After Being Scummed – Chapter 33

To avoid the end, you avoided all beginnings

Zuo Jingyou took a few seconds to react in her mind, realizing that she seemed to have no reason to refuse. She smiled and said to Yin Bai, “Well, okay.”

Yin Bai’s eyes lit up instantly. She carefully reached out her hand, passed through the warm spring water, and pressed her fingertips against Zuo Jingyou’s abdomen, giving it a gentle touch.

The skin she touched was warm and smooth, with a hint of muscle firmness. Yin Bai couldn’t help but compliment, “Teacher Zuo, you really have a great figure!”

Yin Bai withdrew her hand in satisfaction and pinched her own belly, saying with some regret, “It seems like I need to start working out when I get back.”

Zuo Jingyou smiled and replied, “Sure, exercising is good for your body.”

“What kind of exercise do you usually do, Teacher Zuo?”

“It’s mainly fitness training and fitness yoga…”

Zuo Jingyou sat next to Yin Bai, both of them soaking in the hot spring, chatting about fitness. At this moment, Zhang Yu and Xiang Qiu changed their clothes and hurried over here. What they saw was the two of them sitting close together, engrossed in conversation.

In the steaming pool, the two were very close, with only fifty centimeters of distance between them. For someone like Yin Bai, who wasn’t particularly fond of physical contact with people, this was an intimate distance that was hard to imagine.

Perhaps it was the mist in the air or the magnificent snow peaks outside the window, but Zhang Yu, in this atmosphere, sensed a hint of romantic ambiguity.

“It’s strange… everything seems strange.”

With these thoughts, Zhang Yu reached out and stopped Xiang Qiu, who was about to move forward. She whispered, “Let’s go play with the kids.”

Xiang Qiu turned her head, looking at Zhang Yu with a puzzled expression. Zhang Yu gave her a meaningful look, indicating that she should look at Zuo Jingyou and Yin Bai over there. When Xiang Qiu saw the two people, she suddenly understood and said with tact, “I see.”

Soon, the two of them entered the pool, going with the children to play elsewhere. Only Yin Bai and Zuo Jingyou remained hidden in the misty and ambiguous vapor, conversing in hushed tones.

It was a truly wonderful trip. On the return flight, Zhang Yu opened her laptop and shared the photos from this journey with everyone.

Professor Sun had been photographed several times on the ski slopes. Zuo Jingyou happened to be sitting next to her, and when she saw Professor Sun in her skiing outfit with goggles, standing energetically in the snowy wilderness, she smiled and said, “You were always reluctant to travel before, saying you didn’t want to move. Look, isn’t this trip going well for you?”

Professor Sun smiled, deeply moved, and said, “Whether the trip is enjoyable or not depends on who you go with.”

She reached out and placed her hand on the back of Zuo Jingyou’s hand, saying with great emphasis, “This trip has been great because we chose good companions, my dear. Fate is hard to come by…”

Zuo Jingyou unconsciously glanced at Yin Bai, and at that moment, Yin Bai also turned her head to look. The two locked eyes, and Yin Bai smiled, saying to Professor Sun, “Professor, does that mean you’re feeling quite good about going on this trip with me?”

Professor Sun turned to her, her smile warm, and said kindly, “Young people like you, with such enthusiasm, are rare these days.”

Yin Bai clapped her hands and laughed, “That would be wonderful! In the future, if you have the time, Professor Sun, come and travel with me!”

“Whether it’s New Zealand, Malaysia, or the northern hemisphere, we’ll explore them all!”

Professor Sun readily agreed, smiling at Yin Bai, “Sure, but next time, it’s on me. You pay for one trip, and I’ll pay for the next. It’s only fair.”

Yin Bai wholeheartedly agreed and eagerly said to Professor Sun, “Then I’ll be looking forward to you taking me on our next adventure.”

Zuo Jingyou watched the interactions of these two people, feeling that Yin Bai was indeed a remarkable person. It seemed that after this trip, everyone in her family, young and old, would become companions for Yin Bai.

This was truly… quite extraordinary.

Before this, aside from students Professor Sun was particularly fond of, none of their relatives, whether close like He Zhiwen or Sun Mingrui’s husband, had received Professor Sun’s favor so evidently.

Thinking about this, Zuo Jingyou couldn’t help but smile. This friendship needed to be nurtured and cherished, for five years, ten years, twenty years… Perhaps in the future, when there were even more children in the family, Yin Bai would still be their close friend.

After all, who wouldn’t like such a wonderful person?

After returning from Austria, the relationship between the two families grew even closer. Yin Bai knew that Professor Sun enjoyed classical music, so she gave her a set of her original vinyl records. In return, Professor Sun gave Yin Bai many books as a token of their friendship.

Professor Sun thought Yin Bai was very intelligent and suggested one day that she should continue her studies, as she might achieve significant academic success in theoretical research. Yin Bai replied somewhat sheepishly, “I believe I already have the ability to learn independently. Now, doing things I enjoy is enough for me.”

Not everyone needs to seek meaning in life. After going through so many things, Yin Bai felt that being able to live a happy life was already quite rare.

Professor Sun felt it was a bit of a shame but respected the path Yin Bai had chosen, so she stopped trying to persuade her.

After this conversation, Yin Bai, who had finished her bath in the evening, lay in bed and talked to Zuo Jingyou, who had been busy all day.

Still somewhat shaken, Yin Bai tapped her chest while on the phone and said, “I got quite a scare. I thought Professor Sun was going to drag me back to school.”

Zuo Jingyou, wrapped in her pajamas, sat on the bed, narrowed her eyes, and smiled gently, saying, “Are you really that scared? Actually, I think you’re quite intelligent, well-informed, and have plenty of free time. Why not consider going back to school? Campus life is quite straightforward, and you might make some good friends.”

After all, from Zuo Jingyou’s observation, it seemed like Yin Bai didn’t have many friends. If there was a chance, she hoped Yin Bai could expand her circle of friends.

Yin Bai held her phone, pondered for a moment, and hesitated as she said, “I don’t really think I would make good friends… For me, that kind of environment is too vast.”

“Sometimes, I’d rather stay in my small library than brush shoulders with all sorts of people.”

Zuo Jingyou detected a subtle change in her tone and asked in puzzlement, “Why?”

“Why? Why else? It’s because of fear, of course.”

Yin Bai huddled her body, gripping her phone tightly and hesitated before saying, “Do you not think… I’m strange?”

Zuo Jingyou was momentarily taken aback and instinctively replied, “How could I…?”

Perhaps the late hour was conducive to heart-to-heart conversations, and Yin Bai’s tone was calm as she decided to share her inner thoughts, “We’re friends, you’ve gotten to know me, and we have deeper connections. Of course, you don’t find me strange.”

“But for others, I’m different from them. Because I’m a physically disabled person, even if I appear perfectly normal, my walking posture, my inability to participate in many team activities… it makes them think I’m a special person.”

“Even if I’m just casually passing by on the street, it draws the attention of passersby.”

“And this kind of attention is not like the kind you big celebrities get, filled with goodwill and affection. It’s more of a… curious gaze.”

“I have a clear awareness of my appearance. I’m not unattractive. On the contrary, I’m someone who is considered very beautiful in the eyes of the general public.”

Zuo Jingyou crossed her arms and nodded in strong agreement, saying, “Yes, you are exceptionally beautiful. Among the many people I’ve met, it’s hard to find someone with more delicate features and a more outstanding appearance than you.”

Upon hearing Zuo Jingyou’s praise, Yin Bai smiled slightly, raising her hand to touch her face with a hint of embarrassment, “Thank you for your compliment.”

Yin Bai paused and continued, “But in contrast to my appearance, I’m not physically whole; I’m disabled. Although my right leg has been saved and not amputated, I’ve lost a significant portion of its normal function. The more outstanding my appearance, the more apparent my physical disability becomes.”

“Many people notice me because of my appearance, but when they see my right leg, their expressions are always very complex. It’s either curiosity, pity, or sympathy… it’s just not a gaze that makes me feel comfortable.”

Yin Bai turned over, lying on her back in bed, gazing at the low ceiling, and continued softly, “I know there’s no need to let others affect my happiness, but since I receive such looks due to my disability, how can I not mind? I genuinely don’t think I’m any different, and I might even be better, but many people… insist on reminding me over and over that I’m disabled.”

“It’s just too hurtful.”

For instance, during her time in high school when she used a wheelchair to go to school, there were children in her class who treated her well. Yet her exceptionally beautiful appearance still made her the target of jealousy among her peers.

Teenagers can be brutally honest in their malice. Apart from calling her “the little cripple in the wheelchair” and “useless,” they would maliciously mock anyone who showed interest in her, saying, “You’re actually interested in a little cripple.”

On top of that, her academic performance was excellent, and she was skilled in many languages. Every time there was a competition, the teachers would push her forward. When introducing her to the public, they always emphasized that she was a “physically disabled, determined” teenager and a “physically disabled, language prodigy.”

Who wanted to be labeled “physically disabled” all the time? Who wanted to repeatedly hear others emphasize their disability?

At that time, she felt that she couldn’t stand up, even with a perfectly healthy left leg. She couldn’t bear to stand in this world under such cruel pressure! Why did these people insist on forcing her to confront the truth so brutally?

Even if she was optimistic, she couldn’t persist in such an environment.

The final straw that crushed her was when her desk mate, who had been pushing her wheelchair every day, was caught one day in the corridor, red-faced, arguing with someone, saying, “Who would like a cripple! If it wasn’t for the teacher making me take care of her, I wouldn’t bother with this trouble!”

Looking back now, it might have been an insincere statement from the girl, but at that time, Yin Bai was deeply hurt.

After that incident, Yin Bai transferred to a new school but never attempted to make new friends. She was like a dragon guarding a treasure mountain, vigilant of anyone approaching, while also using her treasure to lure those who wanted to get closer to the mountain.

This distorted view of life gradually began to change as she matured and developed independent thinking skills as an adult.

Zuo Jingyou held her phone, listened to Yin Bai’s account, and remained silent for a while. As someone who had grown up surrounded by love and affection, she couldn’t fully understand the feelings of someone who had faced adversity. However, as a considerate and mature person, Zuo Jingyou could empathize with Yin Bai’s emotions to some extent.

After a brief pause, Zuo Jingyou offered a comforting response in a soft voice, “Despite all that, there are always compassionate and kind-hearted people in the world. Furthermore, everyone’s life path is just one line. For those shallow and ignorant individuals who only judge you based on your appearance and treat you arrogantly or with pity, you should be magnanimous and forgive their ignorance.”

Zuo Jingyou paused for a moment and added, “Not being able to see the real you beyond your appearance is not your fault; it’s their loss.”

“Not having established a closer relationship with you is because others didn’t have the fate to do so. It’s their loss, and it shouldn’t be your loss.”

“After all, someone who truly wants to build a relationship with you will be deeply moved by your honesty and purity, and they won’t ever want to leave you in this lifetime.”

Yin Bai lay on the bed, smiling quietly. She reached out and tugged at the embroidered tag in the corner of her pillow and said with a chuckle, “You said before that Tong Tong’s sweet words were inherited from He Zhiwen. But I see, they clearly came from you.”

Yin Bai muttered quietly, “What’s the point of talking about building relationships? Xiao Nian abandoned me before, didn’t she?”

Zuo Jingyou was taken aback by the remark and replied awkwardly, “Love is something fleeting and brilliant. Such emotions are as delicate as morning dew on a spider’s silk – they may appear dense and unbreakable, but a single drop can tear them apart.”

Yin Bai sighed and said with a deep sense of melancholy, “You better not talk to me about love anymore. Xiao Nian never truly loved me.”

Zuo Jingyou curiously responded, “Why would you say that? Based on her past actions, I think Xiao Nian is the type who wouldn’t be with someone if she didn’t like them.”

Of course, it’s because they had a contract between them!

Yin Bai didn’t want to admit that she was still a ruthless capitalist in her early twenties, so she gave a vague response, “Well, for various reasons… But the fact that she didn’t love me, she said it herself. It was last year in the garden when you first met me…”

Yin Bai muttered a few more words under her breath, “I just wonder if you heard it.”

Zuo Jingyou let out a soft sigh and said gently, “Le langage est source de malentendus.”

“That’s the inscription on your business card, ‘Language is the source of misunderstandings.'”

“Why are you so certain that what she said must be true? What if she wasn’t lying to you?”

Zuo Jingyou switched her phone to the other hand and called softly, “Yin Bai…”

“You should know that some things can only be seen with the heart. Don’t mind what she said or what she did. The things that truly matter cannot be seen with the eyes.”

“Whether she loved you or not, can’t your heart feel it?”

Zuo Jingyou’s voice came through the phone like a nightingale’s whisper, touching the heartstrings. Yin Bai hugged her pillow, burying her face in it, and replied in a muffled voice, “Then I’d rather she never loved me… If I understood that she loved me and then fell in love with someone else, I’d be even more heartbroken.”

“In this world, not even ‘love’ can be considered an eternal thing. What else can truly be eternal?” For a lonely dragon, this was indeed a terrifying thought.

Zuo Jingyou paused, sighing, “Yin Bai, the way you put it, I feel like I’ve been offended.”

Yin Bai was taken aback and sat up from the bed, holding the phone, asking in confusion, “Huh? Why!” She didn’t think she had said anything offensive, so why did Zuo Jingyou feel offended!

Zuo Jingyou sighed and said helplessly, “My ex-husband… that Mr. He, who had an affair during our marriage, didn’t he solemnly promise to love me for a lifetime and then fell in love with someone else?”

Ah… it’s about that.

Yin Bai raised her hand, touched her nose, and said regretfully, “I didn’t mean to touch on your sore spot.”

Zuo Jingyou shook her head, smiling gently, “It’s not exactly a sore spot. I just wanted to tell you that ‘love’ is indeed like a brilliant firework, only able to stay in a single moment. But even so, ‘love’ is something that can be considered eternal.”

“To forever love yourself, to be filled with passion, and to have a deep longing for the goodness and beauty of humanity, don’t give up on embracing others. Never extinguish your love at any time. That’s your eternity.”

“Love is… something you don’t need others to give you.” At most, it just requires a response from others.

Yin Bai pondered for a moment, forced a smile, and said, “I think in this regard, our views are really quite different.”

“I don’t think I have that idea of embracing others without ever stopping.”

“I’m still young, my views are naive, and I just want to hold onto my own piece of eternity.”

Yin Bai paused, then said in a relaxed tone, “But speaking of it, in terms of romantic relationships, my life doesn’t need any changes. I’m fine as it is now. I have the kids, I have good friends. As for love, let it go with the wind.”

Zuo Jingyou couldn’t quite describe her feelings. She just lowered her gaze and softly called out, “Yin Bai…”

Perhaps this is what poetry says, to avoid endings, Yin Bai chose to avoid all beginnings.

She truly, deeply loved Xiao Nian.