Alone, Beautifully – Chapter 65

Don’t Want a Divorce (32)

“You might as well take a good look while you can.”

Two months later.

Xu Jiao was sitting on a small stool, dazed, in an open area outside the filming set of《Qingyu An》. People were coming and going around her. Because the later stages of filming for this movie needed to add many sci-fi shots, the filming site was actually a bit simpler than imagined, making it convenient for the post-production special effects to be integrated into the screen.

There were some pure green and pure blue backdrop walls, and occasionally, actors needed to wear some equipment on themselves to ensure that the vivid future world scenery could be arranged on the 3D screen.

The scenes were not enough, so emotions had to be made up.

In fact, filming this kind of sci-fi movie requires adding one’s own feelings into it, while also allowing the audience to fully immerse themselves on the big screen. This is a high test of the actors’ acting skills, because every frame of yours will be magnified by that MAX screen. Once the emotions are not full enough or the transitions are not natural enough, the audience will easily be taken out of the scene.

This is also the reason why movies test acting skills more than television dramas.

In this movie, her role is Zhi Liao, and Qiu Yongli plays the bionic woman Xia Weiyang, who is set a hundred years in the future. The difficulty in portraying an emotionless bionic character lies in how to get closer to a state of feelingless existence. After all, the Xia Weiyang from a hundred years ago is not difficult; she only needs to be happy and indulgent like a typical youth campus drama. The difficulty of Xu Jiao’s acting lies…

In how to reveal her suppressed emotions.

The part just filmed was where Zhi Liao was teaching Xia Weiyang about love. Zhi Liao looked seriously and intently at the face in front of her, which was identical to that of her former lover, while suppressing the pain in her heart, slowly peeling away those past memories and laying them bare for the other person to see. She was patient and meticulous while teaching, but in reality, her heart was filled with deep sorrow.

Those memories were like scars that had already formed on her heart; watching as they were about to leave only a scar behind, she again took it upon herself to tear open those blood scabs, revealing the fresh and bloody marks to the other person—

Xu Jiao has recently been trying to avoid that “Immersion” aura, which means she must constantly immerse herself in this kind of suppressed, unreleaseable emotion. She needs to treat herself as Xia Weiyang, so in the two months since joining the crew, she has lost ten pounds.

Now, she is sitting to the side, not participating in the filming, because her emotions had somewhat collapsed earlier. She couldn’t hold back her tears in a place where she shouldn’t be crying, so the director let her go to the side to calm down alone.

Qiu Yongli, having freed herself from the emotionless state of the bionic person, glanced at her with concern and then whispered to her own agent who came to visit the set:

“Sister, I originally thought that taking on the role of Xia Weiyang was a bit of a disadvantage, after all, Zhi Liao is the real female lead, to put it plainly. But now seeing Teacher Xu like this, I suddenly feel so fortunate…”

“If I were playing Zhi Liao, I might have collapsed on the first day; my mindset would have fallen apart.”

She touched her small chest with a feeling of sympathy, yet her gaze remained focused on Xu Jiao, as if she wanted to console her but didn’t dare to approach. Instead, she just watched from a distance, even the red date and silver ear soup in her hand felt less sweet.

The agent glanced at her and sighed helplessly. Qiu Yongli was considered to be extremely lucky in this industry; she had burst onto the scene with a work right after debuting and then starred in the major female lead drama 《The Palace Wall Willows》.

However, it was clear that Xu Jiao’s luck was even a bit better than hers.

Although Xu Jiao had previously wandered in the eighteenth tier, she suddenly received a marriage that lifted her up to the heavens, directly borrowing the resources of Feng Qingyu to take off. Then she participated in 《The Palace Wall Willows》, where she originally had a role similar to the female fourth lead, but through her and Feng Qingyu’s performance, they created the year’s most tragic love story, with popularity that directly surpassed the main couple. In the emotional storyline, the audience only remembered the concubines, completely forgetting the main couple.

Now it was even better; she directly leveraged the popularity of the previous work to rise to the first tier this year, appearing on the November cover of a top magazine, and now she had secured the leading female role in 《Qingyu An》.

But…

The agent glanced at Qiu Yongli, who was beside her and showed little jealousy, and couldn’t help but sigh.

This is fine—

There are already too many ambitious people in this industry. Although they climb higher than those without ambition, it’s also too exhausting.

It’s good that Qiu Yongli is so open-minded; fools have their own blessings.¹ She is the rare type that can find happiness in this circle, the agent thought.

……

Qiu Yongli walked toward Xu Jiao, holding another bowl of red date and silver ear soup. When she got closer, she moved a small stool for herself and sat down next to her.

Xu Jiao heard the movement and turned to look at her, immediately seeing the hot soup being offered. She smiled and thanked her, then accepted it, lifting a spoon to slowly stir it. She heard Qiu Yongli quietly ask beside her:

“Are you still sad?”

Xu Jiao’s movements paused for a moment. She turned to look at Qiu Yongli, feeling grateful for the first time that Qiu Yongli was not the protagonist of this book 《Starlight》 and did not have the face she liked. Otherwise, in fully immersing herself in her emotions, there would always be that moment when she might mistakenly recognize Qiu Yongli as… someone else.

The words Feng Qingyu had said earlier still echoed in her ears:

“If you have… other beloved ones in the future, please do not mistake them for someone else again, okay?”

Qiu Yongli shouldn’t be one of those “others.”

Xu Jiao took a sip of the silver ear soup, and as the faint sweetness melted in her mouth, she suddenly said, “Actually, it’s not that I’m sad. Some emotions have accumulated for too long, just like they have already melted into your blood; you can no longer feel any particularly deep sadness.”

But it wouldn’t make her happy either.

Like a traveler walking in a narrow canyon, when she looks up, she can see a sliver of blue sky through the towering cliffs. The brilliant, sunny sun is right above her, giving her a sense of familiarity, as if she could reach out and touch it. That sky represents her good mood, but the road beneath her feet is the path she has been walking all along. She desperately wants to run back to the past, yet this deep canyon has no end.

So she would forever remain in the valley.

But now, this work required her to condense this long journey into a single point, forcing all those emotions that had accumulated over the years to pile up together, making her feel like she couldn’t breathe.

She wasn’t crying out of sadness; rather, she felt that if she didn’t cry soon, those repressed emotions would push her to the brink of collapse.

Seeing the concern reflected in Qiu Yongli’s eyes, Xu Jiao curved her lips into a smile and said, “It’s okay, don’t worry about me. I might only be able to break free from this state after we finish filming this movie.”

Qiu Yongli nodded and suddenly suggested, “Why don’t you take a break and go for a walk?”

Xu Jiao finished the bowl of soup in one go. The sweetness of the silver ear soup wasn’t too much; she wondered if it was because Qiu Yongli’s agent was worried about her gaining weight. In any case, Xu Jiao felt that the sweetness only brushed against her taste buds, and when she tried to savor it again, there was barely any aftertaste left—only the faint fragrance of silver ear and red dates remained.

Putting the bowl down, Xu Jiao smiled and shook her head at Qiu Yongli, saying, “No need.”

Relaxing her mind didn’t hold much use for her.

It’s better to finish filming as soon as possible.

Qiu Yongli looked at her with a bit of hesitation, a statement stuck in her throat that she hadn’t said.

She wanted to ask why Feng Qingyu hadn’t come to see her since she was here filming and feeling so down.

However, the situation over the past two months suggested that there might be some conflict between Feng Qingyu and Xu Jiao. Some gossip on the internet, fueled by those looking to stir trouble, had begun to speculate about their relationship, claiming that they hadn’t been seen together in public for a long time and spreading rumors about their marriage falling apart and plans for divorce.

Although Qiu Yongli felt that most of these rumors were likely baseless, she also knew that she shouldn’t take the initiative to call Feng Qingyu at this time.

Seeing Xu Jiao finish her soup and return to her daze, she could only walk back to her agent. Just then, Lu Xun, who had returned from abroad, sent her a message asking how she was doing. Qiu Yongli casually mentioned a few details about Xu Jiao’s situation.

……

After asking her assistant to help wash the bowl clean and returning it to Qiu Yongli, Xu Jiao took a breath, stood up, and made an “OK” gesture to the director before walking toward the camera.

Qiu Yongli also put down her phone and resumed her role as the cold and polite bionic person, moving from another direction to stand in front of Xu Jiao again.

This scene was where Zhi Liao took the bionic person Xia Weiyang to the mall.

The two walked through the bustling high-end supermarket, with Zhi Liao gazing at the various dazzling products. Her hand rested on the handle of a smart shopping cart that could navigate and turn automatically, causing her pace to slow down involuntarily.

Xia Weiyang promptly asked, “Do you have anything you like?”

Zhi Liao looked at her, blinked, and then said seriously, “No, you shouldn’t ask me what I like—rather, you should throw everything I just looked at into the shopping cart.”

In her memories.

When she shopped with Xia Weiyang, she would become unable to move as soon as they passed the snack aisle. Looking at the chocolates, chips, spicy strips, and so on, she would deliberately slow down her pace. Sometimes, Xia Weiyang wouldn’t notice how slowly she was walking and would turn back to look at her with confusion.

Then Zhi Liao’s footsteps would slow, slow, slow until they completely stopped.

At this point, Xia Weiyang would helplessly walk over, casually glance at the snacks on the shelf, and toss the ones she liked into the cart. Zhi Liao would then smile slightly and say:

“Ah, we haven’t finished the snacks at home yet. Wouldn’t buying too much be excessive?”

Then Xia Weiyang would look at her with a smirk, seeing her acting innocent after getting a good deal, and would casually pick up a corner of a bag of chips from the cart, pretending to put it back—

Zhi Liao would leap forward: “If I want to buy it, I’ll buy it! You try putting it back, and I won’t leave today!”

Now.

The bionic Xia Weiyang glanced at her, then went to retrieve everything she had just looked at. Because she was so precise, she even tossed into the cart things that Zhi Liao had unintentionally glanced at.

Zhi Liao: “!”

She hurriedly stopped her, saying, “Hey, hey, hey, don’t get that! I’m not interested in this nutritional liquid or mustard crackers; I just wanted to take a look!”

The bionic Xia Weiyang obediently returned the items she had mentioned to their original shelves.

After taking a couple of steps, Zhi Liao suddenly stopped again and looked down.

Bionic Xia Weiyang: “?”

She looked up and down and asked, “I remember I taught you one hundred and eight ways to tie shoelaces. In today’s society, even three-year-old children can tie their own shoelaces. With your current dexterity, it shouldn’t be difficult for you if your shoelaces come undone.”

Zhi Liao: “…”

She looked at the bionic person expressionlessly for a long time and said, “I just want you to tie it.”

The bionic Xia Weiyang met her gaze for a couple of seconds, confirming that this was indeed a command given to her, so she could only walk over, bend down, pull up the two loose shoelaces, and then tie them into a standard bow knot.

While tying the shoelaces, the bionic individuals in the supermarket, as well as ordinary humans shopping, all directed their attention toward the two of them.

Zhi Liao pretended not to notice and secretly thought:

What’s going on in this world a hundred years later?

Haven’t they seen a bionic person in love before?

When they went to check out, Zhi Liao found that people around her turned to look at her and then moved aside, wanting to let them go first to check out.

Zhi Liao casually asked the bionic person next to her, “…Is today some special day? Why are they all giving way to me?”

She clearly was no longer the person who lacked common sense when she first woke up, yet she still didn’t understand why this situation had occurred.

Xia Weiyang tilted her head and casually connected to the channel of a nearby bionic person. After a few seconds, she sincerely replied, “Because your earlier request for me to help you tie your shoelaces was perceived as an action typical of a person with a disability, so everyone decided to kindly give you priority access.”

Zhi Liao: “…”

Zhi Liao: “I!”

She hesitated, ultimately pulling Xia Weiyang along to quickly check out under the friendly and caring gazes of everyone in the supermarket. After stepping outside, she said, “Aren’t the people in your society just too lacking in romance? Tying shoelaces is such a couple-like thing, yet it can be misinterpreted like this!”

Zhi Liao looked at her, thought for a moment, and replied seriously, “Because no one in this society will date a bionic person.”

Zhi Liao’s words left her momentarily speechless.

After walking a few steps, she suddenly lost her motivation and tossed the shopping bag in her hand. Glancing at Xia Weiyang beside her, she said, “I don’t want to walk anymore, Xia Weiyang, carry me.”

“Even if you are regarded as a person with a disability again, do you still insist on having me carry out this order?” Xia Weiyang asked sincerely.

Zhi Liao, exasperated and ready to give up, replied, “Yes!”

Then, two overlapping figures appeared on the road.

Xia Weiyang carried Zhi Liao on her back, steadily taking one step at a time, with Zhi Liao’s arms wrapped around her neck and a large shopping bag held in front of her, completely ignoring the curious glances of passersby walking their dogs.

Zhi Liao buried her head in the crook of Xia Weiyang’s neck and suddenly mumbled, “Xia Weiyang.”

“I used to not let you carry me because there would be many people watching by the roadside. I was afraid they would think we were abnormal, so I didn’t want you to carry me. But…”

“But now I don’t care anymore.”

Hearing her words, Xia Weiyang replied calmly, with no hint of fluctuation in her voice, “Miss Zhi Liao, this is my first time carrying you while walking on the street.”

Zhi Liao fell silent, her head still resting against Xia Weiyang’s neck. After a while, she finally said, “I know.”

……

“Cut.”

In this scene, Xu Jiao finally didn’t shed tears in front of the camera, as this part of the content was funny yet tinged with sadness, making it unsuitable for the protagonist to cry and create a somber atmosphere.

However, when Qiu Yongli put her down, Xu Jiao slumped to the side as if all her strength had drained away and couldn’t help but raise her hand to touch the back of her neck.

There were traces of tears there.

Xu Jiao had indeed cried a little earlier.

She just didn’t show it on camera.

The manager and assistant gathered around her, patting her shoulders and arms. After all, it was an Omega doing such physically demanding scenes. Although Qiu Yongli had been dragged to the gym a few days ago for some impromptu training, they still worried she might tire out.

After all, Omegas are just that delicate.

However, Qiu Yongli paid little attention to their massages and instead fixed her gaze in the direction Xu Jiao had left, then let out a very mature sigh.

……

Xu Jiao went to a wash basin outdoors to wash her face.

As the cold water cleaned her face, she sensed someone had approached her. Of course, it wasn’t because her senses were keen enough to detect their presence; it was because the other person’s pheromone scent had drifted into her nose.

It was a bit sweet and a bit bitter.

It was a scent she hadn’t smelled in a long time.

She curled her lips into a smile, with droplets of water still on her face. There were no traces left in her eyes; no one could tell she had just been crying. She smiled at the other person and said:

“Why are you here?”

Feng Qingyu was wearing a brown windbreaker, a classic piece from B’s collection, paired with a plaid scarf. She exuded a cool demeanor, calmly assessing Xu Jiao before saying after a couple of seconds:

“Someone told me that your emotional state in the production team hasn’t been great, so I came to check on you.”

Xu Jiao let out a soft sigh. “And what do you see now?”

She said, “Actually, it’s not that bad.”

Feng Qingyu didn’t respond to that topic; she simply pulled out a piece of candy from her pocket as if performing a magic trick and offered it to Xu Jiao.

Xu Jiao looked at the candy, the wrapper shimmering in a rainbow of colors, with a pink interior that suggested it was likely a regular strawberry flavor.

She was a bit taken aback and didn’t immediately reach out to take it.

Then she heard Feng Qingyu say, “When I was filming this kind of tragedy before, I felt really sad, but I couldn’t let that feeling go. I would eat a piece of candy, and that made me feel much better during the breaks in filming.”

Xu Jiao’s throat moved slightly, and she ultimately reached out to take it, murmuring her thanks.

Then, as if reminiscing with an old friend, Xu Jiao spoke to Feng Qingyu in a cheerful tone, saying, “I thought you wouldn’t want to see me again.”

After all, they had finalized their divorce procedures just a month ago.

Now Xu Jiao was meeting up just like she did with Shi Weiya, either inviting her out or going when Feng Qingyu wasn’t around.

Feng Qingyu lowered her gaze and casually replied, “Yes, any normal person wouldn’t come back to humiliate themselves.”

Xu Jiao thought she had been called over by Qiu Yongli, so she didn’t think much of it. She unwrapped the candy and popped it into her mouth, and as she expected, it was strawberry-flavored.

She squinted her eyes, waiting for the sweet taste to dissipate. Then she waved her hand at Feng Qingyu, signaling her to go back, before turning towards the direction of the film crew.

After taking a few steps, however, she heard footsteps following her.

Xu Jiao thought she had something more to say, so she turned back to look. Instead of leaving, Feng Qingyu met her gaze and said calmly, “You’re feeling too repressed because the person you like is no longer around, and now you’re acting out such content, putting those emotions into your performance.”

That feeling of searching the world for someone you love and finding them nowhere is too painful.

Xu Jiao didn’t respond to that line of thought; she just looked at her.

Feng Qingyu patiently continued, “Don’t you think I resemble the person you like? Go ahead and act. I’ll be watching you from the side.”

This way, when you glance back and catch a glimpse of my face, perhaps it won’t feel as painful or overwhelming.

Maybe it can trick you into believing that the person you like is still here, quietly watching you from a distance.

Xu Jiao understood the unspoken part of her words and suddenly smiled, “Feng Qingyu, didn’t you just say…?”

Anyone with a normal brain wouldn’t come back to humiliate themselves.

Feng Qingyu interrupted her, her expression still calm, as if she didn’t think there was anything unusual. “Well, my mind happens to be a bit abnormal right now.”

She glanced at Xu Jiao, then turned her gaze away and said:

“So.”

“I don’t know when I’ll return to normal, so you might as well take a good look while you can.”

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1. Fools have their own blessings: A Chinese proverb suggesting that naive or simple-minded people may experience unexpected good fortune or happiness, often due to their lack of ambition or stress.