nodded hard.

    Tuoba Yan laid out her reasoning point by point:

    “My plan is to resume senior year with the new cohort after summer vacation next year. It’s October now, so there’s still over half a year before the school term starts. My health is mostly recovered. I’ve been thinking these past few days—I can’t just sit at home idle, living off your support, can I? But what could I do? Hand out flyers for real estate developments? Work as a shop assistant?”

    “It’s not that I couldn’t do those things, but I feel like I wouldn’t learn much knowledge or experience from them. And that little bit of wages would be a drop in the bucket1 for our situation.”

    Qiao Chunyi released her grip and said with red eyes, “Mom can hold on. You’re still so young—how could I bear to let you support the family?”

    Tuoba Yan thought for a moment, then decided to conceal the fact that she was actually working as a martial stunt double. “Right now, I’m working as a regular cast member on a TV production called 《Female Constable Wu Zhen’er》. The show will film for over three months. A sister I met at the hospital introduced me. The pay and benefits are quite good—I should make around three thousand a month.” In truth, she had asked Zhang-jie, who told her that with her skill level she could expect four thousand or more, since she was a newcomer after all.

    But Tuoba Yan did not dare tell her mother the truth. If she said she was going to perform difficult, dangerous martial arts stunts in place of the female lead, Qiao Chunyi would absolutely hit the roof.

    Tuoba Yan finally managed to persuade Qiao Chunyi, though her mother still worried about her daughter entering society for the first time and possibly being scammed. She proposed going along to see the set.

    “Uh, film sets aren’t open to family and friends because of confidentiality,” Tuoba Yan said. “Mom, how about you come see me off tomorrow?”

    Qiao Chunyi was a sucker for her daughter’s coaxing, and happily agreed.

    At three in the morning, Tuoba Yan was roused from half-sleep by sounds from the next bedroom. She got out of bed, shuffled in her slippers to check, and found Qiao Chunyi bright-eyed and full of energy, rummaging through the wardrobe.

    “Mom, why are you up so early?”

    Qiao Chunyi said, “Yanyan, you’ve got good taste—help me see which outfit looks nice?”

    Tuoba Yan didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Just for this?” Her drowsiness vanished entirely.

    “I’m just worried that if I dress sloppily, I’ll embarrass you.” Qiao Chunyi shot her a glance and went back to rummaging.

    “My mom looks good in anything.”

    “Nobody’s got a sweeter mouth than you.”

    Tuoba Yan scratched her head. She wouldn’t be getting back to sleep now. Since Qiao Chunyi was in the mood to dress up, she might as well help her pick something out. To be fair, Mother Qiao actually had a few nice garments, hanging in the corner of the wardrobe beneath dust covers. Tuoba Yan pulled out a shirt in a very pleasing shade of blue. “I think this one’s great.”

    Qiao Chunyi took the shirt. “This is from when I was young. Right after the divorce, I figured these clothes would just get thrown out by that heartless bastard of a father of yours, so I took them all with me. Haven’t worn them in years.”

    Tuoba Yan was tickled by “heartless bastard of a father” and ducked her head, snickering to herself. Qiao Chunyi rapped her on the skull. “Silly girl, nobody’s as carefree as you.” After a pause, she added, “This works too.”

    In the end, at Tuoba Yan’s insistence, Qiao Chunyi tried on the blue shirt.

    Though Qiao Chunyi was no longer young, her figure hadn’t gone out of shape. Tuoba Yan dug out a well-tailored pair of black trousers for her mother to wear, then loosened her glossy black hair, clipping only the two front strands back with small barrettes. The whole look made her appear several years younger than usual. She smiled at the mirror without thinking, positively radiant.

    Tuoba Yan was stunned. Qiao Chunyi had always dressed in a matronly fashion, as if determined to make herself look like a woman in her fifties or sixties entering old age. She had never seen her mother look this feminine.

    Qiao Chunyi, however, felt like an old cucumber painted green2, and kept trying to change out of the outfit, uncomfortable. It took General Tuoba’s full arsenal of cloying affection and shameless wheedling before she reluctantly agreed to wear this outfit to see her daughter off to work.

    Neither of them cooked. They each had a bowl of noodles at a stall downstairs.

    Qiao Chunyi had wanted to hail a cab, but Tuoba Yan insisted on taking the bus.

    Along the way, people kept glancing their direction. Qiao Chunyi was a little embarrassed at first, but that brat of a daughter Tuoba Yan kept up a running commentary—”Mom, you’re turning so many heads!” “Mom, you look so pretty today!” “Once I earn money, I’ll buy Mom pretty clothes so you can dress up like this every day!”—until Qiao Chunyi was so flustered she wanted to sew her daughter’s mouth shut.

    When they got off at Yuying, Tuoba Yan showed her pass to the staff at the gate and waved to Qiao Chunyi. “You finally have a day off—go home and rest.”

    Qiao Chunyi smiled and bid her farewell.

    Wu Zhen’er was a character from the Republican-era chivalric novel 《Jianghu Heroines》. Thanks to her immense popularity, she was the character most frequently adapted for film and television. 《Female Constable Wu Zhen’er》 was one such adaptation.

    The actress playing the female lead Wu Zhen’er was Chen Wanwan. The male lead Gu Qing’an was portrayed by veteran actor Xie Xian.

    Chen Wanwan had started as a child star. Years ago, a single film—《Peach Blossom Spring》—established the classic character Xiao Qianwei and made her a sensation across the nation. Word had it that quite a few expectant mothers taped Xiao Qianwei’s posters to their walls, hoping their children would be as clever and adorable as she was. But the roles she took afterward never quite matched that early brilliance, giving rise to a sense of a child prodigy’s faded promise3.

    This production of Wu Zhen’er was Chen Wanwan’s first leading role as an adult. Director Fei Dong was banking on the gimmick of a “former national daughter’s transition piece.” Still, Chen Wanwan’s acting chops and looks were reliable; otherwise, Fei Dong would not have cast her.

    Since this was Fei Dong’s first time helming a production solo, he naturally aimed for perfection and a breakout hit. The moment Tuoba Yan arrived on set, Fei Dong came over with gracious warmth to chat. But upon getting a full look at Tuoba Yan, he—like Zhang Huaye and the others—was somewhat startled. This delicate, fragile-looking young girl was here to be a martial stunt double?

    Fei Dong said with a beaming smile, “Are you the new stunt double, Tuoba Yan?”

    Tuoba Yan shook his hand politely and said, “I’m Tuoba Yan. You are…?”

    “This is Director Fei of 《Wu Zhen’er》,” Zhang Huaye prompted.

    “Hello, Director Fei.”

    The crew seemed decent enough. Only Chen Wanwan wore a smile that never reached her eyes4, exceedingly polite yet distant. After all, no actress wanted a stunt double upstaging her.


    Footnotes

    1. 杯水车薪 | bēi shuǐ chē xīn | Literally 'a cup of water on a cart of firewood'; a metaphor for a measure utterly inadequate to address the problem.
    2. 老黄瓜刷绿漆装嫩 | lǎo huángguā shuā lǜqī zhuāng nèn | Literally 'an old cucumber painted green to pretend it's tender'; slang for an older person dressing or acting young.
    3. 伤仲永 | Shāng Zhòngyǒng | Allusion to Wang Anshi's classical essay 'Lament for Zhongyong,' about a child prodigy whose extraordinary talent faded as he grew up.
    4. 皮笑肉不笑 | pí xiào ròu bù xiào | Literally 'the skin smiles but the flesh doesn't'; describes a forced, insincere smile that doesn't reach the eyes.

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