For The Rest Of Our Life – Chapter 50

Can you not push me away, okay?

When Xiao Wanqing woke up on the next day, it was already mid-morning. She looked around and found herself in her familiar bedroom. The alarm clock on the bedside table had been deliberately turned off.

Xiao Wanqing rubbed her head, feeling a lingering hangover and confusion from lack of clarity. She remembered that last night, she couldn’t sleep in the middle of the night and wanted to have a drink to help her sleep better. But then, it seemed like as she kept drinking, her emotions gradually became chaotic, and then…

Xiao Wanqing touched her forehead, unable to remember clearly. She vaguely recalled that it seemed like Lin Xian had discovered her smoking, and she either hugged Lin Xian or Lin Xian hugged her? Xiao Wanqing bit her lip, and her usually gentle and calm demeanor showed a slight crack…

Did she lose control after drinking? Did she say anything strange or do anything strange? Or… did she go crazy from drinking? She… She remembered that her tolerance for alcohol seemed to be fine?

When Lin Xian entered with freshly squeezed orange juice and honey water, she saw Xiao Wanqing sitting with her naturally fluffy hair, looking tangled and distressed.

The sunlight streamed through the window, casting a layer of hazy warmth upon her. Under the sunlight, Lin Xian could almost see the snow-white little ears of Xiao Wanqing exposed to the air, with the soft, rarely visible fuzz playfully greeting her.

With a “puchi” sound, Lin Xian burst into laughter and walked over to Xiao Wanqing’s bed.

Xiao Wanqing turned her head at the sound and momentarily appeared confused. In the next moment, Lin Xian saw a rosy blush slowly spreading across Xiao Wanqing’s fair cheeks.

A soft smile appeared in the depths of Lin Xian’s eyes. She was actually a bit anxious herself. Did Xiao Wanqing still remember what happened last night?

Nevertheless, she calmed herself and calmly placed the orange juice and honey water on Xiao Wanqing’s bedside table, greeting her, “Auntie Xiao, you’re awake. Good morning. Do you have a headache? I squeezed some orange juice and added honey. It’ll be more comfortable for you to have some after you freshen up.”

Xiao Wanqing’s hands, placed inside the blanket, involuntarily twisted together as she gazed at Lin Xian’s familiar smiling face. After hesitating for a moment, she gently asked, “Xian Xian, was it you who brought me back to my room?”

Lin Xian discreetly glanced at Xiao Wanqing, pondering how much she remembered. With an open and honest expression, she nodded and replied, “Yes, I carried you back, Auntie Xiao. You were drunk, and it was so cold outside. I was worried you would catch a chill if you stayed out for too long.” She added naturally, “Auntie Xiao, you’re so thin and light. Have you not been eating properly outside during lunchtime?”

Fleeting fragments flashed through Xiao Wanqing’s mind, but she couldn’t recall the details. She slightly lowered her head, feeling somewhat embarrassed, and thanked Lin Xian, “Thank you for your trouble, Lin Xian. I lost control.” Xiao Wanqing felt deeply remorseful. She was afraid she had set a bad example for Lin Xian and left a negative impression. Next time, she should just take medicine instead. It should be fine to occasionally take it once or twice, right?

Little did she know that Lin Xian’s mouth curved into a smile, revealing a row of white teeth as she cheerfully said, “No trouble at all. Auntie Xiao, you looked so cute when you were drunk.”

Xiao Wanqing’s already flushed face became even more vibrant. She lifted her gaze, hesitated, and softly asked with a hint of concern, “Did I do anything strange?”

She doesn’t remember at all… Lin Xian, for a moment, didn’t know whether to breathe a sigh of relief or feel a hint of disappointment.

After a while, her cute fox-like eyes blinked mischievously. The little apple-shaped earrings that Xiao Wanqing had put on her last night sparkled in the morning light. She suddenly decided to play a little trick, saying, “Auntie Xiao, go freshen up first. Remember to drink this. After you finish, come out for breakfast, and I’ll tell you then.” With that, she turned and walked out.

Xiao Wanqing watched Lin Xian’s casual departure and was momentarily stunned. She raised her hand and tapped her forehead. It seemed that drinking had caused trouble—her reputation was ruined in an instant.

Because she was eager to find answers, Xiao Wanqing moved faster than usual. She quickly finished freshening up, splashed water on her face, applied moisturizer, and then grabbed the orange juice and honey water to drink as she headed to the dining room to find Lin Xian.

Before reaching the dining room, she caught the wafting aroma of something delicious, like the smell of toasted bread. As expected, when she entered the dining room, she saw Lin Xian holding a porcelain white plate with a well-prepared sandwich, rich in ingredients, placed neatly on top.

Upon seeing Xiao Wanqing, Lin Xian placed the sandwich on the usual spot of the dining table. She stuck out her tongue apologetically and said, “Auntie Xiao, it seems like I slightly burned the egg in the middle.”

Xiao Wanqing looked at the steaming milk and the enticing sandwich on the table. Her heart softened even more.

She sat down at the table, curved her eyebrows and eyes, and praised, “It’s okay, it tastes delicious.”

Lin Xian was in the process of making her own sandwich. Upon hearing Xiao Wanqing’s words, she turned around, chuckled, and complained, “You haven’t even tasted it yet.”

Xiao Wanqing delicately picked up the sandwich with her slender fingers, looked at Lin Xian with gentle eyes, and softly replied, “I know in my heart.”

Lin Xian had a momentary feeling of uncontrollable warmth rising in her heart.

Xiao Wanqing elegantly took a bite of the sandwich, chewed slowly, and swallowed completely before sincerely praising Lin Xian again, “It tastes even better than I imagined.”

Lin Xian chuckled lightly, feeling sweet inside. She couldn’t help but tease Xiao Wanqing, “Did I put too much honey water in the juice I just served you?”

Fortunately, Xiao Wanqing didn’t notice the affectionate tone in Lin Xian’s words. When she heard the mention of the juice, she suddenly remembered the silence and the lack of answers from Lin Xian earlier. She set down her sandwich and earnestly asked Lin Xian, “Xian Xian, did I say anything strange or do anything strange yesterday?”

Lin Xian held her own sandwich, walked over to Xiao Wanqing’s side, furrowed her brows, and pondered before answering, “Yes.”

Xiao Wanqing’s heart tightened instantly, and she stared at Lin Xian without blinking.

Lin Xian set down the sandwich and whispered, “Auntie Xiao, I saw you smoking yesterday.”

Xiao Wanqing slightly clenched her fingers, a mix of embarrassment and remorse flashing across her beautiful face. She lowered her gaze apologetically and said, “I’m sorry, I’ve had a negative influence on you.”

In truth, she rarely smoked, and in the past, she was someone who disliked the smell of cigarettes. She was born into a scholarly family, and her parents were disciplined and self-regulated individuals. Her father never smoked, and even alcohol was rarely consumed. When she was young, whenever she encountered someone smoking indiscriminately in public, she couldn’t help but immediately want to avoid it. She felt annoyed and disgusted by the strong smell of smoke. She would even redirect her anger, thinking that smokers lacked self-control and didn’t care about their own well-being.

She knew very well that smoking was harmful to health.

However, later on, she became a member of this foolish, lacking self-control, and self-neglecting army.

The first cigarette, she borrowed from Wen Tong.

At that time, she had just broken up with Yan Jia, and she learned from Zhou Qin that her father was hospitalized due to an illness. She went to visit him in a state of confusion, but was mercilessly turned away at the door. She was immersed in a mix of resentment, regret, and helplessness. Nights were spent sleepless, relying on a large number of sleeping pills to fall asleep. One night, in an unusually agitated state, in a daze, she didn’t know how many sleeping pills she took and fell into a deep sleep, unconscious…

When she woke up, she was in the hospital. Wen Tong stood by the window of her hospital room, with her back to her. She was repeatedly flicking an unlit cigarette on the windowsill.

Later, Wen Tong was worried about her, as if she couldn’t believe that she had truly unintentionally taken too many sleeping pills. She insisted on having Xiao Wanqing stay at her place for a period of time. Xiao Wanqing couldn’t refuse her and reluctantly agreed to stay for a while.

One night, as she suffered from insomnia once again, Wen Tong had already taken away all her sleeping pills. Restless and helpless, she reluctantly left the bedroom, intending to go to the living room to get some hot water and find something to occupy herself. However, she saw Wen Tong standing on the balcony, with a flickering orange spark between her fingers.

Setting down her water cup, she walked over to Wen Tong and asked in a subdued voice, “Can you lend me a cigarette?”

Between Wen Tong’s sharp eyebrows, there was a deep gloominess as she looked at her without making a sound.

Without thinking, she took a cigarette from the cigarette box placed by Wen Tong on the balcony. Clumsily, she opened the lighter and lit the cigarette. The first puff made her choke, tears streaming down her face.

Through the swirling smoke, Wen Tong furrowed her brows and asked in a low voice, “Xiao Wanqing, when do you plan to move on?” It was a melancholic expression she had never seen before.

She remained silent and didn’t answer Wen Tong. She took another puff of the cigarette and once again, found herself choking…

The next day, she left Wen Tong’s house.

As a friend, Wen Tong had done enough, and she was grateful to her.

The road ahead, she had to walk alone.

She thought that when she was unhappy, she was enough on her own. She shouldn’t have dragged Wen Tong into this seemingly inescapable pool of sadness and melancholy. Once, without the troubles she had, Wen Tong was such a carefree and unrestrained person.

Later on, she learned to smoke slowly by herself at night, and gradually quit smoking as well.

Today, many years later, she only lights up a cigarette occasionally when she feels restless and unable to calm herself.

Unexpectedly, she was caught by Lin Xian.

Lin Xian showed no intention of blaming her, and besides, what did Xiao Wanqing have to apologize to her for smoking? She was too harsh on herself. Lin Xian shook her head and said, “You didn’t even let me inhale secondhand smoke, so there’s no harm in it.” She crouched down, resting her chin on Xiao Wanqing’s thigh, blinked her big eyes, and acted spoiled, saying, “But Aunt Xiao, smoking is bad for your health. Does your word count?”

Xiao Wanqing stared at the little head on her knee, feeling a slight stirring in her heart, but unable to discern the reason. She simply nodded gently and said, “Of course, it all counts.”

Lin Xian’s big eyes curved into a crescent shape, and she cheerfully said, “So, you promised me yesterday. You said you won’t smoke anymore.”

Xiao Wanqing quickly flipped through the fragments of memories in her mind, vaguely feeling like there was such a thing, yet also feeling like there wasn’t?

Seeing that Xiao Wanqing didn’t say anything, clearly appearing to have completely forgotten, Lin Xian immediately became insistent, “I don’t care, Aunt Xiao, you can’t go back on your word. You promised me.”

A faint curve appeared on Xiao Wanqing’s lips as she gently touched Lin Xian’s little head and reassured her, “I don’t remember, but I promise you now.”

Lin Xian immediately added, “Then you also promised me that you won’t drink so much alcohol in the future.”

Xiao Wanqing readily agreed, “Okay, I promise you.”

Lin Xian opened her mouth, wanting to say that Xiao Wanqing promised her not to like her anymore, but in the end, she thought of something else. Gradually, her lips drooped and her eyes dimmed as she said, “Aunt Xiao, you asked me yesterday. You asked me if we were too close.” She looked up, feeling a bit wronged. “Aunt Xiao, did I make you uncomfortable?”

Xiao Wanqing felt a momentary tightness in her chest, a dangerous aura and an unsettling feeling permeating her body.

Yes, last night, she was restless and unable to sleep not only because she encountered Yan Jia and remembered the past, but also because she felt that something was strange between her and Lin Xian. Unconsciously, Lin Xian’s close relationship with her made her feel uneasy.

When she was young, she was shy and had strict upbringing, so she rarely acted spoiled towards her elders. Moreover, she had never been close to a child with such a large age difference before, so she didn’t know if the way she interacted with Lin Xian and her occasional softness and affection towards her were normal.

However, when she looked at the girl snuggled up on her knee, as obedient and adorable as a little puppy, and saw the disappointment and grievance in her clear eyes, she couldn’t bring herself to refuse her no matter what. She shook her head and gently comforted the girl, “No, Xian Xian, don’t take drunken talk seriously.”

Lin Xian hung her small head low and spoke in a despondent tone, “Aunt Xiao, don’t be deceived by how gentle my mom appears. In reality, she has always been strict with me. When she gets angry and wants to discipline me, even my dad can’t stop her. So, when I was little, I would occasionally envy other classmates who had gentle and loving moms, as if they would never criticize them. The moment I saw you, Aunt Xiao, I especially liked you. You were like the most wonderful person I had imagined since I was young, warm and gentle like water. There was a moment when I felt like you were the embodiment of my ideal, so I always unconsciously wanted to be close to you.”

“Aunt Xiao, please don’t push me away, okay?” In the end, her voice even carried a hint of tears.

These words sounded so pitiful, causing Xiao Wanqing’s heart to tremble.

Xiao Wanqing blamed herself. The little girl’s thoughts were pure and straightforward, she just wanted to be closer to the elder she liked a bit more. Where did she come up with all these complicated hesitations and second-guessing? She cupped Lin Xian’s face with her hands and gently reassured her, “Xian Xian, it was just drunken talk. Don’t be afraid.”

Lin Xian’s eyes, damp with tears, suddenly lit up, seeking confirmation, “Is it true?”

Xiao Wanqing smiled and gently tapped Lin Xian’s nose. “It’s true. Don’t be afraid. Get up and let’s go eat. It’s already cold.”

Lin Xian’s eyes immediately sparkled with excitement, and she jumped up in response. “Okay, I’ll go eat.”

Xiao Wanqing let out a long sigh in her heart, thinking that perhaps it had been too long since she had been close to someone, and it had been too long since she let her guard down and allowed others to enter her heart. Therefore, even the slightest movement or suspicion made her overly cautious.

She took a bite of her sandwich and convinced herself not to overthink things.

The author has something to say:

Aunt Xiao: “I really fell asleep without any ulterior motives. It’s a bit unfair when I think about it.”